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Chapter 73- A House of Cards
Hey guys, sorry for the wait my internet got messed up seriously and I couldn't get my chapter out in time. This'll be my last chapter for awhile cause I'm going into overtime when it comes to summer activity. But if you guys get to the captivity scenes before I come back, I give permission to snoogen to use the scenes I already thought up.
Poor lione, poor NA HQ. Now, I really found a reason why he should visit the bar again, washing his sorrow away. So cruel, those councils. >_<
And I also feel sorry for Steph. Noahs definitely don't show mercy <_<
Last edited by Schwindelmagier; July 11, 2007 at 08:07 AM.
Not a bad chapter, but I have one minor critique.
Lyra is OOC. She is very free-spirited and laidback that she would not want to take the role of branch leader because of the pressure and little freedom that she will have if she becomes one. Lyra would rather give advice now or then.
Also, when she is upset, she would not be hysterical or cry. She is not an emo type. Instead she would be calm but her facial expression will show how she feels.
She would never threaten Lione because of her friendship with him. Rather she would try to cheer him up. Their conversation could be like this:
Lyra: Don't worry! I can be your character witness and tell them about your qualities.
Lione:...Please don't. You will probably make the situation worse.
If Lione becomes angsty again, she would tap him on the head with her knuckles and tell him to cheer up. She acts like a big sister to everyone including those who are older than she.
The only reason she would use brute force is when she get extremely annoyed (she has developed a high tolerance level after babysitting her siblings), which is a rarity, and she would never get annoyed at Lione. She used it on Reina because she realized that words would not get to her.
When she does threaten people, Lyra would give a cold, calculating, but calm one and delivered it with a smile to show that she meant well and it is for their own good.
Other than that, it is a nice chapter. I wonder what will happen to the branch right now and the location of the missing Daniel.
One thing is sure:
Something important happens to Lione in my chapter and might involve the Branch as well ^^.
No, it will definitely involve the HQ but well, hehe...an accident will slow it down.
So, that's exactly the way Lyra acts in such kind of situation *writes down*
Interesting. It will surely help me with my chapter ^^.
the last post was done by my sister (not the real snoogen), btw.
oh well the branch is disbanded.........
what shall we do now? ^^ so excited the ideas are flowing XD
The ideas are flowing? That's great to hear, Rai ^^
<hr noshade size=
I just noticed that there are not that much persons of us left who are on today or were online yesterday...(in order to read the new chapter) ^^"
I mean: Athrun quited, DS was banned, Rosalefay and Djmewmew are in a camp and koenosaki is away (hopefully back quite soon, maybe already)....
Last edited by Schwindelmagier; July 12, 2007 at 06:42 AM. Reason: Automerged Doublepost
whoa! there's not a lot of us anymore. when did az quit?
One or two week(s) ago, maybe ^^. But he PMed me and told me what to do with his characters. I shall write it down, he said.