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Thread: my manga story idea - please critique

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    Registered User 初心者/ Shoshinsha / Beginner
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    Post my manga story idea - please critique

    Could people please critique my story for a new manga I am writing.

    I am happy with the concept of the story and wish to create something unique in the manga world.

    I am also looking for artists to draw this, as I am merely a writer.

    Let me know what you think

    The story is entitled "Red" it is a western-styled gunslinger featured in a dystopic representation of the future. Where weapons technology is a lot more advanced than peoples lifestyles, and having access to great power and technology has slowed the evolution of man, and forced the world to live under means of dictatorship, as those with access to power will rule.

    The lead character "Red" is a laid back and chilled character with crimson red hair and a blood-stained cowboy hat. He uses pistols to fight and relies on his gut feeling more than any tactic intelligence when it comes to fighting. His eyes seem dull and blank, and he appears to be in no way motivated to even live, however in the heat of battle his dark eyes glow a bloody red color, heightening his sense beyond human capabilities allowing him to hit moving targets thousands of metres away with his eyes closed.

    He has a wide range of pistols on his body, each with unique capabilities, his favorite of which is a pistol with a 2-metre barrel that can easily out shoot some of the greatest snipers when using his "Red Eye" abilities. He can see the path of a bullet and with such powerful observation, reaction and aiming skills can shoot another bullet out of mid air with his own weapon.

    He has no cliche 'mysterious past' that seems to be featured in 90% of animes these days, he simply has a goal of freeing this world from its current dictatorship, and take over the world with him as king. Not something that is usually found in your average "good guy".

    If you want any more info feel free to ask

    I have completed the entire script for what I would call the "first season" if you will. And am trying to edit it now to make sure all is accurate and make sure the story flows correctly.

    If you can draw manga feel free to send me a message, I will definitely pay you for your work

    Let me know what you think of the story!

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  3. #2
    Registered User 中級員 / Chuukyuuin / Member The Red Dog's Avatar
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    Re: my manga story idea - please critique

    CYBERPUNK FTW!!!!!

    Ooops hum sorry.

    Unfortunatly the uniqueness of your concept is compromised but hey Cyberpunk mangas are still very rare gems!! and to be honest with you Cyberpunk is my all time favorite genre

    First your main Character Red, although you don't like "backstories" it's very important to develop Red's psyche.Is he a human with Cyborg augmentations ? or is he a robot with a program inside his artificial brain generating an artificial consciousness making him think that he's partly human ?

    Second his motives for taking over the dictator ? he wants to "free" the world ? has he any morals ?

    Don't be shy & post the entire script I don't bite to tell the truth I'm currently writing a FanFic

    And I also suggest that you first write a good part of the story before considering a mangaization
    Zettai-Teki Seigi/Absolute Justice

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    Re: my manga story idea - please critique

    thanks for the advice, I'll try to clear some things up for you if I can.

    By disliking 'backstories' I mean I don't like the idea of Red being some chosen one. I like the idea that he has to work to achieve his results. Of course he has a past and there is a story behind his blood-stained hat and such.

    He's no cyborg either, I can't say I'm a huge fan of the cyborg thing myself. I'd like to head down the track of 'parents were failed human experiments (didn't die or anything, it just didn't work) but the powers activated in their child' however there are others with their own unique powers that were successful experiments in their own way, but Red got the powers from both his mother and father. It has to be a little unique for the main character, but I don't like stories that turn out to be 'he was just a normal person but actually turned out to be the chosen one'. I want him to work and train hard if he has any hope of taking down the king.

    I'd probably like if he was aiming to take down the king so that he could become the new dictator through force, as that's the best way he sees himself getting people to understand and accept him. Red wants to forcibly take over as king and become the new dictator so he can lead the world away from its current murderous rampage and lead to a greater future.

    Hope that clears some things up, and let me know if there's more I can clear up, your opinions are helping me make it clearer when I write.

  5. #4
    Registered User 中級員 / Chuukyuuin / Member The Red Dog's Avatar
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    Re: my manga story idea - please critique

    This is a bit hard to judge without reading the script in the first place.

    I get your idea of a Science Fiction story but I'll be looking forward to read the full script when you'll feel confident enough to post it

    Good Luck.
    Zettai-Teki Seigi/Absolute Justice

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