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Translations: Gintama 507 (2)
Alright... enough of those "If XXX would fight XXX, who would win?" Topics... its time for some epic battle that realy matters: With this merciless contest we are going to decide once and for all which one of those three is the manliest!
The Energetic Fool vs. The Kindhearted Fatty vs. The Secluded Nerd!
The contest will be split into multiple rounds, each featuring a different discipline.
The winner of each round is awarded one point and whoever scores the most points during the whole contest will be proclaimed the champion! There are no draws... if a round ends up being a draw between at least two characters then nobody gets any points!
Round 1: Car Racing!
Rules: All three competitors get one month of preparation time to build their own racing car! There's no outside help from other persons allowed and the competitors are also forbidden to sabotage each other. After the month is over they have to use their cars to race against each other. Three laps around Konohagakure, starting from the villages main gate. Whoever completes the three rounds first, wins. If one of the competitors leaves the seat of his car at any time during the race, he will be disqualified.
Round 2: Chatting up Women!
Rules: The competitors are thrown into some foreign country where nobody knows them. They have two hours and whoever manages to get the most phone-numbers from the native females, wins. The competitors are not allowed to force the numbers out of the girls... they have to share their numbers willingly. Bribing the women is also forbidden... but other then that, anything goes.
Round 3: Eating!
Rules: The competitors have to eat a whole 250lb's swine. They get as much time as they need and can prepare the swine in any way they wish, which means they can cook and serve it with truffles or they can also swallow it raw and on the spot. They can also use any jutsu they want to aid them in eating the swine, as long as they actually eat it, which means for example blasting the swine with a Bijuudama and eating whatever remains or summoning Manda to swallow it, would both be considered illegal. Whoever manages to consume the swine first is the winner. Note: puking the swine out later would lead to disqualification.
Round 4: Boozing!
Rules: Its time to get out the Sake! The competitors are going to drink Sake until only one of them remains standing, who then will be declared the winner. The competitors are not allowed to hinder or sabotage each other in any way, so no mixing drugs into the other guys drink or knocking him out etc. Other then that anything goes.
Round 5: Peeping!
Rules: Very simple! Whoever is the first to bring a snapshot featuring Tsunade at very least topless, without getting himself killed, wins. If any of the competitors end up hospitalized during this round, the next round is going to be delayed until all of them are recovered.
Round 6: Boxing!
Rules: Tobi uses his Space/time techniques to open a dimensional rift into the Hajime No Ippo Universe, which the competitors then have to enter. Once there, they can pick any Boxer they want as their personal trainer for a whole month. After the month is over they get back to the Narutoverse to compete against each other in boxing matches.
Naruto vs. Chouji
Chouji vs. Kabuto
Kabuto vs. Naruto
Every fight lasts three rounds at max and each round lasts 5 minutes, after which the competitors get a few moments to rest. If durng those three rounds no K.O is scored, the outcome will be decided by TKO.
Whoever wins 2 fights, is declared the winner. No Jutsu are allowed, except for the following power-ups: Golden Chakra Shroud, Sage Mode, Butterfly Mode.
Round 7: American Football!
Rules: Once again the competitors get a whole month of preparation time. In this time they have to train themselves and their own Football Team.
-Naruto gets 10 generic noname Konoha-Ninja.
-Chouji gets 10 generic noname Akimichi Clan Members.
-Kabuto gets 10 generic Otogakure Fodders.
After the month is over the competitors and their teams are going to compete in a manner similar to the Boxing-Round:
Konoha Demon Foxes vs. Akimichi Burger Kings
Akimichi Burger Kings vs. Otogakure Snakes
Otogakure Snakes vs. Konoha Demon Foxes
Whichever team wins two games, is declared the winner. This time Jutsu usage is explicitly allowed, but no lethal force!
Round 8: Poker!
Rules: Not much to say... the competitors are going to have a plain old poker match. Cheating isn't allowed... but isn't completely excludable... so better make sure you don't get caught!
Round 9: Video Games!
Rules: Beat'em up, Strategy, RPG, Sports, FPS... the competitors are going to play them all against each other! Whoever scores the most wins, also wins this round.
Round 10: Hunting!
Rules: Once again very simple: the competitors get 24 hours time and whoever brings the largest animal, wins. Everyone can chose their hunting ground themselves.
And now... let the games begin!!
Round 1: Kabuto would win, he is a scientist after all, but it would be cool if Jutsu were allowed, a race just like Mario Kart
Round 2: Naruto would use Oiroke no Jutsu, just like Konohamaru did with Sakura.
Round 3: Chouji no Contest.
Round 4: Kabuto seems to use drugs, so achool would not affect him that much.
Round 5: All of them get owned, no one can do research on Tsunade.
Round 6: Naruto would be 1st Spot thanks to Sage Mode and Enhanced Stamina.
