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Thread: Naruto Part Two

  1. #1
    Registered User 初心者/ Shoshinsha / Beginner Majinking's Avatar
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    Naruto Part Two

    This is my remake of part two. Please comment and write what you think of it!

    Chapter 1
    Naruto is back!

    Naruto and his master, Jiraiya, one of the legendary Sannin walk through a road of dirt in between long green grass that is being moved by the winds. Naruto is wearing an upgraded form of his jumpsuit, one that fits his size, since he has grown since two and a half years ago. The blue parts of his jumpsuit are now black, along with the part that covers his neck. Above that, he wears a red coat with black flames on the bottom back and sides. A medium sized scroll is tied on at the bottom of his back. It is a sunny day, so much that Naruto keeps on covering his eyes with his left arm.

    “Hey, ero sennin?” How much longer till we get to the village?”

    “Asked Naruto”

    Jiraiya did not answer, he seemed more focused on his thoughts, his thoughts that involved akatsuki.

    “(Once we arrive at the village and naruto is given a mission of any kind, it will be dangerous. If he goes out of control and I’m not there, then there’s no stopping him. Not only that but, it will make him invulnerable if akatsuki makes their move on him. We really are in one sick of a mess… Maybe it’s bes-)”

    Just then jiraiya hears naruto yelling.

    “Her ero sennin!! Quit ignoring me will ya!?,”

    “Yelled naruto.”

    “Oh will you pipe down already! You made me lose my train of thoughts!!,” “Jiraiya yelled back.”

    “Hey! It’s not my fault we’re going to arrive later then we planned! If it wasn’t for you peeking at the women in the bath house then we would be at the village already!“

    “Replied Naruto.”

    “Oh really!? Well that didn’t seem to stop you from peeking in the first place either!! So why complain!?,

    “Asked Jiraiya.”

    Both Naruto and Jiraiya keep on going at it like this for a little while.




    The village hidden in the leaves seems calmed and peaceful, but under all of that the village is very busy. A certain amount of shinobi have to stay in konoha to help secure it ever since Orochimaru’s invasion. The village seems to be getting back on it’s toes though, which is good news for the Godaime Hokage, Tsunade, since it means she will have less paperwork.

    Scene shifts over to Sakura’s room.

    Sakura is shown standing in front of her mirror. She has the same wardrobe as Tsunade, except she does not have on a gambling coat like her. Her shirt is red and more like the style of shirts that Sakura normally wears. Her breast seem to have grown quite a bit like tsunade’s. She walks outside to the balcony and sits on a chair and puts her bare soles on a stool in front of her. To her surprise a konoha nin arrives in front of her.

    “Sakura haruno! Godaime wishes to speak to you.”

    Sakura’s face becomes serious.

    “I’ll be on my way!”

    “Sakura answered.”

    She puts her feet off the stool and walks over to the high heeled scandals next to the balcony door.




    Over at Tsunade’s office…

    “That brat naruto is back.”

    “Tsunade said bluntly.”

    Sakura seems shocked but happy, she begins to shake a little. She clenches her fists and smiles with tears dropping from her eyes. Tsunade smiles.

    “Go, go see to him Sakura.”

    “Tsunade said.”

    Sakura puts her head down in respect.

    “Thank you lady Tsunade!”

    Sakura runs from Tsunade’s office while tears run from her face.

    “(Naruto, I’m, I was so worried! I-)”

    “Cried Sakura in her thoughts.”

    She is now outside and is still running. She brushes away some of her tears that are on her face. She jumps on top of the Ichiraku ramen shop and keeps on jumping from building to building until she is close to one of konoha’s main gates and sees naruto.

    “Naruto!”

    “Sakura cried in a happy tone.”

    To Naruto’s surprise he notices Sakura running over to him. He smiles.

    “(It’s just like her to cry at a moment like this..)”

    “(Naruto said in his thoughts.)"

    Sakura reaches Naruto and hugs him tightly. She begins to let out all her tears.

    “Naruto, sniff, sniff you idiot! You didn’t have to go through this much trouble and risk of getting attacked by akatsuki just so you didn't break your promise about Sasuke! Tsunade told me all about akat-”

    Naruto interrupts her.

    “Sakura, I made a promise… in order to keep that promise I’ll do anything! Even if it means risking my life!”

    “Naruto replied.”

    Jiraiya begins to smile at naruto.

    “(Kid, you really do have a way with words. Ha, ha, look at me. I said I wouldn’t train you if you keep going after that Sasuke kid and now look at me. Back from training…)”

    “Jiraiya said in his thoughts.”

    “N-naruto…”

    “Said a convinced Sakura”

    Back at Tsunade’s office.

    Tsunade is revealing the news to Kakashi.

    Kakashi closes his make out paradise book and puts it away in his back pocket.

    “Well, well well, I come back from a mission and it seems Naruto has returned already.
    Last edited by Majinking; July 17, 2009 at 10:40 PM.

    Soon, soon that power will be mine. Sssluurp

  2. #2
    Registered User 中級員 / Chuukyuuin / Member Kuranzyan's Avatar
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    Re: Naruto Part Two

    Okay just a bit of advice here, it makes things much more organized if you try the format below. Other than that, you should compress phrases into paragraphs. It will look way better if you do that, trust me.

    Quote Quote:
    Sakura’s face becomes serious. “I’ll be on my way!” she answered.
    She puts her feet off the stool and walks over to the high heeled scandals next to the balcony door.
    See? Far more organized, and way less of a pain to read.

  3. #3
    Registered User 初心者/ Shoshinsha / Beginner Majinking's Avatar
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    Re: Naruto Part Two

    Thank you for the advice my good freind. I gave up on this fanfic but I will be posting some better organised ones.

    Soon, soon that power will be mine. Sssluurp

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