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Thread: Sign of Dragons- Ch 1-6

  1. #1
    Registered User 有名人 / Yuumeijin / Celebrity weixiaobao's Avatar
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    Sign of Dragons- Ch 1-6

    Sign of Dragons
    The history
    Spoiler show


    chapter 1- Norm?
    chapter 1: edit by Raine_Joybringer (thanx you so much)
    chapter 1- version 2- edit by "Liqiud" and "Tsayan" (Thanx, I guess, LOL, thanx again!!!)
    *credit for c1
    Spoiler show


    chapter 2- Showdown in the Gym (unedit)
    *Credits for C2
    Spoiler show


    chapter 3- An Expected Arrival (unedit)
    *Credits for C3
    Spoiler show


    chapter 4- Dreams (unedited)
    *Credits for C4
    Spoiler show


    chapter 5- Mother

    chapter 6- Storms

    Status
    c7- United and Separation------------------finished brainstorming, need to be write
    c8- The Joybringer----------------------------finished brainstorming, need to be write
    c9- To the Temple----------------------------finished brainstorming, need to be write
    c10- White Silver and Gold Knight---------finished brainstorming, need to be write
    c11- Warning---------------------------------not yet finished with brainstorming....

    And if you have any bright ideas (good or decent). Can you please let me borrow it for my fiction. (I will sure included you in the credit)

    Feel free to critized how bad a writer I am or just a plain pat in a back. Any comments, or accually reading this, or even come here to view this thread is pretty much appreciated.

    Thanx in adv!!!!

    Latest News!

    ---Update- credit for chapter 1-6 is done
    ---YIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIKE, so many people reading, I like so happy.....
    ---YIIIIIKE- some one change the thread name for me thanx whoever it wasssss!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    -As always thanks for reading and supports.
    -Bax want to be in the fiction, don't know when he gonna be in but that is possibility.... YIKKKKKE
    ---Now that we finished arc 2 "the Forest" we will be move on to arc 3 with chapter 7.... YIPPPY


    Before you read, I did post this fiction in another forum, but cause no one replied in two days, i got too nervous and take it off that forum. Alot of people said it was good enough to entertain them a few minutes or two, and some (a ten years old girl) said it was boring. But nonetheless, I modify it and hope it will change people opinions. Please gave me some comments on what I should do or edit.
    -This story should be similar to Dragon Quest, (and is influenced by all the manga and story i came to know)
    -Baran (the name of a dragon commander in Dragon Quest- Dais Adventure, and the last name Armstrong came from FMA)

    ENJOY! (hopefully )

    version 1- edit by Raine_Joybringer
    info- informal style
    Spoiler show


    version 2- edit by "Liqiud" and "Tsayan"
    info- grammatic style
    Spoiler show


    Next chapter "The battle in the Gym"
    The norm just became not normal
    Strangers appear one by one, what are their intention
    And who is that freak appear at the end of chapter 1
    Who know so read chapter 2 when it come out k.




  2. #2
    MH Senpai 英雄メンバー / Eiyuu Menbaa / Hero Member Raine_Joybringer's Avatar
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    Re: Fanfic chapter 1 by movingstone

    I think that with a bit of work, you could make something really good out of this. You just need to work a little on your grammar and spelling. But I love your use of description.

    You know, since this is an original fiction, you could post it up on this site: http://www.fictionpress.com/

    It's like fanfiction.net, but for original work. Hopefully you'll be able to get more feedback on there too!

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  3. #3
    Registered User 有名人 / Yuumeijin / Celebrity weixiaobao's Avatar
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    Re: Fanfic chapter 1 by movingstone

    Yeah, I got my first comment , Yeah.
    Oh, If you have TIME then can you edit my story (grammar and stuff)
    And I try to write a story (the grammar and spelling) is like that of The adventure of Huckleberry Finn but it is too difficult.
    You may see the grammar being mess up but b/c this is a first person poin of view that is why the thinking may not be in perfect grammar. k
    You, Raine_Joybringer, are the most awesome person in the world at this moment for me.
    Like your name you bring me joy.

    I will post my original chapters 2-6 before I edit them soon

    And again thanks and I think I should add you in my buddy list, YIke! cheers.

    ______________________________________________________________________________
    Last edited by weixiaobao; October 04, 2012 at 07:15 PM.

