Alright... enough of those "If XXX would fight XXX, who would win?" Topics... its time for some epic battle that realy matters: With this merciless contest we are going to decide once and for all which one of those three is the manliest!
The Energetic Fool vs. The Kindhearted Fatty vs. The Secluded Nerd!
The contest will be split into multiple rounds, each featuring a different discipline.
The winner of each round is awarded one point and whoever scores the most points during the whole contest will be proclaimed the champion! There are no draws... if a round ends up being a draw between at least two characters then nobody gets any points!
Round 1: Car Racing!
Rules: All three competitors get one month of preparation time to build their own racing car! There's no outside help from other persons allowed and the competitors are also forbidden to sabotage each other. After the month is over they have to use their cars to race against each other. Three laps around Konohagakure, starting from the villages main gate. Whoever completes the three rounds first, wins. If one of the competitors leaves the seat of his car at any time during the race, he will be disqualified.
Round 2: Chatting up Women!
Rules: The competitors are thrown into some foreign country where nobody knows them. They have two hours and whoever manages to get the most phone-numbers from the native females, wins. The competitors are not allowed to force the numbers out of the girls... they have to share their numbers willingly. Bribing the women is also forbidden... but other then that, anything goes.
Round 3: Eating!
Rules: The competitors have to eat a whole 250lb's swine. They get as much time as they need and can prepare the swine in any way they wish, which means they can cook and serve it with truffles or they can also swallow it raw and on the spot. They can also use any jutsu they want to aid them in eating the swine, as long as they actually eat it, which means for example blasting the swine with a Bijuudama and eating whatever remains or summoning Manda to swallow it, would both be considered illegal. Whoever manages to consume the swine first is the winner. Note: puking the swine out later would lead to disqualification.
Round 4: Boozing!
Rules: Its time to get out the Sake! The competitors are going to drink Sake until only one of them remains standing, who then will be declared the winner. The competitors are not allowed to hinder or sabotage each other in any way, so no mixing drugs into the other guys drink or knocking him out etc. Other then that anything goes.
Round 5: Peeping!
Rules: Very simple! Whoever is the first to bring a snapshot featuring Tsunade at very least topless, without getting himself killed, wins. If any of the competitors end up hospitalized during this round, the next round is going to be delayed until all of them are recovered.
Round 6: Boxing!
Rules: Tobi uses his Space/time techniques to open a dimensional rift into the Hajime No Ippo Universe, which the competitors then have to enter. Once there, they can pick any Boxer they want as their personal trainer for a whole month. After the month is over they get back to the Narutoverse to compete against each other in boxing matches.
Naruto vs. Chouji
Chouji vs. Kabuto
Kabuto vs. Naruto
Every fight lasts three rounds at max and each round lasts 5 minutes, after which the competitors get a few moments to rest. If durng those three rounds no K.O is scored, the outcome will be decided by TKO.
Whoever wins 2 fights, is declared the winner. No Jutsu are allowed, except for the following power-ups: Golden Chakra Shroud, Sage Mode, Butterfly Mode.
Round 7: American Football!
Rules: Once again the competitors get a whole month of preparation time. In this time they have to train themselves and their own Football Team.
-Naruto gets 10 generic noname Konoha-Ninja.
-Chouji gets 10 generic noname Akimichi Clan Members.
-Kabuto gets 10 generic Otogakure Fodders.
After the month is over the competitors and their teams are going to compete in a manner similar to the Boxing-Round:
Konoha Demon Foxes vs. Akimichi Burger Kings
Akimichi Burger Kings vs. Otogakure Snakes
Otogakure Snakes vs. Konoha Demon Foxes
Whichever team wins two games, is declared the winner. This time Jutsu usage is explicitly allowed, but no lethal force!
Round 8: Poker!
Rules: Not much to say... the competitors are going to have a plain old poker match. Cheating isn't allowed... but isn't completely excludable... so better make sure you don't get caught!
Round 9: Video Games!
Rules: Beat'em up, Strategy, RPG, Sports, FPS... the competitors are going to play them all against each other! Whoever scores the most wins, also wins this round.
Round 10: Hunting!
Rules: Once again very simple: the competitors get 24 hours time and whoever brings the largest animal, wins. Everyone can chose their hunting ground themselves.
And now... let the games begin!!