Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus. Ask the Opposite Gender/The Relationships Thread

[Ascension]

Since we're going off very little detail, I'd say go ahead and fight it to the end regardless. Sometimes the unexpected happens at the last minute or going back to that old phrase, "when one door closes, another opens".

[Forever_Melody]

Well it always depends. If the gain is a candy and the loss is the life of your mother, then maybe one should reconsider lol :p

The situation is kind of broad to really consider any particular answer. I mean, you're basicalyl asking us to pick between gain and loss >.>

[Ascension]

if the candy had the power revive dead mothers it most certainly may be worth it. =P This is one of those questions where you're wrong and right same time.

The question is too vague, no wonder it turned into a naruto chuunin exam discussion amongst other things.

[Forever_Melody]

Well that's my point, it's soooo vague lol :XD

I mean, is the "fighting" thing literal or figurative? Is the guy really fighting because then I'd probably help in by kicking the thing he's fighting >_>

[Ascension]

personally I would punch it in the face

[Forever_Melody]

Well I'm stronger from the legs than the arms so it'd be a kick for me (thank you years of danse, gymnastics and soccer lol :p)

Ok I have a question for the guys >.>

My male friend told me that I was like a guy and then he told me that when a guy tells a girl "you're like a guy" it's supposed to be a compliment :blink

I mean, is it really? >_>

[Ascension]

yes, that is a compliment. However, you are now cursed to attract really clingy guys

[Forever_Melody]

What do you mean? O_o

[Ascension]

alright, this is IMO

If the guy is attracted, he will be reluctant to let you hang around other guys in fear that you will develop a closer bond with them. Familiar symptoms of this is "clinginess" complete with jealousy and trust issues that tend to spring out of nowhere.

If the guy isn't attracted, it's still a compliment, but he wants things to remain friendship based.

[bax]

Is it really vague? ;___;
It's prolly best to see it in a general sense I guess >.>;
1) A man who never gives up in anything no matter what
2) A man who knows when to give up



My male friend told me that I was like a guy and then he told me that when a guy tells a girl "you're like a guy" it's supposed to be a compliment :blink

I mean, is it really? >_>


Well, personally, it depends on what the issue here. I would prolly be a little offended, but I could also feel complimented if anyone say I am "like a girl", depending on the circumstances. What was the issue about? Or is it just a general remark based wholly on you?

[redcometfm]

Well I'm stronger from the legs than the arms so it'd be a kick for me (thank you years of danse, gymnastics and soccer lol :p)

Ok I have a question for the guys >.>

My male friend told me that I was like a guy and then he told me that when a guy tells a girl "you're like a guy" it's supposed to be a compliment :blink

I mean, is it really? >_>

Sometimes we guys hit on girls with the worst of phrases :darn. It really depends HOW a guy says it.

Question for girls: I was talking to this girl and we dont know each other that well but since we found out we live near each other back home, she wants to go to the beach with me (which she proposed). Anything to that? (Good sign??)

[baboysai]

YEP TOTALLY COOD SIGHTMMM. LIKE... GO FOR TIT/ @ WOOHEOO@

[redcometfm]

BB, Are you drunk replying or seriously telling me that its a REALLY GOOD sign? lol (Go for tit???)

[Forever_Melody]

Well they were 3 to agree on that statement so I guess it must be somewhat true lol :XD

I personally don't get offended easily and the line actually struck me as "oh cool!" lol :p Considering I've had the habit of being called someone who and I quote "is like a guy, but looks like a girl" lol I blame my brother -_-; lol

I guess I'd wonder if any of you guys would consider that a compliment or some kind of teasing joke? >_>

Btw redcometfm: I'd say that's a good sign yes :D

[baboysai]

okay first off, sorry, I was really drunk a few hours ago, redcomet :darn but i guess my thoughts remain the same and I hold my ground. It's totally a good sign, and she obviously has the hots for you if she invited you out, to the beach nonetheless.

[redcometfm]

okay first off, sorry, I was really drunk a few hours ago, redcomet :darn but i guess my thoughts remain the same and I hold my ground. It's totally a good sign, and she obviously has the hots for you if she invited you out, to the beach nonetheless.

sugoiiiii :D Arigato, cuz this girl, I dunno if she tries to be sublte or whatnot but she doesnt...I dunno, emote? She's not overtly flirtatious or gives you the obvious hungry look of interest so I was confused but this is definitely good news. Im looking forward to the beach now :)

[baboysai]

Somehow I feel like we're some cast from Densha Otoko (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Densha_Otoko)

[redcometfm]

@bb: LOL How so??

@forever melody: thank you :)

the question now is, would it be too forward to make a move on her there? (too soon?)

[Forever_Melody]

Well if you like her then I don't really see why not >.>

If you're asking my personal opinion, I was never one for casual dating. All my bfs have been my friends before they became anything more and I honestly would not see myself accepting to go out with a person I barely met without getting ot know them first, but I guess that's just how I see things >.>

[Ascension]

Well if you like her then I don't really see why not >.>

If you're asking my personal opinion, I was never one for casual dating. All my bfs have been my friends before they became anything more and I honestly would not see myself accepting to go out with a person I barely met without getting ot know them first, but I guess that's just how I see things >.>

So, if you met someone for the first time and the asked you to hang out would you do it or not?

[Forever_Melody]

So, if you met someone for the first time and the asked you to hang out would you do it or not?

Yes I would, but I wouldn't expect a romantic outcome of it >.>

[baboysai]

the question now is, would it be too forward to make a move on her there? (too soon?)

what moves? -_-;

it depends. if there's booze there's an excuse lol. i mean, the best you can do is just reciprocate whatever her advances are.

[redcometfm]

it depends. if there's booze there's an excuse lol

Ahhh! That's something that needs to be asked of you females. If alcohol is involved in a situation with someone youre into (bar, apt, w/e), are there conditions that have to be met for you to approve of anything happening after consuming said alcohol? Or are you completely unable to make good judgments?
Basically, what are you feelings and thoughts on such things (alcohol, stuff happening). Obviously Im not talking about you and the guy being really drunk, just "happy" from a drink or two (although if you want to comment on drunk engagements, please do).

[blai]

I approve of redcomet's question.

[redcometfm]

Thanks, blai. Cuz I hear so many people say they cant remember and others who say they know what theyre doing (ie non-impaired judgment) and since Ive never been drunk to such an extreme extent...itd be good to know.

[Forever_Melody]

It's a most interesting question, but I personally cannot comment from experience as I don't drink(sheesh, I'm crazy enough when I'm sober >_>)

Well it'd depend on the person IMO. Some people tend to loosen up and show who they "really are"(for lack of a better term) when they get a bit tipsy. I mean, some people are really shy until you get to know them and it seems sometimes alcohol loosens that barrier. In that sense, you'd get to know the "real" person rather than any facade they might want to put up to get to impress you. But yeah, this is only my assumptions as I don't have much experience with the topic :s

I have a question while we're at it. For both genders:
Where do you delimit those nifty adjective describing people? I speak notably of cute, sexy, hot and pretty and all those types. Where do you draw the line between all of them if you do and on what basis do you draw this(these) line(s)?

I ask because apparently these terms vary in delimiting depending on the person, the culture and all these factors so I'm interested to see if there will be varying answers or not.

[redcometfm]

There are no real specifics Im afraid :/ I mean, those descriptions of people and where you draw the line...its kind of all gut feeling-based. There's no "Okay if she has this, shes cute, but if she has this shes hot, BUT if this is one of her traits, shes beautiful,etc", its just what you sense from that individual person.

[Forever_Melody]

Well that's a bit of a cheap answer lol :p No offense meant of course >.>

I mean, gut feelings are based off something :s. If it simply the way a person holds himself/herself or the way they act, there is something that is hinting off a particular vibe at you.

I'm not necessarily asking you "ok she has blue eyes so she must be pretty" type of thing, but I mean, some times you can relate a different gut feeling based on different things.

For example, some people can differentiate it by a look, I do by a smile normally >.>

[redcometfm]

There are a number of things that enhance attraction or determine it.
How does she carry herself?
Nervous and cute?
Confident?
Flirty?
Witty?
Smiles?
Over/Underestimates herself?
Bitch with a Bitch Shield for no reason?
Dependent kind of weight (maybe its just me as an artist, but I can personally see natural fat/weight vs I-dont-take-care-of-my-self fat/weight)?
Does she know how to dress (huge bonus pts for me, its a confidence/individuality thing, gives the idea that theres alot more to that person)?
Do we connect with pop culture knowledge, views? Does she get my humor?
Do I get hers? Do our body languages sync up? Is she a negative person? Studying her body language, is she not saying much because shes nervous?
Is she fucking crazy and someone to avoid?
Is she flaky?

Its all about taking the other person's mannerisms and analyzing a little, thinking about what could possibly make them develop like this, etc.
Body Language is MAJOR, since its the initial thing you notice along with looks but they go together hand in hand (I wouldnt go for a super hot girl if shes a bitch of flaky). Communication comes in second after you sync up or whatever the first thing.

That answer it kind of? lol:oh

[Forever_Melody]

Ah that's far more complete yes :tem See? You're capable of expressing your thoughts when you want! :D :D :D

lol :XD

So by your logic, one cannot assume any descriptive without having actually met the person(or at least seen them do one of the things you've described) correct?

As, I can't see a photo of someone and use a descriptive on it?? O_o I mean, teens do it all the time with stars no? Oh wait...they see the stars on TV mind you >.<

[redcometfm]

Well, thats what a artist/writer does :D

You can determine descriptive through dialogue but limited. Seeing body language and exterior combined with dialogue gives your brain a multi-layered, subconcious automatic "vibe" from the person. In essence, you need the complete image for a complete overview.

No, TV doesnt count. Though body language can only be controlled to an extent so you can probably determine something from that.

If you learn to pick apart details and mannerisms of people, then you're able to learn more from them. Thats why if we ever met, Im sure I could pick you apart no problem haha :p

[Forever_Melody]

What's that supposed to mean? O_o The last part concerning me that is :p

But yes I agree wholly :D. I just wonder, even within the whole demeanor of a person,w hat tends to strike one descriptive rather than another. I mean, those descriptive have a definition and somehow, a person adheres to one definition more than to another so one can make a statement such as "that guy is so cute!" or "taht girl is so hot!" (dramatization lol :XD)

[redcometfm]

Lol it means that I could take a look at you and make some mostly accurate assumptions from the the way your hair is, makeup or not, clothes, shoes, body language, manner of speaking, general mannerisms, reciprocity of my own body language and then through dialogue I could get good estimates on bits of your personality and what influenced it. It sounds like a lot, but funny enough, all that pseudo-psychological analyzation takes place within fractions of a second as our interaction would continue. There's alot more to it than that but I dont think I should reveal :p

Weird thing I sort of knew beforehand was this girl I was trying to date and as soon as she told me about how she reacted when her roommate threw away her bagels. I saw FLAKY across her forehead. I saw from her semi-done hair that she didnt focus on perfecting her looks and she was sort of down to earth. Then I got a hint of her friends' extreme influence on her. Then she told me about her dad and it made total sense when she choose to go with some meek looking dude over me...apparently she didnt like confident, assertive men.
All of it through her mannerisms and words. You learn alot with very little. lol Its kind of like the thing you girls do when using the shoes a guy wears to judge his character a little.

As for your second thing, its all about you. May have to do with influences from your youth (where you were raised, people you met, events), a number of subconcious things you dont even realize that someone may manifest all of a sudden and itll totally grab you.
Personally, I try not to look to into it cuz you get so damn psychological about it all and thats why the girls down here suck (makes it hard to find that one rare good woman) because they all are Psych majors who try to pick apart guys' brains while dissecting personal issues and trying to look for a date which in turn reveals to be a desired life partner all the while mixed with a desire to make the OC come to life.
Basically, all this deep dissection of people, dont do it. Just enjoy the feeling haha

phew, that was lengthy.
[hr]
Dont suppose anyone with experience wants to answer the alcohol question?

[baboysai]

a question for guys. how are you about your friend's girlfriends? i mean, when you meet them for the first time, do you judge them and stuff? considering your friend is like, best bud or something of that level.

[goldb]

a question for guys. how are you about your friend's girlfriends? i mean, when you meet them for the first time, do you judge them and stuff? considering your friend is like, best bud or something of that level.

well if they're a close friend's girlfriend then i try to at least act civilised and talk to them, but yes on some level i do judge; like do i think their attitude is good? are they nice to talk to?are they better than his previous girlfriends? but i wouldn't tell my friend that! :P he'd kill me lol...

[blai]

a question for guys. how are you about your friend's girlfriends? i mean, when you meet them for the first time, do you judge them and stuff? considering your friend is like, best bud or something of that level.

Well yeah, I always try to become friends with my mates gf's since we are always partying together and sometimes we hang out. And yeah i judge them depending on their attitude the first times we meet. I'm good friends with most of my mates gf's but for example, my best bud's gf hates me and vice versa so that's tough luck i suppose. I bet my friends are doing the same thing with the girls that i'm dating. If she's good looking they accept her, if she's friendly and got their sense of humour, they like her. But my buds are a bit special.

[Forever_Melody]

Why aren't girls allowed to answer? O_o

I thought the general consensus was that girls judge a lot more than guys(at least according to those women magazines I saw at the Dentist the other day :XD)

[baboysai]

because i know that for a fact, meron-chan, and that girl-friend's judgment can be hard to work around with for a girlfriend. unless she approves of you immediately.

[Forever_Melody]

Wait, would we be comparing the case of a girl having a guy friend and judging his gf or a girl having a friend and judging her bf or his gf?

[baboysai]

-_-; i was merely asking how the guys would judge their best bud's gf. since it's always kinda awkward when your boyfriend tells you "my friends have to meet you" or something like that. or if i always hear "we'd been wanting to meet you" and stuff like that.

[Forever_Melody]

lol admittedly that's kind of weird, but it depends on the type of relationship the people have >.>

Personally, I've never really had issues with any of my friend's partners. I do tend to form an opinion about their partners(I mean many people do that), but I don't delve into it too profoundly, unless I suspect they're being mean/bad to my friend. As long as my friend is happy and their partner is a good person, I'm happy ^^

[redcometfm]

Yeah, we judge but try to get to know her and have a little patience in executing the judgment. Id assume people wanted to hear feedback from friends, maybe discover something they themselves dont notice.

Speaking of which, I had a friend who went on a date recently and this friends begged him to dump the girl, supposedly because she talked alot.:blink

[baboysai]

ouch. maybe she was too annoying. hehe.

[Forever_Melody]

lol yeah, people who yap, but have nothing to yap about kind of annoy me sometimes >.>

Mind you, I sometimes yap for long periods of time, but I just say nonsense :XD

[blai]

quick question to the girls before i'm heading off to find the immortality of this weekend.

Does what happens in the club, stay in the club? Because i have very different experiences with that. Some girls don't care the one day and the other they are like "omg blablablabla". . . Are you waiting for the right opportunity or is it just coincidences that you are telling people about what happened at the EXACT worst time ever? :-D

[Ascension]

I'm at a loss for words on that one. Clubs suck IMO. Like when you walk in and that funk aroma of sweat hits you in the face.

This is exactly what happens in clubs in my experience:

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vfwAEN-StX0[youtube]

[baboysai]

actually blai, I dunno either because I've only been to a club once, and I was still 15 that time I think. Kinda young and shy to be flirting and showing off my bodeh... -_-;

but to tell you guys the truth, i really enjoy dancing very much. We used to do it often in the dorms and it's pretty hot, and we drag the guys we like and stuff :sweatdrop but lately i've lost confidence and I can't even dance in front of my boyfriend. I am actually planning to do that one day, but when he's in front of me I can't pull it off and i just stand there.. :darn

guys with girlfriends, do you really know your girlfriends and their inner kinks and desires? I really wanna try being naughty like that, wearing heels and stuff, just for the heck of it, but when he's actually there I get too shy. :s

[goldb]

....guys with girlfriends, do you really know your girlfriends and their inner kinks and desires? I really wanna try being naughty like that, wearing heels and stuff, just for the heck of it, but when he's actually there I get too shy. :s

erm, you know what, my girlfriend's quite naive and acts like she doesn't have that wild side to her. but i'm tryna bring it out of her:p, I know that once she said she kinda liked some kinky outfits like nurses :hearts

[baboysai]

hehe. i tried to roleplay once but I never really could pull it off :redface

[redcometfm]

lol didnt feel entirely comfortable or..?

UGh, anyone here had experience with bad wingmen?
Guys, dont cock block. Ever. Its just wrong...and such bad karma. Learn to be good wingmen and be aware of/smart with your situations.

[blai]

Cockblocking is so wrong red. It's against the rules, you should NEVER do something like that to a fellow guy. And Ascencion, I don't know about the clubs in the states but Sweden has the best ones in Scandinavia. Everything's always top notch, girls, dj's, equipment. I've never felt an aroma of sweat in neither delight, omnipro or barca/bella but I'm not in a good condition enough to smell such things.

And bb-chan, I don't really know since I haven't had a gf since like fourth grade but I do know all of my.. eeh.. (one-night stands) kinky thoughts and stuff, maybe not everything but ehm it's enough for me o.O

When i do get a gf though it might be fun to know to spice up the relationship a bit.

[redcometfm]

Especially when the guy doesnt realize or ridiculously doesnt want to acknowledge he did that. Any guy friend of mine does that, he's black listed as a wingman. Wingmen help each other! Even if its just one girl! You make sacrifices, take turns, not screw us both over! >.<
Principles people. Principles.
/rant.

[goldb]

I haven't been anyone's wingman in years, since i was like 14-15(i feel so old:crying), it was some youth club thing with my best friend and he was chatting up one girl and i had to make a diversion and move two of her friends away because in london pretty girls move around in groups when they're young :p...he handled the rest and started going out with the girl a few weeks afterwards...

after that, it became like a reflex; we knew what to do everytime. every guy needs a good wingman.

[Forever_Melody]

Idk if this is the right place to state it, but umm for everyone, how do you react to gifts?