  4. #4
    MH Senpai 英雄メンバー / Eiyuu Menbaa / Hero Member Raine_Joybringer's Avatar
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    Re: Fanfic chapter 1 by movingstone

    Okay, here's my attempt at editing for you. I put it into to third person, as you seem to switch back and forth between it sometimes and it can confuse the reader. Anyway, I hope this is okay. I'm not sure if I can continue editing the rest of your work because I'm busy, but this will at least give you an idea of what you should be aiming for


    Sign of Dragons
    Chapter 1: Norm?

    Time travel, a world of ninja, a place where there is no limit, endless sky and land, a world of sea, where men free to do whatever they want, undiscovered territories, dark pit of space, and dreams free to form.

    So many places, so many worlds, only limited to one’s imagination.

    I, too, want to go to all those places; I, too, long for untold adventures.

    Yes, longing desire only breeds pain when one realizes it is no more than just a mere dream.

    By now, your impression of me must be nothing more than a dark and depressed kid, right? A kid who watches too much television and doesn’t have an eye out for reality?

    You’d be partly correct.

    ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    De name, as all call me, is Zach- short for Zachary Vandel. But don’t you think Zaku is a much cooler name? And if you do, I think so too.

    You may consider me wise for thirteen years old, and many do. But I don’t care ‘bout it. They say they think I am a whiner- a good for nothing whiner. But who can blame them? They are not me, and cannot see the world as I see it.

    Yup, my life is too normal and too dull. And obviously, I hate it. It didn’t seem right, that everything is exactly as it is supposed to be days after days. What I want most, simply, is a life of adventures, full of hardships, and unknowns. And that is, my friend, my romantic dream.

    ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    Monday is my favorite day of the week after Sunday, Saturday, and all other days of the week. It means school again. That is one of life’s routines that I cannot avoid but have to make the best out of it.

    Another normal morning- the garbage truck had done it again and woke me up at the right time without failing. And another normal breakfast with cereal and milk. Yeaaaah, I pretend and say I enjoy it, but my face tells a different story.

    The bus comes, I get in, and yada yada yada, and all that good stuff I’m not afraid to lose. First is period, math: the least boring subject in school. It turns out to be normal, not a surprise. Second period, reading: the teacher’s lip is constantly moving yet I cannot hear her. I was too busy in my own world thinking about fire; it’s one of those random things without a reason.

    EEEEEE! EEEEEEEEEEEE! EEEEEEEEEEEE! Noises woke me up from my slumber; sounds like the fire alarm went off, but one couldn’t be too sure. To my amazement, no one bothered to move. Then I realized it- nothing was moving, not even the slightest of sounds of breathing could be heard.

    I began to panic. They, my classmates, were not moving. They were just like a paused movie.

    This could not be happening! This is not normal! I was speechless, motionless, and to think was all I could do. Is this a dream? Or, is this a nightmare? Couldn’t be!

    But this is for real, my instinct told me so.

    Could be a punishment to me from above? I had blamed them for my existence... I tried to find a possible explanation, but the more I thought, the more questions arrived.

    But then a noise came to my rescue. I stood up and began to run like crazy toward the formless noise. Faster and faster, my heart beat. I ran and ran as though my life was at its end. At last, I reached my destination- the gym. No one was there, not a soul nor even a beast.

    The room was full of empty space surrounded by four gigantic walls. Nothing is the best word to describe it. I was about to turn around disappointed when I heard a new sound somewhat different from the last two. A cracking, breaking, crumbling sound made its presence known throughout the room. I turned around just in time to see a scene that is not normal- a scene that is significant.

    From out of nowhere, the very space in front of me, ten feet in diameter, altered. The space in the room was like a full blown balloon that, for a moment of mischief, looked like it was poked by someone. The air from the inside rushed out as the outside rushed in. A black hole began to take form. It changed to become more of a perfectly spherical shape every half a second. And there I was, staring at it without a blinking an eye. For me, this was a very magnificent thing in a while.

    The hole stopped growing and thirty seconds later, noises began to echo the whole room, footsteps.

    I regained my senses, and was quickly on my guard. I was ready to whatever was coming out of that hole. As the moment came, the sounds of footsteps became clearer and clearer.

    “Well! Well! Not a bad trip, don’t you think Heck?” commented a huge middle-aged man who dressed in what looked like an antique set of armor from the Middle Ages. The thing that very noticeable about him was his sharp looking eyes. His short black hair looked uncleaned for months and refused to lie down.

    “Not bad,” replied (presumably) Heck who was still in the hole.

