Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus. Ask the Opposite Gender/The Relationships Thread - Part 1

[baboysai]

Surprisingly, I wouldn't know what to tell you, as a girl. Since I wouldn't know to what lengths guys really go for the girl they're serious with. Though the way my attention was caught and finally "ensnared" to the point of no return by my current boyfriend was pretty devious, complicated, with quite the strategy that I fell hook, line, and sinker.

At best, I could share how it kinda went and generalize it, kk. You just be mysterious, like, not reveal too much information about yourself, just enough to make her wonder about you. If she's smart she'd love the intellectual stimulation, so any opportunity for debate... grab it. But you have to be really good in the debate to slightly agitate her but not too much- this will make her think about the debate (and eventually you) for a long time.

Those stuff above will guarantee you out of the friend zone. But you still have to do the sweet stuff like supporting her and her interests, being there for events, inviting her to art galleries, etc. In fact, after some show you could delve into the deep stuff about art and that would really keep her very interested.


If you've got those things covered, the only thing left would have to be the physical part.

One very cunning thing my boyfriend did was: he acted as if he wasn't too interested in me. He just treated me like an equal- in wits. Nothing sort of sexual or anything like that. Plus, he told me there was another girl he liked, during a casual conversation. This made me kind of aggressive and made the moves on him instead of the other way around- since we were getting really good at discussions, conversations, he could make me laugh, he engaged me in smart arguments.. we were getting really in sync I didn't want to let him go if he had another girl he liked.

then when we finally started really getting close (kissing, holding hands) he suddenly stopped calling, no texts, no contact whatsoever. Which made me finally ask him out to talk and make things clear. And thus, he triumphed.


That could be a double-edged sword though. If I wasn't the type to get competitive, or the no-regrets kind of person, that plan would have failed.

Bottomline, you have to know what type of personality she has- if she's a hesitant type, an aggressive type, the passionate one, or the weak-willed and delicate, etc. etc. to determine how far you can go about "agitation and stimulation", or stirring things up. You have to pick up the clues from your different conversations with her to determine this.

[kkck]

Well, I can't say I know her all that well but I do think she seems like a very interesting person to say the least. She is an artist so I would infer she is the passionate type. I am not artistic myself but under the right circumstances I can be philosophical (while sober BTW) and whatnot so I guess I could take that angle. Does not seem at all weak willed either. I guess the mysterious part could work but I see two issues with that for me. The first is that I am not innately mysterious as far as I know lol, its might just not be my thing so to speak. The other is that I have a small window of opportunity between the guy she actually likes who is not giving her the time of the day and the 500 clowns a day which approach her.

On another note about the friend zone thing... I have rarely seen the whole friend thingy between a guy and a girl where it did not at some point for whatever reason turned sexual. Maybe its a cultural thing?

[Naomidee]

Well, I can't say I know her all that well but I do think she seems like a very interesting person to say the least. She is an artist....

Alright, sweet! I think I might be helpful to you, since the scenario I'm about to describe actually occurred between me and a boyfriend I used to have. And it just so happens that we're both artists and we met while we were actually in an art class.

The boy's name is Shawn, and here's how things went. (I didn't know at the time, but he liked me), and he started to get my attention by complimenting my artwork. It's a very flattering way to start a conversation and break the ice, or just let her know that you're paying attention. It also says that you're not just interested in her looks, you also like her skill and talent-which is directly related to her personality.

Well, I wasn't interested in a boyfriend at the time, but Shawn did something that made him almost irresistible. He made a mix CD for me and drew a really intricate and interesting design on the CD itself. I absolutely loved it. It showed that he had put time, effort, and a great amount of thought into it, and it definitely impressed me. The gesture was very sweet and when he asked me out the next day, I was very happy to say yes.

Since she's artsy, I'm going to assume that she likes interesting, emotive, and indie-type music. Or if you know exactly what she's into, you would do a better job than I could ever tell you. Try to make the songs something that she's never heard, and don't forget to add some of your personal favorites to the playlist too. And then drawing on the CD in Sharpie makes it that much more personal.

I don't know if you like this idea at all, but it certainly worked on me. I felt really good when he gave it to me. <3
What do you think?

On another note about the friend zone thing... I have rarely seen the whole friend thingy between a guy and a girl where it did not at some point for whatever reason turned sexual. Maybe its a cultural thing?

I know what you're saying here. When I say to a guy that I "just want to be friends", it usually is just a nice way of saying I don't want to date him. It doesn't necessarily have anything to do with friendship. That totally didn't make sense. I hate explaining these types of things.

