Introversion and Relationships

[SilentMage]

Oh. My. God. I've tried to post this three times already, so maybe it will show up this time.

I'm not going to try to rewrite this whole post since it was way too long, but this is the gist of it.

Basically, I'm an introvert/loner/whatever you want to call me. Lately, I've noticed that it's difficult for me to keep steady friends. They just don't understand when I don't feel like hanging out. I can't sit and socialize and chat over nothing for hours upon hours because it makes me tired mentally and sometimes a bit irritable.

I like people, and I like talking about my interests and learning new things, but I can't do the chit-chat. How can I explain this to non-introverts? How can I let them know that yes, I do like them, but I would rather sit with them and not talk at all sometimes?

Is anyone here an introvert too? How do you deal with it? How do you make long-lasting friends? If you're an extrovert, what do you think?

[rabb]

i think the all otaku, and most anime fans are introverted... i'm certainly no exception. and im no one to give you advice XD but still, my advice, is to say what you just said: you're interested in them, but it's hard for you to talk. I guarentee you no guy will say he can't be with you if you don't like to talk a lot XD

oh, and with the big posts, always copy it before posting. never know when you will have to re-type it. *is rather well known for large posts*

[SilentMage]

That's true I guess! XD But it seems I always mess that up when I date people. I either try to talk too much because I don't want to make him uncomfortable, or I act like myself and the conversation stalls and he gets really nervous. It's really frustrating. I think I'll have to just ask a guy straight away whenever I start to date people again.

I guess my problem is more about friends in general though. A large majority of girls are all about the chit-chat, and not many of them really like anime. I swear I haven't really had a friendly conversation with a guy in months because I go to an all-girls college, and I'm not really interested in dating and going out to party (unless it's a club with mostly gay men, of course XD). Most boys I meet just want to potentially hook up instead of simply wanting to be friends (no matter how many times I say I don't want to date anyone), so I end up avoiding/ignoring them.

Wow. I'm not even sure if I'm making sense anymore. >_>;;;

[rabb]

well, you make some sense... but you only party with gay guys? that's wierd XD and it's saying something that i'm saying ur wierd. but no, that makes sense. im similiar in a lot of ways. although, while i know and like a lot of lesbian women, i dont party only with them actually, i dont party at all. I'm sure that if you mentioned you went to an all girls college, you'd have guys crawling all over you XD oh wait, that might be a bad thing... you don't have to wear uniforms, do you?

hmm... maybe if any of your your friends have geeky brothers, you could go out with them they'd be just as quiet as you, so you wouldn't have to worry about them trying to hook up

[SilentMage]

XDDD It's 'cause I'm a bit of a fag hag and because I have an insatiable need to dance. If I weren't so crazy about dancing, I wouldn't go out either. Gay men like me for some reason (and I like them too! ). And no, we don't wear uniforms. :P

And you're right; I most definitely DON'T want guys crawling all over me. I always get hit on by:
1) Creepy and/or old, scary looking old men that want to kidnap you (Yes, someone has said this to me. My friends had to save me. O_o)
2) Really, really boring men
3) Guys that seem cool at first and/or are very hot that turn out to be giant assholes
4) Gay men XD (This happens when multiple guys you've liked or dated have turned gay after dating you, and then you find out later that one or two of them still have a thing for you. I wish I were joking. XD)
4) Stalkers
5) Druggies
6) Perverts with crazy fetishes... etc etc

Basically that's why I only really talk to women and gay men nowadays. They're pretty safe and neutral. I don't know how to meet good guys. AT ALL.

I like the geeky brother idea, but NONE of my friends have brothers. ;_;

[rabb]

this is completly off subject, but if i were L i'd suspect light just becuase he was enjoying those chips WAY too much...

so... i guess the gay guys you talk to are the exception to rule 4? hmm... wut to say, wut to do... well first i must defend the kreepy guys: were not all that bad! *makes kreepy look smexy* XD

alright, well you didn't include those guys that are in love with themselves, so that one group of jerks down the druggies you just need to stay out of the general bars. actually, i'd avoid those altogether if possible. you'll never find a good guy waiting there for ya. don't suppose you like baseball or football? or moved to goergia from somewhere else? i think you're more likely to find a cool guy at a good sports bar before everyone gets drunk. if you're from somewhere else, then you could just say you want to go there to be around people from near where you used to live. of coarse, i'd suggest bringing along a couple of friends.

