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Thread: Broken Youth

  1. #1
    Registered User 初心者/ Shoshinsha / Beginner
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    Exclamation Broken Youth

    Atri:

    Hideki:

    Cover Page for First Chapter " Katon " :


    Broken Youth Teaser ( Basically A Combination of Pages from my Manga )


    Broken Youth Enemies ( Not All Just The Main Ones in Chapter 1 ):


    Broken Youth : Blake : Training


    The Original Atri and Hideki:


    Introduction:
    A boy has the right to dream there are endless possiblities streched before them. Whatever happens from now on, you stand firm and face your destiny without fear but with courage. What awaits him down the path, he will then have to choose. No ones going to give you a map you have to walk your own path. Children lead there own in search of this quest... when they search they are always asking questions. Whats out there? Whats awaiting them. Believe in yourself and create your own destiny. Dont fear failure.

    1000 Years Ago on a Lushous Green Planet , lived a society of people called the Furui ( Japenese for Ancient ) . For many years the people lived in harmony until one day, a boy was born in a upbringing village called Noto. The elders fortold his birth being the end their worlds peace, yet no one heeded their warning. Soon after the age of 15 , the boy began to change . Not only physically but mentally as well. He began to move things at the mere thought and could even use powers that no one thought were to be possible. The boys parents noticed not only a change in his apperance but also a change in his behaviour as well. His personality was alot more sadistic , detached from real life, and aloof. Many who lived or knew the boy began to worry about him as he locked himself up in a room. In the eyes of many, he became a shadow, only following what they seek. Weeks and days passed by and soon not even the parents were seen. People began to wonder what happened and came to the house to see what became of the family.

    Both Parents were found , yet their bodies seemed to be lifeless. The villagers managed to open the door to where the young boy locked himself in but little did they know they were opening the tombstone of their own grave. The boy unleashed a hell of no other on the village. Many tried to stop him but none prevailed as the boy enforced himself on the world. He was soon known as a senshukami ( Tyrant God ). His name was Takai ( Death ) . Those who survived his holocaust / genocide , often named Mikomi ( Hope ) , were put into slavery while others who believed in Takai's vision of a perfect world lived there lifes free.

    Present Time
    There are 3 countrys that control the land while there is one huge continent that controls the Sea. On each Country there are at least 3 bases set up , often far apart from each other. For each base is a commanding official to take control over that base and make sure the slaves do their work . Day in Day out, boys are sent out to the desert to dig for some treasure by their commanding official. Atri , a young 17 year old boy , has never really seen or known what has happened outside his village till now. Join Atri in an ultimate adventure of : Action , Adventure , Mystery , Suspense , Romance and big fuzzy bunnies in
    ( Still in Production ) Broken Youth.
    ==========================================
    The World Ends With You Cover ( Took me a whole day on my stupid mouse to color ) :


    For my friend CheezeWizard:


    For my friend Tidus:


    1000 Views ( Again Did it with mouse when I was bored ) :



    My DeviantArt:
    http://uchihamadara07.deviantart.com/

    Aim: DubHalo
    MSN: DubHalo@aol.com

    Please Comment and Tell me How It looks =]

  2. #2
    Registered User 上級員 / Jyoukuuin / Sr. Member TitaniumChloride's Avatar
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    Re: Broken Youth

    You're a good amateur artist, but I've got to say that I'm not very impressed with the story. It feels kind of generic. Try something else.

    Also... Atri doesn't look 17 at all (more like late twenties) and there was no sense to the Teaser. The art isn't actually good enough to compensate for the lack of composition.

    Really though, I'm not the best person to comment on you work so don't take this too seriously: Your style fluctuates a lot, but you seem to have some basics nailed down -things like poses, expressions and clothing detail- however, I can't shake the feeling that the drawings are traced copies of something else. You're not quite ready yet but if you keep drawing and planning -some help and opinions from more friends and even strangers would help- you'd be very good at this; what you've shown so far is a promising start.

    Just some last nitpickings from me, but I wish you started out with the summary/premise of your story before adding linked thumbnails of your relevant manga pages, then end your post with anything you want readers to really notice before leaving a link to your devArt gallery for your other works.

  3. #3
    Registered User 初心者/ Shoshinsha / Beginner
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    Re: Broken Youth

    Wow lol thanks for the critque dude and like is it the way I described my story or the way I represented my characters that made me give you a copied character or something?

  4. #4
    Registered User 上級員 / Jyoukuuin / Sr. Member TitaniumChloride's Avatar
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    Re: Broken Youth

    Quote Originally Posted by DubKira View Post
    is it the way I described my story or the way I represented my characters that made me give you a copied character or something?
    The 'copied' feeling was just based on the pictures. I've copied some drawings myself and watched others do it, and I felt something about it though I could be seriously wrong. ><

  5. #5
    Registered User 初心者/ Shoshinsha / Beginner
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    Re: Broken Youth

    lol its ok haha. people at my school think icopy when i draw in class x_x its a bad habit lol. i once did a comic on my test XD

  6. #6
    Registered User 初心者/ Shoshinsha / Beginner Amanos's Avatar
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    Re: Broken Youth

    not bad but the general outlook could be a lot better

  7. #7
    Registered User 初心者/ Shoshinsha / Beginner
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    Re: Broken Youth

    thank you =D , im still a noob and sort of a beginner but im always trying to get better ^_^. Especially with proportions x_x

  8. #8
    Registered User 初心者/ Shoshinsha / Beginner
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    Re: Broken Youth

    Quote Originally Posted by DubKira View Post
    thank you =D , im still a noob and sort of a beginner but im always trying to get better ^_^. Especially with proportions x_x
    I was going to comment on the proportions XD lol. At times you drew the torso too long and the arms really short : \... And I think in that comic strip the art looked a bit messy >< If you need help with proportions you can look at people around you : D. That's what I do at least... It really helps though.
    (You should work on your coloring -forgot to mention that- in the colored picture it looked really fuzzy and flat. You could have added some shading to add depth... If you used photoshop you could have made new layers and change the mode and brush to multiply >>" that would make it easier with a mouse then you erase what you don't want. But I don't know what you're using :\ so idk.)
    Last edited by Ray_1092; December 22, 2009 at 08:54 PM.

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