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Thread: Hey...

  1. #1
    Registered User 初心者/ Shoshinsha / Beginner
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    Hey...

    I've wanted to make a story with someone about another kid in the OP world. It's going to be a bit more on the mature side though...

    It's going to be about a dark skinned, 5'9", thin but muscular, wild haired, (If you have ever read Eyeshield 21 he has Gaou's hair) 14 year old. His village is famed for the warriors that they raise. Parents will send out their children into the wild as soon as they have the ability to walk. Then at after 4 years the parents venture into the wild and take back their child.


    A day that was like many others, a marine had come into his town demanding that all the people would pay a new tax. When the marine was asked by the village chief what this tax was for, he refused to say, simply telling them that "It was a recently approved law for all towns in the area." The main character knew this was a lie but had no way of proving it. He attempted to warn the village elder that he shouldn't hand over the money but it was to late and the village chief had conceded to the fake marine's will.


    Pirates sprung from the forest surrounding the village lighting torches and throwing them at the small houses. As his village was burning he'd called out to the pirates, the man who had asked for the money walked over to him, and looked down at him. "What exactly do you plan to do, I'm the captain of a huge band of pira-" The main character leaps up into the air kneeing the pirate in the chin mid sentece, he then pulls his knees onto the pirate's shoulders and places his hand behind the pirate's head. With all his might he brings down his elbow into the pirate's face, and he repeats over and over (Hitting the pirate in his face a total of 6 times before the pirate actually falls to the ground.)

    Even though the pirate has fallen and is laying motionless, the main character does not stop, elbowing him until the bones in his face has been turned into a bloody puddle. The main character stands up, blood dripping down his arm, all the pirates stare at him. One pirate pulls out a gun and fires, the bullet flies by the main characters ear but he stands staring menacingly. He then pulls out his dagger from it's sheath (He's only wearing a really long loin cloth btw... and the dagger is drill like and is serated too.) and runs at the the pirate with the gun, zig-zagging so that the pirate doesn't have an easy shot.


    The main character gets to the pirate with the gun and slashes his wrist with one of the serrated edges of the blade, making the pirate drop the gun. The main character then stabs the pirate in the stomach with the drill like dagger turning the blade so that it penetrates even further, then viciously ripping it out. A fountain of blood spills from the pirate's stomach. The other pirates, who until now, have simply been starring at the boy as he tears apart the best pirates in the entire crew.

    and... yeah... I don't really want to write a whole friggin chapter here so I'll just leave it at that... I know I'm probably not going to get many replies and the replies I do get will probably be just people saying how I'm copying and I should just stop while I'm behind... but whatever... I need someone to do art to... If at all possible...

    Oh and sorry for writing so much... and sorry for wasting everyone's time... and sorry for not really being specific about what I want... ='(


    HOLY CRAP I WROTE TO MUCH!
    Last edited by Girlsryummy; July 22, 2009 at 10:45 PM. Reason: Automerged Doublepost

  2. #2
    Registered User 英雄メンバー / Eiyuu Menbaa / Hero Member bittman's Avatar
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    Re: Hey...

    I'll be kind, basically what you're looking for is an artist to accompany you in your story whilst you work out the script and details.

    This is not the section for that at all, dunno what a good section for that would be though since I don't browse much outside this section of the forum.

    Perhaps you should also look into roleplaying somewhere to improve your writing skills. Generally things are ok, but it's probably nothing marvelous enough to get an artist to give a look at it.

    Sorry readers: taking a break from my One Piece reviews. Though I love doing them, One Piece Reviews are actually not near the top of my to-do list. Perhaps one day I'll return and do them properly.


    Spoiler: My one current One Piece prediction show

  3. #3
    Registered User 中級員 / Chuukyuuin / Member Kuranzyan's Avatar
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    Re: Hey...

    I suppose I could help you out on a PM basis. Y'know, get the concept straightened up and stuff like that... Organizing the story background, proofread it... You name it.
    I've had some roleplaying experience in the past and even though it was quite limited, I like to think I developed a decent writing style from it.

    Check out my short story here if you're interested in what I might be able to offer.

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