TheLastPierrot

[thelastpierrot]

hey! "TheLastPierrot" is the name of my oneshot, I entered a contest with it but it seems I had no luck so I posted it online : http://thelastpierrot.deviantart.com...set=0#/d4agi1h

would be great to have some feedback

if anyone knows a contest I could possible enter(or a publisher searching for new artists) please share, I would really appreciate it!

Thanks,
A.I.

[bellyjelly4]

first of all before I say anything..your comic is amazing ...really amazing..the only problem i had was when you were trying to display a power move.it was done kinda crappy to me..the chars and blood splatter was professionally done..style and anatomy was good ..but it can be better..but as i read it i had noticed that your comic is restricted by only your knowledge..i didnt really learn anything from it though interesting..there were no old men or woman with wise words..just alot of cool people ..i suggest using history and exploring and reading alot of interesting things in the world and use them as reference...i still give this comic 5 out of 5 for the fact that its a one shot and u made this with no pay at all..

[thelastpierrot]

thanks!

[Googlez_kun]

I was sceptical at the beginning.I basically always am,but I sure have to admit that you did well with this one.The art is not really my thing.I think I've even commented on it once.Too much Bleach.Anyhow,the story was well done.While the opinion you presented was kinda one-sided and turned pretty melodramatic towards the end,it did feel like a round story.I liked that the protagonist died,which I did not see coming at all and that it even had a purpose other than making this more dramatic.
One more general thing: In my opinion,you should not resort to words to this extent.This is a manga after all,so instead of explaining the characters' emotions,just show them.

Overall,this comment might sound quite negative,but you did a splendid job still.I know how hard it is to draw a manga,as I did it myself,so I respect you for drawing a full 45-page manga!Good work!

[thelastpierrot]

hey again, I`ve now created my own site http://dreamcatcherz.webege.com , so now its possible to read and navigate through chapters more easily than in dA.
If you are still interested choose a way to follow me (twitter or blog) so you know when I release new stuff ( I m almost finished with a 63 pages 1st chapter)

once again, thanks for your comments, you have no idea how much I appreciate your feedback !

[blade5468]

I just read it, and it is really really good. The story was amazing, and the art didn't have too many "objective" flaws, that is to say most of the things I'm about to say I don't like about it are pretty much up to opinion. But I'm trying to stick to the opinion that I think most manga readers would agree with.

I don't know why it didn't win the award, but I'll try to see what I didn't like so maybe you'll get a new perspective. Personally, I agree with Googlez that the art is just a bit too Bleach. Except for the eyes, but I'll get back to that in a second. There's some parts that bug me a little bit, like in here http://dreamcatcherz.webege.com/A-si...pter_0/12.html
I can't tell if Hazel is smiling or not, and if she wasn't smiling -- WHY not? Even when he says he'll be cheering her on. I think it's something to do with the eye brows, but your characters sometimes look too upset or bothered, even when they're smiling.

Right, so it feels a bit like everything except the eyes was heavily influenced by Bleach. And the eyes themselves? Well, I don't know if you sent the story in to a manga contest, but I think one of the problems might have been that the eyes aren't manga enough. Especially if you sent it in to a contest in Japan, which probably already makes them biased towards thinking your work is western. Another thing is the hair, which is a bit too realistic. That's it, I guess. I think the eyes and the hair are a bit too realistic for manga. I know you wanted a story grounded in reality, but I think some things that look nice on real people look weird on manga characters, like short short hair that's unnoticeable on the back and spiky on the front (Pierrot's, I mean.)

As for the story, it was really interesting and believable. I don't know about melodramatic, I thought it was great. The characters involved clearly feel strongly about this concept, it might not be too relevant to some people, but these characters are feeling it and I think the feeling was transferred to the reader greatly. Maybe the reason I didn't feel it was forced (unlike Googlez) is that I agree with the characters on most of what they said, so that might be why. I liked every scene, even being on the train with Hazel felt just like being on the train with a girl you like, so I really think that's a sign you portrayed it right. There were a few things I didn't like, but I liked the vast majority of it, and I liked it a lot.