AM I the only one who sometimes refuses gifts? I mean, not because I don't like them, but because I feel they're "too much". I mean, I know it'd feel bad to have a gift returned to you, but I feel that when you can do better things with the money that maybe you should.

I mean, I know it depends on who's giving, but you're free to elaborate on all gift-givers lol :p

[redcometfm]

Honestly, just accept a gift. The money's spent and it just makes things awkward trying to refuse it.

[Forever_Melody]

I used to think that, but sometimes, you feel that it's just misplaced stuff so in refusing the gift, you're preventing a similar scenario from happening again. I mean, if some stranger on the street gave you a gift, I'm sure 50% of people(if not more) would refuse it. Ok, there is obviously a difference between someone you know and a total stranger, but the fact is that in refusing a gift, you're telling the person "I don't want your stuff" and therefore, they should not repeat the act in the future(unless they're that determined to give you stuff).

I mean, some people are just that generous and oblivious to their own situation sometimes. I know some people can take it as an insult not to accept a gift, but sometimes it just doesn't feel right accepting one either. I mean, I could make up scenarios where the person wasn't in a total state of consciousness or clear minded-ness when deciding to give it to me in the first place >.>


And who are you to tell me what to do? :blink I was asking your personal stance on it, not asking you to tell me what to do in such a situation -_-;(which I technically never mentioned anyways).

[redcometfm]

Ah ah, dont take it like that! :/ I totallllyyyy didnt mean it that way. (Stupid internet with non-voice tone indications)

But I will say that I think refusing or accepting gifts depends on the scenario.

[Matthew]

Personally.

I'd like to give then to receive.

The best thing in this world (for me) is to make anyone happy.
Call me strange or what have you, but I'm willing to help others(if time permits), wether it is a gift, or simply taking some of my own time off.

Making people happy is what makes me happy.

[Forever_Melody]

I also prefer to give than to receive, hence perhaps why when I do receive, it feels odd and sometimes unnecessary, especially if it's uncalled for :/

[redcometfm]

Ladies, question: What are appropriate places to approach you? (Gym, Campus, Grocery Store, etc)

[The Flash]

If you're looking for a women. Just be active. involve yourself. Not will you only meet just women, but great people as well.

[Forever_Melody]

Anywhere really. I find the most random meetings most interesting usually lol :p. There isn't any "status quo" for me personally as to where it is that's acceptable for me to be approached and where is not lol :XD

[The Flash]

Do you like the way Matt approached you Em? hehehehehe

But usually, If you are involved, active... I'm absolutely postitive that will get some girls chasing you.

[Forever_Melody]

Well it's kinda logical. If you get involved in some type of activity, you meet more people so the chance of one of those people asking you out increases >.> It's simple logic lol :p

I think he meant where do us(girls and guys) find it appropriate to approach the opposite gender. For example, maybe some people find it inappropriate to be approached at Church or something lol :p

[The Flash]

Approached at church? lmao

Church is a place to worship, not to date! lol

[Forever_Melody]

Well that was the kind of question he was asking I think lol :p, where it is and where it isn't appropriate to approach people >.>

[redcometfm]

Yeah, shes right ^

The one thing that I find troubling with that thought of appropriate places to meet are topics to open up a conversation with. Sure its easy on the shuttle to the campus or whatnot but lets say youre in the gym..."Hey whats up." " Whats up." "Nothing. Just saw you using this machine." "Yeah." "Use it often?" "Yeah." "Cool. How much can you lift?" "The amount Im working with." "Cool" haha

[The Flash]

It's either you got it, or you don't lol.

[Forever_Melody]

I don't think it's necessarily a question of people skills as much a question of the people themselves lol :p Sometimes I suppose some people don't want to be bothered while working out or doing some other stuff.

If someone doesn't want to talk to you, not much you can do about it. :s

As I said, personally I don't have much qualms with starting a conversation with anyone just about anywhere(the bathroom probably being the only exception lol :p)

[redcometfm]

Lmao, imagine that. "(person in next stall) Could you pass me some toilet paper?" "Sure (gives it)." "So...(Joey style) How you doin?" :p

[blai]

Lmao, imagine that. "(person in next stall) Could you pass me some toilet paper?" "Sure (gives it)." "So...(Joey style) How you doin?" :p

"So... d'you come here often?" :D

[Forever_Melody]

Haven't you guys ever heard of the common "bathroom conversation" joke? O_O

[redcometfm]

Do tell!

[Forever_Melody]

Well it goes as so...

A guy goes into a bathroom stall and you know, starts doing his thing...

Then he hears a guy from the next stall say "Hey!"

He hesitates, then answers. "Hey."

The other guy continues: "How's it going?"

"Not bad I guess..."

"What you doing?"

"Ummmm probably the same thing as you..."

Finally, there's a pause. The guy thinks he's off the hook when he hears the guy in the next stall saying:

"Hey give me a second Mark, there's some idiot in the next stall answering everything I say to you!"

And there you have it >.>

Okies just to keep this on topic...

I have a question for everyone!

Do you like pie?? (ok joke lol :p)

Seriously, what's your position on one night stands? Good? Bad? Don't care? It's supposed to put a light on(speaking of the furniture here)?

[redcometfm]

LMAO great joke, Im ashamed to say I havent heard it before.

Yes I like pie :D Cherry = yum.

Hmm One night stands.
This is hard (no pun intended)...because it depends on the person (if you know them or not). Im not against them because we all have our wants and needs as human beings do and sometimes a little fun doesnt hurt. I usually would prefer someone I know better and not just because of the established trust there already is but because there's something there between you, familiarity I suppose. Otherwise if youre just with some person you dont even know, it can be like doing a 2-D image, no third layer of motivation, especially if they dont know what theyre doing >.< (ladies, know what youre doing or put some genuine heart and passion into it, we guys can tell! lol)
Plus with a friend/someone you know better, you two can be cool about it later or whatever and you dont have to worry if youre going to feel itchy or sore in the next three weeks.

[Forever_Melody]

Shame on you for not having heard one of the most common jokes ever! :o

And yay for people who like pie! :tem *high fives*

Believe it or not, I always assumed one night stands to be furniture for a large part of my life :blink(hence the reference lol :p). Guess I must've omitted the "one" part of the whole expression >.>

I guess it would come down to an individual's understand of sex more than anything else(or furniture :oh)

[The Flash]

Off-topic: I like Pie :) :)

The question is,, would someone risk themselves to have a one night stand with someone else?

"WOMEN, I WANT PROOF THAT YOU'RE CLEAN. HERE'S MINE *SHOWS PAPERS*"

[redcometfm]

"WOMEN, I WANT PROOF THAT YOU'RE CLEAN. HERE'S MINE *SHOWS PAPERS*"

That's how it should be. Like a driver's license or proof of insurance. The world's a filthy place as it is, especially with 1/4 or 1/3 women having an std, the most common being chlamydia and cold sores/herpes.

[Forever_Melody]

How about we just make some type of weird sex papers everyone has to carry around and then everyone would know people were clean lol :XD

[redcometfm]

I wish. Only...
A) ACLU (and other international equivalents) would have a field day with invasion of privacy etc.
B) Many would lie. Cause theyre douchebags.
C) Many would object because they have something.

Its surprising, the current statistics. You may not encounter the deadly stuff that much but god knows how many women Ive counted/turned down with something. There was this one really hot girl at our Barnes and Noble once, totally had her enthralled but then I saw it...a big dark healing spot under/above/crossing the upper lip line, obviously from a cold sore. It saddened me terribly :(

[baboysai]

Seriously, what's your position on one night stands? Good? Bad? Don't care? It's supposed to put a light on(speaking of the furniture here)?

when you said "position", geez, i really thought differently until you said "good, bad..."

-_-;

i actually haven't tried one-night stands. not once. it sounds exciting, and a great story to tell. I'd like to try it once before i get married, provided I'm also single. otherwise, i could never do that if i had a boyfriend. :s i'd still consider it cheating even if it was a one-time thing.


That's how it should be. Like a driver's license or proof of insurance. The world's a filthy place as it is, especially with 1/4 or 1/3 women having an std, the most common being chlamydia and cold sores/herpes.

but one-night stands occur because of the spur of the moment most of the time. if you're so concerned about that (which i think you should be anyway), it's kinda off. unless you guys like, talked it over before meeting and stuff, over the net, chatting, what have you. :blink

[redcometfm]

Well the STD talk comes standard before you and the partner dig in, but people cant always be trusted. Some people Ive met think that Cold Sores are normal :notrust (and no theyre not).

[Forever_Melody]

Really? :blink I mean, I've had those pretty often when I was a kid(like from 6 to 10 years old), unless those were just infections from when I use to bite plants back in the fields >_>(they look the same to me >.>)

Random question, has anyone ever had their parents "interview" their dates or have been interviewed by their date's parents? I always see this in movies and always wonder if it happens in real life lol :p

[bean]

I've never. My parents never really talk to the GFs, and when I talk to the GF's parents it's usually like talk with an aunt or uncle, like conversation, not interview. I've never been sat down and interrogated.

[baboysai]

Random question, has anyone ever had their parents "interview" their dates or have been interviewed by their date's parents? I always see this in movies and always wonder if it happens in real life lol :p

oh we do that. because in the Philippines, people are pretty conservative...

that's why to skip all the hassle, i don't introduce my boyfriends until we've been dating for like, a year. and since I'm away (college up to now), they can only meet the guys rarely, like, twice a year and stuff. My sisters also do the same thing.

on the other hand, on my part, i partly think as a GF, if we'd been dating for a long time and he'd like to introduce me to the family, I should be at least cordial and conversational. though i don't enjoy it too much as it's so much work to always smile and stuff.. :blink

[redcometfm]

Really? :blink I mean, I've had those pretty often when I was a kid(like from 6 to 10 years old), unless those were just infections from when I use to bite plants back in the fields >_>(they look the same to me >.>)

Hmm, that might be different. Ive heard of that before, my friend used to get the same thing from either biting her lip (not even sure it was she said that last part) but she doesnt have them now. All I know is that if youre getting since being active with another person, theres a high chance that recurring sore is Herpes.

Im actually curious to women's perspective on this issue (STDs). How do you approach the issue with your partner? What do you do when youre getting to know a potential? (Like for example, we guys look for any signs of unhealthiness or healing marks from sores and other stuff, any dialogue hints) Etc.

[baboysai]

i was actually straightforwardly asked by my partner. and I asked about it myself too, because he's a med student. it's also for my own awareness.

but now that you mention it, thinking back, i never talked about that with my exes at all. :s

[Forever_Melody]

Hmm, that might be different. Ive heard of that before, my friend used to get the same thing from either biting her lip (not even sure it was she said that last part) but she doesnt have them now. All I know is that if youre getting since being active with another person, theres a high chance that recurring sore is Herpes.
Well it's probably some infection because I don't have it anymore and the doctor never considered it as anything special. In fact, he only gave me antibiotics and sent me on my way >.> We use to cal them "feux sauvages" i.e. savage fires lol :p


Im actually curious to women's perspective on this issue (STDs). How do you approach the issue with your partner? What do you do when youre getting to know a potential? (Like for example, we guys look for any signs of unhealthiness or healing marks from sores and other stuff, any dialogue hints) Etc.

Umm can't say I've had mountains of experience with the topic, but umm I suppose if there was something to be told I would tell or I myself would like to be told >.>

[The Flash]

when you said "position", geez, i really thought differently until you said "good, bad..."

-_-;

i actually haven't tried one-night stands. not once. it sounds exciting, and a great story to tell. I'd like to try it once before i get married, provided I'm also single. otherwise, i could never do that if i had a boyfriend. :s i'd still consider it cheating even if it was a one-time thing.



A great story to tell eh? Not so much once u get diagnosed with HIV, or any STD's
Hmm one great story to tell, "Wow the sex was great, but I have an STD"

I'm about 4 years older than you and have witnessed the consequences. You are still young, best thing to do is wait till you get married, or have someone in your life that you can trust.

Trust me, you don't want to consider 1 night stands.

[redcometfm]

Umm can't say I've had mountains of experience with the topic, but umm I suppose if there was something to be told I would tell or I myself would like to be told >.>

But if your partner didnt say anything, would you seriously have the courage to be direct with them and ask if them about their health? Ive only had one girl ever do that, the other times it was me. Miracle Im still fine (thank God!! haha literally).

[baboysai]

You are still young, best thing to do is wait till you get married, or have someone in your life that you can trust.

Trust me, you don't want to consider 1 night stands.

wait till i get married, then do one-night stands? now that's off. -_-;


Off Topic: I liked how bean emphasized seventeen to seveTEEN. lol Your still a teen kid.

hey no laughing at kids when it comes to love and sex, man. like, kids are the most sincere when it comes to loving. but sex... it comes with experience, and usually experience comes with age though so...

i'm just saying, let's be cordial and stuff. :oh like, both sides have their points so whatever. live and let live. >.>



So to start on topic: TO you women, What do you find most attractive in guys?

Looks? personality? Smarts? One's ability to teach, cook, etc?

oh definitely smarts. i mean, i can forgive an excessive flirt if he was totally smart. smart guys always get my panties in a twist :fan



...but here's a legit question, how do you girls deal with a micro penis? it's gotta be unsettling, right?

i've discussed this with my girlfriends before, and we do have varied answers. so i'll just stick to my own opinion, and this doesn't stand as the general opinion for other females out there. for me, size does matter. :noworry usually with a micro, i just fake it. or else wait 3 hours into the whole thing before i ever get a genuine O. in which case i choose to fake it and get it over with. -_-;


do girls like a joker?

oh i love funny guys.

and funny+smart guys blow me away.

[segua]

Man my eyesight is messed up. I swear that said "does girls like poker?"

Poker is an interesting game. Anyway, I got a question for the girls. Dunno if this was asked before but if a girl gets kicked in the crotch, does it hurt? Would the pain be so much as to put a girl on her knees or drop her to the ground in an instant?

[redcometfm]

wait till i get married, then do one-night stands? now that's off. -_-;

I think he meant dont bother with one-night stands because of all the risks and just wait till marraige to have sex with that one person.

[segua]

I think he meant dont bother with one-night stands because of all the risks and just wait till marraige to have sex with that one person.

The advice of older men to younger men: you'll regret one night stands when you're married and trying to be faithful. Gotta respect the elders.

Well, I suppose if you're not the faithful type, I suppose it doesn't really matter.

[redcometfm]

The advice of older men to younger men: you'll regret one night stands when you're married and trying to be faithful. Gotta respect the elders.

Well, I suppose if you're not the faithful type, I suppose it doesn't really matter.

You calling me unfaithful? :blink I clarified that and meant to have sex with that one person (the person you marry) instead of messing around with one night stands and risking disease etc.

Seeing as you are older, I shall heed your words. :worship2

[baboysai]

Anyway, I got a question for the girls. Dunno if this was asked before but if a girl gets kicked in the crotch, does it hurt? Would the pain be so much as to put a girl on her knees or drop her to the ground in an instant?

no. it hurts like when your shin hits a stair or something like that. but not like how i imagine the pain when guys get it in the balls.


I think he meant dont bother with one-night stands because of all the risks and just wait till marraige to have sex with that one person.

but honestly, i don't believe in the "sex with one person forever". there's no point of comparison, see. i mean, i'm pro-faithful relationships. and if you're married then, sure, you're bound to have sex with that one person. but at least, before that, you could have tried some other... things.

the thing is, if you wait till marriage before having sex, what if you found out you can never be satisfied by this person. what if he couldn't get it up? what if you were just sexually incompatible (for a number of reasons i need not state here)? but you married the guy.

sure you could say "sex isn't everything", but it means a lot, anyway. that's a legal ground for separation if you are sexually dissatisfied with your partner. and so you have to go through legal stuff just to get separated, or divorced, blah blah blah.

but if you just tried it out before marriage, you wouldn't have to go through that emotional (and financial :s) trouble in the first place.

there's a reason for premarital sex, and that is: YOU HAVE TO KNOW.

[The Flash]

@ baboysaid
"wait till i get married, then do one-night stands? now that's off. "

OK ok... I was referring to sex. lol Not 1 night stands. Sorry for not being clear! lol

[Forever_Melody]

Regarding the crotch question, BB has it right. It hurts as much as getting hit anywhere else really, but it's probably not nearly as debilitating as it must be for guys lol :p

[redcometfm]

I wasnt promoting sex only with one person forever, no, I totally agree with your statement BB. Prior experience is a must, not only so you can perform well for that special partner in the end when you take the plunge but also to make sure that that special partner is compatible. Totally agree.

[Forever_Melody]

What do you mean "sexually frustrated"? Do you mean that the partner wouldn't be able to satisfy the other one or something like that they just plain wouldn't want it(which could fall under the former mind you lol :p)

[baboysai]

you're reading too much into it, meron-chan. all i'm saying is that say, you married this person. he/she's smart and really your type of personality. and probably financially capable. you're secure in the legalities of marriage and survival and shit like that. but then that person just can't perform the way you want, no matter how you talk it out, no matter how hard you've tried.

do you: get out of the relationship?
or: commit adultery/get a f*ck buddy?
or: just leave it as it is. sex isn't important anyway.

note that in this scenario, the partner cannot change/improve performance whatsoever. If sex were rated 1-5, and 5 would be the greatest, your sex together with this person will always be 1. (or 2, on special occasions like birthdays :rofl)

so, what would be your choice?

[The Flash]

>.> why is the flaccid state even relevant? IT'S NOT.


this question goes to those who are anti-premarital sex. what if, you end up marrying someone you're sexually frustrated with?

Well the erection state is the only thing that matters. The average flacid state varies, because it deals with the constant changing temperature. lol

But anyway.. 5'5 inch to 6.3 inch - erection (15 cm in length) is to believed to be the average. I think.. which is surprising. To think the average size would a little bit more longer. >.<

To answer your latest question. Since you proposed the question first (and you need a women to answer this question)

What would YOU do? lol! Get a fu*k buddy?