i think bookstores and comic book stores might be good, too. if you see a cute guy looking at books, you could stroll up, pretend to browse the books, and then ask if there is anything he suggests.

mind you, i know nothing of finding good boyfriends. i could ask my half-brother (who is bi) but im not sure any answers he gave would help you. and it'd be a pain in the butt to try and get his number.

and don't worry about having trouble finding a good boyfriend. all women do. and never settle. three of my sisters are still having trouble with ex-boyfriends that were exceptionally large jackasses

[SilentMage]

XDDD Oh, Light. You are so incredibly insane. *pats him on the head as I slowly take away the chips*

XD You don't seem creepy. Guys that back you into a corner at EB Games and say that they want to throw you in the trunk of their car and kidnap you are.

And sadly, I have dated a guy who was in love with himself. I just included it in the asshole category. >_>;;;

I've never really thought about sports bars. I know a little about football, but I'm not sure that I'm super enthusiastic about it. And there is a comic book store near where I live, but it's usually pretty empty. I guess I should go more often then if I want to "accidentally" run into someone. XD

Thank you!

Maybe I should turn this into a Dating Horror Stories thread. What do you think?

[Lohnt]

1) Creepy and/or old, scary looking old men that want to kidnap you (Yes, someone has said this to me. My friends had to save me. O_o)
2) Really, really boring men
3) Guys that seem cool at first and/or are very hot that turn out to be giant assholes
4) Gay men XD (This happens when multiple guys you've liked or dated have turned gay after dating you, and then you find out later that one or two of them still have a thing for you. I wish I were joking. XD)
4) Stalkers
5) Druggies
6) Perverts with crazy fetishes... etc etc

Out of curiosity, what exactly is left? Perhaps anti-social (lock themselves in their house) intellectuals, but for the most part, until their 30's most if not all guys fit into one of the above categories.. albeit in varying (oftentimes acceptable) degrees.

[rabb]

so which are you? you're forgetting the target bracket for all women: good looking, smart, nice guys that would make good fathers. granted, they make up less than .5% of our total numbers, but we do exist although, if you just dropped any of those four things the numbers increase tenfold.

@ mage... dont take the man' chips. he kill you. he kill you good! (although i want that mini-LCD tv myself >_>) and i pride myself and being as wierd and kreepy as possible no fun in being normal. so how did the date with the guy that loved himself go? i gotta hear that XD as for a thread for bad dates... nah, dont do that! i wouldnt be able to post in here anymore don't get me wrong, i've had a couple of bad dates... but i can't ay what went wrong without getting banned XD (remember wut you said about crazy fetishes?)

[Lohnt]

good looking, smart, nice guys that would make good fathers.

I played this card for 2 years, only to realize at this age women aren't interested in this AT ALL, this resulted in me getting my heart broken in two severely painful breakups.

In September, before I joined the airforce and still dated I wandered between 2, 3 and 6 (and 5 if drunkeness is included) depending on the girl I was with and how I read her signals. All of which worked better than being the knight in shining armor that absolutely no girl wants or knows what to do with at least in the U.S.

That is to say, if I dated here, I wouldn't necessarily act like 2 or 5 (maybe 3 or 6 depending on the girl and what she's after) but for SilentMage who lives in the U.S., I answered accordingly. Obviously things will work differently depending on what culture/country you live in.

Every girl that I know that has dated either a friend of mine that I KNOW is a big teddy bear and the nicest guy you know (good looking too) has broken up with him/cheated on him, and the same has happened to me as well.
Take the opposite route, and your cell phone keeps ringing at all hours of the night.

[Leen]

I stay in my room all the time too. I'm one of those people called INTP people. Strictly introvert.

My roommate on the other hand is strictly extrovert. So she will ask me to go here and there all the time and I will just reject her offers again and again until she gives up on me.

What's so wrong of being an introvert anyway? haha.

However, introvert doesn't mean no-relationship life. I believe that those who are introvert can be better when it comes to relationship because they will be pretty serious if they ACTUALLY decide to get out of their rooms for once, just for the girl.

Not only that, I can testify that even though I might not go out all the time, I do have some very very good long-term friends until now. I have those friends that I knew since I was 7 and we still keep in contact until now.

So, says who introvert are doomed to an old and senile and lonely life? That's wrong assumption totally.

[Azurel]

I guess my problem is more about friends in general though. A large majority of girls are all about the chit-chat, and not many of them really like anime.