    “Heck” finally showed up- he was not a human, for he didn’t look like one. His long tail, ears, horns, neck and fangs were enough to show his un-humanlike shape. He looked like a dragon from a myth, kinda like half of a Western dragon poorly pasted on the other Eastern half of a dragon. His size was not enormous, just as tall as a grown man’s thigh and as long, from head to tail, as the great lizard, the Komodo dragon.

    They finally noticed me. They looked very casual and very much at ease for they must have known something that I did not.

    “So it appears that you are Zachary Vandel, are you not?” asked the man.

    “What .. do you want?” I asked in a rather weak voice.

    “My name is Baran Armstrong and I’ve come to take you away,” he replied.

    “…Where?”

    “To the place that you are supposed to be.”

    “A place... I’m supposed to be at…?”

    Happiness was in my voice. Finally! Someone is finally here to take me out of this world! It was too good to be real.

    “It is your destiny.”

    Out of nowhere...

    “Heh! …He! ..Hoey! You are going nowhere. Nowhere! Nowhere... nowhere, I tell ya! Nowhere, for you shall remain here as DEAD! Dead... dead bodies. That is, that is, after all what master wanted.”

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  5. #5
    Registered User 有名人 / Yuumeijin / Celebrity weixiaobao's Avatar
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    Re: Fanfic chapter 1 by movingstone

    Thanks!
    I will use this as a standard to edit the rest. =)

  6. #6
    MH Senpai 英雄メンバー / Eiyuu Menbaa / Hero Member Raine_Joybringer's Avatar
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    Re: Fanfic chapter 1 by movingstone

    ^_^ Glad I could help.

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    Registered User 有名人 / Yuumeijin / Celebrity weixiaobao's Avatar
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    Re: Fanfic chapter 1 by movingstone

    Well been quite a long time since, eventhough I said I will post the last 4 chapters up. But I can find the motivation, with work and hw and all. Anyway I will updated the next 4 chapters tommorow, I think. I am not even going to edit them. Since I dunno how to edit them.

    So thanx for Raine_Joybringer, the only one reading my story (I guess one is enough to keep me going), thanx alot for the editting too.

    Have you read chapter 2? Just wonder.

    Oh- yeah I post your edit up top and give you the proper credit at first post!!!
    We need to keep manga scrapbooks alive eventhough the weekly manga comments move the other places. especially the main attraction White Silver and karaku's one piece comments and GK's naruto comments.

    Yay!!!!!!!!! I am a Senior Member, how many more post I need to made until a Hero member?

    You need 500 posts for that ~ bax

    Thanks for the ans.

  8. #8
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    Movingstone's off. original fic thread which no one care :bored

    Sign of Dragons
    The history
    Spoiler show


    chapter 1- Norm?
    chapter 1: edit by Raine_Joybringer (thanx you so much)
    chapter 1- version 2- edit by "Liqiud" and "Tsayan" (Thanx, I guess, LOL, thanx again!!!)
    *credit for c1
    Spoiler show


    chapter 2- Showdown in the Gym (unedit)
    *Credits for C2
    Spoiler show


    chapter 3- An Expected Arrival (unedit)
    *Credits for C3
    Spoiler show


    chapter 4- Dreams (unedited)
    *Credits for C4
    Spoiler show


    Status
    c5- Mother-------------------------------------finished writing, need to be type
    c6- Happiness---------------------------------finished writing, need to be type
    c7- United and Separation------------------finished brainstorming, need to be write
    c8- The Joybringer----------------------------finished brainstorming, need to be write
    c9- To the Temple----------------------------finished brainstorming, need to be write
    c10- White Silver and Gold Knight---------finished brainstorming, need to be write
    c11- Warning---------------------------------not yet finished with brainstorming....

    And if you have any bright ideas (good or decent). Can you please let me borrow it for my fiction. (I will sure included you in the credit)
    http://mangahelpers.com/forum/index.php?topic=10339.0

    Feel free to critized how bad a writer I am or just a plain pat in a back. Any comments, or accually reading this, or even come here to view this thread is pretty much appreciated.

    Thanx in adv!!!!

    Latest News!