[kkck]

Well, her art is actually opera singing lol. I have to do some research if I am to awe and impress someone into that with a CD mix, specially considering I know very little about that particular brand of music (she probably likes all sorts of music but I would assume her prefered type is opera). It'd be easier if she played an intrument or regular singing but noooo, she had to be into opera lol. I am not in or from the US though, not sure if something that random would work here lol (I will definitely keep it in mind a few months from now when I am back to school in US though, useful stuff).

[Naomidee]

Oh, she's an opera singer? Wow, that's actually really unique and cool. I've never even met an opera singer before. Sorry that my advice won't apply very well to you situation. But hopefully you'll be able to use it in the future if the chance comes up.

Good luck, be yourself.

[kkck]

Your advise would apply if I had some opera knowledge, it just that that is something which would be hard to even pretend to know about. I guess I can make an angle out of learning some opera from her though (not singing but stuff related to opera in general), that's a thought.

[baboysai]

hmmm opera-singer. very interesting indeed. I like her already

I don't have any advice regarding the competition between you and the rest of the guys who vie for her attention... You just have to beat them to the punch, I guess.

To be mysterious doesn't mean you have to assume a new personality- i.e. the mysterious type. You just have to choose certain information to give out and not to give out...

regarding the Friend zone- isn't it sort of like a trap you can't get out of? Because sometimes when a woman sees a guy as a friend (or a brother-type) she will never see him as a man, or will never feel any sexual tension because of too much familiarity. There are cases though, if you're lucky, that best friends end up together. But most of the time, friends remain friends, and there's a delicate balance that has to be maintained because if one or the other makes a move to "upgrade" the relationship and it doesn't work, the friendship can no longer be restored. So sometimes, people would rather choose to stay friends as it's the best that they can get, instead of risking it all and losing everything.

[kkck]

Since I am not the smooth type I don't actually intend to be all forward with the matter. I decided to take my time to get to know her and let her get to know me and show her I am awesome so to speak lol. There is a good bit left to chance with that but if things remained as they are and she keeps rejecting the horde of guys and she keeps being rejected by that one guy then there is a good chance things will fall naturally into place. Of course I won't leave everything to chance though, I will make moves, small ones but still, as I see fit. I do have a more sneaky plan to get closer to her. Got my hands on certain information of a certain similar circumstance we have which I intend to use to make her actually relate to me. I just have make the right time to let that information out, I don't want to make it too obvious even if every bit of it is true. My idea is that it would create an "I get you" situation from both of our sides. Wonder if I am actually evil lol.

As for the friend zone,I guess it depends on whether you actually are a friend when you are caught in the friend zone (which might be the confusing part about it to me). If you are not actual friends when in the friend zone then you would usually just stop seeing the person, basically it ends right there. If you are actually a friend with that person then the situation is different and there is a way out at least IMO. Since you are actual friends, there is a good degree of trust and interaction which would not happen in any other sort of relationship. At least from what I have seen when there is such friendship the trick is to increase contact so to speak. Add in "innocent" sexual references and jokes (without obviously going into something which would be outright rude or disgusting) can help too.... As long as there is actual friendship the increase contact and trust will inevitably at least result in sexual tension which is something which can be taken advantage off to get out of the zone. It is sneaky, devious and perhaps a little evil and manipulate lol, but the way out is there. There are cases where both parties can see the other as the brother type but as long as they are unrelated and they are a man and a woman there will always be unavoidable sexual implications.

[baboysai]

technically there is a chance for everybody, even friends. it's just that it's risky to be in the friend zone.

I have a lot of experiences with friend zone things. Since guys in my friend zone I immediately consider out of the question. I've had this best friend since high school, and we got really really close. He was kind of friends with every body and seemed to have no interest in girls as well, just really cool and focused on his sport, etc. After many years, both of us in college already, and often he'd ask me out to watch a movie, lunch, etc. and I wouldn't think there was more to it since we were just really good buddies.

However one time we were both drunk and I asked him who his crush really was all these years, even if he looked like he didn't like anybody. And he told me that he liked me all this time, except that it seemed I was oblivious to the whole thing. That apparently him asking me out on those friendly dates meant he was trying to elevate it beyond friendship- but I didn't see that.

Another time he took me home and he almost kissed me and I got surprised and then both of us acted like nothing happened. I think after some thought both of us concluded it was best to protect our friendship rather than fall out of everything. Now he has a girlfriend and I have a boyfriend and we're still the best of friends and I think it's all fine and cool like that... /shrugs