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Last edited by Mr. Prince; June 01, 2009 at 06:36 PM.
It looks really good. A few mistakes/suggestions though:
I don't think you need to keep the exact sound the guy is making (おおっ). "Oh" usually marks surprise in English, not a battle cry/shout.
Now’s the time we would usually withdraw our main forces and send the 2nd string out…
I would rethink the use of "main forces." It makes it sound like a war, not a basketball game (Unless that's what you were intending). 主力 is commonly used in team sports terminology, so something like "starting lineup," or whatever basketball terminology there is, might be better.
Yashiba guys 1: Against an opponent like Toki Central we go with an all member change and get to refresh ourselves
Yashiba guys 2: If it’ll always be like that our stamina might suffer from it
Yashiba guys 3: Yeah, yeah. And we might even have to compete with the guys from the 2nd string as to who will be a substitute
It might be the time of humiliation
Overall, I think you did a great job of smoothing out the flow, but this part needs more work. There's also significant translation errors. Here's one way to fix it:
Yashiba guys 1: Wow, this is pretty refreshing, Subbing all our guys against an opponent like Toki Central.
Yashiba guys 2: We're usually the ones who get that kind of treatment.
Yashiba guys 3: Yeah, yeah. And we sometimes have trouble with the 2nd string guys that come out.
Now that's humiliating.
オールメンバーチェンジ isn't an English phrase, so you don't need to translate it directly from the katakana. Either way, I think you took a little too much liberty with the accuracy here...
I’ve gotten a bit stronger and I want to prove it [TN: I really don’t understand that sentence]
You understood the sentence perfectly. No problems here.
General Jeer 3: My senpai wanted to get serious
マジだせえ means something like "totally not cool."
Overall great job!
And yeah, that shouting and stuff is not that easy. I don't really shout that much...maybe that's why I feel so. *lol*
Albeit the whole "battle of destiny" talk and a few parts where one can find some martial words (like 戦士 for players in this chapter), this war theme is more on Yashiba's side...Quote:
So even though it would fit somehow, I changed it to "starters" and think that should be alright.
Okay, adjusted that part...how's this?Quote:
Yashiba guys 1: Wow, this is so refreshing! To think that we can sub all our guys against an opponent like Toki Central.
Yashiba guys 2: Usually they would be the ones to go with that routine.
Yashiba guys 3: Yeah, yeah. And we would have trouble facing their 2nd string members that were sent out!
Now that's humiliating.
I guess it were those word endings/verb forms like the 見せねー that confused me to hell!
Ah! That was one of three sentences I skipped over and tackled at the very end since I didn't really get them...so that's what it means.Quote:
Thank you very much for your suggestions and taking your time!! (And thanks for your encouraging words. Great to hear that. XD)Quote: