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I think it looks really good. If only the scans I translate were that clean. It would make the transcribing process before I translate a lot easier lol
Could you please re-size it to 1200, it's easier to judge that way.
The things I can tell mostly from this size are that your borders need to be re-done, it looks like you tried, and put complete borders around the panels. There shouldn't be any at the edges of the panels that touch the edge of the page. The whites still have dust in them. In the third panel, that rectangular part of the wall touching the edge of the page should be white.
The re-drawing looks pretty good from what I can see at this size.
Ill follow your advice. This was really only practice to c if i was doing good or not