I understand what ya mean; being an introvert myself. Apart from being the only girl who likes anime among my friends, I'm not interested in fashion which makes it even harder for me to say much. I'm usually close to only one girl at a time even in a clique so I basically tell her bits abt my fav anime or drag her to a comic/manga bookstore while shopping and introduce her to the figurines. I guess it doesn't matter if you don't have a friend who likes anime but if she's willing to learn abt your interest then it's fine. This friend of mine even watch Akazukin Cha Cha and Aishiteruze Baby for a while though she stopped now. but sadly, I realize I have more close-guy friends than girl friends.

Out of curiosity, what exactly is left? Perhaps anti-social (lock themselves in their house) intellectuals, but for the most part, until their 30's most if not all guys fit into one of the above categories.. albeit in varying (oftentimes acceptable) degrees.

O.O please don't tell me there isn't a perfectly normal guy around.

I stay in my room all the time too. I'm one of those people called INTP people. Strictly introvert.

What's so wrong of being an introvert anyway? haha.

Not only that, I can testify that even though I might not go out all the time, I do have some very very good long-term friends until now. I have those friends that I knew since I was 7 and we still keep in contact until now.

Yes, I happen to love my room too. A friend once jokingly told me to get a life but I'm pretty happy with how I am now. Btw leen, do you like walking around alone? I kinda like exploring places or shopping mall on my own.

I played this card for 2 years, only to realize at this age women aren't interested in this AT ALL, this resulted in me getting my heart broken in two severely painful breakups.

Well, maybe you just met the wrong type of women. Where do you normally meet women?

[walkie]

is there a line between introvert and extrovert?? because i really like having time on my own sometimes but also really like being with my friends...i do not think i am extrovert because i get away from my friends if i feel like, as i said i enjoy my loneliness at my room. but i cant be alone long time, otherwise i miss being out, chating with people...i guess i am troublesome one, huh?

I understand what ya mean; being an introvert myself. Apart from being the only girl who likes anime among my friends, I'm not interested in fashion which makes it even harder for me to say much.

waoww, thats the girl type i wanna date

I guess it doesn't matter if you don't have a friend who likes anime but if she's willing to learn abt your interest then it's fine. This friend of mine even watch Akazukin Cha Cha and Aishiteruze Baby for a while though she stopped now.

well at first some of friends laughed about it, watching anime? so childish? and etc. but in time almost everybody accepted it and i even turned 3 of them into anime-freak

Most boys I meet just want to potentially hook up instead of simply wanting to be friends (no matter how many times I say I don't want to date anyone), so I end up avoiding/ignoring them.

i completely understand you..most girls i met, stopped meeting me with after i stated there is not gonna be something like dating. i guess at this point it is not so different between boys and girls...

[Leen]

Azurel, I love to walk alone!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

When I go to places, I just go alone. I hate people tagging alone. I feel restrained with people around me. I can only feel truly free when I'm alone. haha. Even in college, I walk alone to dorm, to library, to classes. No friends, no tagging alone.

I won't mind a few good friends when I go shopping or park though. Nothing more than 3-4. Anything more than that is called a group and I hate group. XD haha

[Azurel]

Azurel, I love to walk alone!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

When I go to places, I just go alone. I hate people tagging alone. I feel restrained with people around me. I can only feel truly free when I'm alone. haha. Even in college, I walk alone to dorm, to library, to classes. No friends, no tagging alone.

I won't mind a few good friends when I go shopping or park though. Nothing more than 3-4. Anything more than that is called a group and I hate group. XD haha

I don't mind attending small parties for abt 10 or so ppl, as long as only good friends are invited. I know there are ppl who can't go anywhere alone, they must always ask someone to tag along; even to the toilet. Everytime I met a friend while I'm out, they are always with someone while I'm always alone. Nice to know I'm not the only one who likes to go out alone.

is there a line between introvert and extrovert?? because i really like having time on my own sometimes but also really like being with my friends...i do not think i am extrovert because i get away from my friends if i feel like, as i said i enjoy my loneliness at my room. but i cant be alone long time, otherwise i miss being out, chating with people...i guess i am troublesome one, huh?

Actually, everyone has some introvert and extrovert characteristics, it's just that you're usually more introverted or more extroverted. Even if you're an introvert, no man is an island, you're bound to feel lonely at times. And if you're an extrovert, there are times you rather be left alone. So I think how u feel is perfectly normal.