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Translations: Gintama 507 (2)
I have been drawing manga style for a little over a year and have been writing a book for a little while now, I have about 70 pages written so far. It has been my dream for a little while now too write a novel series and then adapt it into a manga. What do you think? The story revolves around a 13 year old girl who discovers she is a half demon by birth when she falls into another world. Here is a little preview of what I have;
I didn't know it then but my life was about to change and today was to be one of the worest days of my life. -Artemis BlackStorm
'Why can't I ever back down?' thirteen year old Artemis BlackStorm thought miseribly to herself. She looked at the large house that stood before her. It seemed like it would have been a wonderful house if the the years of being abandoned hadn't made the paint peel and the wood rot,the boards of the steps leading to the pourch were almost all gone or fallen through. The results of troubleing teenagers have shown as she looked at the broken glass in almost every window. She glances at the girl behind her and glares.
She was skinner and taller than Artemis, her blonde hair falling past her shoulders,halfway down her back. She wore the smallest pair of shorts she have every seen and a halter top that she would never think of wearing. Her clothes revealed to much and thats how she became 'Queen B' at Artemis's high school, DarkNight Park High School, by reaveling her 'great body.' She hadn't even attended the school yet but the girl was a year ahead of her and aparently she found the closest newbie and decided to pick on em right before school,and unfortunately that was Artemis this year.The Queen stared at her and rasied a thin eyebrow. For a second she wondered if she hadn't just shaved off her eyebrows and drew on some, seeing how thin they were when she was pulled from her thoughts by a smirking Queen speaking. "Well, are you gonna go in or not?" she asked, smirking like she just won Homecoming Queen, or perhaps stole the crown right off the actual winners head, dareing anyone to stop her.As you can see Artemis dosen't really like her.
Artemis gave her the worest glare she could manage then turned back to the 'haunted house.' Everyone who lived in the small town of WillowsHill,a small,rarely known,town in Yorkshade, knew of this house. It was told fifty years ago a young woman was killed in her sleep by her husband, then the man commited suicide by jumping off the roof.There were other of how many witches and evil spirits lived in the house. She wasn't sure if the stories were true but this place still gave her the creeps. A cold wind blew from the east, makeing the house groan as the wind weaved its way through the cracked windows. She wrapped her hands around my arms, wishing she had brought her favourite black hoodie. Instead she had settled for a pair of dark jeans with a light blue t-shirt.
A crow sitting in the dead tree beside the gray stone path cawed,like it was warning her not to go any thurther. She ignored the crow, determinded to prove the 'Queen B' wrong and show everyone at school she could make repuatation before she even got there and humiliate the so called 'Queen'. Artemis made her way up the stoney path leading to the steps.She soon arrived and she put my foot down on the first step and heard it make a creaking sound. She had to jump a couple times, to advoid crashing through the boards with the disgusting creepy crawleys that were hideing under the pourch. She looked at the door infront of her, the white paint peeling to reavel the rotting wood. The door knob looked old and rusty. It felt like rough sandpaper beneath her hand. She turned the handel, swinging the door open, but surprisenly it didn't creak, as though it hadn't stop being used. She was greeted by an empty room. The only things in the room were a couple of doors and two staircases.She turned to the left stairecase. As she placed her foot on the stair it made a groaning sound. The sound echoed through the house, filling her with fear. When she had reached the top there were five doors in the hallway, all leading to dark, dusty, empty rooms. She climbed down the staircase quickley and went to the second one.She started to reach the top and it seemeed like the staries went right into the ceiling. With all her fear forgotten and curiousity fueling me she quickened my pace. When Artemis reached the top she bent over, makeing sure not to hit her head and let her hands roam over the ceiling, looking for something,anything. Soon her right hand touched something cold and metal. It was a handel. A trap door. She grabbed the handel tightly and pushed the door up to see another staircase,only this one was a metal spiral staircase.
She started to climb the secret staircase while listening to her loud footsteps echoing off the narrow, dusty walls.Finally the staircase ended, it stopped in a small room that was empty, except for dust, dirt and one single door. She could tell this door wasn't like the other doors in the house. It almost seemed almost..... magical. When she got close enough she could see drawings and symbols almost like a different language were written on the door. Her hands traveled over the door, feeling every drawing and symbol etched into the wood. There were a few symbols at the very top of the door. Suddenly the symbols started to move and when they stopped she was scared and surprised that she could understand every word.
'The Door To The Other World.' The same thing happened to line of symbols below the first line. They read:
'Welcome To The Magical World' Then it happened to the last line of symbols, it read:
'You Belong With Us.'
She was so confused 'What was the 'Magical World', where was that? And why did it say I belonged with us, or them or whatever, who are they?' Artemis wanted to study the door somemore but she had the strangest urge to open the door. She could feel something in her chest tugging her towards the door. What was this? 'My heart?' It felt like the tugging was happening near her heart, but what did that mean? Ignoreing the questions swimming around her head, which was becoming a strong headack, she put her hand on the door knob. When her hand curved around the knob she had the feeling of rightness coarsing through her and her hand felt like it was suppose to be there, Artemis felt like she was doing something right.
She twisted the knob and opened the door, only to be met by disapointment and darkness. She took a step into the room and it felt like she was falling, falling into a bottomless pit. Artemis closed her eyes and waitied. Too bad it wasn't a endless pit as she landed on something really,really hard. She had the breath knocked out of her and she may have hit her head as she fell into the unforgiving darkness again as it consumed her mind.
please tell me what you think honestly
Solid read i give you praise . Remember manga has its detail in the art but having a manga were it portrays the thoughts and actions but not talking of the main character would further intrigue and interest the reader even younger ages. Make it a 3 part book series if not 2 my suggestion. may I add a continuation like : In that moment of despair she saw a cleansing light in her mind but it was only a brief moment for a sea of darkness awaits her. As she sat to regain her mind the rocks moved startling her to jump and see what was behind her. ......... [ PS. I think a short series would benefit this story the most
I would say the fact she was born a demon and deals with this darkness. Makes it kinda sad but let me ask you add in the next book or make the series go from a dark and foreboding feel to a gentle yet heartwarming touch. When you change the pace i feel it gives a new spark for the readers mind. I know i am new so correct me if i am wrong please.
May your story become greatness <3
Last edited by The Neutralizer; March 20, 2012 at 01:03 AM.