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Thread: Improving song lyrics

  1. #1
    Registered User 上級員 / Jyoukuuin / Sr. Member faintsmile1992's Avatar
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    Improving song lyrics

    Have you ever thought of how song lyrics could be improved?

    Blood Axis - The Ride

    When doors lie open at halloween
    On glimmering hills and lands unseen
    The oldest of all that the world gave birth
    Ride again through the hills of earth

    Long before the word was spoken
    Moon scarred or promise broken
    From dust before the first day's sun
    The children of the twilight come

    When the great stones rose on the windy plain
    When the great stones rose on Salisbury plain
    And the corn mother sang for the springing grain
    They carved the shot downs on the hill
    They carved the white horse on the hill
    The grey host rode and it's riding still The grey host rode and they ride there stil

    When the eagles came with their wings outspread
    And the hard roads rang to the legion's tread
    The war ran straight from coast to coast
    The wall ran straight from coast to coast
    Under the starlight rode the host

    When they came from the north with their axe and plow
    When the dragonships came with the axe and plow
    And the one-eyed god hung from the bough And our one-eyed Lord hung from the bough
    Nine nights between the earth and sky
    He saw the host come riding by

    When clamoring bells and chanting priests
    Proclaimed the dead god from the east
    Proclaimed their dead god from the east
    And churches rose on every hand
    Still the grey host rode the land

    When gold was gone and labor cheap
    And they herded men like dogs herd sheep
    And men herded men like dogs herd sheep
    Through furnace glare and smokey mill
    The grey host rode and it's riding still

    Through towered blocks and littered streets
    Where sirens wail and buses sleep
    Where hope lives god only knows
    For the gods died long ago
    All the gods are dead you know

    Still the grey host rides through the dead of night
    And the cities are shadow to their sight
    For beyond the mist of centuries
    And to cleanse the filth of centuries
    Still shine the stars and the ancient trees Reveals the stars and the ancient trees

    Out of the darkness
    On the road where the dead years run
    Cold as moonlight
    Terrible as the sun
    Last edited by faintsmile1992; November 09, 2011 at 12:00 PM. Reason: Added prefix~

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  3. #2
    MH Senpai 有名人 / Yuumeijin / Celebrity yukihime03's Avatar
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    Re: Improving song lyrics

    I love the Salisbury plain and white horse part. The white horse on a hill reminds me of the hill figures.

    "The wall ran straight from coast to coast": I feel this part is a bit too weird since it talks about legions and then suddenly, wall?

    "All the gods are dead you know": I feel the "you know" part is weird too because it addresses the readers directly when the other parts of the song are like poems that doesn't recognize the "fourth wall".

    However, you did really well. I never know before that a song lyrics can be improved.

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  5. #3
    Registered User 上級員 / Jyoukuuin / Sr. Member faintsmile1992's Avatar
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    Re: Improving song lyrics

    Quote Originally Posted by yukihime03 View Post
    I love the Salisbury plain and white horse part. The white horse on a hill reminds me of the hill figures.
    Thanks but the change from 'the windy plain' to 'Salisbury Plain' is the part I'm least sure of, because it was intended to add localisation which probably wasn't needed (because the song is obviously about Britain), and 'the windy plain' actually sounds better as lyrics. However, I'm not sure Salisbury Plain is all that windy.

    And yep, its a reference to the hill figure at Uffington, which is so old its original meaning has been lost. Later Christian traditions associate the horse with St George and the Dragon but its actually Iron Age.

    Behold a pale horse
    Spoiler show


    Quote Quote:
    "The wall ran straight from coast to coast": I feel this part is a bit too weird since it talks about legions and then suddenly, wall?
    The Romans built Hadrian's Wall as a part of their northern defences, although their empire reached further to the Firth of Forth.

    I you listen the lyrics, I think Michael Moynihan actually says 'war' not 'wall' and it makes more sense than a war running from coast to coast. I also wanted to enter the phrase 'race war' by changing the line to 'Race war raged from coast to coast', to get the sense that foreign-looking people with a foreign culture had arrived from the south, with new concepts foreign to Celtic Britain. If hitler or Napoleon had invaded Britain then there wouldn't have been such a difference in culture from us and the Vikings and the Normans were nothing like as foreign to Britain as the Romans.

    Quote Quote:
    "All the gods are dead you know": I feel the "you know" part is weird too because it addresses the readers directly when the other parts of the song are like poems that doesn't recognize the "fourth wall".
    It's a reference to Freidrich Nietzsche of course.

    Nietzsche said "Dead are all the Gods: now do we desire the overman to live", and the overman will cleanse away the filth that is modern civilisation and 'progress' to create something more pleasing that's more natural and life-affirming, and less harmful to human life and therefore less anti-human (misanthropes like Nietzsche don't hate humans, we hate what humans have become).

