Beautiful, just beautiful
well done, i loved the way you told your story, very professional
i'll be waiting for the next chapter, but it seemes kind of short, you should make it a bit longer if it's the first one.
Oh there's lots more. I am trying to get this story started out just right so it all makes sense later. I may end up releasing the next few chapters early, so stay tuned!
The men in brown had lead the man to their ship. It had the appearance of a giant, metal eagle. There was nothing special about its size, but he could tell that this was no ordinary ship. He had never seen anything like it.
Before he could inspect it further, the men had rushed him inside. Despite their haste, they treated him with a certain amount of respect that he hadn't received before.
"Forgive me for not introducing myself, but we had to get you to our ship as fast as possible." started the oldest of the three in brown. "Care for a drink?" he motioned as he poured himself a glass of fizzy green liquid. The bottle had a splash of waves surrounding the words 'Skratch' written in bright green. "Don't worry, this isn't alcoholic."
The young man grew impatient, but resisted the urge to ask them what was going on. It seemed like he would get to the point eventually. After motioning that he didn't want anything, the older man continued. "Forgive my manners, I haven't even introduced myself. I am Brai Strauss, head councilman of the Central Skill Center of China, the CSC." he set down his drink as the others routinely introduced themselves.
The young captive looked at the three of them. They had not changed their demeanor at all over the course of the past half hour. "I believe you need an explanation from me."
"We already know who you are, Erios." came a voice from a dark corner of the compartment. Erios looked in shock as the younger man came forward and sat down next to Brai, a look of confidence on his face as he poured himself a drink.
Last edited by Syphilias; July 12, 2010 at 10:19 AM.
Reason: Automerged Doublepost
Sokaaaa, it's so exciting ! i really wish you good luck with it
isn't it a hard thing to write a manga story ? i, myself, have started one but my head was boiling with ideas, with every step in the story comes a new way of telling it...it's just crazy but i love it
i'll be waiting for the next one
Glad you're liking it! I'll be working hard to keep up to your expectations.
The only advice I can give you would be to simply write. Once you get your ideas flowing on paper(or notepad on your computer) then your ideas will start to come naturally. Don't worry about how it will sound, because someone will end up liking it even if you aren't 100% happy with it.
Until next time!
Storm was just about to sit down when a loud knock brought her back to reality. It's a wonder why they even need me, they work so fast! she thought to herself while making her way toward the door. She opened it to find a stalwart figure that seemed big even for a regular sized shack.
"Ms. Campbell, we have scooped up our little visitor." she stared at him with a bored look on her face. He took a quick glance around her room before continuing. "There's something I must discuss with you, I ask your permission to enter." He walked in before she could even answer. Figures...
She started turning on all of the machines with a newfound look of eagerness. Storm never quite felt right unless she had her machines running. She had spent the last six years here designing them after all. There was something about electronics that made her feel at peace.
She looked at the now-hunched-over man as he stood waiting for her to find him somewhere to sit. She picked out a stool for him from underneath her bed before sitting on the bed herself. She picked up her notepad and continued working where she left off while he spoke.
"You know, though these machines of yours take up quite a bit of electricity, a lightbulb wouldn't go over the abundant amount of electricity we have alotted--"
"The candles help me feel at home, Mr. Fritz." she interrupted, her voice never wavering. He cleared his throat and continued.
"There's something we have been keeping from you, Ms. Campbell. Something that we've known since before you even joined the CSC six years ago."
"If it's about my father..."
"We are aware of Grolg's achievements, Ms. Campbell." She winced at the fact that he had called him by his first name, yet insisted on calling her Ms. Campbell. Only those close to her father had called him by his name. "This is about you."
"Oh?" she was sincerely interested.
"Ms. Campbell, you are not of this planet."
"What!?" she had spilled the water over her notebook. She thought for a few seconds. Why would the CSC keep this information from her, and what has had to have happened in order for them to tell her? She regained composure. If she wanted answers, she would have to be clear of mind. "And my father? He knew?"
"Yes, in fact, he was the one who had told us to keep this information from you."
"Why would he do that? I trusted him! I loved him..." she sat back down, breathing heavily.
"Ms. Campbell, I assure you that this will all become very clear once we introduce you to our little visitor."
