SYNONYMS!!!

[Chojiki]

＃１　タカマル、希望に燃える。
#1 Takamaru, Burning Ambition.

２００２　春
2002 Spring

今年も入学の季節がやってきた
It's the season for this year's school enrollment.

―であるべきであり　我が校の生徒としての自覚を―
...should be. Our responsibility as students in school...

ここ日本有数のマンモス学校　華音高等学校でも今日入学式が行なわれたんだ
Today is the Entrance Ceremony for Kanon High School, one of Japan's large schools.

華音高校の教育の基本方針は独立自尊　けっこう自由な校則も厳しくない
Kanon's Educational Policy is, "Independence & Self-respect." School rules are also liberal.

ただし部活動には必ず入るように義務づけられている
However, students are required to attend club activities.

なんでも学力だけでなく様々な体験や知識を身につけさせより豊かに人生を送るための経験を積ませることが目的らしいんだけど……
This is to allow students to not only acquire scholastic knowledge but also various experiences and knowledge in order to spend their lives more richly by accumulating personal experience...


What's the problem? 学力 & 知識. I may be just me, but having "knowledge" twice in one sentence is kinda disrupting the flow of things.

Any suggestions?

[cmertb]

The meaning of 学力 here is closer to academic skill/capacity/performance rather than knowledge. BTW, you also have "experience" twice in that same sentence.

[Chojiki]

Yeah, that's why I have it down as "scholastic knowledge."

I also just noticed a mistake. 体験 is personal experience and 経験 is just experience. I had them switched in my translation.


なんでも学力だけでなく様々な体験や知識を身につけさせより豊かに人生を送るための経験を積ませることが目的らしいんだけど……
This is to allow students to not only acquire scholastic knowledge but also various personal experiences and knowledge in order to spend their lives more richly by accumulating experience...

It still feels awkward to me...

[cmertb]

I'm not sure why you're choosing "knowledge", even if "scholastic", at all. How about "This is not just about academic achievement, but also various... etc"?

[Unproductive]

学力 is "academic prowess" - the correct verb to attach here is "to develop academic prowess"

様々also describes 知識 so it's not just related to academics. "Develop" can also work here, but best verb "to be exposed to"

I would say that the sentence organization, the piecing together of dependent and independent clauses, is more of a problem than repeating "experience" twice.

Here I think it should be:
By not only [clauseA] but also [clauseB], our goal is [clauseD] for [clauseC].