[baboysai]

Oh I'd get out of the relationship.

you know, some people may say it's not important, but the thing is, IT IS. and, sexual dissatisfaction is a legal ground for separation. because the lawmakers know it's damn important. some parts of the relationship may be fulfilling and fun, but if you're not happy sexually, it can stress you out a lot, cause depression, insecurities, and all that shit. Besides, it's scientifically proven that sex has certain benefits (that i don't need to mention) that lead to a happy and healthy life.

So... again, i'm saying, i can't tolerate poor performance. period.
[hr]
and all that's been said out of experience, man.

I lasted 3 years into a sexually frustrating relationship, and it all added up bit by bit :s good thing i didn't marry the guy or anything.

[juUnior]

So... again, i'm saying, i can't tolerate poor performance. period.
You just love sex, that's all. From reading your posts right now I can tell, that 'sex' for you is really important xd And to answer your queston: no, not for me, defiently not on such level, lol. I'm weird.


so, what would be your choice?
This probably:

or: just leave it as it is. sex isn't important anyway.
I don't agree, that someone can't satisfy somebody in the so-called performance "sex" :p Even though someone could not be capable of being 'good' for the partner doeasn't mean he/she can't improve. But that's just my way of thinking on the matter xd

[The Flash]

baboysai.. not sure if this a stereotypical statement or not (You may know what I'm talking about.)The cause of poor performance is most likely because you had a relationship with an asian? lol.......................

Have u tried north american? lmao

What has this thread become?!?! lol

[redcometfm]

LMAO (in regards to above) You telling BB to get some foreign action?

[◆ T.D.A ◆]

One asian man with a poor performance doesn't mean all Asians are like that.

[segua]

Sex is very important and I agree with Baboysai. This is also the cause for adultery. For guys, sex is emotionally important. So the sex has to be good and true.

In some cases, size does matter. Some might prefer smaller ones and some might prefer larger ones depending on the woman.

Oh an girls, I recommend doing kegels.

[◆ T.D.A ◆]

do girls prefer clean shave or prefer beard or partial shave?

[The Flash]

One asian man with a poor performance doesn't mean all Asians are like that.

Oh i'm talking about size tda...

Small size = performance aint so good.

[bezna4alo]

@ baboysai

what im up for is guys being taught how to be good. but it isnt everything, its nothing.

its something that can never be satisfied like hunger. like with food you only get soo full you cant eat more, doesnt mean that your satisfied(you would eat more and more if you just could and you didnt get fat and the other negative effects of eating too much). same with this, you get "satisfied" when you get tired and not have any more or blood rushing the area. (no need to elebarate on this eh :amuse)

having good, what do you consider good? its a whole art(a whole study wat ever you want to call it).

what females would say is good? in my opinon it depends how long a guy can do it for, and how healthy he is etc. pisitions are not that relevent. if you can do 5 very well its much better than doing 100 soso.

poor is when a person is not educated on the subject (and no your gym class in school doesnt count) i personally was obsesed on the matter of pleasing my future gf from the age of 13-14. so i read as much as possible, kama sutra and studied tons of things.

but as i said to my friends tons of times, guys dont even care on a subject of how "good" the girl is. When i ever talk with any one on the subject(like with random ppl(guys) at work). GUYS JUST DONT CARE, and i always say, its you whos supposed to be good, and not the girl.

because its nothing that mind blowing. The guy doesnt moan or go all crazy, its pretty static until the end. b/c to even start the act the guy allready needs to have tons of blood pumped to the area. The girl on the other hand does not, its just a matter of starting it. it will hurt and feel very diffrent but the biggest problem is that a guy starts at a much higher state than the girl does. a girl can easily be in the act with a very low state of exitment. compared to the guy. (im talking about blood rushing to the area)(and the other things that follow)

hormones are very imporant, if you arent hormoned up you cant be the best that you can be. youll just be to tired to keep going. Another main main point is that a guy keeps raising his bar too fast, which is allready high from the start of the act. if the girl hasnt experinced as much of a high bar she is not "satisfied".

but another very imporant thing, how high the bar is , and how much the girl enjoys her self depends on her emotional state, rather than physical. a guy in the act wouldnt care for almost anything in the world, but if something croses the girls mind , or if she thinks about something that upsets her, and girls are much more emotional, it all gets messed up. This is afcourse about relatinships.

if its a random person you met, you might not even care, but that isnt always true. for a guy its much simpler, and more peaceful :darn.
you just get blood in the area, and ure set and happy till the end.

and blagh who cares if its asian not asian it depends on the skill of the person.

i wont make this post too long :p
[hr]
then the second part, how important it is.

what do you think is better.

a good mariage with everything but the guy isnt top in the bed.
or guy is good in bed but shity at mariage.

who will you marry?

i dono i wouldnt look for a mate depending on that, and just b/c the mate isnt so good at it, blagh, its not the end of the world. Cheating or ending a relatinship cuz of that is just sad.

in my opion all guys need to go thru tons of training even without females its irrelevent you can practise with ure wife your whole life.
if you know the rules you will be good , and can only grow.
but even if you have a person who has alot of "active" experience doesnt mean that hes going to be better. a person who studied before practising will be much much better.

thats why i like kamasutra and etc. b/c its meant to help people be good. you cant expect a person to be good without having the knowledge.

do you think most people are good by the way :P and this is specificly @
baboysai. And how long is good, and etc, i just want to hear your comment.
[hr]

Oh i'm talking about size tda...

Small size = performance aint so good.

hmmm well i can say that if a girl has tons of blood rushing to the area.
the thing will shrink soooo much , and it will be sooo sensitive, that doesnt even matter.what matters is how you can do it. even if a guy is huge if he can act for a short period of time. that cant compare to how good the guy will be with the small one for a long period of time. And there are positions which allow better access.
[hr]

Sex is very important and I agree with Baboysai. This is also the cause for adultery. For guys, sex is emotionally important. So the sex has to be good and true.

In some cases, size does matter. Some might prefer smaller ones and some might prefer larger ones depending on the woman.

Oh an girls, I recommend doing kegels.

emotionall imporant?? blagh a guy wants it just cuz his horny, period. same with a girl. you wanting to please your parner is only natural.
doesnt mean that its emotionally imporant. esp to guys. and you didnt even explain what you mean for guys... how good the girl is, or how good he is?
[hr]

You just love sex, that's all. From reading your posts right now I can tell, that 'sex' for you is really important xd And to answer your queston: no, not for me, defiently not on such level, lol. I'm weird.


This probably:

I don't agree, that someone can't satisfy somebody in the so-called performance "sex" :p Even though someone could not be capable of being 'good' for the partner doeasn't mean he/she can't improve. But that's just my way of thinking on the matter xd

yep agree and true, and if some one is good doesnt mean they will love sex :P And about you no caring its not wierd, i was always talking on the subject with my friends. And imporving is very possible.

[bean]

I haven't really kept up with the discussion so excuse me if I'm off on this, but I read that part, baboysai, where you said you were in a relationship for 3 years where the sex life sucked....sorry to hear that, but don't you feel that part of the fault on that falls on you? I mean, that sucks, he didn't know how to work it, but at the same time, should he know? I don't know the details, but if he wasn't holding out long enough, then yeah, he's mostly to blame, but if that's not the case, I feel that you should have been able to get yours if you knew how. I'm mostly speaking for myself, maybe entirely, but girls don't have to do much for guys to get theirs. Some noise, a little movement, that's pretty much it, and even then, that might not even be necessary. Just knowing that you're willing or not disgusted by performing the act with us (don't think this matters to some guys) is enough. But it sounds like, and maybe just to me, that you're expecting a great deal from the guys end. I could be totally off on this though. This might sound selfish, and I hope you guys don't take it as such, but if we know how to get ours (doesn't take much), shouldn't you know how to get yours? or at least, given the right amount of time, shouldn't that responsibility fall on you gals?

[bezna4alo]

I haven't really kept up with the discussion so excuse me if I'm off on this, but I read that part, baboysai, where you said you were in a relationship for 3 years where the sex life sucked....sorry to hear that, but don't you feel that part of the fault on that falls on you? I mean, that sucks, he didn't know how to work it, but at the same time, should he know? I don't know the details, but if he wasn't holding out long enough, then yeah, he's mostly to blame, but if that's not the case, I feel that you should have been able to get yours if you knew how. I'm mostly speaking for myself, maybe entirely, but girls don't have to do much for guys to get theirs. Some noise, a little movement, that's pretty much it, and even then, that might not even be necessary. Just knowing that you're willing or not disgusted by performing the act with us (don't think this matters to some guys) is enough. But it sounds like, and maybe just to me, that you're expecting a great deal from the guys end. I could be totally off on this though. This might sound selfish, and I hope you guys don't take it as such, but if we know how to get ours (doesn't take much), shouldn't you know how to get yours? or at least, given the right amount of time, shouldn't that responsibility fall on you gals?

hahhaa i love the part of " This might sound selfish, and I hope you guys don't take it as such, but if we know how to get ours (doesn't take much), shouldn't you know how to get yours? or at least, given the right amount of time, shouldn't that responsibility fall on you gals?"

yeah thats the problem, a guy starts allready all high. while the girl doesnt, what worse :P that if a girl stars high and you start high it will be even shorter if you dont controll your self and your body. another thing is that for a guy the blood goes to the area , then it leaves after the highest point, but for a girl it stays in the area. so for a guy it takes time to continue after being done the first time, depends on the guy but like 20 mins.

And as bean and tons of other ppl say, for a guy its more simple, and yes it is true that some responsibility falls on the girl also , cuz they are more emotional and its harder for them to get some where. For some girls its very easy.

But talk to the guy help him, go slower, let the guy relax, and the guy should Squeeze a muscle called the pc muscle(http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pubococcygeus_muscle), that allows the blood not to leave the area and for you to conitnue for much longer, its possible to do the whole act without even losing the blood in the area.
as it is evident its up to the guy, but the girl shouldnt be so cruel to just leave the guy,she should help him, wats up with just dumping a good person cuz they cant do something(and especially if something can be improved, even greatly improved). if it was a random guy than who cares.
all of this is coming from yoga, cuz yoga isnt just a thing females do. Its a study of how to control your body and to be very healthy.

well you have natural enchenments and pills and etc. natural being bee polen and etc and just simple sugar will give you more energy.
ppl know about the pills, it just sends blood to that area. like viagra.

[◆ T.D.A ◆]

If a man can't impress his girl, then that's failure.

[bezna4alo]

If a man can't impress his girl, then that's failure.

but things can be improved with efford. nothing is final, and if you can change failure into acomplishing what you want , now thats great.
isnt that wat naruto is all about? thats why im a big fan.

[redcometfm]

Both have to be able to perform well. Girls need to know what theyre doing, we dont just keep hard by looking at them, it takes more than that. Guys, same thing, you need to know what youre doing otherwise its just uncomfortable for the girl (you could rub her the wrong way, yes pun intended).

I think its natural to want a partner whos able to please or adapt. If you cant do it, adapt and improve. Naturally, Id think youd want to to make that special someone happy. I do.

[bean]

tda, that may be true, but it's just as much of a failure to stick around for 3 years and not do anything about it. Not saying she didn't, for her sake I hope she did, and if she did that's even more of a failure on his part, but I find it hard to believe one can't figure a way to get off if they know what works for them.

[segua]

but things can be improved with efford. nothing is final, and if you can change failure into acomplishing what you want , now thats great.
isnt that wat naruto is all about? thats why im a big fan.

Oh man, you don't know how much your post cracked me up. Application of Naruto in the real world: it helped me increase my sex life! (Could Naruto be marketed in such a way?) Seriously though, Naruto and other stories out there does have connotations to them.

I agree with bean. If the sex wasn't good, she could've helped her mate improve it. But like baboysai was saying, even if she did try to help the guy improve and not matter how hard the guy tried to self-improve, he was always stuck at 1. Don't know whether the training wasn't good enough or the guy wasn't actively trying to improve his sex abilities. Then again, I don't want to pry on her personal or past personal relationship.

@The Flash: some girls find it easier for smaller penises to hit a g-spot. So, there are disadvantages and advantages to different sizes. It's even been said that a woman could pleasure herself with a two inch dick.

Anway back on topic, question to the ladies. Does breast inhibits sleeping or you ability to sleep in certain positions because it makes sleeping hard?

[redcometfm]

I once had a girl sleep over and she slept on her back (she had Ds probably). But because of that, she took up the whole bed!! >.< Always had trouble sleep-sleeping with her.

[segua]

I once had a girl sleep over and she slept on her back (she had Ds probably). But because of that, she took up the whole bed!! >.< Always had trouble sleep-sleeping with her.

I thought you would have a nice sleep seeing how you got two very comfortable pillows to lay your head upon.

Thanks for the answer though.

[bean]

Oh man, you don't know how much your post cracked me up. Application of Naruto in the real world: it helped me increase my sex life! (Could Naruto be marketed in such a way?) Seriously though, Naruto and other stories out there does have connotations to them.

I agree with bean. If the sex wasn't good, she could've helped her mate improve it. But like baboysai was saying, even if she did try to help the guy improve and not matter how hard the guy tried to self-improve, he was always stuck at 1. Don't know whether the training wasn't good enough or the guy wasn't actively trying to improve his sex abilities. Then again, I don't want to pry on her personal or past personal relationship.

@The Flash: some girls find it easier for smaller penises to hit a g-spot. So, there are disadvantages and advantages to different sizes. It's even been said that a woman could pleasure herself with a two inch dick.

Anway back on topic, question to the ladies. Does breast inhibits sleeping or you ability to sleep in certain positions because it makes sleeping hard?
I know this question is directed to the ladies, but I know that I definitely sleep better when there's some boobs around.

this part has been edited out. thanks.

[The Flash]

Bean, sensitivity comes in mind.

this part has been edited out. thanks.

Trust me, this is from learning experience. After all, I've been in a really intimate relationship for almost 4 years now.

[baboysai]

do girls prefer clean shave or prefer beard or partial shave?

i like a little goatie on guys. but no mustaches please. I hate them. coz it hurts when kissing. :darn


I haven't really kept up with the discussion so excuse me if I'm off on this, but I read that part, baboysai, where you said you were in a relationship for 3 years where the sex life sucked....sorry to hear that, but don't you feel that part of the fault on that falls on you?

you know, there's a difference between solo and an act together. and of course i tried, bean. to tell him too. and believe me it's hard to tell a guy that- man, that could break the ego in an instant, some psychological effects, and stuff.

yep, i think the main reason was the psychological effect. like, since i told him i was dissatisfied, (we were a year into the relationship) it even got more difficult to do it- it was like walking on water or something that delicate. and I really tried to be very helpful, and supportive, saying "we can do this" or asking what he needs, etc. but he never tried to make it work with me. sigh.



Anway back on topic, question to the ladies. Does breast inhibits sleeping or you ability to sleep in certain positions because it makes sleeping hard?

no. geez, women have existed the same time as men, and we're still around so apparently sleeping with breasts on isn't fatal or anything. -_-;

i can actually sleep in any position. if ever i sleep tummy-flat, i need to put my arm below my chest at a certain position so that my chest is slightly raised and that my breasts don't get squished by my own weight. -_-



Trust me, this is from learning experience. After all, I've been in a really intimate relationship for almost 4 years now.

but I thought you were anti-intimacy before marriage, flash?

[bean]

you know, there's a difference between solo and an act together. and of course i tried, bean. to tell him too. and believe me it's hard to tell a guy that- man, that could break the ego in an instant, some psychological effects, and stuff.

yep, i think the main reason was the psychological effect. like, since i told him i was dissatisfied, (we were a year into the relationship) it even got more difficult to do it- it was like walking on water or something that delicate. and I really tried to be very helpful, and supportive, saying "we can do this" or asking what he needs, etc. but he never tried to make it work with me. sigh.

there's a difference between a solo and an act together....what are you trying to say?

well see baboysai, to me it still sounds like most of the pressure of you getting yours seems to fall on him (which isn't wrong, but if he can't carry the load...). I don't know the details and I'm not going to pry if you don't want to talk about it, but if he couldn't satisfy you, what about you trying to satisfy yourself through him? I'm trying not to be too vulgar about it, but the way I see it (prepare for a shitty analogy), it's like if he's cooking for you and he makes a meal that you don't necessarily like. Just telling him you don't like it won't solve the issue. Let him know what kind of food you like. If he wasn't well equiped, there's still a mouth and appendages to work with, right? Again, I don't know the details of what left you unsatisfied, but I'm merely saying if you know how to get yourself off, you should be able to use him to accomplish that, right?

and don't worry so much about his ego. It's worse off to keep his ego intact and have him go on not knowing what to do (unless it was truly something he was incapable of changing). Not only that, bruised ego heals very quickly. But then again, if he wasn't open to making it better for you, than it's better for you to move on away from him. What I've learned is that the older I get, the more selfish I get, and not in the sense that I care only for myself, but that I learned not to waste time tiptoeing around something that will eventually not matter in my life. Say what's on your mind and what you want in life, you're entitled to it, aren't you? And if the person can't take it, then why are they there?


edit: what was wrong with that question? I was kinda looking forward to some answers....

[baboysai]

meh, i'm over it, bean. there were other things to worry about. that was just well, one of the reasons why we broke up.

i'm gonna spare you the details even.


so anyway, do you guys remember your first dates (of your lives)? what was it like?

for me it was a secret. my parents couldn't know about, teachers, cousins, etc. and we watched this movie with mandy moore in it: a walk to remember. and we held hands in the moviehouse, and that was it. haha.

[LadyHatake]

>___> The first guy I actually "dated" (meaning I was old enough to actually BE dating) was last year, Jan 2008. We met at a hookah bar and hung out there a few times, but for our first date we went to see Charlie Wilson's War and went to dinner. We held hands, kissed, etc. I enjoyed it, but promptly broke it off with him at the end of the week when he wouldn't stop texting me, asking me why I wasn't hanging out with him, and when he had posted this bulletin/note thing on MySpace saying "I've found the one." He got pissed off at me because I wouldn't leave my girl's night out with my best friend to hang out with him. wtf? I also got a msg from one of his exs, saying how he'd cheated on her. I confronted him about that over the phone, and he said something to the effect of "that's just how it goes." Dropped him like a bad habit.

and my parents didn't know, and they don't know that I'm seeing anyone now >___>

[redcometfm]

Wow, sounds like a douchebag. And one with problems too. Thats a problem these days, finding a SANE partner.