Round 7: No Idea, as a brazillian the only football I know is the one played with the feet.
Round 8: Kabuto is smarter with the cards.
Round 9: Kabuto would own in Skyrim, Zelda, Pokemon, Final Fantasy. Chouji seems like a Tibia, World of Warcraft, Lineage 2 player. While Naruto would completly dominate them in Modern Warfare, Street Fighter IV, Ultimate Ninja Storm, Mass Effect, Uncharted, Gears of War.
I really can see naruto screaming: "Headshot biatch, you just got owned", "Sasukeeeee stop the friendly fire noob", "I gonna be the rank 1, so everyone in the village will recognize me".
Round 10: Chouji can smell a fresh, delicious animal miles away.
-Naruto's car will be the worst... basically its just going to be a wodden box on some crooked wheels.
-Kabuto sits in a neat soapbox with pedals.
-Chouji bring something which resembles Fred Flintsone's car.
Once the race starts Naruto immediately takes the lead because he propels himself forward with a Rasenshuriken, but as soon as the first curve shows up he's going to wreck because his car doesn't have any steering. Kabuto drives his soapbox save, steadily and comfortably... but the winner is going to be Chouji, because he can turn into his Meat-Tank form and serve as an engine for his car.
At first Naruto would be the underdog because he tries to be himself and just gets punched and rejected one after another. Kabuto does kind of well at first, but then gets into a scientific conversation with some nerdy chick and completely forgets the time. Chouji picks up some chubby chicks and takes them out to dinner... they'll have some great time, but this approach is very slow, so his amount of gathered phone numbers won't be that impressive.
In the end Naruto wins easily because after like ~20 failed attemps he's going to use mass shadow clones and all of them are going to use Henge No Jutsu to transform into Sasuke... neither Kabuto nor Chouji can compete with that.
-Naruto can use mass shadow clones to assist him in cooking the swine. After they are done, each clone gets one steak and they enjoy their meal comfortably.
-Kabuto is kind of lost on this... sure, he can dislocate his jaw and swallow the swine on the spot, but to diggest it he would need to rest several weeks, which isn't an option since the next contest is going to start sooner.
-Chouji just uses Chou Baika No Jutsu and gulps it down like some piece of candy.
I'am not so sure... Naruto as a prankster could actually pull it off after a few failed attempts. Kabuto is a Master-Spy so he too should be able to pull it off. Chouji is completely lost though.Quote:
I'd give this to Kabuto.
I agree... but for another reason:Quote:
All of them get one months of training. Kabuto is a quick learner and has proven he can accomplish a lot in relatively short time. Chouji doesn't have any exceptional learning feats, he will make some good progress, but that month won't benefit him as much as Kabuto. All of tht however completely pales in comparison to Naruto, who can just use his Mass Shadow Clone Learning Cheat to become a world champion class professional boxer during that time frame.
I'd give this to the Akimichi Burger Kings... 11 Meat Tanks rolling the stadium shoul be pretty much unstopable.Quote:
This isn't about most delicious animal but about largest in size. To win this round you would first need some good knowledge about bestiary and natural habitats, something which I'am sure Naruto doesn't have... he'd just run out of Konoha's main gates and expect to find some large animals there.Quote:
Chouji would do better then that... but Kabuto has superior knowledge and snakes are natural predators, so he wins.
So the summary from my conclusions would be:
Naruto: 3 points
Chouji: 3 points
Kabuto: 4 points
A tough and close contest, but in the end Kabuto takes the lead by one point!
Last edited by LnDRash; April 09, 2012 at 11:01 PM.
You actualy think anybody can build a car? There are NONE in there age(is that a good word?).
But asuming they would build some type of primitive 1 only Kabuto would build something. Naruto will be running and Chouki would be rolling. Now depending on the inclination of the terrain Chouji could win or not lol.
Naruto... He is dumb but at least he is good looking. Chouji is fat and Kabuto is... Well look at him. This is asuming Kabuto using his medical tech to cheat is not allowed (like making himself look like Brad Pit or something).
Chouji and i am not considering cheating as an option (Kabuto going puddle mode to lose what he eats or whatever else).
Kabuto wins as the other 2 are not old enough/allowed to drink sake.
Kabuto as he can go in water mode lol.
Naruto, he is just to fast, he is not going to KO Kabuto but defenetly win on points.
Going with Naruto. He could create some 200 more helpers lol. If that is not allowed he is still to fast and would score goal after goal before the other know what is happening.
Kabuto (easy to).
Kabuto looks like the perfect compupter geek...
Naruto easy. He goes hunting in 200 separate places :P. Oh and i hope Kabuto can't just bring Manda 2 as a hunting score... Because he would defenetly win with that. If i would be Naruto i would bring that tortoise island!
Last edited by xXan; April 11, 2012 at 02:15 AM.