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Thread: i wrote my first manga

  1. #1
    Registered User 初心者/ Shoshinsha / Beginner
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    i wrote my first manga

    hikaru and yamy two best friends go to the same high school and have a history together(they are orphans) but one day dart a jin(one of the classes of shinigami) appears infront of yamy. yamy was freaked out and asked how can he see a shinigami dart reveals to yamy that yamy is not a human he is actually a Jäger(death hunter) and his parents were killed by the Jägers in the great war between the Jägers and the shinigami and that his parents had to send him in the human world hearing that yamy becomes furious. dart offers him to join the shinigami and yamy accepts dart then gives him the powers of a shinigami. dart then goes to hikaru hikaru freaked out dart then says the same thing he said to yamy but hikaru said that he doesnt believe him and even if its true he would have to hear the story and then decide dart went away.dart sends a shinigami to kill hikaru but then a young man appears and kills the shinigami hikaru was amazed since the young man was so strong the young man was amazed that hikaru was able to see him he revealed that he was a Jäger and his name was shiki hikaru said that he had seen a shinigami before and that he thinks that he is the target of the shinigami shiki says that he will protect hikaru from all the shinigamis.yamy was absent for a long time from school and acted weird hikaru was suspicious and started seeing darkness in him shiki started following yamy and then realises that he has shinigami powers he was shocked dart then realises that yamy is being followed by a Jäger and starts to fight with shiki hikaru felt something and decided to go to the place he sees yamy and dart fighting shiki he was surprised to see yamy being able to see them and tells yamy its too dangerous however yamy says that he has joined the shinigami shiki has been defeated by dart yamy and dart are going to zeme(the world of the shinigami)and then were stopped by hikaru who has unlocked his powers as a Jäger with the help of an injured shiki he starts to fight yamy but yamy comes out victorious hikaru shouts and tells him not to listen to the shinigami yamy says that this is revenge for his parents who were killed by the Jäger and they leave.hikaru and shiki are injured but a man approaches them and takes them and heals them what will happen now to yamy and hikaru.
    story finish
    i was wondering if the names are cool if they arent can u help me out and this story wasnt copied or anything i just wrote it today its original so i really want ur help becuse im tired of writing stories that sound like one piece hxh so i tried doing something new and as for powers shingami powers- eyes,sword or blade or scythe,release form. Jäger powers- sword or blade and demon arts.
    oh and this is a shonen manga and i was wondering if anyone would want to chat with me about manga stories we could learn from people and thanks for your time plz rate from 1/10.
    ps- i didnt steal anything from any manga i wrote this in an hour and posted this on yahoo answers but i just needed some help if its good enough i have a lot more to tell but i wont reveal secrets.
    plz comment i really want to know if its good.
    Last edited by karim sassi; August 05, 2013 at 09:34 AM.

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  3. #2
    Registered User 初心者/ Shoshinsha / Beginner
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    Re: i wrote my first manga

    i will call it death race since there are death gods and death hunters. Please reply and tell me what you think of my story.

  4. #3
    MangaHelper 九千以上だ! / Kyuusen Ijou Da! / It's Over 9000! Farfalla's Avatar
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    Re: i wrote my first manga

    I think that it has potential, karim, but we can't help but think about other stories that uses shinigamis, including a really popular one. Also, Jager is another word that will make people think about another serie. So maybe you could check those things, look for other japanese references for those groups, or even in other cultures.
    Imo, you should refine that story instead of start writing new ones. Unless you dislike it, there's always place to grow, and it's harder to do that if you keep building and then abandoning things^^

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