Overall, I think you did an amazing job and there's very few flaws. The things I listed aren't even necessarily mistakes, I was just trying to get at why the people at the awards might've not liked it.
But it was 45 pages that were all interesting and beautifully drawn -- although I do admit I don't like the style, as was said before -- and they've had an endless amount of effort put into them, so really great job.
Keep it up, I can't wait to see what you do next.

[thelastpierrot]

I just read it, and it is really really good. The story was amazing, and the art didn't have too many "objective" flaws, that is to say most of the things I'm about to say I don't like about it are pretty much up to opinion. But I'm trying to stick to the opinion that I think most manga readers would agree with.

I don't know why it didn't win the award, but I'll try to see what I didn't like so maybe you'll get a new perspective. Personally, I agree with Googlez that the art is just a bit too Bleach. Except for the eyes, but I'll get back to that in a second. There's some parts that bug me a little bit, like in here http://dreamcatcherz.webege.com/A-si...pter_0/12.html
I can't tell if Hazel is smiling or not, and if she wasn't smiling -- WHY not? Even when he says he'll be cheering her on. I think it's something to do with the eye brows, but your characters sometimes look too upset or bothered, even when they're smiling.

Right, so it feels a bit like everything except the eyes was heavily influenced by Bleach. And the eyes themselves? Well, I don't know if you sent the story in to a manga contest, but I think one of the problems might have been that the eyes aren't manga enough. Especially if you sent it in to a contest in Japan, which probably already makes them biased towards thinking your work is western. Another thing is the hair, which is a bit too realistic. That's it, I guess. I think the eyes and the hair are a bit too realistic for manga. I know you wanted a story grounded in reality, but I think some things that look nice on real people look weird on manga characters, like short short hair that's unnoticeable on the back and spiky on the front (Pierrot's, I mean.)

As for the story, it was really interesting and believable. I don't know about melodramatic, I thought it was great. The characters involved clearly feel strongly about this concept, it might not be too relevant to some people, but these characters are feeling it and I think the feeling was transferred to the reader greatly. Maybe the reason I didn't feel it was forced (unlike Googlez) is that I agree with the characters on most of what they said, so that might be why. I liked every scene, even being on the train with Hazel felt just like being on the train with a girl you like, so I really think that's a sign you portrayed it right. There were a few things I didn't like, but I liked the vast majority of it, and I liked it a lot.

Overall, I think you did an amazing job and there's very few flaws. The things I listed aren't even necessarily mistakes, I was just trying to get at why the people at the awards might've not liked it.
But it was 45 pages that were all interesting and beautifully drawn -- although I do admit I don't like the style, as was said before -- and they've had an endless amount of effort put into them, so really great job.
Keep it up, I can't wait to see what you do next.

Thanks for your feedback! great to see you enjoyed it

The art isnt was still improving, in fact, I am still improving, but I feel like the my art now is much better now.
I think you are thinking too much about the idea of "general manga icon" when judging comics, of course the general manga girl/boy is a big eyed girl/boy, but manga isnt limited to that, from something like Jo Jo adventures to One Piece I think in the end manga has no bounds in how to draw, its up to the artist really. So I understand what you mean, but I`m just trying to create a style that I like myself and brushing up my skills so I can express it the best way.

About the contest...I entered both Jump and Morning contest. The Jump one was in english so I guess it was automatic disqualified(I knew the rules, but I absolutely had no way to translate it into japanese, so...I had nothing to lost anyway so I tried lmao). The morning one I`m almost sure that they didnt consider my work "Seinen enough", guessing by the winners...

About page 12 I wont explain it haha.I really think an author explaining to much his own stories kinda ruins the fun for the readers , so I will just say that no, she isn't smiling but you kinda missed the point I had a lot of these "indirect story telling" given off by the art alone in this chapter(note that the main character only talks about what he knows/notices, the rest is up to the art to tell).

and once again thanks for the feedback, I`m almost finished with a 63 1st chapter series, I ll upload on my ite and dA as soon as I finish, hope you enjoy it too.

