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Good intro chapter. It was nice advancement to the plot especially since the part concerning the Black Order base had been neglected.
I do have some questions:
1) Is it safe to assume that this is occurring a few days after my chapter?
2) How did Flames get into the water? Did his wounds reopen because he was healed up in mine?
Here are some minor critiques so please don't get offended:
1) I don't know if 7 years old boys would be into mud pies at their age. They're more into bashing things and other active activities.
2) The Noah's base consists of a camp made of tents, not a building.
3) Your writing is good but kinda choppy. It's your first time so don't worry about it. You'll improve with each one
It is a few days past your chapter and I don't know how Flames got out but the next writter can decide.......I thought the Noah's base was a buliding...sorry. Well thanks for the feedback. I'm not offended by it.
Last edited by kcampy; September 02, 2007 at 08:39 AM.