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Thread: My manga Zero.7

  1. #1
    Registered User 初心者/ Shoshinsha / Beginner ShinuZERO's Avatar
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    My manga Zero.7

    This is a comic I've been working on for some time. Please take the time to read through and tell me what you think. I know the art sucks at first but I think it gets better as you read.

    http://www.drunkduck.com/Zero7/index.php?p=107745

    BTW, chapter 1 and two read the Japanese style of right to left. When you get to chapter three I changed the format to the American style of left to right.

  2. #2
    Mangahelper MH中毒 / MH Chuudoku / MH Addicted ibra87's Avatar
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    Re: My manga Zero.7

    Pretty decent (have read the first 3 chapters). Although I have to admit the plot seems a bit weak i.e. when Ciel tells Zero what "despotize" is simply because he walks away

    Oh and it's somewhat confusing that it starts being from right to left then from left to right. But the art is pretty good. Not really an issue.
    Tiger, Tiger.


    Let it be known far and wide
    I cheer for Saint-Etienne from the bottom of my heart

  3. #3
    Registered User 初心者/ Shoshinsha / Beginner ShinuZERO's Avatar
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    Re: My manga Zero.7

    Thanks for taking the time to read. Yeah, the way I executed that scene was pretty bad. Especially looking back. It was the dialog that was weak. What I'd like it to be like is that She comes to Zero and explains to him that noone should no that the name[despotize] and that it's dangerous to know about it. What was why she confronted him, but the script I used wasn't all that great, lol.

    Thanks again for reading, and any other crits that'll help me become a better writer/artist are welcome because I want to keep improving so that someday I can be a professional sequential artist.

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    Registered User 初心者/ Shoshinsha / Beginner
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    Re: My manga Zero.7

    A real honest critique?
    The story is really weak. You spend too much time drawing up the fight scenes, not enough time elaborating and developing characters. You have to make the reader feel for the character by getting to know them not because hes just kicking ass for the sake of kicking ass. Aslo what ibra87 said follows what I said. You barely get to know your first character before you are jumping in and adding an additional character. Not that having two characters make a story weak, but you hadn't yet related the main character to the audience yet and were introducing another character than the main character zero doesnt know either. One really big thing that I personally feel is a negative is the character designs. To be honest they come off naruto/ninja-esque with some feel from other other animes. They are very repetitive and bland as with most fan-style manga. Spend more time developing personalities through clothing that matches the atmosphere and environment (think ninja belongs in old school japan. soldier belongs on battlefield or cityscape) and less time on what you think looks pretty or cool.

    ok all the bad stuff out of the way, now for the god stuff.

    I really like your dedication to your project, it shows that you put a lot of effort into it. Your linework shows that you have a decent idea at what you are doing. Although you could benefit from figure drawing classes, you have the faces as well as actions lines down pretty well. The mixture of hatch lines bring alot of interest to the individual pages. You do have a mixture of compositions which helps the flow and variety of the pages. And some of the angles mixed with the linework offer dynamic panels.

    Overall I commend you for your effort. Keeping in mind that the art world is a brutal, honest, and highly competitive world; I would recommend taking anatomy, figure drawing, and several literature classes. You have a lot of good things going for you but I think you have potential for improvement and that you should focus less on the comic until you can strengthen your skills as an artist. (think that football players, even if they want to play the game in a league, still need to spend lots and lots of time in practice before they perform on the field).

    I hope I didnt come across as rude, I was just trying to help you out and be as constructive as possible, trying to show your areas of weakness so that you can improve upon them for future projects.

  5. #5
    Registered User 初心者/ Shoshinsha / Beginner ShinuZERO's Avatar
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    Re: My manga Zero.7

    Quote Originally Posted by inconnunom View Post
    A real honest critique?
    The story is really weak. You spend too much time drawing up the fight scenes, not enough time elaborating and developing characters. You have to make the reader feel for the character by getting to know them not because hes just kicking ass for the sake of kicking ass. Aslo what ibra87 said follows what I said. You barely get to know your first character before you are jumping in and adding an additional character. Not that having two characters make a story weak, but you hadn't yet related the main character to the audience yet and were introducing another character than the main character zero doesnt know either. One really big thing that I personally feel is a negative is the character designs. To be honest they come off naruto/ninja-esque with some feel from other other animes. They are very repetitive and bland as with most fan-style manga. Spend more time developing personalities through clothing that matches the atmosphere and environment (think ninja belongs in old school japan. soldier belongs on battlefield or cityscape) and less time on what you think looks pretty or cool.

    ok all the bad stuff out of the way, now for the god stuff.

    I really like your dedication to your project, it shows that you put a lot of effort into it. Your linework shows that you have a decent idea at what you are doing. Although you could benefit from figure drawing classes, you have the faces as well as actions lines down pretty well. The mixture of hatch lines bring alot of interest to the individual pages. You do have a mixture of compositions which helps the flow and variety of the pages. And some of the angles mixed with the linework offer dynamic panels.

    Overall I commend you for your effort. Keeping in mind that the art world is a brutal, honest, and highly competitive world; I would recommend taking anatomy, figure drawing, and several literature classes. You have a lot of good things going for you but I think you have potential for improvement and that you should focus less on the comic until you can strengthen your skills as an artist. (think that football players, even if they want to play the game in a league, still need to spend lots and lots of time in practice before they perform on the field).

    I hope I didnt come across as rude, I was just trying to help you out and be as constructive as possible, trying to show your areas of weakness so that you can improve upon them for future projects.
    You don't come off as rude at all. I'm really glad you gave me an honest critique. That's really all I'm looking for.. I've been to several sites and noone gives me any honest crits, they just say it's good and that's that. Because now that you've pointed it out, I realize that the character development is weak, something I really need to work on.

    About the costumes though, I think you get the ninja vibe from the fishnet that Zero wears. I tried to convey his personality to his clothes and what he wears. The black nail polish and the fishnet, his feelings of insecurity and whatnot.

    I'm still in HS but when I get in college, I'll be sure to take some courses. I want to keep progressing, this comic is nothing serious, just something I put my time into during my free time to practice panel set-up and different camera angles and whatnot. Thanks for the crit again, and I'll be sure to post when I update.


    I added a new page, and some music!
    Last edited by ShinuZERO; June 27, 2007 at 12:22 AM. Reason: Automerged Doublepost

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