Slayers Hourglass of Flaces ch 3

[rebmastu]

Falces never ceases to make me feel like an idiot, lol. This page in particular has me completely stumped... I'll link the image instead of directly posting it here, since it's still pretty large, for legibility's sake. (Warning: BUTTCRACK and gravity-defying breasticles!)
Image: http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v681/rebbu/108.jpg

Here's what I have so far, translation wise. I've included the original snippits just because.

Panel 1
Millena: Agh!
Millena: あぅっ!

Panel 2
Luke: Millena!
Luke: ミリーナっ！!

Panel 3
Lackie: For we chosen ones, our Nirvana shines ever more brilliant for every demon filled with decadence and depravity it devours!
Lackie: 嫉妬や怨恨に穢れた魍魎を糧に我らが楽園は輝きを増す！
**99% sure this is wrong, but I couldn't think of any other way to phrase it... (He may be calling his group the demons, and they're the ones filled with decadence and depravity?)

Lackie: Unfortunate though it may be, we therefore simply lack the desire to mingle among the lower common folk as the Father does.
Lackie: あいにく我ら選民は司祭様のように下船と共存する道を選ぶ程器が広くはないのでね

Panel 4
Lackie: **But your lady friend seems she could be blessed with a beauty worthy of our people…
Lackie: ただそちらの女性だけは民の資格に値する美しさをお持ちですよ？
Lackie: How does this sound? Since she is clearly loathe to keep your company, I’m sure we could show her a much more… enjoyable time.**
Lackie: いかがです？明らかに付き合わぬ貴方と一緒よりは幸福な道かと
Also 90% sure this is wrong. He says he's "sure" (or at least thinks) there's a happier path for her to follow, but meh. On second thought, he may even be addressing the girl... ugh, I don't know.

Panel 5
Luke: You son of a-!
Luke: てめぇっ！

Any takers? The lacky's lines here are especially confusing to me. (And of course, none of my contextual dictionaries could pull up anything... Geh.)

[scrubb]

Here's how I'd word the Lackey's lines. YMMV.

L: Our paradise shines ever brighter for every jealousy and enmity stained demon that we devour! / Unfortunately we chosen ones cannot stoop to exist with those of low birth as the priest does. (I took some liberty with the 2nd sentence. There are times when a literal translation sounds too awkward or misleading in English: "Unfortunately we chosen ones do not have the capacity to choose the path of stepping ashore and coexisting as the priest does.")

L: But your woman is beholden of a beauty befitting our people, is she not?

L: What do you say? Is it not a greater path to blessedness than to be with you who will not accompany her to enlightenment? (Again, took some liberties to make him sound as bombastic as in Japanese.)

Hope this helps!

[rebmastu]

Just when I'd given up hope on anyone coming around to help! Thanks so much, you're a lifesaver. Your phrasing is infinitesimally more bad-ass than mine; would you mind terribly if I used it verbatim in the release? =3 Special thanks abound, of course. <333

[scrubb]

Infinitesimally? O_o Well, I guess even the most immeasurably small improvement is still an improvement. ;)³

Feel free to use my rendition if you like. Just make sure it fits in adequately with the way you've translated the stuff surrounding it. A translation should always feel like a cohesive whole when all is said and done.

-S