[LadyHatake]

Yeah, he was kind of a douche, but I'm happy I found out about it sooner rather than later. The guy I'm seeing now is significantly more sane and waaay more multi-dimensional than Joe was :p How about you, redcometfm?

[baboysai]

so his name's joe. -_-; sounds like one of those psychotic stalker types, LH. good thing you "dropped him like a bad habit." the thing with that kind of phrase is that well, you can't drop bad habits immediately right? it's kinda slow and painful and agonizing? :s

speaking of phrases though, "i found the one" definitely wins :rofl

[redcometfm]

If a girl tells you "youre sweet" after a date, is that a bad thing?
I feel like "cute" and "sweet" are often used by girls to do a nice rejection.

[Forever_Melody]

Look at it this way... "cute" is probably the only positive comment I've ever gotten from the opposite gender lol :p That and "funny" which we all know they use as a replacement for "crazy" and "demented" :eyeroll

No seriously, I personally use that as a genuine compliment. Being "sweet" isn't something I'd ever look down upon and I wouldn't ever say it if I didn't mean it. Mind you, if people mean it AND use it as rejection, I don't know >.> I personally doesn't think much of it. It's an adjective after all :s That's like saying "you're tall". Does THAT signify rejection? O_o

[baboysai]

It's a very positive and intimate thing for me. like you shared something that is well.. sweet. :p

"you're sweet" and "you're sweet but..." are two different things though. :s

[The Flash]

but I thought you were anti-intimacy before marriage, flash?

No, read my other post.

Best thing to do is wait till you get married, or have someone in your life that you can trust.

[Matthew]

Maybe this is a better thread, if not please move this post!

My question in the General hangout:
Hey guys!

I wanted to ask a question.

A few weeks ago, a girl that i recently met needed a date for an upcoming wedding. So she asked me, and I politely accepted the invitation. But here is my issue.

Now I have to the follow the rule : Don't look better than the groom!

Just wondering, should I wear a typical suit or a tux?

Thanks!!

SO ladies or gentlemen, what's your advice?

[redcometfm]

Ask her the dress code for the wedding, Im sure shell help you out.

[Dorothea]

I'd say if you don't want to ask her, go with a suit. It can be really embarrassing, showing up overdressed to this sort of thing, and I think guys look better in suits than tuxes. Also, I'd say forget the rule about the groom, look as good as you possibly can. At events like this, it's been my experience that when it's a girl bringing her boyfriend, she'll want to show him off if at all possible.

[Ascension]

personally, I'd say go all out and wear the tux...unless the suit looks better. I would ask the girl you're going with which looks better. I have to disagree with Dorothea about being overdressed. It's much better to be overdressed than under. Plus, it's not like you're dating this girl you're going with, so keep in mind of all the other potentials that will be at the wedding. First impressions can go a long ways in these situations. Women, in my experience, tend to like the shiniest crayon in the box. If you stand out from the rest but in a tasteful way, there will be sure to be competition over you, and that's when you're date will be fighting off the others with the bouquet.

[baboysai]

But you know, red's advice is better. you should ask her what the dresscode is anyway. Because I never want to go underdressed. I hate being underdressed.

[redcometfm]

Lol for a moment I thought you typed "undressed", baboysai :P I was like wait, what?

Question: Why do girls not call guys? Like when you both know you want to get together or the girl says theyll call (with sincerity and genuineness) but dont?

[LadyHatake]

I forget and get sidetracked >__> When it comes to social stuff like that I have about the memory span of a goldfish. And idk, I've noticed that I usually wait for the guy to call me. I know I shouldn't, but IDK, sometimes I worry that if he's not calling me, then maybe that's a sign he's not interested, so then I get too chicken to call him :/

[Ascension]

Txt the guy. If he responds immediately, or asks you out again then you're golden. If he's just like "hey, what's up". "oh that's cool, well I gotta go, l8r". And never txts again, then you just got blown off. If he txt's you like a month or two later, then "business" must be slack if you catch my drift. I know it sounds bad, but women do it too.

[LadyHatake]

Yeah, that's a problem I've been having lately :/ I was seeing a guy until recently, and it's been on and off but I think it's completely fizzled out now, because we just don't talk or text anymore :/ It sucks, because we used to have a lot of fun.

[Ascension]

take in to account that you are in college. The world of superficial relationships. I would give it time, and he'll eventually come back around.

[Matthew]

Hey guys!!

Didn't have a chance to go online. Been busy helping grade 12 students! hehe.
Yeah i think i may go with a tux! Thanks to whoever responded!!

[redcometfm]

Ascension, I would think High School is the time of superficial relationships, not college. At least not after two years of college. Many find last serious relations during this time.

[Ascension]

I do agree with you about the last year or two in college. A lot of people start to look for that "significant other" during this time, but that hasn't been the case in my experience.

College is huge, and you meet new people every day. Especially when I lived on campus, my routine never changed as far as attending classes, but I never saw the same person twice in one week. If you're a crowd hopper like me, you can never stay in one place for too long. Most people I know who are in relationship don't make it past the 3-5 month mark, and the reason for that is there is no loyalty amongst young people. Also take into consideration that this is a time people start to come out of their "shells", and most have never been on their own up until this point. I will say the chances of you meeting someone with good chemistry is high, but I attend a school where the ratio of women to men is 10:1, and with a school of over 10,000....yeah

[redcometfm]

Perfectly understandable. But thats why I dont bother with bullshit relationships because those are the ones that dont last long or fail, where people get together just to get together or dont connect more than they should or in that deep/deeper way.
[hr]
Anyone been in that situation where they have a good friend whos gay/lesbian but you get on so well and you feel like theres something there (with good reason of course) but youre just not sure about it or what to do?

[baboysai]

Question: Why do girls not call guys? Like when you both know you want to get together or the girl says theyll call (with sincerity and genuineness) but dont?

oh well that never happened to me. Coz i never tell the guy I'd call. it'd make me sound "too interested" or too eager or something. I can sometimes text, but all with just subtle hints or teases. :p



Anyone been in that situation where they have a good friend whos gay/lesbian but you get on so well and you feel like theres something there (with good reason of course) but youre just not sure about it or what to do?

nope. But I know some people who had relationships with supposed straight people who turned out to be otherwise after they broke up. yikes. It's like "am I the reason he decided to go gay?" and stuff like that.

[bean]

you can't turn someone gay...they were probably in denial during the relaitonship, or just trying to hide it. It's hardly a choice. Maybe for a few, yeah (doubt it), but it's like deciding to be black...either you are or you aren't.

[The Flash]

I second Bean here. He has a very valid point here.

[redcometfm]

In my situation, its a girl. Im kinda lost as to what to do.

[bean]

tread lightly...imagine if one of your guy friends was gay and felt the same things towards you...what would you expect him to do? If something is going to happen, best to let her make the first move.

[baboysai]

you know redcomet, all I'm saying is, once you turn gay you're gay all the way. I mean sure, they might try the opposite sex from time to time, but they'll always revert to what they were, you can't change it. So if ever you feel something might be going on between you, that could be possible, but don't expect much out of the relationship because she won't last with you.

[redcometfm]

I understand, and Im kinda of not but at the same time our own personal situations mirror each other in the desire for something of substance but we also acknowledge that we mutually wouldnt mind some quick with someone. I dunno, I kind of saw it when she was drunk (normally shes very reserved) and she remembered everything we talked about when we hung out next so I dunno...and shes not the kind to make the first move no matter what the situation since its kind of like IF I choose to do something Im stuck with making the first move. Then again if Im going to do something, itd have to be a while from now because its definetly too soon right now.
Im absolutely happy staying friends with her because shes so cool and I consider her a close friend but the same time I cant help being taunted by that notion when I feel like Ive got those vibes.

[The Flash]

^^
Redcommet - that's where you say, 'life is sometimes a bitch'. Things never usually go your way, unfortunately.

Anyway, I wish the best of luck for you and your friend. Well hoping the best for you mostly. Sucks knowing that you have some great chemistry with someone, but finally realizing that someone you so deeplly admire is not straight.

What can you say: life is a bitch. You just need to move on bud.

[redcometfm]

Hmm....Youre right, Flash. I guess I should just let go. If something happens one night, whatever, if not then oh well.

Im curious if anyones got a story like this that went the other way with something actually happening.

[goldb]

nah sorry ain't got that kinda story redcom, but i feel for you. not tryna ignore your post oranything but i kinda need some advice, I may not be able to get back to you guys straight away but here it is:

From November to April I was going out with this girl who is 2 years younger than me; I'm 20 and 2nd year in uni and she's 18 and passing her A-levels in college. We met at work and she is very attractive and we spoke and texted for about a month til we started goin out in November. Things were amazing with her, she's smart, attractive, funny, knows how to have fun, and really understands what I'm saying and we can really talk about things.

She has this "no sex before marriage" thing, but that never really bothered me cos that's not what i was into the relationship for; she's a virgin of course. her family don't want her to date; her parents say it's not worth dating at her age and her 2 sisters don't like me(they've never met me...).

Here we go...we broke up the 1st time in march cos she said she spoke to her mum and realised that our relationship was taking a toll on her life; she was constantly late to school as we spoke a lot late nights and she had to sneak around a lot to hide her relationship from her family and also she has her exams in June and feels that she can't prioritise between me and her studies ( though I've never asked her to) she feels it wouldn't be fair on me to be 3rd in her life (family, school, boys, etc..) we got back together about a week after that when she came to my house and I told her that if it's about her school and everything that those things can be sorted out and we shouldn't think too much into it.

2nd time we broke up was the worst day of my life( it was on the way to work as well since we work together :() Because she's moving to a different city for Uni next year she doesn't see the point in being together, she says she's losing her friends because of the time we spend together and doesn't like lying to her parents even though they now knew we were together but just didn't accept the fact that we saw each other on school days, etc...Also she has her exams coming up and doesn't know if she'll see me a lot during the coming month. I was really hurt as you can imagine, I don't think I loved her but I didn't want to lose someone who made me that happy without trying everything possible.

so about a week afterwards she calls my brother and asks him to tell me to call her because she missed me and thought i was mad at her and wanted to meet me, so i met her at the library where she was studying with her friends and after they left we spent some time together and we made out for a bit and i thought things were looking up, so I went to get advice about everything she was worried about and tried to get solutions.

I really don't think that the situation is as complicated as she puts it what I suggested was the following;
- we would see each for her exams and only meet at the library or occassionally at my house but i would her revise at the same time.
-for moving to another city i said it would be hard but i'm willing to give it a go if she wants because long distance relationships aren't impossible plus next year i would have a lot of indepedant study time from my 3rd year and would be able to visit her nearly every week or 2 but that it woulld only work if she believes.
- for her family i told her that if her family disagree then that's their decision, im not asking her to put me ahead of them but just remember how happy i make her and stand by that when she tells her parents that she still has a boyfriend and that she should be able to make her decisions herself and live with the mistakes and consequences.
- for her friends i told her she could see them anytime but don't really know about that, since that's more her thing than mine.

In all she says she wants to stay friends and I'm trying right now but I miss her so much, not the physical side to the realtionship but just talking to her intimately and that's gone now but i really do want her back, I wouldn't do anything to get her back but I she's worth a lot to me.

she also said she doesn't really want a boyfriend right now, and that when she made plans for her future she was single and that she's not really willing to change that to include me. She says she wants to enjoy the student life next year and that she feels she won't have a lot of time for me...But i feel like she means she wants to be single so she can meet other people next year...am i reading too much into this??

She's agreed to meet me tomorrow at my house, so any advice, I feel like I can't keep talking to her about this...it's so gay and long.

any adivce? and sorry for making you read all this, i've ran out of thoughts I can't get trough to her, I feel like she's moved on already...should i do the same(very reluctant)

[baboysai]

What can you say: life is a bitch. You just need to move on bud.

Oh I'd have a different line to that. "Life's a bitch but you love her anyway" :XD



@goldb,

I think that girl and I are similar. :o We just wanna be free. I mean, sure she likes you (loves you perhaps) and all, you make her happy etc. But her priority is herself, her achievements and her life. That's all there is to it.

[bean]

nah sorry ain't got that kinda story redcom, but i feel for you. not tryna ignore your post oranything but i kinda need some advice, I may not be able to get back to you guys straight away but here it is:

From November to April I was going out with this girl who is 2 years younger than me; I'm 20 and 2nd year in uni and she's 18 and passing her A-levels in college. We met at work and she is very attractive and we spoke and texted for about a month til we started goin out in November. Things were amazing with her, she's smart, attractive, funny, knows how to have fun, and really understands what I'm saying and we can really talk about things.

She has this "no sex before marriage" thing, but that never really bothered me cos that's not what i was into the relationship for; she's a virgin of course. her family don't want her to date; her parents say it's not worth dating at her age and her 2 sisters don't like me(they've never met me...).

Here we go...we broke up the 1st time in march cos she said she spoke to her mum and realised that our relationship was taking a toll on her life; she was constantly late to school as we spoke a lot late nights and she had to sneak around a lot to hide her relationship from her family and also she has her exams in June and feels that she can't prioritise between me and her studies ( though I've never asked her to) she feels it wouldn't be fair on me to be 3rd in her life (family, school, boys, etc..) we got back together about a week after that when she came to my house and I told her that if it's about her school and everything that those things can be sorted out and we shouldn't think too much into it.

2nd time we broke up was the worst day of my life( it was on the way to work as well since we work together :() Because she's moving to a different city for Uni next year she doesn't see the point in being together, she says she's losing her friends because of the time we spend together and doesn't like lying to her parents even though they now knew we were together but just didn't accept the fact that we saw each other on school days, etc...Also she has her exams coming up and doesn't know if she'll see me a lot during the coming month. I was really hurt as you can imagine, I don't think I loved her but I didn't want to lose someone who made me that happy without trying everything possible.

so about a week afterwards she calls my brother and asks him to tell me to call her because she missed me and thought i was mad at her and wanted to meet me, so i met her at the library where she was studying with her friends and after they left we spent some time together and we made out for a bit and i thought things were looking up, so I went to get advice about everything she was worried about and tried to get solutions.

I really don't think that the situation is as complicated as she puts it what I suggested was the following;
- we would see each for her exams and only meet at the library or occassionally at my house but i would her revise at the same time.
-for moving to another city i said it would be hard but i'm willing to give it a go if she wants because long distance relationships aren't impossible plus next year i would have a lot of indepedant study time from my 3rd year and would be able to visit her nearly every week or 2 but that it woulld only work if she believes.
- for her family i told her that if her family disagree then that's their decision, im not asking her to put me ahead of them but just remember how happy i make her and stand by that when she tells her parents that she still has a boyfriend and that she should be able to make her decisions herself and live with the mistakes and consequences.
- for her friends i told her she could see them anytime but don't really know about that, since that's more her thing than mine.

In all she says she wants to stay friends and I'm trying right now but I miss her so much, not the physical side to the realtionship but just talking to her intimately and that's gone now but i really do want her back, I wouldn't do anything to get her back but I she's worth a lot to me.

she also said she doesn't really want a boyfriend right now, and that when she made plans for her future she was single and that she's not really willing to change that to include me. She says she wants to enjoy the student life next year and that she feels she won't have a lot of time for me...But i feel like she means she wants to be single so she can meet other people next year...am i reading too much into this??

She's agreed to meet me tomorrow at my house, so any advice, I feel like I can't keep talking to her about this...it's so gay and long.

any adivce? and sorry for making you read all this, i've ran out of thoughts I can't get trough to her, I feel like she's moved on already...should i do the same(very reluctant)
I'm going to be honest and realistic with you, so don't take this as me being harsh but...

it sounds to me like you're being a bit selfish, but that's understandable because you like the girl. But at the same time, you saying she's not worth the hassle (reading into your words "I wouldn't do anything...") it seems to me like you don't really care. I dunno, but one of my uncles gave me great advice that really hit a chord with me. He said, "Don't worry about it, a good bitch always comes back." Now that might sound inappropriate and vulgar, but he was talking about a dog that ran away. The advice is sound though, and fits. If she's worth it, let her go so she can do her own thing, and maybe she'll come back. If she doesn't, then you've saved yourself some trouble, even if it hurts at first. But she's young, you're young...going to college/a university tied to someone robs you of experiences that are needed. Of course she wants to go to college untethered so she can meet people...what's wrong with that? It would be unfair to her to ask her otherwise. Either way, the person you know now will not be the same person a year from now, more so 4 years from now after she's gone through college. Best you can do is say, "look, I like you a lot, but obviously something is wrong here. I'd rather you get your shit together and are happy with your life than causing all this chaos and being happy with me." Like I said, you guys are young, so if this relationship is straining her future, and her current life, I think if would be big of you to step away and let her figure her own way. Let her know you like her and that you'll be there for her (not always of course, but for now at least) but that you want what's best for her, whatever she feels that may be.

[redcometfm]

Goldb

I totally feel for you situation. I have some ideas for you to consider:

A) Spend less time with her. IE have that once or twice a week time where you both get together and do stuff and it gives you both enough of a break to let her do her things with family and friends and studies AND it gives you a whole lot more to talk about during those special times you do meet let alone the pressure it relieves. Nothing brings down a relationship more than over-exposure.

B) Following the theme of giving her space, dont bombard her with attention even when shes gone and you miss her. Keep it casual but sweet when you do talk to her. By limiting the attention you give her, it makes her miss/crave you and shell either call you OR youll be able to tell how much she misses you when you talk on the phone or see each other :)

C) And that last bit about her wanting to be single and such. CALL HER BLUFF. If she really means that, then let go enough to go talk to others/not give her as much attention. Maybe even mention you talking to another female friend and how fun it was but slyly ("Whatve you been up to?" - Girl "Oh not much, hung out with my friend Rachel the other, we had alot of fun. Howve you been doing?" - You). Slick like that. What youre doing is essentially flipping the table on her, and not letting her determine you because if you show she has that power, shes gonna be bored or moved on or whatever other random illogical bitch thing some girls do sometimes. This act is YOU TAKING CONTROL OF IT and spinning it for your own benefit. I understand you really like this girl, but dont be afraid to keep some options open if she decides to become stupid/not worth it.
However, this is something that (possibly depending on how its done...or not) that may have the opposite effect and piss the girl off BUT Ill let BABOYSAI help me out here and give her opinion of this last point of mine so bb correct me if Im wrong, or anything girls here on MH too.

