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Thread: Request a Full Translation Check

  1. #346
    Translator 上級員 / Jyoukuuin / Sr. Member cmertb's Avatar
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    Re: My First Translation! (:

    I can't believe I'm saying this after it's been said to me so many times, but your tl is too literal in a few places. Try to word it more naturally. For example, "Even though there's an old lady standing in front of her eyes" --> would you really say this in English? You'd say "in front of her", with no "eyes", right?

    Some lines that need to be fixed:

    Quote Quote:
    それは俺がバカだからって
    わけじゃなくて(それもあるけど)
    Narrator: I'm an idiot, but even so, that's not the reason (Well, it might be, but)
    It's all one clause here, which means: "It's not because I'm an idiot (although there's some of that too)"

    Quote Quote:
    可愛マリアなんていうかつまり
    Narrator: In short, Kawai Maria is called things like

    Page 2:
    アクマなんだよな。
    a devil.
    Kawai Maria is... how should I put it... basically, a devil. {There's another interpretation possible, but in any case, I don't think "called a devil" is the meaning here}

    Might be more, but let someone more experienced handle it.

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  3. #347
    Registered User 初心者/ Shoshinsha / Beginner Synthoxide's Avatar
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    Re: My First Translation! (:

    Quote Originally Posted by mikkih View Post
    Hi. The manga is entertaining. I don't quite like the Maria girl that much though...

    Anyway, here are a few suggestions:
    (1) Girls' School, not Girl's School, and
    (2) Isn't it almost a crime to be that cute? The raw is not "犯罪人にしてはかわいくね?" 

    Hello! (: Believe it or not, I actually am not a fan of Maria, myself. I like Meguro a lot more. ^^;

    (1) That's my grammatical error. XD Sorry about that.
    (2) Thank you! I wasn't too sure about that line. But I understand it now.

    Thank you very much~

    Quote Originally Posted by cmertb View Post
    I can't believe I'm saying this after it's been said to me so many times, but your tl is too literal in a few places. Try to word it more naturally. For example, "Even though there's an old lady standing in front of her eyes" --> would you really say this in English? You'd say "in front of her", with no "eyes", right?

    Some lines that need to be fixed:


    It's all one clause here, which means: "It's not because I'm an idiot (although there's some of that too)"


    Kawai Maria is... how should I put it... basically, a devil. {There's another interpretation possible, but in any case, I don't think "called a devil" is the meaning here}

    Might be more, but let someone more experienced handle it.

    Oh wow. o_o I hadn't even noticed it. It does sound pretty unnatural, doesn't it? xD No, thank you! I'll go through what I've got so far and fix it, and then be more careful in the future. ;D Again, thank you for your help! ^^


    Art by わん子 & 白树
    生きて、笑って、愛して。
    From, your neighborhood synthie-chan.

  4. #348
    Translator/Moderator 英雄メンバー / Eiyuu Menbaa / Hero Member
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    Re: My First Translation! (:

    Quote Originally Posted by cmertb View Post
    Some lines that need to be fixed:
    It's all one clause here, which means: "It's not because I'm an idiot (although there's some of that too)"
    Your translation is perfect , but she can also brake up the clauses and not make a compound sentence I think. What I mean is that the phrase in () is probably just the speaker's thought that was unsaid.

  5. #349
    Registered User 初心者/ Shoshinsha / Beginner Synthoxide's Avatar
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    Re: My First Translation! (:

    I'm bumping up my own thread. xD

    Still looking for some thoughts/suggestions/criticisms. (:


    Art by わん子 & 白树
    生きて、笑って、愛して。
    From, your neighborhood synthie-chan.

  6. #350
    Registered User 初心者/ Shoshinsha / Beginner Hidari's Avatar
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    My first translation attempt

    Hi all, it's my very first attempt on translating so please feel free to criticise

    The raw that I referred to was pretty blur so words that I really couldn't figure out are marked 'x'

    So here goes, thanks for your time ^^


    Spoiler show
    Last edited by Hidari; December 20, 2010 at 03:35 AM. Reason: Edited translation errors

  7. #351
    Translator/Moderator 英雄メンバー / Eiyuu Menbaa / Hero Member
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    Re: My first translation attempt

    風船 (ふうせん) is not a ship.

    テスト1週間前切ってんだろ?--> Use the future tense, not the past.

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  9. #352
    Registered User 初心者/ Shoshinsha / Beginner Hidari's Avatar
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    Re: My first translation attempt

    Quote Originally Posted by mikkih View Post
    風船 (ふうせん) is not a ship.

    テスト1週間前切ってんだろ?--> Use the future tense, not the past.
    Oh my, my bad my bad, that was a really careless mistake of mine ^^"

    Thanks so much for the help!

    Just wondering, would that sentence mean "Isn't your tests ending in a weeks time?" I'm a little confused by the 前...

  10. #353
    Translator/Moderator 英雄メンバー / Eiyuu Menbaa / Hero Member
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    Re: My first translation attempt

    You can translate it in different ways.

    Aren't
    your tests coming up in less than a week?
    Don't you have tests in less than a week?
    You have less than a week before your exams, don't you?
    You don't even have a week before your tests, do you?

