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Thread: Short story

  1. #1
    Registered User 下級員 / Kakyuuin / Jr. Member hunterzero785's Avatar
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    Short story

    Hey it has been forever peoples lol yeah I'm still not that good at drawing manga but I still practice here and there, I made this awhile ago so I thought I'd share it, tell me what you think, and if my art has improved? thanks! : http://www.inkblazers.com/manga-and-...e/8022?lang=en

  2. #2
    Registered User 初心者/ Shoshinsha / Beginner
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    Re: Short story

    I'm not going to say I'm the best, but I'll give my opinion.
    Hmm, the character art isn't bad for an amateur manga. The backgrounds could use some work, though. But most of all, I understood what happened, even if it didn't make sense. It could be beneficial to you to trace the backgrounds of something similar to what you want. I've read about a lot of mangaka who get their assistants to use reference photos to draw buildings and to trace them. Also, don't be afraid to use speed lines to indicate something being thrown. For example, when the black haired character threw the splinter, you could have used speed lines. Also, some angles didn't match up with previous ones, and other angles didn't have a large impact. Because you didn't ask about the plot, I'm not going to comment about it, but if you want, I could.

  3. #3
    Registered User 中級員 / Chuukyuuin / Member DoctorApollo's Avatar
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    Re: Short story

    Your art is great. Say, do you copy facial expressions and poses from references?

    I think right now something you can do to make your work look more professional is to use a ruler when making the panel borders, and make everything more straight. You put a lot of effort into the drawings, but the borders look like they were hastily drawn in two seconds. I mean, they should be drawn in two seconds, but also with a ruler, so they look straight. Haha. Well, I guess it's a pretty little thing, but you should get into the habit of it.

    Anyway, I've said this before but your facial expressions are great, and you have a lot of panels focusing on the faces and reactions, so it's good. You also got better at having unique designs, the characters are memorable and recognizable. A while back you had a story about a middle school, I think? Or maybe it was a high school. I don't know, the one with those two boys that almost got into a fight in the first day. Anyway, for that story, a lot of the characters looked too similar.

    You're also doing backgrounds better, again, I would recommend using a ruler, but that's a lower concern than getting better at the characters.

    One thing that still remained the same, your work is heavily inspired by Naruto. That's not a bad thing, I like Naruto's art myself, but you might want to branch into your own style. I think a good artist you could learn from is Suzuhito Yasuda, some of the eyes he draws are similar to yours, but he has bigger variation. Here's an example of his art. Maybe you could look into his drawings and try and find inspiration to evolve your art?

    Another thing I think you need to improve is hair. You have some good ideas for hair designs, but you don't always draw hair with enough precision. With longer hair, you usually do great, but with shorter hair you start half-assing the strands. Like this guy with the orange hair. His hair is short, but you still need to give weight to every strand. Look at Naruto's hair. Or Zabuza, or Kakashi, or anyone. Their hair is pointy, but it's not a million little spikes. There is importance to every strand, just like with long hair. The hair is pointy, see, but there's still attention paid to every single point, and it's all precise. Yours is too messy. You do it correctly when it's long hair, but with short hair you need to get better.

    Also, the main character with black hair: it's secretly a girl, right?

    anywaaaaaaaaay I'm sorry for criticizing a lot, I just want you to improve. Your art is great, though. I think the most important thing is to keep drawing. I want to read more of this story, so it sucks you always upload one chapter and then give up on your stories...

    I'll summarize it because I wrote too much:

    Your Strengths: Character designs, facial expressions. All the little panels that set the mood, like when a character puts his hand on his face, under his hair. Panels where characters arrogantly close their eyes and smile. Stuff like that. You do that great. The best character designs are the guy with red hair and blue eyes, and the guy with white hair. You also have a great face for the blonde guy.

    Your Weaknesses: A lot of stuff is just messy, like the panel borders, and in some pages the lines are messy, too. The way you draw short hair is messy. Uhh, mostly it's just that, mess. Your art is good, but you present it like an amateur, so people might not be able to see how good at it is.

    Anyway, draw more! I love seeing your stuff, so please draw more! I want to see more of this story.