[baboysai]

I totally agree with bean on this one. like everything I meant to say, he said. although I disagree with goldb being selfish and all. You're not selfish for thinking that, and worrying about it, etc. etc. I think you tried to understand her throughout the whole thing, except that you didn't get her too much because you both may have had good times together and you can't understand why she'd want to break away that much.

But there you have it, I actually think she was smart to realize that you are both still very young. If it happens, it happens, they say.

we have a saying here in the Philippines: Kung tayo, tayo talaga. Which translates to If we're meant to be, then it has to be. Or something like that. No matter how far apart you are, or if you break off a lot of times, if you're meant to be then you'll end up together. If not, like bean says, you saved yourself a lot of trouble. :)

I disagree with redcomet on the last part. It's not a bluff, and it might even have taken her a lot of courage to break it off if she loved him that much. Judging from their relationship, and the depth of the problem goldb is making out of it, I don't think this is a mere power struggle between the couple. It's one of the real deal, make or break things.

[goldb]

thanks guys for all the advice, i'll put it into practice. i'm gonna tell her that i like her and that i'll be there for her like you said bean but not forever, give her some space to live her life how shes wants and if it's meant to be then it'll be. it'll hurt alot but that's life...

thanks again for all the advice guys!!!
[hr]
Alright so I've spoken to her and told her how I felt and all. I told her that I'll always be here for her and she's very dear to me but I can't wait for her cos it's not healthy.
I told her i hope she comes back to me one day but for now she's free to do her own thing that she should enjoy her life, college, uni and everything and that if she's needs anything she knows how to reach me and where to find me, and now I don't wanna talk it bout that with her anymore, cos it feels like i'm the only there and it's a waste of both our times. she then said she was unsure about her future but she knew she wanted that uni life and all, so i told her even so all i ever wanted to her from was something along these line.." i dunno what my future is but i know that i want you and that everything else we can sort it together..." so i then said my goodbyes and hung up the phone.

Now i'm not calling her, msging her or anything, it's not being mean but i'm trying to make my distance if friends is all i can be then i need to get used to not seeing her and talking to her....moving on....

[blai]

Shit gold, that's a hard thing to do.
You know what they say about love, if she comes back after you've let her go, she's worth having, if not, you only wasted time wishing.

It'll take a while but you will get used to it, when you have, contact her again and hang out casually as friends. I think you both would like it, when the tension is gone.

[bean]

ok guys and gals, I have a problem. Long story short, my cousin has this friend who obviously has a thing for me. I'm not attracted to her in the least (without being mean, I'm a really shallow person...). I'm really close to my cousin and I hang out a lot with her, so I see this friend all the time. In a couple of weeks my cousin and I are going on a road trip and I just found out she's going too. I can tell my cousin is pushing for something because she keeps reminding me that this friend is going. I have a bad habit of not being very, um, what's the word...tactful. Girls, what should I expect and how should I react? Like, I've hung out with her many times before for a few hours at most, but never locked up in a car for hours and then pretty much spent the weekend together...My main concern is that I don't want to sour my relationship with my cousin. I mean, we're family and we have an unspoken rule that we don't hold a grudge towards one another, but I don't want it to get awkward because of this girl. Does that make sense?

[goldb]

Shit gold, that's a hard thing to do.
You know what they say about love, if she comes back after you've let her go, she's worth having, if not, you only wasted time wishing.

It'll take a while but you will get used to it, when you have, contact her again and hang out casually as friends. I think you both would like it, when the tension is gone.

the thing is she's moving to another city in the summer for uni, and she's going away for the summer with her friends for about 2 weeks after she finishes her exams. But like I told he, if she wants to talk 2 me she knows where I am. but i doubt she will, cos she really wants to move on from that so I'm gonna give her some space and do my thing.

@ bean: well don't be all stressed out and become visibly weird in front of her. Just act as if you don't know anything and go with them and see what's what. You never know, something great might happen whilst you're there and you could end up seeing her in a different light?:amuse

If not and she tries to make a move on you then just let her down easy, or if you don't wanna hurt her feelings, just casually put it into the conversation that you're not looking for anyone right now. Sound good? I'm gona let the forum girls give their advice, baboy!!! you're up!

[Entwined Destiny]

I need advice on how to get a guy to notice me. I see him all the time and he never sees me it's like i'm invisible:sweatdrop:sbunny

[redcometfm]

Ask him what time it is. Lame, but it works. Then start a conversation if he doesnt.

[nat]

Start by checking if he has a GF first, you don't want to end up heartbroken :p


Then I would say go out more where he goes, make your self visible and send signals. If he doesn't answer then maybe he's not interested.....

[Forever_Melody]

I always wondered, do people straight up ask if someone is single or do they use some sneaky method to do it? :blink

I mean, this one guy once kinda twisted the conversation to a point where it came up I think to prom and he managed to ask me i I went with my bf to which I had o reply I didn't have >.> Oh sneaky sneaky lol :p

[goldb]

I always wondered, do people straight up ask if someone is single or do they use some sneaky method to do it? :blink


Well, I mostly try to slip it into the conversation cos I don't wanna make it seem as if that's the only reason I was talking to them. But I know recently when I went clubbing in London I was just talking to some girl and asked her straight up without beating around the bush:amuse

[Forever_Melody]

Well, I mostly try to slip it into the conversation cos I don't wanna make it seem as if that's the only reason I was talking to them.
IS it the only reason you talk to them though? :o I've never really understood that mentality. I mean, people are interesting to get to know, regardless of their marital status O_o


But I know recently when I went clubbing in London I was just talking to some girl and asked her straight up without beating around the bush:amuse

Well arguably in a club, people meet each other so it's a bit more or less on the list of "things that probably can happen" when being asked their status lol :p

[goldb]

IS it the only reason you talk to them though? :o I've never really understood that mentality. I mean, people are interesting to get to know, regardless of their marital status O_o

Well not really, I just like talking to girls anyhow :p, then if the conversation goes towards that side then i'll ask, if not then I won't. Incidentally I never did ask my ex if she had a boyfriend the whole time I was "courting" her before we went out, it didn't even cross my mind... so I hope that answers it.


Well arguably in a club, people meet each other so it's a bit more or less on the list of "things that probably can happen" when being asked their status lol :p

Yeah in a club it's quite rushed, so i tend to just ask the basic questions and get their number and talk properly afterwards.

[blai]

I always wondered, do people straight up ask if someone is single or do they use some sneaky method to do it? :blink

I mean, this one guy once kinda twisted the conversation to a point where it came up I think to prom and he managed to ask me i I went with my bf to which I had O reply I didn't have >.> Oh sneaky sneaky lol :p

Sneaky! That's how we do it!

Nah but usually when I ask it totally depends on what kind of personality she has but mostly it's just something I "sneak into" or y'know just say in passing as if it weren't a big deal.
But sometimes I know that girls've been both like talking "uuh it sucks to have a bf, I'm happy I'm single blabla.. btw are you single?" and I'm like "uhm yeah" and then a week later she asks me out like out of the blue, but also asking straight out or (classic) asking the question "You have a girlfriend right?" as the 2nd or 3rd sentence they speak... ( I can sooo not see her motives >,<)



I need advice on how to get a guy to notice me. I see him all the time and he never sees me it's like i'm invisible:sweatdrop:sbunny


Do you have the same classes like him? Or do you see him on breaks and stuff? b/c if you have the same classes it's a lot easier to make him notice you... If not you can always do what've already been said here, ask what time it is, if you're in the same class ask what's next on the schedule and stuff, make small talk... Guys like girls who just steps up to them and starts to take some initiative.

Like, do you two share anything? e.g. classes, same way home, sports or something?

[redcometfm]

I dont get it, I started sorta seeing this one girl, we get along amazingly well and have so much in common, I dont do anything weird or wrong and dont push things too fast, after getting together a few times Im not getting any returned calls (and I havent been overwhelming her with attention either, again playing it nice and easy for what equates to a couple of dates). I just dont get it :/ Ideas anyone? (Ladies?)

[Grizz]

Talking to girls isn't something which is hard, i usually just pretend am not into a girl, so therefore they can come to me instead of me spending weeks chasign after them... when it comes having a convo with a gril... jeez u need to relax man, and especially DON'T talk about things which she won't be interested in, and always pretend to find whatever they say interesting.

[LadyHatake]

I dont get it, I started sorta seeing this one girl, we get along amazingly well and have so much in common, I dont do anything weird or wrong and dont push things too fast, after getting together a few times Im not getting any returned calls (and I havent been overwhelming her with attention either, again playing it nice and easy for what equates to a couple of dates). I just dont get it :/ Ideas anyone? (Ladies?)

I'm known for being terrible about not returning calls/texts >__>; So I tell guys ahead of time not to expect too much from me there, mostly because I don't check my phone often xD So either she's the same way or maybe she's not sure with the relationship. Are you sure nothing's come up lately and distracted her?

And sorry, Grizz, but I totally disagree with you. Don't EVER just "pretend" to be interested in what a girl is talking about, because if you don't actually care to listen to her then you may as well not even bother with any kind of relationship. Obviously the relationship's worth nothing and you aren't truly into her if you have to force yourself to fake interest in what she's saying. I'd rather have a man tell me that we don't have anything in common at the beginning, than to find out later on he'd only been feigning interest when I talked during our entire relationship :/

[goldb]

I agree with Lady H about the whole pretend stuff Grizz, don't ever pretend to be interested in what they're saying, listen because you find what they're saying interesting. When I talk to girls I'm always myself, I don't try to be pretentious or nothing like that, if they don't like me for who I truly am then that's their own problems and not mine.

@redcomet: Like LadyH said, maybe she's got something going on or what? If it's been weeks and whatever and you still haven't heard from her then call her up and see what's up...you never know. If she's like "yeah i've been busy.." without elaborating then forget about it imo. Just tell her you haven't heard from her in a while....what's up???

[redcometfm]

Well I know shes been going back and forth between here and her home (2 hrs away) usually staying at one place for a few days or so. Summer Classes start tomorrow so Im assuming shell be back now. I dunno. If I dont hear from her in about a week and a half from when I called her, Ill see whats up. If not, I got a new number at the Gym today (totally hot asian girl) so its not all lost.
Though, Ill be honest, I really would prefer that it worked out with this girl, Ive never had so much in common with a girl before and I dont want to let it slip away.

[goldb]

Yeah you do that, if you want something always do all you can to get it; then if it don't have it, you'll know it's not for lack of trying;D

All this relationship stuff is getting me down...I feel like I keep seeing her name and something that reminds me of her everyday and everywhere....I'm trying to move on but I just wanna stop thinking bout her completly but it's not happening; this is why i don't do relationships!!!

[bean]

red, don't take this the wrong way, but from what I've learned from your posts (and not just recent ones) is that you're a bit intense. Every time I see a post from you about a girl it's as if this girl is the one...and I'm assuming they've all been different girls. I remember a while back you were asking about an internet relationship you had that you wanted the girl to "wake up and be aggressive" about it. You even jumped down my throat when I told you that it probably wouldn't work out...even called me a prick (just curious, how did that relationship turn out?).

Maybe this girl sensed that in you even though you claimed you hadn't really been. Maybe she felt you were clingy and a bit desperate and was turned off. I would suggest you just play it cool and if you were the last one to attempt contact, then that's it...you gotta wait for her to respond. You can try to contact her again if you want to see what's up, but then again you might come off clingy and desperate.

[Marq]

Yeah you do that, if you want something always do all you can to get it; then if it don't have it, you'll know it's not for lack of trying;D

All this relationship stuff is getting me down...I feel like I keep seeing her name and something that reminds me of her everyday and everywhere....I'm trying to move on but I just wanna stop thinking bout her completly but it's not happening; this is why i don't do relationships!!!

Dude it happens, happen to me before I knew my GF (been broken up for her for a while)

I will say this, and my best friend told me. It's almost impossible to stop thinking bout that one person you like. Now the thing is it doesn't have to be unhealthy. You obviously have a bond with this person, and this person has a bond with you and you are connected in a special way. Eventually you want to know how this person is doing, etc It's okay to check up and say hi once in a while.

I will admit right now, I've been in your shoes. I had to gulp down, and take it in when my friend when out with the girl I liked. It was painful at first but eventually it subsided. Of course she broke up with him (nothing that caused hatered toward each others) because of the whole her going to another college for 3 years and a long distant relationship isn't going to work.

Now you can say, see it works for you because she broke up etc, and it's not as painful. I say this, I liked this girl, and they were going out for like 3 months. Sure that might've been short etc, but it was painful, but at the same time. I man up. I did something guys hate doing and that was being the central part of that relationship. It sucked but I came thru out.

I've broken up with my girlfriend because she feels i wasn't acting like a boyfriend and how come I didn't see her etc and we broke off. I mean it took me at least a day to get back on my feet, but I manage to do well. Of course I don't talk her to anymore (things kinda got real sour quick) but at the same time, all I have to say this I would consier it something to keep with. It's not bad as you think.

And as for the names, believe me I use to have that shit happen to me all the time, and ya know it doesn't mean you are going crazy if something reminds you of her etc, that's normal.

Just don't go stalking. Now that would be considered borderline crazy.:p

Anyways I hope you take what I said, and don't view this as a bad thing, it's just how it goes.

Liking someone can do that to ya.

As for me though, I'm staying single. Much as I would like to get in a relationship again, etc. I'm more focused on Cal Arts as of now. Would be nice if I got with my friend, but i"m not hoping, if it happens, it happens. IF not oh well, just got to keep on going. Easier said then done, but it can be done.

[goldb]

Dude it happens, happen to me before I knew my GF (been broken up for her for a while)

I will say this, and my best friend told me. It's almost impossible to stop thinking bout that one person you like. Now the thing is it doesn't have to be unhealthy. You obviously have a bond with this person, and this person has a bond with you and you are connected in a special way. Eventually you want to know how this person is doing, etc It's okay to check up and say hi once in a while.

I will admit right now, I've been in your shoes. I had to gulp down, and take it in when my friend when out with the girl I liked. It was painful at first but eventually it subsided. Of course she broke up with him (nothing that caused hatered toward each others) because of the whole her going to another college for 3 years and a long distant relationship isn't going to work.

Now you can say, Alejandro see it works for you because she broke up etc, and it's not as painful. I say this, I liked this girl, and they were going out for like 3 months. Sure that might've been short etc, but it was painful, but at the same time. I man up. I did something guys hate doing and that was being the central part of that relationship. It sucked but I came thru out.

I've broken up with my girlfriend because she feels i wasn't acting like a boyfriend and how come I didn't see her etc and we broke off. I mean it took me at least a day to get back on my feet, but I manage to do well. Of course I don't talk her to anymore (things kinda got real sour quick) but at the same time, all I have to say this I would consier it something to keep with. It's not bad as you think.

And as for the names, believe me I use to have that shit happen to me all the time, and ya know it doesn't mean you are going crazy if something reminds you of her etc, that's normal.

Just don't go stalking. Now that would be considered borderline crazy.:p

Anyways I hope you take what I said, and don't view this as a bad thing, it's just how it goes.

Liking someone can do that to ya.

As for me though, I'm staying single. Much as I would like to get in a relationship again, etc. I'm more focused on Cal Arts as of now. Would be nice if I got with my friend, but i"m not hoping, if it happens, it happens. IF not oh well, just got to keep on going. Easier said then done, but it can be done.

Thanks a lot for the words of encouragement, it's always good to hear from someone who's experienced the same kinda thing( albeit you broke up with her):s. I guess I can TRY be friends with her and maybe who knows...we could see that being friends is actually better for us...

But in all,I reckon after she moves away for uni, I probably won't see her for a long while...cos what she said to me was " I just wanna move away and move on, forget about Birmingham(that's where I live) and leave all these people behind..." But I hope she doesn't include me in all "these people"...It is getting easier to live with it/without her, but when you get to thinking...you get to feeling

[Marq]

just to clarify. It was a mutal thing so it's not like I went.. yeah not working and bam break up, we both felt this way. There were some thing wrongs, and one of them was lack of communication, etc.

Still I see what you mean, all I have to say is just keep on going. Although I do see the concern about the people, I feel some feel like they need to explore the world or need to move out of the city. Could be she wants to experience something new etc.

It's better to a be a friend then to blow it all off. Forget that "friend zone" shit macho crap you see on the forums (I know they point out that shit) It's better to have a friendship then having nothing at all.

[goldb]

just to clarify. It was a mutal thing so it's not like I went.. yeah not working and bam break up, we both felt this way. There were some thing wrongs, and one of them was lack of communication, etc.

oh ok, my bad...:p


Still I see what you mean, all I have to say is just keep on going. Although I do see the concern about the people, I feel some feel like they need to explore the world or need to move out of the city. Could be she wants to experience something new etc.

Yeah she said she wants to experience the whole student life, and wants to do it alone; as she feels if we're together...we won't see each other enough or if it's me that's coming there to visit( as I proposed since in my 3rd year I'll have a lot of independant study time and all I have to do is bring my work up there) it'll be too much as she feels like she HAS to spend time with me. After hearing all the different versions and reasons she was giving, I stopped trying, cos reallistically if she really thought what we had was worth it, she wouldn't have come to that conclusion...so her mind is made up and I can't change it, though I've shown her it's not impossible but hard to have both. So there you go....



It's better to a be a friend then to blow it all off. Forget that "friend zone" shit macho crap you see on the forums (I know they point out that shit) It's better to have a friendship then having nothing at all.

