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View Full Version : Chapter 48: Once there was a boy, once there was the devil



Raijatsu
March 30, 2007, 05:45 AM
Authors note

This is my musical theme for this chapter ^^ Magdalene by Akira Yamaoka

http://www.filefactory.com/file/47ff82/

The sun was setting and it dyed the land in a deep purple.
Magier was sitting at the fire poking the ember with a stick. "Ameratsu-san when will Jak-kun wake up? he's sleeping for three days already." Ameratsu looks at her obviously worried. "He was rushing himself. His wounds haven't completely healed and now his fever has risen. Gabriel is looking after him. He as to rest even if we need to force him."

Magier is looking at the fire again remmembering how strong Jaques is.
"What kind of monster was this Zeran? Jak-kun was so eager to find him that he used up all his strenght. And now it looks like he's having some serious nightmare.

In his tent Jaques lay on his bed. Sweating cold sweat hunted by voices he can't understand.
Then the memories he wanted to forget came rushing in.

Authors note
For part two I chose Truth again by Yamaoka
http://www.filefactory.com/file/5f74d5/



"He killed it? Why?" An old chubby man was sitting in a small chamber.
"We don't know padre. Suddenly he got angry and broke his neck. The other children are scared of him. They want him to go away." Padre Francesco looked at the other monk with his caring eyes. "No, he may be a difficult child but also our best student. Noone else has such pure faith in god"
"But he's a monster! he killed a lamb with bare hands just because it angered him!" Padre got up and starts to speak with a harsh voice: "Then send this "monster" to me. I'll have a talk with him." "Yes Padre"

Ten minutes later a small boy, not older than 10 years came into the Padres chamber. "Ah mon petit Jaques. Sit down. I want to ask you something." Jaques sits down next to the Padre keeping distance. "The teacher says you get angry very often and then you start fighting with the others." Jaques hesitated, he never talked to the head-monk before.

Although he was the highest and most respected monk in the abby he kept the smallest chamber and refused any luxury.

"Yes, p-padre." "Why do you get angry child?" "Pierre was doodeling in class, he drew jesus and god walking under a rainbow. But isn't it a Commandment:

You shall not make for yourself an image, whether in the form of anything that is in heaven above, or that is on the earth beneath, or that is in the water under the earth. (Exodus 20:4)?"
The Padre was shocked about this accurate qouting. "Yes, of course but isn't he just a child? You needn't break his nose but talk to him first. And what about the lamb this morning?" Silence. The boy looked puzzled. "What lamb? I was late this morning so I could not care for the animals today" "You say you can't remember? Well, nevermind. Boy everytime you get angry. Read this." He took a book out of his shelf, it was small and looked like it was read everyday. "This is the first bible I tranlated myself. I will give it to you as a Talisman. May it bring you luck. And become a good priest will you?." The boy was smiling and crying at the same time while he rushed out of the chamber. Francesco smiled as he thought "My, my now he forgot to say thank you.

Four 7 years later

"Now do you remember?" the earl was looking at a young man whose forehead was bleading. It looks like crosses are carved on it. "Yes, Millenium-sama. Well, it themes like this monks are hypochrits helping our enemy and praying to a false god" His grip on the small bible tightens. Whispering "I'm sorry padre" he looks at the abby as it bursts up in flames.

Tears are flowing.



"You woke up now Jak-kun?" Magier said with a worried face. "Of course Magier-chan, shall we continue to go?" Jaques said as he tried to get up. Suddely Magier points with her sword at his throat. "No you'll rest! You nearly died you idiot! What shall we do if you die?" She cries and her hands are shaking. Jaques replies in a calm voice. "First you'll pray and prepare a decent funeral. And then you go on."

Schwindelmagier
March 30, 2007, 09:07 AM
Wow, Jaques surely is a brutal yet poor guy. At least, the padre was friendly to him and the book he gave him..what was it? The action with the lamb kinda worries me. He couldn't remember?
I love it how you put Amaterasu and Magier at the end and beginning of this chapter and your titles are always amazing me ^_^. They're really good. The quote was nice.