  4. #4
    Registered User 下級員 / Kakyuuin / Jr. Member hunterzero785's Avatar
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    Re: Short story

    Oh ok haha sory about that I cant draw that good still, and my backgrounds arent good... and be my guest, if you want, please comment about whatever you wish to ^_^ Id like to know what you think about the plot

    ---------- Post added at 01:22 PM ---------- Previous post was at 01:04 PM ----------

    Blade 5468: haha thanks lol! yeah I got to improve lots of things still! and I am very happy to hear all your thoughts and opinions, they really do help me improve, thanks so much! and also dont worry, I will continue this story as well as another that Im doing with a friend oh, and also you asked if I use references for facial expressions, um no lol strangely I just imagine how the character feels and I create it somehow no references. I myself make many diffent facial expessions depending on how I feel and so on...maybe it has to do with that? lol idk. I will try to get better at backgrounds, my problem is I dont look at anything as reference when I draw manga...so I guess I should try it out a little bit...idk I will see how it turns out Im woking on chapter 2 already but it wont be out until next week or at the latest the week after because Im working on two stories at the same time.. this one alone and the other with a friend. anyways, thank you so much for your criticism! Its good that your straight forward about things so I can know how to improve them ^_^

  5. #5
    Registered User 中級員 / Chuukyuuin / Member DoctorApollo's Avatar
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    Re: Short story

    Then that's great about the facial expressions. You do that as great as professional serialized artists do. Seriously.

    Anyway, I'm happy you're drawing a lot! Keep it up. I'll be happy to see everything you draw.

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  7. #6
    MH's Best Artist 九千以上だ! / Kyuusen Ijou Da! / It's Over 9000!
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    Re: Short story

    I can't read it. Mature content. ;_;

  8. #7
    Registered User 中級員 / Chuukyuuin / Member DoctorApollo's Avatar
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    Re: Short story

    Quote Originally Posted by Googlez_kun View Post
    I can't read it. Mature content. ;_;
    Yeah, inkblazers is crappy to use with all these things :X just make an account and go to your settings and mark that you're okay with mature content. takes like ten seconds.

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  10. #8
    Registered User 下級員 / Kakyuuin / Jr. Member hunterzero785's Avatar
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    Re: Short story

    oh sorry about that haha how to fix it is go to edit profile and find where it says mature content and uncheck the box ^.^

  11. #9
    MH's Best Artist 九千以上だ! / Kyuusen Ijou Da! / It's Over 9000!
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    Re: Short story

    Just read the first two chapters. As you might know, I'm quite the harsh critic. I rarely ever like amateur stuff, but this…. I can't put my finger on it, but your stuff is really fun. The art isn't perfect, the panelling needs work and all that jazz. However, all that isn't important when the manga is fun to read, and yours is. The reason might be that it feels like you love doing it. You have a story to tell and you will do it whether the drawings are good or not. It's just so refreshing!

    Usually I'd give tips on how to improve your art and there is lots of room for development. However, I feel like it doesn't matter much. As long as you continue doing it with this passion and love for your project, it will be good. Keep it up!

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  13. #10
    Registered User 中級員 / Chuukyuuin / Member DoctorApollo's Avatar
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    Re: Short story

    Quote Originally Posted by Googlez_kun View Post
    Just read the first two chapters. As you might know, I'm quite the harsh critic. I rarely ever like amateur stuff, but this…. I can't put my finger on it, but your stuff is really fun.
    It's the faces, man. You're right when you say that the art has a lot of room for improvement, but it has expressiveness on an arguably professional level. You can tell easily what the characters are feeling and thinking. In fact, although the angles and speedlines and anatomy could all use work, the action scenes are still readable.

    Anyway, I guess I just feel that although a lot of her technical skill is far from perfect, the way her art expresses the story is very good, I think she has talent in areas you can't teach. Everything wrong with her art is fixable, but her mood/feel is special in my opinion, and that's something I wouldn't know how to teach someone who doesn't naturally have it.

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  15. #11
    Registered User 下級員 / Kakyuuin / Jr. Member hunterzero785's Avatar
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    Re: Short story

    Awe, thanks guys! it means alot. you said it feels like I love doing it and thats because, I do ^_^ I dont have anyone to teach me how to draw. so I have to practice on my own. but I hope my art will improve. I mean it already has now that I look back on some older works. A manga course would be ideal for me but I live in Germany so its not available. also I have no money lol still looking for a part time job to afford art supplies. I still use fine liners for inking. xD
    Last edited by hunterzero785; August 03, 2014 at 12:51 PM.

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