Yeah I know that, I don't want to lose her...She's bought so much into my life that I can't see how I cannot know her, do you get what I'm saying? It's hard to adjust from girlfriend to friend cos of the intense feelings you have to put aside that's all but I can't lose her. My mind is still thinking that I don't want her to be with anyone else, just me...and I'd love for her to be with me one day...after she gets her life together( there were quite a few issues...read my essay a couple of posts back on this page I think...) but I know it was hard dealing with everything, all I wanted to do was make it to the summer cos after that I knew it would have been fine cos she wouldnt have school or her parents wouldn't bother her anymore, so we would have been able to spend all our time together and properly sort out our future.

[Grizz]

I agree with Lady H about the whole pretend stuff Grizz, don't ever pretend to be interested in what they're saying, listen because you find what they're saying interesting. When I talk to girls I'm always myself, I don't try to be pretentious or nothing like that, if they don't like me for who I truly am then that's their own problems and not mine.

@redcomet: Like LadyH said, maybe she's got something going on or what? If it's been weeks and whatever and you still haven't heard from her then call her up and see what's up...you never know. If she's like "yeah i've been busy.." without elaborating then forget about it imo. Just tell her you haven't heard from her in a while....what's up???



When i talk to girls i don't pretend.. i was just saying that sometimes when the topic isn't all that interesting and your bored, you must at least pretend as if your still enjoying the conversation..... its best to talk to a girl while being yourself, there isnt any point if your pretending on being someone else right..... like i know this girl, its like whenever i see her, she's always smillign at me, and am always wondering whether she likes me or sumtin, so last week friday i decided to to bottle up my pride and chat to her.... we started talking... and then all the sudden this guy comes to ask her something and then she just walks off with him. what's that about??? and then this morning i saw her, and she's bare smilling at me, i'm thinking like what da hell??
[hr]

oh ok, my bad...:p



Yeah she said she wants to experience the whole student life, and wants to do it alone; as she feels if we're together...we won't see each other enough or if it's me that's coming there to visit( as I proposed since in my 3rd year I'll have a lot of independant study time and all I have to do is bring my work up there) it'll be too much as she feels like she HAS to spend time with me. After hearing all the different versions and reasons she was giving, I stopped trying, cos reallistically if she really thought what we had was worth it, she wouldn't have come to that conclusion...so her mind is made up and I can't change it, though I've shown her it's not impossible but hard to have both. So there you go....



Yeah I know that, I don't want to lose her...She's bought so much into my life that I can't see how I cannot know her, do you get what I'm saying? It's hard to adjust from girlfriend to friend cos of the intense feelings you have to put aside that's all but I can't lose her. My mind is still thinking that I don't want her to be with anyone else, just me...and I'd love for her to be with me one day...after she gets her life together( there were quite a few issues...read my essay a couple of posts back on this page I think...) but I know it was hard dealing with everything, all I wanted to do was make it to the summer cos after that I knew it would have been fine cos she wouldnt have school or her parents wouldn't bother her anymore, so we would have been able to spend all our time together and properly sort out our future.



Well obviously, it's always hard to adjust from Girlfriend to Friend, because you were able to do certain things when you were together, but now when you see her it's gona a bit weird cause you have to switch back to that friend thing. Well have you at least told her how you feel?? or has she already transferred you into that "Friend Zone"??? I don't get it, if she knew she was University why did she decide to be with you in the frst place?? i can guaranty you that she wanted to break your heart already, if she did really are about you, then she would have waited maybe until the summer until she broke up with you, she showed false feelings man...

I know what your going through.... i went out with this girl... trust me she was the devil in person.. at first she cared a lot bout me and so did i, but then after a while things just got a bit too much for her and she started doing sumb things.... some girls just can't be trusted.

[goldb]

When i talk to girls i don't pretend.. i was just saying that sometimes when the topic isn't all that interesting and your bored, you must at least pretend as if your still enjoying the conversation..... its best to talk to a girl while being yourself, there isnt any point if your pretending on being someone else right..... like i know this girl, its like whenever i see her, she's always smillign at me, and am always wondering whether she likes me or sumtin, so last week friday i decided to to bottle up my pride and chat to her.... we started talking... and then all the sudden this guy comes to ask her something and then she just walks off with him. what's that about??? and then this morning i saw her, and she's bare smilling at me, i'm thinking like what da hell??

U bastard!! U kno wot I didn't even know it woz u til I read this post then I realised you're talking about the girl at the bus stop you told me about.

Oooh so you saw her this morning? you should have spoken to her and been like " what's your problem???, leaving me hanging when I'm tryna talk to you..you fine but you ain't all that" then walk away:D

By way, everyone don't be alarmed by the language...Grizz is MY TWIN BROTHER!!!!:darn that's right and he just joined MH this month after much reluctance so show him a good time:p

[Grizz]

U bastard!! U kno wot I didn't even know it woz u til I read this post then I realised you're talking about the girl at the bus stop you told me about.

Oooh so you saw her this morning? you should have spoken to her and been like " what's your problem???, leaving me hanging when I'm tryna talk to you..you fine but you ain't all that" then walk away:D

By way, everyone don't be alarmed by the language...Grizz is MY TWIN BROTHER!!!!:darn that's right and he just joined MH this month after much reluctance so show him a good time:p

Ooooh you finally realised it was me..... you took ur time lol... Nah man not her, this next girl in my college, she's always smilling at me and then finally when i chat to her, some ugly bastard comes to take her away... can u imagine how that feels like??? and then today she was bare smilling at me, i felt like slapping her skin of her face.:mad

Sorry bout the language there

[Marq]

nah man I see what you mean. From what it looks like she's probably going out with that guy, etc. I'm guessing she was giving you signals etc, and you never responded, but eh it happens. From what I've learned, experienced, if there is girl giving you signals etc, that she is interested, it's like a limited window. If you dont' show interest eventually she moves on and goes for somebody.

Now the only ones who wait hella long are just crazy, and probably worship the ground you walk on.. (purely exaggeration but you get my point.)


or it can be completely different. Women are complex sometimes. XD

[Grizz]

nah man I see what you mean. From what it looks like she's probably going out with that guy, etc. I'm guessing she was giving you signals etc, and you never responded, but eh it happens. From what I've learned, experienced, if there is girl giving you signals etc, that she is interested, it's like a limited window. If you dont' show interest eventually she moves on and goes for somebody.

Now the only ones who wait hella long are just crazy, and probably worship the ground you walk on.. (purely exaggeration but you get my point.)


or it can be completely different. Women are complex sometimes. XD


Yeah, thats true..... but girls do have a strange way of showing their interested in a guy.

[blai]

But that goes both ways Grizz, from what I've heard it's common for guys to try and be "mean" to a girl they like, not literally mean but like teasing them and calling them names. In a "joking way"

Never done that myself and doesn't really get the point with it.

[Forever_Melody]

Well different people have different ways of doing things >.>

Some people tease those they're interested in, some show them a lot of attention, some pretend not to be interested...the list goes on and on :p

I say we invent a light over people's heads that goes green when you're interested, and red when you're not. yellow means slow down! :XD

[goldb]

Well different people have different ways of doing things >.>

Some people tease those they're interested in, some show them a lot of attention, some pretend not to be interested...the list goes on and on :p

I say we invent a light over people's heads that goes green when you're interested, and red when you're not. yellow means slow down! :XD

Lol:p that would be great, that way everyone would know exactly what's what and you don't have to bother if you know you're gonna get shut down; all you have to do is then just make eye contact with the girl and if her light is not going green or yellow; you'll know you have no chance.

[blai]

But at the same time, that'd be totally embarrassing... I disapprove, the interesting thing is to make contact and see if she's interesting... but it has become like a game, to see how good looking girls you can attract, it wouldn't be if the only thing you had to do was to look at her and check the light...

[Forever_Melody]

Who said the light would initiate on sight? >_> I personally don't believe everyone knows right away if they're interested in someone or not. I personally am not. I'm really a slow person, it'd take weeks if not months of knowing someone before I can really determined whether or not I'm interested... Hmmmm I wonder if that's the reason I'm still single..... :eyeroll

I just said I'd make a light. maybe it'd take repetitive contact & communication with a person before the light even became visible >.>

[blai]

I'm not a that slow person, it goes fairly quick until i get interested in someone, but it takes a long time for it to develop into something beautiful *looks dreamy at the ceiling*

[Forever_Melody]

Well I suppose it depends on your level and definition of interest. If by interest you mean you'd ask/accept a date, then yes, I suppose I'm fairly quick as well, but if you mean genuine interest in something more, then I'm pretty slow.

I used to be pretty quick to open up though, didn't end up well soooooo.

[goldb]

Well I suppose it depends on your level and definition of interest. If by interest you mean you'd ask/accept a date, then yes, I suppose I'm fairly quick as well, but if you mean genuine interest in something more, then I'm pretty slow.

I used to be pretty quick to open up though, didn't end up well soooooo.

Really? for me it's the reverse..i used to be a closed book but learnt to open up more and share my thoughts and feelings, look where that took me...

[Forever_Melody]

Well it varies from person to person. I'm pretty easy to talk to yes, but to get really deep within my person takes time.

I used to open myself up pretty easily and it backfired bad so I decided I'd be a bit more keen to whom I open myself up to >.>

"Love many, trust a few. Paddle your own canoe."

[blai]

Now that's a great saying.

Fun thing though, i've only told one person that i love her, even though is it as friends and all that. I haven't told anyone else during these 17years that I love him/her. I have a really hard time even telling my parents / siblings that... idk why ;/

Maybe b/c I have a very hard time opening up many girls find me distant and everyone things i'm not attracted to them or that i don't see them and stuff..

[redcometfm]

Anyone else have any insights on my situation?
Im trying to figure if theres something Im just not seeing or...

[Grizz]

Anyone else have any insights on my situation?
Im trying to figure if theres something Im just not seeing or...

What's up with your situation??? whats going on??

[Forever_Melody]

@blai: I've never had problems telling my family I love them. It's really the L kinda love that I have trouble confessing. idk I think I'm over dramatizing what it is.

@red: Well perhaps you should try and see what's going on? I mean, I know bean said maybe you were too intense, but I suppose you should follow up.

[Grizz]

[QUOTE=Blai;1355399]Now that's a great saying.

Fun thing though, i've only told one person that i love her, even though is it as friends and all that. I haven't told anyone else during these 17years that I love him/her. I have a really hard time even telling my parents / siblings that... idk why ;/

Maybe b/c I have a very hard time opening up many girls find me distant and everyone things i'm not attracted to them or that i don't see them and stuff..[/QUOTE

I've only ever been in love once and this was with my last girlfriend.... the first girl i ever loved.. i went out with her since were 16 and we just broke up like a month ago, coz she cheated with my best friend... it took time to heal but no am better than ever.... its weird how girls move on so quick after break ups... she has already gt a man...

Now its hard for me to open up to any girl again..coz am afarod of being hurt like that again.

[Forever_Melody]

Believe me Grizz, I feel you. Ok I'm not a guy,s o I can't really understand you 100%, but I understand the feeling of opening up and having your feelings torn.

I'd say it depends on the person how they deal with breakups. My most recent ex found a girl 3 days after we broke up >.>

I personally don't recover well from those. Been single for over a year and haven't really tried ever since my ex.

[Grizz]

Believe me Grizz, I feel you. Ok I'm not a guy,s o I can't really understand you 100%, but I understand the feeling of opening up and having your feelings torn.

I'd say it depends on the person how they deal with breakups. My most recent ex found a girl 3 days after we broke up >.>

I personally don't recover well from those. Been single for over a year and haven't really tried ever since my ex.

Wow 3 days after you broke up?? are you sure he wasn't with her already, while you two were together??? it's nt that i was feeling torn up or anything its just that even after all those years we were together she never had the guts to tell me that she slept with ma friend... i had to find that out on my own, you can imagine how horrible it must have felt...

[Forever_Melody]

Well I don't want to compare so stories to say who had the worst, so I'll refrain from doing that. I do feel sorry such a bad thing happened to you and honestly, she was kind of dumb for ruining what you had for one night.

And honestly, no he wasn't with her before. It's a complicated story but to sum it up, we weren't physically together anymore at the end of the relationship so yeah, we broke up and he took her in.

[Grizz]

Do you think ur better off without him or does it come at certian moments when you do miss hm??

[Forever_Melody]

Well, I guess in a certain way I miss certain bonds I had with all my exs(even the most horrible of my sob stories). Despite how they all ended, my relationships each brought something good to me in one way or another. You get certain moments, certain feelings that you carry with you. I don't regret any of my past bfs because they shaped me to be who I am today and I might be different had I not met them.

[Grizz]

Neither do, i always think positive cause i believe that everything happenes for a reason... i don't know wht kind of person i would now if i didnt have all those previous relationships you know... i wasn't much into girls before (nt gay lol) but only until i started college, thats when i learnt more about girls. it think i learnt sumtin valuable from each.. even though sometimes they were horrible moments, bt i feel they have really changed and i have als found out certain things about myself which i didnt think i would ever find... so i dont regret any of my past relationships... even though sometimes you just wish you could have someone to keep you company....

[bean]

we're telling sob stories now? this one chick I was really into, like in love, we broke up a few days before my birthday then I found out she got mono soon after...We hung out a few months for the first time after the break up and she told me, even though I already knew, and then she tried to joke around about it. I must have given her the meanest look of disgust because she blushed crimson and looked down. I even threw in a "that's not funny," to get my disappointment (anger?) across.

[Grizz]

You must feel quite pissed still, especially being on your birthday as well.... you were in love with her or did u think you were??... i would have slapped her just for taking too long on telling me that she got mono and also for thinking it was funny..but have you seen her since then???

Bean: Were nt telling sob stories lol

[bean]

You must feel quite pissed still, especially being on your birthday as well.... you were in love with her or did u think you were??... i would have slapped her just for taking too long on telling me that she got mono and also for thinking it was funny..but have you seen her since then???

Bean: Were nt telling sob stories lol
well, first, my birthday is cursed. I know it and have accepted it, so I didn't care that we broke up around my birthday. I even did the breaking up, technically, but that's beside the point. She got mono within a month after that, so it wasn't during the relationship...but that's also irrelevant...still hurt (if you ask me). I want to say I was in love, but I don't know. I know at the time I would have said I definitely was, but how does one know? She told me like 3-4 months later, after we hadn't seen each other after the break up, so I didn't care that she hadn't told me til then...I wouldn't have cared if she told me or not...I still knew. Her joking about it really pissed me off though (kinda glad she got it...seems almost divine, like she deserved it, but that's me being mean, that's me trying to make me feel better about what happen). I saw her again once soon after that, but not to make the story any longer, she did something that really soured me (I'll tell you in detail if you really want to know, but it's stupid/boring/childish) so I haven't talked to her since. Been a few years now. I'm very immature, but that has nothing to do with it.

[Grizz]

So your first birthday was cursed because of what?? Her getting mono within a month probably mean that she just wanted to release some steam and thought you werent the right person to release it with lol just kiddin... but seriously that's still hurts even though you werent with her at the time, i knw hw it feels to be stabbed on the back. if you werent sure that you loved her , then it must have just been a really big crush you had on her bt am almost certain that it wasnt love.

why do you think it took her so long to admit to you she got mono? do you think she got scared of how you were going to react towards her if she had told you? deep down you wish it was you she gt mono with right ???? so tell me what happened when you last saw her again?? what did you this time, dont worry ive got time to liseten, pour your heart out bruv :):):):):)

[bean]

So your first birthday was cursed because of what?? Her getting mono within a month probably mean that she just wanted to release some steam and thought you werent the right person to release it with lol just kiddin... but seriously that's still hurts even though you werent with her at the time, i knw hw it feels to be stabbed on the back. if you werent sure that you loved her , then it must have just been a really big crush you had on her bt am almost certain that it wasnt love.

why do you think it took her so long to admit to you she got mono? do you think she got scared of how you were going to react towards her if she had told you? deep down you wish it was you she gt mono with right ???? so tell me what happened when you last saw her again?? what did you this time, dont worry ive got time to liseten, pour your heart out bruv :):):):):)
oh man, prepare for a long story...I got a lot of time to kill right now and I haven't vented about this in a long time...I'll give you the whole story. So, I might come off looking like an idiot/dick/pussy/whatever, but I said these things, I did this things, I'm not ashamed...there's some adult stuff so I'm going to spoiler tag it...give me a few min/hours to type it up...

oh, and my first birthday isn't cursed (actually it is...) but my birthday in general is cursed...people and pets die around my birthday, bad things in general happen to me (like this break up) and such...

bare with me, I'm not a great story teller and I have a bad habit of giving too much detail....
ok...a long long time ago, when I was but a wee little bean, I met this girl. We were in the 6th grade (around the age of 12ish). From the second I laid eyes on her, I was hooked. I don't know what it was, but I was smitten and I couldn't help it. Then I got to know her and became good friends with her and it was set in stone...I really liked her...too young for love, sure, but how else can I describe it?

Fast foward to pre college summer, we were still good friends despite going to different high schools and had had moments all along up until then...I remember how she was scared that when I went to college, I would forget about her or meet some other chick...she told me not to wait for her, even though I never really thought about taking that other step with her...I was content just being friends and at that point I didn't want to ruin it. So it surprised me that she brought that up because I didn't think I gave her the vibe that I wanted to get with her. I think she said it for her sake.

So we had our first year of college...mostly uneventful. She went to a college relatively close to home...I went across the country. I got home for summer a month earlier than all my other hometown friends so I was kinda lonely. Then she got back and I had the best summer OF MY LIFE. We hung out so much and we were getting together, we just didn't know it. I'm still embarrassed about this part but might as well share... We were hanging out one day alone, watching a movie, listening to some music, and out of nowhere she goes for a kiss...I freaked out, big time. I mean, this WAS the girl of my dreams, right? but she was also my closest friend at the time. I blanked, I didn't know what to do...I fucked up big time, BIG TIME. So like the idiot that I am, I just froze...didn't kiss back, nothing. Understandably so she got embarrassed and soon left. She must have really liked me because she put that behind us and we still had a great summer hanging out almost daily. Our last night together we just cuddled and hugged... :wtf ...sweet memories

We go back to college, I a few weeks before her. At my school, we had fall breaks (sometime in october) like how most schools have spring breaks (we had those too), so she said to me, "you should come visit me so I can show you my school!" I thought, hey, that's a great idea, so I did. And in doing so, we threw our friendship away. She picked me up at the airport and I still remember how excited and happy she was to see me...I'm a rather emotionless person, so to see her worked up like that made me feel good. Like I was genuinely happy that she was genuinely happy. I stayed at her place for a week, and we attempted the kissing thing again, with much success this time. I thought I was going to sleep on the couch, us being of opposite sex and all, and not actually being a couple, but she invited me to sleep on her bed.