    -If you got a better poem than the one I got in chapter 3 then I could replace it, in which the credit go to the one that find it and the one that wrote it (no credit go to me).
    ---Update- credit for chapter 1-4 is done
    ---Chapter 4 is done, so done with Part One of Sign of Dragons which is "Norm?" and started on the next part "Hapiness."
    ---Chapter 5??? Maybe over the weekend.....???
    ---YIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIKE, so many people reading, I like so happy.....
    ---Since you guys know that my story only have written two parts so far, so I think the next part would be "Gold Knight and White Silver Arc." I have the story in mind but haven't acually start to write yet...
    ---YIIIIIKE- some one change the thread name for me thanx whoever it wasssss!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    -As always thanks for reading and supports.
    -Bax want to be in the fiction, don't know when he gonna be in but that is possibility.... YIKKKKKE

  9. #9
    Registered User 有名人 / Yuumeijin / Celebrity mugen's Avatar
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    Re: Movingstone's off. original fic thread which no one care :bored

    it's rather interesting
    click to join mangahelpers facebook group

  10. #10
    Registered User 有名人 / Yuumeijin / Celebrity weixiaobao's Avatar
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    Re: Movingstone's off. original fic thread which no one care :bored

    Quote Originally Posted by Mugen
    it's rather interesting
    wow, you sure are fast
    Thanx so much for reading.....

  11. #11
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    Re: Movingstone's off. original fic thread which no one care :bored

    no problem i'll tell others
    click to join mangahelpers facebook group

  12. #12
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    Re: Movingstone's off. original fic thread which no one care :bored

    Quote Originally Posted by Mugen
    no problem i'll tell others
    Thanx man..
    Next chapter will be tomorrow!

  13. #13
    MH Senpai 英雄メンバー / Eiyuu Menbaa / Hero Member Raine_Joybringer's Avatar
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    Re: Fanfic chapter 1 by movingstone

    Oh! Yes, I read it Nice action scenes!

    Yes, this place does need a bit of livening up... but I'm not quite sure how to get people into it. Hm... :/

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    Re: Fanfic chapter 1 by movingstone

    Quote Originally Posted by Raine_Joybringer
    Oh! Yes, I read it Nice action scenes!

    Yes, this place does need a bit of livening up... but I'm not quite sure how to get people into it. Hm... :/
    Yike, I post chapter 3, you can read it when you have time, excluded time to study, rest, eating,.......... (anyway reading can't count as rest, can't it)

    ---I gonna read your Naruto fanfic, soon (wow, it look so long) (the Nibi one pretty good so far)

    --about getting people here just put the link in your sig maybe. Ask those people who post a lot to put the link in their sig or so.

    Anyway
    c3 here http://mangahelpers.com/forum/index.php?topic=11291.0

    I just thought of these characters for future chapters
    -Raine the Joybringer, a female assinator
    -Gold Knight, White Silver, Iron Grip, Steel Heart, and Black Blade are the 5 captains of Aquarius Kingdom (mention in chapter 3)

  15. #15
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    Sign of Dragons- Chapter 2- Showdown in the Gym

    For other chapters click here:
    http://mangahelpers.com/forum/index....6671#msg226671

    Sign of Dragons
    Chapter 2: Showdown in the Gym

    Human are so predictable. In the edge of life and death, they hang on to life. Why? Ha, I guess it is just our nature that we try to live; or someone will be sad, very sad, in agony pain if one eventually die.

    Out of nowhere.

    “He! Hey! Dead you will be. Go to bed little babies and NEVER wake up!”

    A silly yet creepy man voice came from somewhere up singing. That man, half hidden in the shadowy ceiling, smiled.

    “How are you able to follow us here?” Baran asked in rather a disgusted voice.

    “So master was right. You guys are up to something naughty. Master summoned me here to exterminate you insects.” replied the man

    “He underestimated us again, sending someone as weak and noisy as you to carry out such an important task. He hurts my feeling.” Heck also joined in.

    “UNDERESTIMATED me already. FOOL! I’m major Saccron one of the five great commanders of the fearsome fiend army.” Saccron angrily roared.

    “Major Saccron of the fiend army? The Dark Clown?”

    “Gravel! Gavel! Baran Armstrong, the Dragon Warrior. Yes, I am Dark Clown, the most fearsome and handsome commander of the fiend.” Saccron happily replied. He is as happy as quickly as he was angry. Saccron revealed himself. His face was hidden under some kind of clown mask or heavily make up. No! His face under no mask; that is his real face. He smiled with his fat red lips, twisted and cruel.

    “You should know real well that you along cannot beat me. What are you up to? Clown.”

