I'm quite new to 'Mangahelpers' and would like to ask something, so if you would please take the time to read it it would be appreciated.
I'm 14, from Australia and I have a large amount of manga ideas packed up in my head.
One of them is the story of a guy who's powers are centered around love, the more he loves someone, the stronger his power is. His power are pink flames that engulf his hands. The catalyst for his power is the school 'idol' whom of which he can never be with, one day she is kidnapped and he decides to go look for her. The more he looks for her to more he realizes he's in love with her and so on. He doesn't have any previous connections with this idol, not childhood friends, just met in school.
That's about it.
My avatar/Profile pic was drawn by me, some feedback on that would also be appreciated.
The problem with this, and I don't mean to be condescending, is that the "love" is superficial and idealistic and immature.
I mean, he doesn't know her. He's (presumably) never spoken to her, or even if he did, they had no actual serious connection as you said. Arguing that his power is fueled by "love" and then claiming that this obsession is love? That's sort of superficial. If it's fueled by love, it would better fit a story where two characters get closer and fall deeper in love. Sure, he finds out more and more about her, but she knows nothing about him, and their interactions throughout the story are non-existent. Claiming the love is growing is just a bit far fetched. It's just his image of her in his head. He doesn't know what she's really like, get it?
Of course, if your target audience is very young (specifically young girls) you could pull this concept off very well, I just want you to understand that it can't be taken seriously by a mature reader.
(also the thing is, again, not to be condescending -- you're fourteen, and everyone has views like that of love when they're fourteen. It's completely okay for you to have these views, and you're not immature at all, you're probably more mature than your peers. I just think that writing about SERIOUS love takes more real life experience and understanding, which is why you should either aim for this story to be more lighthearted rather than mature and serious, or wait a few years to write it, after you've experienced serious relationships.)
And the display picture is rather sketchy, get clearer completed drawings up, and I will be very glad to give you lots and lots of feedback.
Sorry, I feel like I was a bit mean here, so I will say I think the story is very creative and everything, I just think the specific idea is poorly executed. You could probably come up with something much better.
edit: oh also another thing, especially if this theoretical manga would be drawn in black and white, the flame-hands would probably seem too similar to Tsuna's ability in Reborn, if you've heard of it. This isn't that important, but it's something to keep in mind. Google Tsuna to know what I mean.)
Last edited by DoctorApollo; September 28, 2013 at 03:00 PM.
Thanks a lot for the feeback~
I know of those problems, I did take those into account. The 'love' part of this story is more such as a teenager would view 'love' at my age I believe love is silly until you're older. Although, I have read enough romance manga to understand the concept of love in manga. I wanted to try my hand at it. I did not want it to be much like a manga where the love interest is the childhood friend which is too cliche to me. I wanted it to be more of a "Say I Love You" type of manga. Although, I have planned it out further, and such. So, the main topic of the manga is a manga in which it is 'love' viewed by teenagers, who believe if they have a crush on someone they are in 'love' with them. That is why I put in the "No past relations" part.
I also am very familiar with Katekyo Hitman Reborn, although I'm not a big fan of it. I will set up a deviantart in future for drawings. There is no need to apologize for being too harsh, the feedback was much appreciated.
I like the idea you have, it's quite different to have a guys powers to be revolved around love since you mainly see that with magical girls and so forth.
The idea that he just decides to look for her without a reason and only after he does realizes he has feelings for her is a bit odd but I'd say it's still in the early stages and you haven't thought of everything yet. It could be that he realized something was wrong when his powers started to fade away since she was the source, not sure if you could go with that or not it's just a suggestion.
I'm actually interested and look forward to hearing how this might go about. Please keep me updated on this or any other ideas you have I would love to (hopefully) read them one day
Thanks for the feedback, Thomey.
I will keep you updated on the manga.
I haven't thought through why he knows she was kidnapped but I will.