    Notes:
    テスト:test(s), exam(s)
    words in bold: 切ってん=切っている
    underlined part: だろう?

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  12. #354
    Registered User 初心者/ Shoshinsha / Beginner Hidari's Avatar
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    Re: My first translation attempt

    Quote Originally Posted by mikkih View Post
    You can translate it in different ways.

    Aren't
    your tests coming up in less than a week?
    Don't you have tests in less than a week?
    You have less than a week before your exams, don't you?
    You don't even have a week before your tests, do you?

    Notes:
    テスト:test(s), exam(s)
    words in bold: 切ってん=切っている
    underlined part: だろう?
    Ahh I see, didn't know 切っている can be used in such a way! 勉強になりました!Really appreciate your help ^^

  13. #355
    Registered User 初心者/ Shoshinsha / Beginner
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    My very first translation attempt

    From a gag manga called Pyu to Fuku! Jaguar. Any comments, critiques, and/or advice would be GREATLY appreciated. I'm sure I've messed up in here somewhere...

    Anyways- chapter is inside spoiler. It's only 7 pages long, so it's fairly short.

    Spoiler:  "Pyuu to Fuku! Jaguar: Chapter 62" show

  14. #356
    Translator/Moderator 英雄メンバー / Eiyuu Menbaa / Hero Member
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    Re: My very first translation attempt

    Spoiler show

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  16. #357
    Registered User 初心者/ Shoshinsha / Beginner
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    Re: My very first translation attempt

    Thanks a lot Mikkih~

    The ゴッド was a typo on my part, it really did say グッド (sorry bout that D: )

  17. #358
    Registered User 初心者/ Shoshinsha / Beginner
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    Can you help me translate these passages?

    I'm stumped. Five days, on and off again, and I have very little to show for it. This passage is from Chrome Shelled Regios: Missing Mail, with the characters Karian and Layfon meeting up.

    Karian: やっと分かったくれたんだね
    Layfon: 私は信じていたよ
    Layfon: あなたにどんな思惑があるのかは知らないけれど・・・・・・・・・・・・・
    Layfon: あなたの為ではない

    "Finally, you understand but with kuretanda which I understand is indicative of a favor being done?"
    "You know, I think I do."
    Completely blank on this sentence, I think it's basically saying that he doesn't know what Karian expected, and he doesn't care.
    "I'm not doing this for you."

    Spoiler show


    This second passage I've already had done for a while, but I'm really unhappy with what I've translated it too, because I feel like it doesn't capture the feel of the moment very well. Layfon is speaking with Felli while holding her after she showed up on the battlefield after saying she wouldn't.
    ......来てくれると思っていました
    助けて欲しいんです
    Felli先輩じゃないと駄目なんです
    ......I knew you’d come.
    I was sure that you wanted to help.
    Felli-Senpai, you’re a good person.

    Spoiler show


    I'd really appreciate any help with this; I don't want to release this chapter with what I've currently got.

  18. #359
    Registered User 初心者/ Shoshinsha / Beginner takayuki's Avatar
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    Re: Can you help me translate these passages?

    Hi, even though I'm just an amateur, you can consider my suggestion.
    あなたにどんな思惑があるのかは知らないけれど・・・・・・・・・・・・・I don't know what you are thinking (or "calculating" depend on the hero'relationship and situation) but....
    助けて欲しいんです-->I want you to save me
    Felli先輩じゃないと駄目なんです--> only you, fellisenpai.
    Sorry for my poor translation. Hope it might help a little. (^_^)

  19. #360
    in absentia 有名人 / Yuumeijin / Celebrity saladesu's Avatar
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    Re: Can you help me translate these passages?

    I hope this helps:

    Quote Originally Posted by redlar View Post
    Karian: やっと分かっくれたんだね
    That should be "te" and not "ta" as I have bolded in the sentence.

    "You finally understand" <-- your translation is fine, it's hard to really convey the idea of "te-kureta" without sounding totally awkward in English, usually the context will suggest it anyway.

    Quote Originally Posted by redlar View Post
    Layfon: 私は信じていたよ
    "I believed you" <-- The subject is not indicated but one would assume that he is talking about Karian.

    Quote Originally Posted by redlar View Post
    Layfon: あなたにどんな思惑があるのかは知らないけれど・・・・・・・・・・・・・
    "I'm not sure/don't know what you were expecting...."

    Quote Originally Posted by redlar View Post
    Layfon: あなたの為ではない
    "But this wasn't for you/wasn't for your sake" <-- this sentence joins to the previous one, btw. The idea is that this Layfon finally came to an understanding, but it wasn't for Karian's sake/not because he loves karian or anything like that.

    Quote Originally Posted by redlar View Post
    ......来てくれると思っていました
    "...... I knew you'd come"

    Quote Originally Posted by redlar View Post
    助けて欲しいんです
    "I want you to save/help me"

    Quote Originally Posted by redlar View Post
    Felli先輩じゃないと駄目なんです
    "It just has to be Felli-sempai" <-- this isn't a literal translation, but conveys the idea that if it isn't Felli, then it's no good

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