[blade5468]

Ohhh, if you sent it in English then it's obvious why that happened. Nothing to wonder about, then. Except for Morning, but I guess the seinen thing seems plausible.

The thing about page 12 is that I understand you want to have fun with indirect storytelling, but if as a reader I have a hard time understanding what you were trying to portray and the faces just look awkward, it might be a problem, that's all I was getting at. And regarding the style -- of course, manga comes in all shapes and sizes, I only said it because your characters' eyes are also more than a bit western looking, so I thought it might've looked too foreign for the judges.

Regardless, I can't wait to read Bleak, please post a link to your website when you're done with it! (logo seems similar to pierrot's face~)

[thelastpierrot]

Ohhh, if you sent it in English then it's obvious why that happened. Nothing to wonder about, then. Except for Morning, but I guess the seinen thing seems plausible.

The thing about page 12 is that I understand you want to have fun with indirect storytelling, but if as a reader I have a hard time understanding what you were trying to portray and the faces just look awkward, it might be a problem, that's all I was getting at. And regarding the style -- of course, manga comes in all shapes and sizes, I only said it because your characters' eyes are also more than a bit western looking, so I thought it might've looked too foreign for the judges.

Regardless, I can't wait to read Bleak, please post a link to your website when you're done with it! (logo seems similar to pierrot's face~)

thanks for the feedback, here s a little pv of the chapt a I uploaded on dA not long ago: http://thelastpierrot.deviantart.com/#/d4savk3

[aldrichcrescent]

Wow.. This is amazing. 10 cookies to your artwork.

[thelastpierrot]

So, if anyone is still interested here is my new series, please take a look: http://www.mangamagazine.net/read-ma...86/0/0?lang=en

first part of the chapter released, the second part of the chapter will be released next Wednesday, at midnight(GMT+0). The full chapter is 72 pages!

Feedback would be appreciated! and if you like it then please share

facebook: https://www.facebook.com/pages/Dream...61451907200152

---------- Post added August 28, 2012 at 06:54 PM ---------- Previous post was August 26, 2012 at 09:00 PM ----------

the full chapter is now out: http://www.mangamagazine.net/read-ma...6/0/60?lang=en

[Yogurt21]

Sugoiiiii. I really like it. ^_____^ Good job. I envy you cuz you can draw stuff!!! It's great to see you can express your story in such a good drawing. Cheers for the last pierrot! You're one of my idol now.

[blade5468]

The link you sent links to page 60 something, in case you didnt know.

Anyway, I didn't want to comment until you uploaded the whole thing. This is pretty good, it's interesting and it makes you want to read more.

Regarding the art, though, just wondering -- do you agree that maybe there's too little variation between the characters? In The Last Pierrot I thought the main character and his successor were supposed to look similar, but AF looks just like them. And Hart looks almost the same, too. Also, I feel like your female characters all have the same face, as well. That's just my opinion, though, but I wanted to see if this is something you agree occurs in your art.

[thelastpierrot]

The link you sent links to page 60 something, in case you didnt know.

Anyway, I didn't want to comment until you uploaded the whole thing. This is pretty good, it's interesting and it makes you want to read more.

Regarding the art, though, just wondering -- do you agree that maybe there's too little variation between the characters? In The Last Pierrot I thought the main character and his successor were supposed to look similar, but AF looks just like them. And Hart looks almost the same, too. Also, I feel like your female characters all have the same face, as well. That's just my opinion, though, but I wanted to see if this is something you agree occurs in your art.

hey, thanks for the comment I appreciate it

I created Bleak and its characters before TheLastPierrot, and the concept of TheLastPierrot was very similar to Bleak, but I wanted to explore that concept in a short story and without the fantasy element that exists in Bleak. thus the main character ended up being too similar to AF, because they both came from the same place, and I didnt find anything wrong with that since they are different stories.
Hazel was also inspired in Sane, still different personalities though.
And TheLast is indeed supposed to become alike pierrot by the end of the story.

But I disagree about Hart looking like AF

[thelastpierrot]

chapter 2 released: http://www.mangamagazine.net/read-ma...86/1/0?lang=en