It all started 15 years ago. I was a student learning the art of Tae Kwon Do, and I had the best teacher money could buy, Master Asia. My Father was a engineering specialist who was always thinking of new inventions, with my older brother Kyo. My mother would always help out occaisionaly. We were working so hard we barely had time for dinner. Yeah, those were the good days. We were 1 of the richest families in Neo-America, after all, we feared we would waste natural resources on Earth so they moved to space and formed colonies based on whee they came from. Yeah, those were the days...
...Then, one day, when I returend from training, I had found my mother shot dead, and my father in suspended animation, and my brother gone. I had learend that while dad was working on a new weapon called the gun of hell, my brother stole the prototype and destroyed everything in his shop, including mother. He ran away to hide from the authorities, and when they came, they thought dad did it out of insanity, and sent him in suspended animation. Now I had no-one but Master Asia, so I trained hard, so I could one day find Kyo, and make him pay for what he did!
Hmm.. interesting, but why Soplek, and Why Kyo.. Kyo could ba a japanese name but Soplek : O
The other thing.. Gun of Hell? :S I can only guess, but will there be a Gun of Heaven too in the posession of Soplek? or..or.. it'll be the sowrd of heaven! Then we can see a pretty cool Sword-Gun Fight like in Cowboy Bebop
Anyways it's not a bad start, but you should think over the characters, and the story for 120 chapter.. with twists and turns, and relations and stuff It's pretty sad, that I can't draw that good ^^" But there are some specialists here who can so good luck
the story has a good start. but u might wanna change the brother killed tha family etc. (sasuke-itachi) in fact dont make it some sort of direct family/friend cuz they all been done before. i like the gun of hell (i like heaven v. hell) or if u still decide to go in that direction. u might wanna go in a different route. again make sure it hasn't been done yet or you'll not be taken seriously (kishimoto sheshi is a perfect example) it all depends on how good a story teller and original u are. especially when your not the one drawing it. when the writer draws it it tranfers emo. and feelings the writer intended so ur gonna have to real good. im not trying to be a critic or negative. this is just some advise. i wish u the best and keep posting stories up and be open to criticism. and if u get someone to draw it post that up to id love to see it
and than you find your brother. killed him ?
or, you find the truth behind that thing ?
if like this,just like others said . too much sasuke-itachi .
so, you need the UNEXPECTED. that's yours. ^^
this is only my point of view . i wish you success ~ hoho
maybe maybe, i could help... but i dont really like the story.. no well yes i like the whole moving to another planet and stuff
but i do not like the tae kwan do part... its kinda... umm used up.
and the whole revenge brother super weapon, its the same....
but i really like the mainstream idea
if you could fix those little details i would be happy to help you out.
(by the way i draw pretty well, I have been creating many characters like crazy... in my opinion they are good je)
Sorry dude, but... it needs work...
No offense, but its kinda bland... it needs back story... every good story needs to be reinforced by alot of back story... trust me.. you cant have too much back story.. and as everybody is saying about the "gun of hell..." it needs a heaven counter part... also the revenge story line is way too simple.. if youre gonna do something as simple as revenge.. you gotta add something to it.. otherwise you have very little material to work with.. also.. characters.. you need supporting characters.. people that go along with the main character... and he also needs a name change if he's japanese..
i hope this helped some and it was just to help.. not to offend you or anything
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九千以上だ！ / Kyuusen Ijou Da! / It's Over 9000!
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Re: I want a mangaka to draw my story
the brother-revenge-thing could turn out to be good if you make it like masashi kishimoto did,
in the end itachi was good and stuff so if you make more back story and twists the brother-revenge-thing could be original and good,but well i dont know where you want to go with the story so its up to you if will be good or not
btw. you should give a description of the characters(how they look) and then users can post their versions of the persons and you could decide which one is the best or which artist you would like to draw your manga
like a contest