My, how can he be so calm sometimes *refers to the end of the chapter*

Raijatsu
March 30, 2007, 09:49 AM
the book is the bible Jaques is always carrying around. It was the first thing he got because someone wanted to be kind to him ^^ The lamb thing was his first Noah awakening. I wanted to make the difference between white and black harsher in his youth.

about the end: He's too calm? I think he thought about death more than once and isn't afraid.

thx ^^ the titles are often the first thing that come in mind ^^ this was for a love poem I wrote well, I wanted to write ^^ (I never have the time for it XD)

btw I'm happy I finally was able to write Jaques past ^^
At first I thought of him being a molested child but then I made it more like he was struggeling against his Noah side at first developing a splitt personality.

Schwindelmagier
March 30, 2007, 12:05 PM
Nice first idea of Jaques' past but I like the one you finally wrote down more ^___^
Jaques goes schizophrenic xD *coughs*. I also think that he, as a "priest", thinks about dead often. Furthermore, he's a Noah. How often I am using: "I'll kill you." and so on. Well, not so well-thought out but at least...death is in it.

The first awakening of the Noah within Magier was...
When her parents died of cancer and she didn't feel anything about it, neither sorrow nor guilty. Then she killed one of her best friends but just because the one best friend she killed had already killed the other best friend directly in front of Magier's eyes.
Finally, the incident when she's really becoming a Noah, changing to the Noah family is...
a secret xD. Will be told later the story.

rhapsody blue
March 30, 2007, 12:19 PM
nice character development. i liked how you included your past into the current storyline instead of an "all past" chapter; it keeps the story moving along. :amuse


thx ^^ the titles are often the first thing that come in mind ^^ this was for a love poem I wrote well, I wanted to write ^^ (I never have the time for it XD)

wow! i'm the exact opposite. i think of the storyline first and then a title will pop into my head. i already have a title for the chapter that i already planned but that'll have to wait until my hell week #3 is over.

overall nice job :thumbs

AthrunZala222
March 30, 2007, 12:50 PM
It's my turn next o_O I haven't even gotten halfway and I worked over 3 hours on it...
Snoogen did u get my PM?

As for this chapter:
Kinda short but I didn't expect jacques ot be like that in his childhood. I thought he'd be picking flowers and singing tunes and prancing in the fields.

I really liked it tho... but somehow it seems to me that Jacques didn't really want to destroy the abbey and that he was somehow coerced into doing it by the Earl and his black side... If Jacques' white side could be saved, that's be good wouldn't it?

rhapsody blue
March 30, 2007, 12:52 PM
It's my turn next o_O I haven't even gotten halfway and I worked over 3 hours on it...
Snoogen did u get my PM?

As for this chapter:
Kinda short but I didn't expect jacques ot be like that in his childhood. I thought he'd be picking flowers and singing tunes and prancing in the fields.

I really liked it tho... but somehow it seems to me that Jacques didn't elaly want to destroy the abbey and that he was somehow coerced into doing it by the Earl and his black side... If Jacques' white side could be saved, that's be good wouldn't it?

Yep, I got your PM but I haven't had time to read it because of class and meetings. I'll read it by tonight though.

And I agree with the Earl forcing Jacque to destroy the abbey but did you intend to write it that way?

Raijatsu
March 30, 2007, 05:39 PM
Yes it was ^^
He is in constand struggle between white and black, but his white side isn't that much better it just does not kill, it would never have destroyed the abby for example but heresy makes it quite angry

thats why he is always trying to judge his kills through a sin his victims have commited

It's nice you all understand my petit Jaques XD I thought he'd be a difficult character but

Please don't save him, don't make him change sides. I already have an idea about this so please let him stay the way he is now, at least for a while, I dunno if I can put my idea in it without "deus ex machina" ^^

err it's short? ^^ I guess thats my maximum length it's hard to think so Noahish for a long time XD
I need to get more evil ^^