    “I’m not stupid, Baran. Me going against a member of the guardians, the most famous one of all, is unthinkable. What if I am not alone! …. Come shadows, come darkness, shrouded, shrouded, thickening fears, come out, come out, come out and dance with me on the battle field.”

    After that gruesome speech, the chill ran down through my spine. And darkness spreading across the four gigantic walls. Black is the color, black is the supposed to be orange and yellow gym. Blacks are the basketball hoops. Blacks are all.

    But from a closer look, these are not just random black shadows with no shape. Blackish humanoid figures spread out across the ceiling and walls. And now, even the floor. What was I doing, standing there and gazing in amazement? This is not normal.

    Why won’t I run away? This is not me, the former me would be long gone by now. And why not? I ran away before plenty of times, even from a bumblebee with, of course, a stinging needle. But these are no bumblebees, these are shadowy creatures, or monsters from another world. All too weird, but I can’t run away. I won’t run away or else I will lost my only chance to leave this world. Finally with enough courage, I screamed.

    “WHAT’S THE HELL IS GOING ON?”

    They stopped, and all the attention fixed on me. Saccron, finally, noticed I.

    “So this is the chosen one. Heh! I thought he could be a bit taller. Pipsqueak, if you don’t want to die, YOU SHOULDN’T HAVE SHOUTED AT ME LIKE THAT,” and then he paused for a few seconds, “Shadow troopers killed that brat.”

    He have just finished the word “BRAT,” the floor crumbled. Shadowy creatures emerged from every possible surface. First went the head, the body soon followed, and then the rest of their limbs.

    My legs began to shake; the rest of my body began to sweat. Someone is going to killed me. No other life is more exciting than this.

    “GET BACK!”

    Baran shouted, “I will protect you.”

    “You do no such thing,” the clown smiled, “You got to deal with me first”

    Before I realized, the battle had already began. Dark Clown jumped down from the ceiling. As he jumped, he muttered some words. Between his two hand, a sickle formed. “Die! Baran”

    With lightning reaction, Baran drew out his sword, “Bjeng!” the two weapons collided. Ray of spark spited out.

    Baran’s sword is so magnificent. The blade is long, shiny, very very sharp, and somewhat flexible. The handle made of silver and shaped like a head of a dragon.

    While I stared blankly at the sword, one of the shadow creatures struck me from behind. It hit my head. And down I went, collided to the ground.

    “Heck! PROTETED THE BOY!”

    Heck fought his way toward me.

    “DRAGON FIRE!” “FLUUNG” He spited out a great flame and busted the shadowy creatures. “ARRRRGGG” they moaned in agony just a few seconds before they blasted into oblivion.

    Another shadowy creature emerged from the ground behind Heck.

    “BEHIND YOU!” but I was too late. It knock Heck to the ground, and five others body slammed him.

    I was helpless. Another one came on to me, raised his huge shadowy arms and about to slammed it real hard again my fragile body. This is it. All my memories lash out before my mind…. How I wish none of this had happen. My mind’s getting darker and darker’ until, I heard someone’s crying. And her face flash out before my eyes, such a caring gentle mother. I WANT TO LIVE.

    “CATCH!” It happened so quickly. I caught it and swung it hard. My eye still closed. My ears still deaf, and there are lights everywhere.

    “ARRRGGG” I opened my eyes just in time to see the creature disappearing and revealed that scene. Dark Clown swung his sickle. And blood everywhere. Baran was in pain. But where’s his sword. Something cold was in my hand. I threw it, as hard as I could. He caught it swung it at the Dark Clown. The clown jumped backward quickly and dodged it.

    “Fuu.” Thanks Gosh that was too close. I let my guard down again and paid for it dearly. A kick to my left abdominal, and I fly off in the air for a few seconds just so I could collided down to the floor again. Happened too fast. Too fast to feel pain. And now my whole body, like out of battery. The creature came at me again. His leg was raised up high. This is it. I think I going to die. But I WANT TO LIVE.

    Something is happening. I am being suck into. “Fooooom.” Everything went blank. There are no shadowy creatures. There is no Heck the dragon. There is no clown. There is no Baran. Everything went blank.

    To be continued
    Edit Saturday, October 28, 2006
    1:37PM

    Next chapter
    Chapter 3 "An Expected Arrival"
    What happened to the battle?
    Will Heck and Baran will be OK?
    Is Zach gonna died?
    what the heck is "An expected arrival" even meant?

    You find out in chapter 3. Have fun reading.
    ---------------------------------------------------------------------------

    Please comments even if it negative!

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