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Thread: Opinions and help. Idea for a Story.

  1. #1
    MH Senpai 英雄メンバー / Eiyuu Menbaa / Hero Member Beatrice's Avatar
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    Opinions and help. Idea for a Story.

    I'll be perfectly honest here, for about 3 years I've been having a kind of story in my head.
    Like stuck, everyday it seems to develop bit by bit.
    I dream about it at night and day, when I listen to music images of my characters appear within my mind pretty much automatically and consider me crazy but it's like I can see everything right in front of from my minds eye.Like I'm...almost in the world myself.
    I can hear even their voices clearly.

    I try to explain it as best as I can.
    Quote Quote:
    Due to her Grandfathers influence, Erika always took a liking to legends of the world, much to the dismay of her schoolmates and even more her father who is the Mayor and Police Chief in the City of Mittwald who all mock her belief.

    16 years ago, the citizens of the City noticed an oddity with the appearance of a large crater where once the industrial district was, however, not a single person saw or heard anything.It appeared silently and without anybody seeing what caused it.

    On the day of the 16th Anniversary, Erika receives a parcel containing a book from an Acquaintance of her Grandfather who's will was that she receives it on this day.
    When she opens it at home and lays her hands on it, scenes occur within her mind showing images of what happened 16 years ago.

    It is also at that moment where she realizes something missing in the world now from before as she sees that there once used to be "The belief of a God", a concept called "Religion", buildings called "Churches" which all match to the stories told by her Grandfather.

    Shortly after, darkness falls over her room and a young woman appears in front of her who reveals she has waited long for this day, ever since Erika's Grandfather left the world heading to Hell.
    She introduces herself as a demon named Jill being tasked to protect her on a Journey to the Truth about Mittwald and the World as it is her right since her memory was wiped 16 years ago.

    The two team up in order to solve the mystery of the City and the gigantic building the midst of it, the reason and culprits for 16 years as well as Erika's true self.

    However, there are those who stand in the way, as Erika layed her hands on the book a selected amount of people also regained their memory and only a few of them are friendly.

    A long and painful road is ahead of Erika as she gets to witness death,destruction and devastation both physically and mentally but at the same time finds allies on her road as well as a lover within Jill.

    I can post more but I have no interest in spoiling anything because, while I am aware I have no talent for writing not drawing, I will make it my life time goal to be able to get this paper.What I wrote doesn't say much but within my head it's all clear.
    I will never be able to rest until I got this down.If I had help it'd be all the better and I would appreciate any I can get from the bottom of my heart.

    Any ways,
    Overall, I don't want some "Nakama" crap, I hate power ups by "Emotions" and all such dilly dally.
    I want a serious and real approach.My characters are vulnerable and killable.Yet I don't wanna write anything SUPER DARK and HOPELESS.
    Nonononono.
    A major point will be the lesbian relationship between Erika and Jill.
    Not Fanservice oriented or diabetes inducing just two people who will find their love towards each other and enter a serious relationship throughout the story.

    Mysteries will be plenty but nothing complicated at all.Supernatural yes, but nothing over the top.
    "Sleep peacefully, my most beloved witch, Beatrice."

  2. #2
    MangaHelper 伝説メンバー / Densetsu / Legendary Member riki's Avatar
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    Re: Opinions and help. Idea for a Story.

    I like the concept; it seems unique and I'm interested to find out what will happen. ^^

    Ummm... why don't you jot some notes down on a notebook or piece of paper? Then after rereading them, try to write a few paragraphs. If it sounds fine, keep it. If not, just edit it until you find it acceptable.

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  4. #3
    MangaHelper 伝説メンバー / Densetsu / Legendary Member riki's Avatar
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    Re: Opinions and help. Idea for a Story.

    *bump* How's your story coming along?

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    Registered User 初心者/ Shoshinsha / Beginner
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    Re: Opinions and help. Idea for a Story.

    So what is it exactly you need because it seems like you are most of the way there plot wise is it just someone to bounce ideas off of?

  6. #5
    MH Senpai 英雄メンバー / Eiyuu Menbaa / Hero Member Beatrice's Avatar
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    Re: Opinions and help. Idea for a Story.

    Quote Originally Posted by riki View Post
    *bump* How's your story coming along?
    Coming along quite great to be honest.
    The end just makes me rather indecisive cause I got two way I'd like it to go.=/

    ---------- Post added at 02:24 PM ---------- Previous post was at 02:21 PM ----------

    Quote Originally Posted by Ravemas View Post
    So what is it exactly you need because it seems like you are most of the way there plot wise is it just someone to bounce ideas off of?
    As the title suggests.
    I don't need to "bounce off ideas from someone". Criticism and opinions are what I want.
    Like is the idea I got even worth reading?
    Has something like this been done before?
    And so on.
    "Sleep peacefully, my most beloved witch, Beatrice."

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  8. #6
    MangaHelper 伝説メンバー / Densetsu / Legendary Member riki's Avatar
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    Re: Opinions and help. Idea for a Story.

    Hmmm... why don't you write both of them and see which one fit the story the best? You can always put the other one as a bonus like an alternate ending type dealy.

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    Registered User 初心者/ Shoshinsha / Beginner
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    Re: Opinions and help. Idea for a Story.

    Well I would first suggest working on the ending first with any mystery style story the ending Is imperative second it would be the villain with a a demon being a good guy I would presume that the main villains wouldn't be the demon world unless this demon is different from the rest personally I would go with angels as the villain since u don't see that very often and finally in regards to how the MC defend themselves I would suggest having the demon using the other ones body to release her power and the closer the 2 become the more power she can release this would work well with the yuri theme you have in mind

  10. #8
    Registered User 初心者/ Shoshinsha / Beginner
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    Re: Opinions and help. Idea for a Story.

    I'm not sure if this would be very helpful to you, but years ago I had an idea of a story. I tried really hard to put what was in my head down on paper, but I just couldn't seem to do it. After weeks of brainstorming, I got the idea of writing down summary plots that pop into my head, whenever they did. I carried around a small notebook, and whenever I started to daydream about the characters, I would jot down a few notes. When I filled up the notebook, I went through with a pen and started making notes to myself. Connecting the scenes that I sketched down. I did my best to number them in an order that would make sense. Then I transferred the notes to another notebook, and as I did so, I wrote more detail into each summary. When I finished I had a very rough, but well thought out, timeline of my story's plot. All that was left to do was flush it out into a full story.

  11. #9
    MangaHelper 伝説メンバー / Densetsu / Legendary Member riki's Avatar
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    Re: Opinions and help. Idea for a Story.

    How's your story progressing? ^^

  12. #10
    MH Senpai 英雄メンバー / Eiyuu Menbaa / Hero Member Beatrice's Avatar
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    Re: Opinions and help. Idea for a Story.

    It's actually going along pretty great.
    Just not too sure regarding the background stories of 3 characters.


    Oh and putting this out here as well, Artists are more than welcome to approach.Nah, make that are even wished for.
    "Sleep peacefully, my most beloved witch, Beatrice."

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  14. #11
    MangaHelper 伝説メンバー / Densetsu / Legendary Member riki's Avatar
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    Re: Opinions and help. Idea for a Story.

    Do you need to bounce off some ideas?

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