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Thread: Hoop Men 10

  1. #1
    MH's Best Translator 英雄メンバー / Eiyuu Menbaa / Hero Member Mr. Prince's Avatar
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    Hoop Men 10

    Finally I get to use the opportunities of this sub-forum...

    It would be really nice to get some feedback and ideas for improvement (and of course mistakes pointed out) for this translation.
    Thank you in advance!!

    My Translation | Respective Raw
    Last edited by Mr. Prince; June 01, 2009 at 06:36 PM.

    TL: Oumagadoki Doubutsuen (29/37) || *NEW* HUNGRY JOKER (latest update: case.12+13) • Meet the Man: Sterling Cooper Ad Agency

  2. #2
    Translator 下級員 / Kakyuuin / Jr. Member Meriken's Avatar
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    Re: Hoop Men 10

    It looks really good. A few mistakes/suggestions though:

    Haraguchi: Ohh!
    I don't think you need to keep the exact sound the guy is making (おおっ). "Oh" usually marks surprise in English, not a battle cry/shout.

    Now’s the time we would usually withdraw our main forces and send the 2nd string out…
    I would rethink the use of "main forces." It makes it sound like a war, not a basketball game (Unless that's what you were intending). 主力 is commonly used in team sports terminology, so something like "starting lineup," or whatever basketball terminology there is, might be better.

    Yashiba guys 1: Against an opponent like Toki Central we go with an all member change and get to refresh ourselves
    Yashiba guys 2: If it’ll always be like that our stamina might suffer from it
    Yashiba guys 3: Yeah, yeah. And we might even have to compete with the guys from the 2nd string as to who will be a substitute
    It might be the time of humiliation

    Overall, I think you did a great job of smoothing out the flow, but this part needs more work. There's also significant translation errors. Here's one way to fix it:

    Yashiba guys 1: Wow, this is pretty refreshing, Subbing all our guys against an opponent like Toki Central.
    Yashiba guys 2: We're usually the ones who get that kind of treatment.
    Yashiba guys 3: Yeah, yeah. And we sometimes have trouble with the 2nd string guys that come out.
    Now that's humiliating.


    オールメンバーチェンジ isn't an English phrase, so you don't need to translate it directly from the katakana. Either way, I think you took a little too much liberty with the accuracy here...

    I’ve gotten a bit stronger and I want to prove it [TN: I really don’t understand that sentence]
    You understood the sentence perfectly. No problems here.

    ウチの先輩らマジだせえし
    General Jeer 3: My senpai wanted to get serious

    マジだせえ means something like "totally not cool."

    Overall great job!

  3. #3
    MH's Best Translator 英雄メンバー / Eiyuu Menbaa / Hero Member Mr. Prince's Avatar
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    Re: Hoop Men 10

    Quote Originally Posted by Meriken View Post
    It looks really good. A few mistakes/suggestions though:

    Haraguchi: Ohh!
    I don't think you need to keep the exact sound the guy is making (おおっ). "Oh" usually marks surprise in English, not a battle cry/shout.
    Wow, it's really nice to hear that. : )
    And yeah, that shouting and stuff is not that easy. I don't really shout that much...maybe that's why I feel so. *lol*

    Quote Quote:
    I would rethink the use of "main forces." It makes it sound like a war, not a basketball game (Unless that's what you were intending).
    Albeit the whole "battle of destiny" talk and a few parts where one can find some martial words (like 戦士 for players in this chapter), this war theme is more on Yashiba's side...
    So even though it would fit somehow, I changed it to "starters" and think that should be alright.

    Quote Quote:
    Overall, I think you did a great job of smoothing out the flow, but this part needs more work. There's also significant translation errors. Here's one way to fix it:
    Okay, adjusted that part...how's this?

    Yashiba guys 1: Wow, this is so refreshing! To think that we can sub all our guys against an opponent like Toki Central.
    Yashiba guys 2: Usually they would be the ones to go with that routine.
    Yashiba guys 3: Yeah, yeah. And we would have trouble facing their 2nd string members that were sent out!
    Now that's humiliating.


    Quote Quote:
    You understood the sentence perfectly. No problems here.
    Lol...
    I guess it were those word endings/verb forms like the 見せねー that confused me to hell!

    Quote Quote:
    マジだせえ means something like "totally not cool."
    Ah! That was one of three sentences I skipped over and tackled at the very end since I didn't really get them...so that's what it means.

    Quote Quote:
    Overall great job!
    Thank you very much for your suggestions and taking your time!! (And thanks for your encouraging words. Great to hear that. XD)

    TL: Oumagadoki Doubutsuen (29/37) || *NEW* HUNGRY JOKER (latest update: case.12+13) • Meet the Man: Sterling Cooper Ad Agency

  4. #4
    Translator 下級員 / Kakyuuin / Jr. Member Meriken's Avatar
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    Re: Hoop Men 10

    No problem!

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