It was rather uneventful for the first few nights, just cuddling to sleep, but the last night it got a lot more intimate. There was only kissing and heavy petting, but still, we were just really close friends at the time, so I wasn't sure what was going on. Were we together or not? what does this mean? all that bullshit. So I left on that note, and I got a kiss good bye... I was sad to be going, really sad.

We kept in touch after that, a lot. Daily emails, frequent phone calls, AIM...and about the beginning of december we were having a conversation about where we were in our relationship. I told her that even though we haven't officially said it, I felt that we were together...she said good, because she just had a conversation with an old friend, and when that old friend asked her about her situation, she said she was my gf...I couldn't believe it, I was fucking happy.

Fast forward to a year later, we're both home for christmas break. It was going good for the most part. Then some shit went down. I got home a week after she did, so that meant she would be leaving a week before I did. I had planned to drive her to school (it's a road trip) help her get settled, stay there for the week, and then fly to school from there. My family, my mother mostly, didn't like this because she felt my time home should have been time with the family. She told me that she hadn't tried to bother me for the first few weeks I was home because she knew my GF would be leaving before me and knew I would want to spend that time with the GF, but she expected me to spend time with the family after the GF was gone. I got in a fight with my mother, in turn it caused fights with the GF, and it ended up with the GF not wanting me to go with her and ultimately she wanted a break...all down hill from there. Our relationship wasn't all roses though, it had its ups and downs, but we really cared for each other, so the break kinda caught me by surprised...but like I said, I'm a petty person, so when she said that, she might as well have said she wanted to break up, and I treated it as such.

I cut off all contact. Didn't check to see if she got to school ok. Didn't call, didn't email, nothing. A week after I got back to school, I ignored her phone calls and focused on school. I really didn't care to talk to her because I felt slighted...I had no control over the situation but she made me pay for it. My roommate picked up once not knowing the deal between her and me, so he kinda forced first contact. She told me she felt really bad about what happened and that she regretted it, just that she wasn't sure about how she felt about us considering what happened during winter break. She apologized and asked me to take her back...I told her she was the one on break, not me. Yadda yadda yadda, we were back together...but of course, damage had been done.

Fast forward a few months. Now, spring break usually fell the week after my birthday, and my birthday usually fell during 3rd semester finals, so I spent most of that week studying and such. We were having a hard time with communication at the time among other things (long distance relationships are rough). She felt I wasn't calling her enough and that I kept putting her second to school too much (and I was...college was a bit more important...not saying I didn't care about her, but my life is a bit more important, right?). So I told her I would try to be a better BF and call her whenever I got the chance. Now mind you, I was three hours ahead of her, so when it was 8pm her time, when she had free time to call me, it was 11pm and my bedtime... SO when I would call her when I got the chance, I would get her voicemail because she was busy or whatever. She would call back when I was asleep. We just couldn't sync up. So, the weekend prior to my finals, she really got on my case about this lack of communication, got really upset, made me feel small, and then hung up the phone on me. SHE HUNG UP THE FUCKING PHONE ON ME! Sounds like a minor thing, but coupled with all that other shit, that was it...


I'm giong to have to do this in parts....part 2 coming up....

[Grizz]

oh man, prepare for a long story...I got a lot of time to kill right now and I haven't vented about this in a long time...I'll give you the whole story. So, I might come off looking like an idiot/dick/pussy/whatever, but I said these things, I did this things, I'm not ashamed...there's some adult stuff so I'm going to spoiler tag it...give me a few min/hours to type it up...

oh, and my first birthday isn't cursed (actually it is...) but my birthday in general is cursed...people and pets die around my birthday, bad things in general happen to me (like this break up) and such...



lol lol shit man, u might as well nt celebrate your birthday at all... its kool man i'll wait for you to finish writting the whole story...:loool:woot

[Forever_Melody]

Oh my, lots of sob stories.

Well I probably have the sobbiest, but most pathetic sob story of them all >.>

[Grizz]

Forever_Melody: Well go on tell us your story if you have time, make it full details as well.... and dont worry bout us we have the time to wait till you finiish typing it up :):):):)

[redcometfm]

I would try and follow it up except that Im not going to be an obsessive caller/facebook messager. I gave her a call twice, left her a message. I think its only fair to wait a little bit to see if she returns my call (even though its been like 4 or 5 days). I dunno...I just dont want to push things too hard...ugh it fucking blows, if youre too aggressive its a turn off to women and if youre too hesitant its a turn off... wtfffff (confused)

[Grizz]

They aren't any ways of pleasing these woman/girls, which ever way you try its never good enuf with them.... what more can we do?? whe have already taken you to KFC... what more do you want???

[Forever_Melody]

Well ok, not much to do then wait I suppose lol :p To be honest I've never been good with that kind of stuff >.> Maybe she's just busy you know? My ex was once too busy to take 5 minutes to sit down and either email or text me 'hi' >.>

I think you're all picking the wrong women lol :p

[bean]

part one posted up of my silly story...as I'm writing it I'm realizing how petty it really is... But yeah, I edited into my last post.

I'll edit this with the second part...

So, I didn't want to be bothered with all this drama, I had finals to worry about. I got on the computer and told her that was it. Still have the email, so here it is in its entirety (man, must have been really late at night because it's all frazzled...)

I really don't know what to say, but the only thing that I've been thinking
about recently is that this isn't going to work out. We both have realized
that it's getting a lot harder to be in this relationship and it definitely
doesn't seem like it's going to get better. I just feel like I'm not
capable of being in this relationship anymore and I don't want to waste your
time. I feel that we should probably end this now before it gets worse
because most likely it will; there's still a whole year of probably going
through the same thing. I want you to be happy and I don't see that
happening if I'm around bringing you down all the time, and you can't say I
don't because it's obvious that I do. I'm not getting what I want out of
this relationship and you obviously aren't either and it's gonna be this way
for another year. I really wish we were in a better situation but the
reality is that we're not. I really don't know what else to say, but as
much as I don't want this, it just seems like it's time to end this. It's
probably for the best. I really wanted to talk to you about this but that
probably won't happen until Wednesday. I wish I could have sent a happier
email.

and that was it. I went back to studying for the whole week...I would study all night, take a test in the morning, go to my room, sleep, wake up in the afternoon, go to another test, and repeat...the whole week. Last test was on a friday and my birthday had passed. I got back to my room and started packing to go home for spring break...it was the middle of the night and she knew I would be awake, so she called me to see what the deal was. We had a long sad talk and that was it, we were broken up. I was half hoping that she would fight it, but she didn't. She didn't even try, and that hurt more than actually losing her. I felt like she wanted to break up but forced me to do it instead of her actually doing it. But that was it.

I got home for spring break and my parents planned a party for my birthday a few days later. They didn't know what happened, so they told me to invite her... I called her just to see how she was doing, we had a rather civil talk, but it was still painful, and I asked her to come down, that I would really like to see her...I was being sincere and I was still hopeful that it was just a hiccup, but she said she couldn't. That she was really hurt and didn't want to see me. So that was it for me. I didn't really want to see her after that, I didn't want to talk to her either. I was really hurt.

I buried myself into my school work and had probably the best semester there. Good times with friends, made the dean's list, etc. A month or so after the breakup, I checked one of a mutual friend's blog (this is when it first started getting popular) and that's when I found out about the mono. My face went cold...pretty sure it was white. I lost my breath...I just couldn't believe it. I had that human reaction where I was like, "did she really care about me... I mean, a month is a long time, but not that long...she said she loved me, but did she really?" I put that behind me and decided it would be best to just cut her out of my life...why keep something that will hurt you around, right? I mean, I still had those feelings for her (probably still do). Just seeing her makes my heart beat faster. Like, I can't help not liking her. So it would be best for me just not to see her. Ever. I ignored her phone calls, changed my SN. Cut all contact.

I got back home for the summer, again before everyone, and decided to take a photography class at the community college (it was a beginner class, and I'm not a beginner, but it killed time). One of my bestest friends ever visited me, and since he lives kinda far, he stayed for a few days. He went to school with me and this girl so we were all mutual friends. He knew what had happened, so he felt it was his duty to bring us together, despite me not wanting to. He called her to let her know he was in town and naturally she wanted to visit...both of us.

So she stopped by, and it was like old times...but old times while we were together, not prerelationship. So naturally I was confused...I still stood by my position that we weren't going to get back together (we never did...) but she flirted with me and stuff. Now, this is where I get confused, so if any ladies are reading this, still, help explain it to me. She decided to spend the night. She told me sometime soon after that she didn't want to do anything with me, nothing sexual...completely fine with me, not like I planned to do anything. So we all started dropping like flies (there were a few of us there beside my friend, the ex and me). She and I were the last ones, and I decided to go to sleep. She then got into the bed with me. There weren't that many more sleeping places, so that was fine with me.

Now, this is adult content that I've posted here before and it got deleted, so please mods, for the sake of the story, allow it: when we were together, we would sleep in the spoon position. Now, if you've spooned before, you know that one arm is useless while the other naturally hugs the partner, right? Well, I would cup one of her boobs out of habit. She never complained so it became a normal thing. So, now that we were broken up, after she told me that nothing was going to happen between us, after she decided to sleep on my bed with me, she starts to shift towards me. No big deal, maybe she was just trying to get into a comfortable position. Then she takes my arm and pulls me towards her and wraps me around her in the spoon position. No big deal, right? it is a comfortable position if you're sleeping in the same bed with someone...not necessarily breaking the "nothing sexual is going to happen" rule, right? Then, and please, ladies try to explain this to me, she takes my hand and moves it under her shirt, and onto what I told her was my favorite boob. SHE DID THIS, NOT ME!

So, I'm already bitter towards her a bit. I didn't really want to see her and was in this situation against my will. She told me nothing was going to happen, but then does this...and for those who are experienced, boob grabbing most certainly leads to other things (it did with us at least). I'm confused/surprised/pissed/smiling/I don't know what the fuck....I didn't want to be hurt again and I was already suffering being around her without being with her (you know what I mean?). So I made an excuse to get away (kinda gay, I know, but I was hurt...). I really liked her and I didn't want to do something if it was just because we were in the same place...like, she's not just some random girl...I wouldn't mind it if she was, but she was THAT girl, you know? If we were going to do something, I wanted it to be because we were together...I dunno, I'm rambling...Nothing happened except for some heavy petting...I don't know what would have happened if it had gone further.

I had class in the morning so I left while everyone was still asleep. I didn't get much sleep because I couldn't stop thinking about what was going on...and I get insomniactic (new word, what's up)... I come back, they're still asleep, so I wake them up and we head to get something to eat. She leaves and I finally get some sleep. I wake up and she's back. They were all planning on going out to some club, but I was still tired so I told them I was going to sleep some more. She tells everyone that if I wasn't going she didn't want to go, and then took my head and put it on her lap. Don't know why I still remember that but I do. I sleep for a bit more and wake up to everyone still there...they never went out. Same thing happens again...hand on boob...I can't take it anymore.

So I removed myself and went to the living room and fell asleep on the couch. I wake up soon after to her laying down next to me and hugging me...again I was livid and confused...I don't remember why, it just pissed me off. But she must have been tired because she knocked out right away. I go back to my room. She wakes me up in the morning and we go to starbucks. This is where she tells me about the mono, and how she was really hurt when I broke up with her, and blah blah blah. We were in a good place afterward, kinda agreed on the limits of our friendship (we were just friends again, she emphasized this, not me) and that was it. On the drive back, she pulled that stupid joke (don't remember what was said before, but she said, "or they'll get mono, haha..." then I gave her the look.)

So, we're just friends now, right? Our mutual friend left so there was nothing there to invite her to see me unless I did. So month later, she wants to hang out, so we set a date...not a date date, just hanging out. The day she was to come visit, I had a party to go to with friends from high school that I hadn't seen since graduation. I told her about this and she wanted to go. She stops by later than what we had planned...no biggy. She says she doesn't want to go to the party right away, that she wants to hang out for a bit first. Fine by me. So we drive for a bit and park at a park. She gets distant for no reason. Doesn't want to talk, gets all testy...must have been that time of the month. I told her that I was going ot meet my friendsister (sister of a friend who is like a brother to me so she's like a sister to me) there and that we would all then hang out together (with my brother aswell) so we had to kinda go.

We get to the place, and she doesn't want to get out of the car. So, a. I feel awkward leaving her alone and b. I can't stay long because she'll be waiting. I see some good friends, see the friendsister and then split with the friendsister. Ex still being a twat. We get to the house, my brother is waiting, and we're trying to decide what to do. Brother says bowling. Ex says if we do that, she'll probably go home. Friendsister, to appease, says movie. Ex says ok, what movie...she turns down everything we want to see. Brother and friendsister don't really like her that much, so they say fuck it, bowling.

Ex decides to go home then, so I walk her to the car. I open the door for her, and I try to give her a hug. She pushes me away (:mad!!!!) and says no. I don't handle rejection too well. I don't like it, no one does. But I especially don't like it, not especially after what had recently happened between us. So that was it, I was PISSED. By doing that she, she completely soured me. I have a zero tolerance policy that I was kinda relaxing because "she wanted to be friends." So I turn and walk away towards my brother and friendsister. She yells out, "(bean), don't." I ignore her. Friendsister is driving, so she tells me that she yelled out to me. I said whatever, let's go.

And that was it. I went back to college for my senior year and I never looked back. She called (an idiot friend of mine gave her my number) sometime around test season of my heaviest semester (almost didn't graduate because I was lazy and didn't have enough credits...had to stack my last semester and it was A LOT) and I had to talk to her. I was in the middle of studying for a test so I told her I had to go. She said, "please, just for 30 minutes." So I said fine...she started talking as if nothing bad had ever happened between us, idle chit chat. Dumb little stories about her life. I get annoyed because like I said before, I'm immature, so I want everything or nothing. I'm not going to suffer through this boring conversation if it's for nothing, so I tell her I really have to go and hang up. That was it. I graduated a few months later and I haven't seen her or conversed with her in any form. She's tried to reach me, but I'm petty and immature and I don't really want to talk to her. It hurts me too much to not be with her, so why tease myself like that? you know what I mean? but that's it. congrats on reading through all that garbage...

[Grizz]

Okay i'll check it now yeah

[redcometfm]

Actually for once I thought I picked the right one...one who could match my passion and love for film, who could have an actual conversation with me and not only that but she was beautiful too. I dont think shes busy, especially since shes updated more than once that shes watching the American Idol finale tonight with friends (whom I know are only available here in Orlando). Its like shes choosing not to get in touch with me...

[Grizz]

Maybe that mean she's not interested... just call her again and find out, she cnt busy if she's watchin that crap

[Forever_Melody]

Well you have a right to closure so go get it >.>

[Grizz]

She needs to explain why she's blowing you off like dat?? dyou think theres someone else though???

Hey guys... chat to you guys l8r, i dnt know what time it is over there were you guys are, but here its 03:47am. ive got a lecture l8r today....

[redcometfm]

I dont think theres someone else. Shes beautiful but meek and inexperience (along with her ethnicity leads me to believe shes abstinent or something close, which I could care less). In terms of getting closure, if I cant reach her by phone or facebook, I honestly feel like just knocking on her door (shes only a couple of blocks from me). Would that be too much? (not that Id be intense or anything if I talked to her)

[Grizz]

@Bean: Wow that is some story... am wuite happy you wrote that though, i was feeling a bit bored that you werent writting anymore.... well well, the looks of things its like you and her were meant to be together, since you got to knw each other, when you both first realised that you had feelings for each other, i think that was the point when it became that you had to start thinking both ways, because you knew that in one side you couldnt just ruin your friendship with her like that, and the on the other hand you really liked her, so whatever you did it had to be perfection in order to keep both balanced really... So after you guys started dating, it seems like everything was fine. even after all this time you guys were together you had the chance to sleep with her and you didn't, were you scared or was she... well i get the fact that she was upset with you, but if she knew you had finals why would she want you bakc just before that, also knowing that the damage was already done before... but even so if you two really cared for each other why one earth did you cut all contacts with her, were you insane, i think you care too much about your pride.. you need to seize the moment sometimes, yeah she was maybe in the wrong but, you had a little fight and you all you had to do was aplogize to her, it wouldnt have been a big deal if you ad just that, i reckon she taught ypu a very good lesson though.... and her wanting to be with you before your finals when she knows that our mostly going to be studying, she wanted a big revenge on you.. so what happened next between you 2 ?
[hr]

I dont think theres someone else. Shes beautiful but meek and inexperience (along with her ethnicity leads me to believe shes abstinent or something close, which I could care less). In terms of getting closure, if I cant reach her by phone or facebook, I honestly feel like just knocking on her door (shes only a couple of blocks from me). Would that be too much? (not that Id be intense or anything if I talked to her)

sounds like you wanna marry this girl or sumtin, just be brave and call her if nt then just leave msgs on her facebook.. at least then you will knw if shes avoiding you... if you dnt try then you might never know innit...