The man left without saying another word. The candle flickered as he closed the door, and there sat Storm Campbell, alone in her dimly lit room, Mr. Fritz's words echoing in her mind. "Yes, in fact, he was the one who had told us to keep this information from you."
The candle made its last flicker before finally going out.
-- Next Friday -- 3 FULL CHAPTERS!!!
Storm has been questioning the trust she has had with the CSC for the past six years, and now she has learned something that her father has kept from her. Can she trust this information? What will she do with this newfound knowledge, and what does Erios have to do with all of this?
Right now, Storm is waiting patiently for everything to make sense. What does this visitor have to do with her father? Find out 7/23/2010 in
STORM AND ERIOS
Last edited by Syphilias; July 16, 2010 at 04:24 PM.
Reason: Automerged Doublepost
The compartment in the eagle ship was more of a dining room complete with bar and casino than a ship. This made Erios feel uncomfortable.
After seeing this younger man appear, there was no telling who or what else other than those in the room.
After gulping down his third glass of goo, he slammed it down and stood up again. He had long spindly hair which he kept having to sweep back. Not so much in a snobby way, no.
" I see that there is no reason to continue this charade, Erios." his icy eyes
the cheerful mood of the room and all remained quiet. Brai was obviously intimidated by this younger man. He was much, much younger, better built and better looking than him, not to mention the plain reality of higher ranking. Erios could see the loathing in Brai's face.
"I guess I will have a drink, err..." said Erios with a gulp.
"Raditz... Oh we have much more important things to talk about Erios." said Raditz with a sense of purpose rather than smugly. "The bow," Erios' attention focused. "The Bow of Norn, with phazon technology.
Erios let out a heaving sigh.
"That's why I came to this planet!?" said Erios.
Raditz sat back down calmly. "Do you remember anything at all?
"I do now! I'm from Midgarsormr. I came with a group calld Ragnarok but got seperated
and crashlanded here on... "he pressed a button on his wrist computer and its display brought up some text. "Earth."
Raditz drummed the chair in thought. Brai and the others looked at each other.
"Does he know of The Lost Artifacts of Odin?"
"He must if he has the bow!"
"We must tell The Elders at once!"
"Quiet!!" hissed Raditz. "Erios," he continud. "You are in posession of something very important to our planet."
Erios listened intently but could not remember anything.
"Erios, I think you need rest
¥>>Sorry for such a long delay guys and girls!! So much stuff going on in my life at the moment.
Where to begin?
I started coming up with these two characters about November 2009. The original idea was extremely contrasting to the current version.
(Storm was originally the alien visitor and came for a very average farmer named Erios. What set him apart was his superb skill at archery.
Storm's and Erios' names came from me naming Cecil <Suto-mu> in katakana (this was the Japanese version) and Kain(
( in the JP version he is kah een rather than kay n) I named <eriosu>
So that's where the names came from!
So at the beginning of January I was homeless. I ended up staying with a Redwood Gospel Mission.
This changed my life.
After leaving there I stayed at friends' and eventually got into a shelter for a month.
After that I had nowhere to go. My mom helped me so much. We had to sleep in a van at a walmart parking lot, before she called the Mary Isaak Center, and I was staying there for 6 months.
It was a safe place to live, although living with 100 people can get annoying. It was while I was living here that I had decided to sit down and work on the book.
About 4 months into my stay a long time friend of mine, Tom, tells me he had been working on an album for a year now and needed a drummer. He offered a place to stay and food so I obliged.
I've been busy working with our guitarist and singer, but now I am using my psp to continue working on the book.
Comments are always welcome, but if you have any questions, answering them will most definitely help me.
Last edited by Syphilias; October 08, 2010 at 03:43 PM.
Reason: Automerged Doublepost
Any criticism, comments, flames, welcomes, or whatever else you can think of would be greatly appreciated. I'm sorry I haven't updated in a while, I haven't really had any ideas for what to do with these characters. ; ;
Just letting you guys know that I will be posting this on mangashare.com from now on. My name is Areckx in the community of mangashare.com and pspdlc.net
I am posting this to prevent any questions of who originally wrote this. These are my writings, my characters, and I give absolutely nobody the right to reproduce my work in any way, shape, or form.
Besides even if you did take it from me, you wouldn't know where to begin! You know NOTHING of these characters. So... Anyway if anyone is still reading this... my updates will be on mangashare