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Thread: chapter one complete

  1. #1
    Registered User 下級員 / Kakyuuin / Jr. Member hunterzero785's Avatar
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    chapter one complete

    here is the rest of the chapter. I'm currently working on chapter 2 and will be posting that when it is finished I did get more practice so the art should be a little bit better now! tell me what you think! thanks ^_^
    : http://www.mangamagazine.net/read-ma...2/0/15?lang=en also sorry about the writing, next time I'll use paint to add in the text.
    Last edited by hunterzero785; July 19, 2013 at 06:27 AM.

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    Registered User 初心者/ Shoshinsha / Beginner My5tic Shadow's Avatar
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    Re: chapter one complete

    Awesome can improve but its still awesome I just love the way you draw the facial expressions but can you try to give more details on the eyes? for example what you will do when you have to draw a blind character?

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    Registered User 下級員 / Kakyuuin / Jr. Member hunterzero785's Avatar
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    Re: chapter one complete

    thanks! and wow, I never thought of that one...by more detail you mean the pupils right? some characters I draw the pupils for and others I prefer to fill in as a solid color without the pupils.

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    Registered User 初心者/ Shoshinsha / Beginner My5tic Shadow's Avatar
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    Re: chapter one complete

    That is right, the pupils, try and add more detail to that so that people can differentiate when there is a blind character.

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    Registered User 下級員 / Kakyuuin / Jr. Member hunterzero785's Avatar
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    Re: chapter one complete

    ok

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    Registered User 中級員 / Chuukyuuin / Member DoctorApollo's Avatar
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    Re: chapter one complete

    I don't think the eyes necessarily need to be more detailed. I mean, these are almost exact copies of Kishimoto's eyes, and those are more than good enough, not to mention DBZ eyes which are plenty less detailed.

    They CAN be more detailed if you want, but it's not an inherent flaw of your drawings, it's more a matter of style and choice. I think this style fits you, but iunno.

    A few things:

    I actually didn't get what happened these few pages, even after reading it a few times... I got some of it, but some parts are a complete mystery to me.

    I would say you need to start having spaces between the panels. Like http://www.mangapanda.com/naruto/639/5. Aside from just panel borders, having a bit of space between the panels can help the reader see everything more clearly. It's not as necessary in a manga like yours because there's not a lot of action scenes, and in most pages your backgrounds are nearly non-existent, but I still think it would help make things a lot clearer.

    Pages like the one I just linked are a good example of your style: an entire conversation where you can only see one character. We don't get to see Lee, we just see how she reacts to his words. We see a lot of pictures of her to focus on the emotions, even though this entire page could've theoretically been done in just one panel. This is... good, I think.
    It shows the mood nicely, and giving so much space for the facial expression really makes the reader takes them seriously. It really makes you think about her emotional reaction to his words, and her pondering when thinking of a solution.

    However, with no backgrounds, and the fact you use this technique a lot... it feels empty. Like there's never anything going on, in 90% of the manga it's just characters thinking and feeling and whatever. Which is nice, it gives a certain mood, but you should try not to have too many pages with no background at all.

    For instance, this page after it: it's also just the same character, doing nothing, but the background really helps set the mood, and your shot of the purchase is really well done.

    That's the thing about your style with the panels -- it doesn't feel like there's an order, really. It feels like all of the panels are happening at the same time. Which is good for the mood, but in a lot of storytelling aspects, I don't really get what's going on.

    Like, this page, I've been rereading it ten times now and I still don't understand what happened.

    The top right panel. There's actually two other panels inside it -- one showing that stone or whatever it is, and the other showing her face, right? That's really hard to see. It took me a few reads to get that. Why? Because the background and the panel borders use the same thickness and same exact lines! I can't tell what's part of the background and what's a whole different panel entirely...

    So, because of this, you need to have spaces between the panels. This actually took me a while, haha, but I drew this chart to help you, based on that page.


    I still think your art is great and the mood is great and everything, but I just wanted to help you around some technical things.

    There's also a bunch of other stuff, like most of your poses look pretty dead and not animated, but that's okay, you will learn that with time. What's important is that your characters still show emotion very well through their faces.

    Also, I'm sure you know this, but your style is VERY similar to Naruto. You may want to change that or you may not, that's your choice, but be aware that your characters' faces are damn near identical to Kishimoto's style.

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  12. #7
    Registered User 下級員 / Kakyuuin / Jr. Member hunterzero785's Avatar
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    Re: chapter one complete

    oh, I did not realize that... sorry :/ I'll work on making the panels better! and how can I make it so that it isn't too similar to Kishimoto's style? thanks

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    Registered User 中級員 / Chuukyuuin / Member DoctorApollo's Avatar
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    Re: chapter one complete

    Why are you sorry? Don't be sorry, your work's really interesting, I'm just telling you about minor stuff so that you can get better.

    Anyway, I don't really know how you should go about changing it, or even IF you should. I think that your current style fits this story, and you are comfortable with it, so live with it for now. Over time, if you feel that you want to be more individualistic, you can work on changing and making something you like better.

    The most important thing is to continue to draw and evolve, really. Eventually your art style will be your own.

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    Registered User 下級員 / Kakyuuin / Jr. Member hunterzero785's Avatar
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    Re: chapter one complete

    thanks! you are very very helpful ^_^ of course I will always continue even though it's hard at times because It's my hobby and my dream to bring out a very awesome story one day but until then I will need all the practice I can get. My current level of art isn't good enough to draw out my big story yet so that's why I will make small ones until I am ready but without a teacher all I've got are tutorials on the internet... so any form of feedback whether positive or not is very good. it helps me fix what isn't liked and also improve on what is liked. the reason I don't really have backgrounds is simply because I don't know how to make them very well, but I will definately practice and start making some backgrounds, even if they are very basic. it'll probably be a challenge though ^_°

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