the chuck norris phrases thread

[monkey D luffy]

recently i encountered a few hilarious chuck norris phrases i wanted to share so i decided to open up a thread to see which phrases people know and are willing to share.

let me go first in case people dont understand what i mean:

"chuck norris can slam a rotating door"
"when chuck norris do push ups he doesnt lift him self he pushes the earth"
"chuck norris destroyed the periodic table because he only believes in the elemnt of surprise"
"if you have five dollars and chuck norris has five dollars, chuck norris has more money than you"
"chuck norris can kill two stones with one bird."

these are just a few i know i will list them all later

[-Ren Boy-]

"When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris."

[digitaldude]

My favorites are...
Chuck Norris is the reason waldo is hiding.
There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live.
Chuck Norris does not sleep, he waits.

[goldb]

Some people get lucky and kill two birds with one stone. Chuck Norris once killed four birds with half a stone. What's that? You say there's no such thing as half a stone? The four dead birds didn't think so either.

Oh the Chuck Norris facts, this brings back memories boy. When my bro told me about this, we spent hours just findin them and laughing our asses off!

[pirateninjahunter]

My favorites are...
Chuck Norris is the reason waldo is hiding.
There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live.
Chuck Norris does not sleep, he waits.

Waldo is hiding because of him!! lol

[Fajler]

LOL there are over 9000 jokes about him... literally...
Chuck Norris logged on to msn via the display on the washing machine...

[goldb]

"The Pen is mightier than the sword. Only if the pen is held by Chuck Norris"

[kkck]

All the chuch norris facts you could want.

[destiny4ever]

Thank you for the laughs, guys!

- Some people like to eat frogs' legs. Chuck Norris likes to eat lizard legs. Hence, snakes.

- When Chuck Norris was denied an Egg McMuffin at McDonald's because it was 10:35, he roundhouse kicked the store so hard it became a Wendy's.

-In honor of Chuck Norris, all McDonald's in Texas have an even larger size than the super-size. When ordering, just ask to be Chucksized.

-Chuck Norris CAN believe it's not butter.

[benelori]

Chuck Norris counted to infinity...twice
Chuck Norris once missed a punch...since then the sky is blue
If you turn China upside down, you can see it's written: Made by Chuck Norris

[goldb]

Chuck Norris has to use a stunt double when he does crying scenes XD GOLD!!!!

[sindergi]

Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

When Chuck Norris wants an egg, he cracks open a chicken.

Google won't search for Chuck Norris because it knows you don't find Chuck Norris, he finds you.

In the beginning there was nothing...then Chuck Norris Roundhouse kicked that nothing in the face and said "Get a job". That is the story of the universe.

Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got one.

[destiny4ever]

- When Chuck Norris was born, the only person crying was the doctor. You NEVER slap Chuck Norris.

-Some people wear Superman pajamas. Superman wears Chuck Norris pajamas.

-Darth Vader vs Chuck Norris who will win. Some believes Darth Vader because he has the force, but don't forget that Chuck is the force!