    And to cleanse the filth of centuries
    Reveals the stars and the ancient trees

    OUT OF THE DARKNESS


    Quote Quote:
    However, you did really well. I never know before that a song lyrics can be improved.
    Thank you

  6. #4
    MH Senpai 有名人 / Yuumeijin / Celebrity yukihime03's Avatar
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    Re: Improving song lyrics

    Quote Originally Posted by faintsmile1992 View Post
    Thanks but the change from 'the windy plain' to 'Salisbury Plain' is the part I'm least sure of, because it was intended to add localisation which probably wasn't needed (because the song is obviously about Britain), and 'the windy plain' actually sounds better as lyrics. However, I'm not sure Salisbury Plain is all that windy.
    Hahaha... But I think Salisbury Plain sounds nice for the ears especially for non-British (for example: me!). Maybe you should go there someday to make sure.

    Quote Originally Posted by faintsmile1992 View Post
    And yep, its a reference to the hill figure at Uffington, which is so old its original meaning has been lost. Later Christian traditions associate the horse with St George and the Dragon but its actually Iron Age.

    Behold a pale horse
    Spoiler show
    Yeah! That's what I mean!

    Quote Originally Posted by faintsmile1992 View Post
    The Romans built Hadrian's Wall as a part of their northern defences, although their empire reached further to the Firth of Forth.

    I you listen the lyrics, I think Michael Moynihan actually says 'war' not 'wall' and it makes more sense than a war running from coast to coast. I also wanted to enter the phrase 'race war' by changing the line to 'Race war raged from coast to coast', to get the sense that foreign-looking people with a foreign culture had arrived from the south, with new concepts foreign to Celtic Britain. If hitler or Napoleon had invaded Britain then there wouldn't have been such a difference in culture from us and the Vikings and the Normans were nothing like as foreign to Britain as the Romans.
    Oh I see. So that's what you mean by wall. Well, I'm not really familiar with British history so when you put wall there, I don't know which wall you mean. I actually think 'Race war raged from coast to coast' is better.

    Quote Originally Posted by faintsmile1992 View Post
    It's a reference to Freidrich Nietzsche of course.

    Nietzsche said "Dead are all the Gods: now do we desire the overman to live", and the overman will cleanse away the filth that is modern civilisation and 'progress' to create something more pleasing that's more natural and life-affirming, and less harmful to human life and therefore less anti-human (misanthropes like Nietzsche don't hate humans, we hate what humans have become).

    And to cleanse the filth of centuries
    Reveals the stars and the ancient trees

    OUT OF THE DARKNESS
    Ah. Nietzsche. Don't remind me of that guy, I kinda hate him after writing pages of paper about his 'will to power'.
    It is still weird for me though that the lyrics tell about Britain and then there's a reference to Nietzsche.

    Quote Originally Posted by faintsmile1992 View Post
    Thank you
    You're welcome.

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    Registered User 上級員 / Jyoukuuin / Sr. Member faintsmile1992's Avatar
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    Re: Improving song lyrics

    I've never been to Salisbury Plain, but I might go to see Stonehenge one day. I actually prefer forests to open, grassy plains.

    And the reason I've rewritten the lyrics to include the Nietzschean theme is because they're about the history of Britain, and because Nietzsche wrote about the history of values. Thus, the coming of the overmen will bring the end of modern British society and its present, unclean value systems which are based upon the false idols of individual freedom and equality.
    Last edited by faintsmile1992; November 09, 2011 at 11:56 AM.

  9. #6
    MH Senpai 有名人 / Yuumeijin / Celebrity yukihime03's Avatar
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    Re: Improving song lyrics

    Quote Originally Posted by faintsmile1992 View Post
    I've never been to Salisbury Plain, but I might go to see Stonehenge one day. I actually prefer forests to open, grassy plains.
    Ah, I want to see Stonehenge too.

    Quote Originally Posted by faintsmile1992 View Post
    And the reason I've rewritten the lyrics to include the Nietzschean theme is because they're about the history of Britain, and because Nietzsche wrote about the history of values. Thus, the coming of the overmen will bring the end of modern British society and its present, unclean value systems which are based upon the false idols of individual freedom and equality.
    I see. That's quite a great idea but I still find it strange that the song should go "breaking the fourth wall". Anyway, that's just IMHO. ^_^

  10. #7
    Registered User 上級員 / Jyoukuuin / Sr. Member faintsmile1992's Avatar
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    Re: Improving song lyrics

    Well Moynihan actually whispers the original line, if you listen to the Blood Axis version.

    Last edited by faintsmile1992; November 10, 2011 at 05:03 PM.

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