[bean]

@Bean: Wow that is some story... am wuite happy you wrote that though, i was feeling a bit bored that you werent writting anymore.... well well, the looks of things its like you and her were meant to be together, since you got to knw each other, when you both first realised that you had feelings for each other, i think that was the point when it became that you had to start thinking both ways, because you knew that in one side you couldnt just ruin your friendship with her like that, and the on the other hand you really liked her, so whatever you did it had to be perfection in order to keep both balanced really... So after you guys started dating, it seems like everything was fine. even after all this time you guys were together you had the chance to sleep with her and you didn't, were you scared or was she... well i get the fact that she was upset with you, but if she knew you had finals why would she want you bakc just before that, also knowing that the damage was already done before... but even so if you two really cared for each other why one earth did you cut all contacts with her, were you insane, i think you care too much about your pride.. you need to seize the moment sometimes, yeah she was maybe in the wrong but, you had a little fight and you all you had to do was aplogize to her, it wouldnt have been a big deal if you ad just that, i reckon she taught ypu a very good lesson though.... and her wanting to be with you before your finals when she knows that our mostly going to be studying, she wanted a big revenge on you.. so what happened next between you 2 ?



sounds like you wanna marry this girl or sumtin, just be brave and call her if nt then just leave msgs on her facebook.. at least then you will knw if shes avoiding you... if you dnt try then you might never know innit...
almost done with part two...a little bit longer than part 1. Not a great read but kills time.

[Grizz]

Alright i'll read it when you finish, i hope its interesting like the first part..... :D:p;)

[bean]

done...

[Grizz]

Alright which page isit at then?????

[bean]

Alright which page isit at then?????
last page....

here
http://mangahelpers.com/forums/showthread.php?p=1355882#post1355882
[hr]

I dont think theres someone else. Shes beautiful but meek and inexperience (along with her ethnicity leads me to believe shes abstinent or something close, which I could care less). In terms of getting closure, if I cant reach her by phone or facebook, I honestly feel like just knocking on her door (shes only a couple of blocks from me). Would that be too much? (not that Id be intense or anything if I talked to her)
yes, that would be too much. That's the definition of being intense.
[hr]

@Bean: Wow that is some story... am wuite happy you wrote that though, i was feeling a bit bored that you werent writting anymore.... well well, the looks of things its like you and her were meant to be together, since you got to knw each other, when you both first realised that you had feelings for each other, i think that was the point when it became that you had to start thinking both ways, because you knew that in one side you couldnt just ruin your friendship with her like that, and the on the other hand you really liked her, so whatever you did it had to be perfection in order to keep both balanced really... So after you guys started dating, it seems like everything was fine. even after all this time you guys were together you had the chance to sleep with her and you didn't, were you scared or was she... well i get the fact that she was upset with you, but if she knew you had finals why would she want you bakc just before that, also knowing that the damage was already done before... but even so if you two really cared for each other why one earth did you cut all contacts with her, were you insane, i think you care too much about your pride.. you need to seize the moment sometimes, yeah she was maybe in the wrong but, you had a little fight and you all you had to do was aplogize to her, it wouldnt have been a big deal if you ad just that, i reckon she taught ypu a very good lesson though.... and her wanting to be with you before your finals when she knows that our mostly going to be studying, she wanted a big revenge on you.. so what happened next between you 2 ?



sounds like you wanna marry this girl or sumtin, just be brave and call her if nt then just leave msgs on her facebook.. at least then you will knw if shes avoiding you... if you dnt try then you might never know innit...we both kinda were, but like I said, up until the fall break visit, we were just really close friends. we would hug and stuff, but we didn't have our first kiss until right before I left for school again, the time I fucked it up. We slept in the same bed together when I went to visit her that first time, and then we "slept" together the first time we saw each other the next break, a month or so after we "officially" got together....mind you, it was a long distance relationship...

it's hard to get a timeline through the way I'm telling the story but roughly:

summer after first year of college - we start the courting process
october - I visit her
novemberish - we officially declare coupleship (another new word, what's up)
december -> december of next year - we have our relationship
end of december - we take a break
two weeks later - we end break
two month's later, the weekend before finals week - we have fight
birthday
at the end of finals week - we break up.
june - she visits me and stuff happens
end of june or august, can't remember... - last physical contact


let me know if you want me to clear that up a bit.

[blai]

Now that's a great saying.

Fun thing though, i've only told one person that i love her, even though is it as friends and all that. I haven't told anyone else during these 17years that I love him/her. I have a really hard time even telling my parents / siblings that... idk why ;/

Maybe b/c I have a very hard time opening up many girls find me distant and everyone things i'm not attracted to them or that i don't see them and stuff..

I've only ever been in love once and this was with my last girlfriend.... the first girl i ever loved.. i went out with her since were 16 and we just broke up like a month ago, coz she cheated with my best friend... it took time to heal but no am better than ever.... its weird how girls move on so quick after break ups... she has already gt a man...

Now its hard for me to open up to any girl again..coz am afarod of being hurt like that again.

Yeah it's the same thing here, I can get attracted to a girl but I have a hard time showing her that and letting her in.

and melody, it's just the thing with loosing one you really love and that've happened to me with my younger sister and grandpa so I don't want to go through everything again even though i know i will and that i'll regret it forever if i won't tell 'em but you know.. i dunno.. some kind of defense-mechanism

[goldb]

@bean: I feel you man...your story was so sad...I wanna cry( cant be bothered to find any smilies but feel my pain)
I'm kinda like that now as well, but you're familiar with my story...so I still miss her and thing, think about her but I think this is it, if we're not getting back together then I don't really wanna know cos it's hard enough to have to let go without the person being there all the time, etc...But I really do miss her, just how we got on and the fun times we had,just want things back the way they were or at least for her to let me handle the situation my way and show her grrrr....Life is a bitch ladies and gentlemen...if you didn't know...Where were you???

[Grizz]

@Bean: Whoah man, your story was kinda moving n really sad... that mono thing really did mess you up a lot didnt it?? well now it's best tha you have moved fromall that though.... it would have been bad if you were still linking her now and bare fone convos even after all them series of arguements you went through...

your a bit like me...am quite immature when it comes to relationship, but i also have zero tolerence... well at least you stopped it when she tried to get all jiggy with you, but deep down it must have been sumtin you wanted though still, you ust have gutted coz you wanted it to happeend if you were together... but no worries there are more fish on the Grand line....

[Forever_Melody]

@bean: I read your story and I agree, it is quite a tragic thing.

Honestly though, seems she had issues in more than one way despite all the good you thought of her and from my personal point of view, I think it was just as hard for her to "try and be friends" after the relationship as it was for you. However, she had a different way of approaching the matter.

There is a saying:
"Love from friendship is common, but friendship from love, almost never." It's very hard to stay on a good basis with someone if you've been that deep with them and then had it all stripped bare. It's difficult severing a connection from a very emotionally close level to a banal friendship one. In fact, for many people this is not even an option.

I'll be totally honest here, I think the "Can we still be friends?" is a girl's idea. I've seen this line used mostly by them and I've used it once(albeit me was more like "Do you still want to be friends?"). However, not everyone means it in the same way. From my point of view with people I've known, sometimes girls use that as a backup solution. Sometimes they figure a guy might still have lingering feelings and they want to use that to their advantage which I wholly disrespect. Guys, if you want to stay friends with a girl after a relationship(and girls as well with a guy, because they do this too), make sure it's friendship and make sure your past feelings won't come up for them to use against you(even if involuntarily).

Heartbreak is perhaps the one thing lots of people are good lol :p (me included)

@blai: Well if loss was the reason, I respect, that but I feel the opposite. For family, I'd regret never telling them I loved them when they were gone. When I lost my grandparents on my father's side, the only thing I could think of is "Why didn't I spend more time with them?", "Why didn't I tell them how great I thought they were?". You know, I don't feel the fear of losing my own emotions because I've had that time and again, I fear that they won't have known(even though they probably did).

For me, opening up to other people is the hard part, not my family. Other people have disappointed me in the past, a lot. So I'm very slow as to who I trust with my feelings.

As I said:"Love many, trust a few. Paddle your own canoe."

I do "love" many(love in the general sense), but I trust very few and at the end of the day, I trust myself completely for moving forward in life, nobody else. Sure, this may sound pessimistic, and I know I'm not alone, but this is *my* life and *my* meddle is what's going to get me through. The support of others is however, an essential tool, but they're not going to get me through life for me.

[Grizz]

@ Forever_Melody: Girls always wants to be friend once relationships starts getting a bit serious, they are afraid of commitment..... i don't do them " Do you wanna be friend " crap, it's either i have you or nothing..... besides being friends with ma x, never worked anyways, i always ended up sleeping with her hours after we declared our friendship, but yet again it was just having fun... didnt anything to me...

[Forever_Melody]

Well that depends on the nature of the relationship between you two. I was always friends before being anything else with my exs. Therefore, I always wondered if I'd lose that friendship once we'd commit to something else. I am not afraid of commitment personally. If anything, my exs always were >_>

If you DID befriend a girl with the main(and sole) idea of wanting a relationship with her, then yes, it turns into an either/or situation, but I don't like those.

I don't want to see myself for a guy as a potential relationship. If you're talking to me only because you want a relationship, then sorry, but I'd rather not. That's just how I roll.

I have a hard time believing you can want any solid relationship with someone without first knowing them on a somewhat deep level. I think the whole courting process is a bit of a bring-up to that "get to know better" scenario, but I've never had luck at that(can't ay I knew a date that well after a few outings) so really being friends with someone first is the way I've learned works for me.

[Grizz]

Yeah its better to get to know the person first before you start dating them... or it just won't work at all.. when i firts meet a girl, the first thing on my mind is to just be friends with them nutin more... well after a while if feeling starts building so be it...

[Forever_Melody]

yeah well if you know the person better you'll know a bit better how to deal with him/her and how to manage being with them. Perhaps I'm taking things too pragmatically and not emotionally enough, but you know >.>

On a random side note, my ex contacted me yesterday lol :p I mean, we're not on bad terms, but we don't exactly talk a lot either(we have maybe one MSN convo every month) so I was a bit surprised when he came and talked to me because he was feeling down :blink Wrote him an email asking what was wrong >.>

[Grizz]

Me too lately, my ex-gf, keep sending me msgs about how she wants me to help her with her Uni work and help her prepare for her exams.... come on she has a man, i told her to go away and leave me alone, but she continuously keeps ringing and sending me long essays on me fone... whats that about?? i dnt know what she's playing at....

[Forever_Melody]

Well in your case it's a bit more clear. Maybe her guy is you know...kinda bad at essays and stuff? lol :p Although arguably why she'd ask you is a bit of a mystery. perhaps you were the best person she knew at those things.

In my case he was really vague lol, he just came in and asked me to cheer him up and talk to him >.> I just told him about my competition last weekend, we had a bit of a chat, then he just left >.>

[Grizz]

But ive told her already that am gona be busy with my own exams, and then started sulking (like i cared), i don't knw about her man, but am tired of doign favours to her.

What?? he just came and told you to cheer him up, and then left??? that's taking the piss..

[Forever_Melody]

Ah well if you don't want to, you don't have to of course. I'm just trying to understand why she might've contacted you for such things.

Oh and for my case, it wasn't exactly like that lol :p He told me he was down and needed cheering up so he asked me to talk to him(about anything) and he asked me how I was and how was my competition last weekend and all that. I used to do that before we were together, I'd just cheer hi up when he was down with random conversation sometimes so maybe he was just seeking some comfort. Anyways, I don't make much of the episode, was just curious as to why he came to ME and not his gf for cheering up >.>

[Grizz]

That's what am wondering, i won't help her, but she can ask her boyfriend.... she fones me at 3am, while am sleping to talk about this..unbelieveable....

[bean]

@bean: I feel you man...your story was so sad...I wanna cry( cant be bothered to find any smilies but feel my pain)
I'm kinda like that now as well, but you're familiar with my story...so I still miss her and thing, think about her but I think this is it, if we're not getting back together then I don't really wanna know cos it's hard enough to have to let go without the person being there all the time, etc...But I really do miss her, just how we got on and the fun times we had,just want things back the way they were or at least for her to let me handle the situation my way and show her grrrr....Life is a bitch ladies and gentlemen...if you didn't know...Where were you???
It happened a long time ago...so soon after the break up, yeah I missed her, but as time went on I started to realize how we just didn't work and ultimately wouldn't have. Do I miss her today? no...not really. I miss the times we had together, for sure, but I don't really dwell in the past too much like that. Where was I? what do you mean?


@Bean: Whoah man, your story was kinda moving n really sad... that mono thing really did mess you up a lot didnt it?? well now it's best tha you have moved fromall that though.... it would have been bad if you were still linking her now and bare fone convos even after all them series of arguements you went through...

your a bit like me...am quite immature when it comes to relationship, but i also have zero tolerence... well at least you stopped it when she tried to get all jiggy with you, but deep down it must have been sumtin you wanted though still, you ust have gutted coz you wanted it to happeend if you were together... but no worries there are more fish on the Grand line....
yeah, the mono thing kinda hurt, but I got over it pretty quick. I mean, it was kind of to be expected, like I wasn't expecting her to not move on. I guess the mono thing just hurt because it was verification that she actually did, like I knew what she had been up to when most people in my situation probably wouldn't have....I dunno, just when you're in a relationship with someone for a while and you tell each other that you love them...and then less than a month after you break up they get mono? You just start to wonder...
but as for wanting her back, I really didn't. I mean, I loved the time we had together when it was good, but we couldn't have that anymore. Like, I could have done without seeing her those last few times with the boob grabbing and such. I hate being teased and that was the biggest tease ever, because, despite me saying that I didn't want to get back together, I'm still human. So no matter how strong my resolve is, I still have those weak moments where I think, "gee, can we work this out? can we get back together? can we do the friends with benefits?" I'd rather not go through that.



@bean: I read your story and I agree, it is quite a tragic thing.

Honestly though, seems she had issues in more than one way despite all the good you thought of her and from my personal point of view, I think it was just as hard for her to "try and be friends" after the relationship as it was for you. However, she had a different way of approaching the matter.

There is a saying:
"Love from friendship is common, but friendship from love, almost never." It's very hard to stay on a good basis with someone if you've been that deep with them and then had it all stripped bare. It's difficult severing a connection from a very emotionally close level to a banal friendship one. In fact, for many people this is not even an option.

I'll be totally honest here, I think the "Can we still be friends?" is a girl's idea. I've seen this line used mostly by them and I've used it once(albeit me was more like "Do you still want to be friends?"). However, not everyone means it in the same way. From my point of view with people I've known, sometimes girls use that as a backup solution. Sometimes they figure a guy might still have lingering feelings and they want to use that to their advantage which I wholly disrespect. Guys, if you want to stay friends with a girl after a relationship(and girls as well with a guy, because they do this too), make sure it's friendship and make sure your past feelings won't come up for them to use against you(even if involuntarily).

Heartbreak is perhaps the one thing lots of people are good lol :p (me included)


see, that was what bothered me. Mind you, I just go with the flow. The only thing I did after the break up was say that I was cutting her off, and stuck with it. It wasn't until outside forces brought us together...she kinda initiated it as well. So imagine me just standing there not really saying anything (I was still trying to keep my distance even though she was in the same room as me) and she kept approaching me, flirting with me, treating me like her boyfriend. I didn't really react to it, I didn't start coming on to her, I simply reacted like I would to any girl doing that to me. I didn't push myself on her or treat her like she was my girlfriend again, I was simply there. So she starts to reel me in, and then she hits the breaks. She tells me nothing is going to happen. So I put on a WTF face because I didn't say I wanted to get back together. I didn't say I wanted to fool around with her, I wasn't even clinging on to her while we were hangning out, she was clinging on to me and following me around. And then she does the fooling around thing, so essentially, she's fucking with my head. FM, I'm only human...so when someone starts fooling around with me physically, I get worked up, so when she starts getting really intimate, I start getting really intimate...but then she hits the breaks again. That's what I couldn't take and that's why I removed myself from her. Everything or nothing, simple as that. I'm not going to tease myself. I love chocolate, but if I eat too much, I have an allergic reaction to it...so what do I do? I don't buy chocolate and keep it around me, I don't take chocolate and smear it all around my mouth...I live my life as if chocolate doesn't exist. So I couldn't just be her friend. You're right. We've had intimate moments that jump forward in my head when I'm with her, so I can't really have that going on if I'm just her friend...


I'm just rambling and ranting...this all happened a long time ago so it's behind me already. I'm cursed with a good memory so I still remember it like it was yesterday, but honestly, despite me retelling this, I don't dwell on it. Thanks for hte sympathy guys.

[Grizz]

Yeah i totally understand you :Bean, i've tried to think about it over and over again whether to be in a friends with benefit with ma x, but it didn't workout because, i didn't wanna be sharing her with anyone else... and the thoughts of her seeing other guys made feel a bit weak you know.... it's like when your together you won't stop thinking like why are we doing this friends with benefit thing???? we might as well be together... but she didn't really care about us as much as i did, i thought for us... but you know, she only wanted someone for her to pleasure herself with... it was a bit hard for me to take, coz i really loved her so much..... but at the end of the day se didn't want us together anymore.. oh boy she was quick to move on....

But am so over it now.......:):):)

[goldb]

@bean: I meant that life is a bitch and for those who didn't know....where were you??

You know what I'm really getting a lot advice and lessons from what you guys are saying and your experiences...

I think for my situation, the best thing would be to let it be and just get on with my life...I don't think i can handle the "friend" thing right now, like you said FM, in my case we went from courting to friendly to boyfriend/girlfriend. So it's hard to be "just" friends since there's so many lingering feelings, the saying you quoted there is very true imo.

I think it would really suck if I'm her friend and find out she's with someone else or whatever. So right now although it's hard I have to believe that whatever happened was for the best.

Talking about friendships and relationships....Have you ever been with a person who was your friend first for years/months? and how is it afterwards??

This is for everyone...bean I know your relationship that you've explained is pretty much this, but everyone else give insight...and do you have a prefrence to build a friendship before going out or just go with the flow??

[Grizz]

I don't know it depends.. me personally i would prefer to know the girl first, maybe for a few weeks and then make my move... my previous girlfriends i was never friends with them to begin with.. but at the same time if you like a girl and then talk to them often and you just wanna get to know them 4 a while.... thats all good, but what if during that time she was waiting on you to make a move on her and you took too long and they decide to date someone else during that period n by the time you Do decide to make your move... its too late and she has got a man... that's happened to me before, so when i meet a girl i like, i don't get straight to the point and ask them out, but i let them know my objectives....