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Thread: The Lashival Trilogy - Book 1- The Ilmarians

  1. #1
    MangaHelper 伝説メンバー / Densetsu / Legendary Member riki's Avatar
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    The Lashival Trilogy - Book 1- The Ilmarians

    This is my first attempt of writing a novel so this should be interesting. I'll try to post a chapter once a month. Anyway, enjoy! Please write any critiques and review in this thread and not in my MtM one please.

    To make things easier, I have made a blog to archive my stories.

    PS I'll try to make the other chapters not that long as the first chapter.



    Chapter 1: Kejuta - "The blood of the gods is nourishment for the land"

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    Last edited by riki; January 23, 2013 at 06:25 PM.

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  3. #2
    Most Beautiful Male 2013 伝説メンバー / Densetsu / Legendary Member goldb's Avatar
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    Re: The Ilmarians

    Finished reading this first chapter and it was captivating, particularly near the end with the revelation of the children's and Kajuta's powers; I'm really keen to see that explored and explained further.

    Question though, has Kajuta's powers gotten stronger as she's died or just as time has gone by?

    Probably have a few more things to write about or explain...will come back...

  4. #3
    MangaHelper 伝説メンバー / Densetsu / Legendary Member riki's Avatar
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    Re: The Ilmarians

    Glad you like it. ^^

    As for Kejuta, her powers grew over time. You'll learn out why in Ch. 3. ^^

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  6. #4
    Most Beautiful Male 2013 伝説メンバー / Densetsu / Legendary Member goldb's Avatar
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    Re: The Ilmarians

    And Thesben is so stupid! why would he do something like that when you have young children at home? I mean I understand why but did he not think of what he was leaving behind and what his absence would do to his family, especially since they're not exactly loved by the other slaves and can only count the midwife as their closest friend. I guess feeling useless and unable to protect the things you love drives a person to extreme measures.

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  8. #5
    MangaHelper 伝説メンバー / Densetsu / Legendary Member riki's Avatar
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    Re: The Ilmarians

    Finished with Chapter 2! And yes, it has less pages than ch. 1 (only 16.5 pages). Ugh, putting Adia's thoughts in italics is pretty annoying though and the ending isn't up to my standard but oh well. Anyway, enjoy!

    FYI, Chapter 3 title has a couple of hints. If you're curious about the time, please head to the archive link.



    Chapter 2: Pendance - "Don't be so reckless!"

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    Last edited by riki; June 01, 2012 at 11:45 PM.

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    Most Beautiful Male 2013 伝説メンバー / Densetsu / Legendary Member goldb's Avatar
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    Re: The Ilmarians

    I read all this chapter on the dreamwidth link; I find it easier to read from there.

    Really good chapter, though I would've like to have read a bit about the confrontation between the Merzakians and the Castians instead of just coming to it when it was already all done. And that Shuvyral creature sort of seems like it came out of nowhere, or maybe I forget and it was previously mentioned?

    I really love Kej's ability and her mission to bring together the flames to change the world's fate. The concept of chains of fate isn't new to me but brilliantly used, how did you come to use it in the story?

    Will we meet all the immortals within this book or span to the next also?

  11. #7
    MangaHelper 伝説メンバー / Densetsu / Legendary Member riki's Avatar
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    Re: The Ilmarians

    Well, Kejuta and her children decided not to get involved in the battle since they already knew the outcome. Not to mention Adia is going to spazz out if she saw the fight due to her phobia. Maybe I'll add a battle scene if I edit the chapter later on.

    As for the Shuvyral, it's actually General Clausen's transmuted body after he drank Kejuta's blood. He's now been cursed into that creature that lives in excruciating pain for all eternity; he cannot die and the only way for him to ease its pain is to drink more of the blood, which of course leads to the same problems. A Shuvyral is a creature that has the audacity to drink an immortal's blood and is cursed for its hubris. Maybe I should clarify it since I probably rushed the ending.

    My inspiration for Kejuta's powers? Umm... a part of it was from the part in Bleach where Ichigo was surrounded by those ribbons when he was trying to become a shinigami. I thought that was a cool scene and thought what if you can pick and choose what destiny to pick? In a way, it makes sense since in real life, we have to make choices that would change our destiny so I visualize it as we have different chains of fate and our decision will have an effect on the other "chains". '

    Originally I intended that Kejuta would offer a person several choices aka chain and he or she will decide which one to choose. Then I changed it so that only she could see it since it's supposed to be her powers and having her make the decisions will reflect on her overprotective motherly instinct since she thinks she knows what's best for everyone. ^^

    Yes, we will meet all of the immortal in this novel and the epilogue is supposed to lead to the second novel. Let's just say it would be unexpected.

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    Most Beautiful Male 2013 伝説メンバー / Densetsu / Legendary Member goldb's Avatar
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    Re: The Ilmarians

    Thanks for clearing that up about the Shuvyral and I'm guessing we bump into it later on too . Now I think about it, I remember that about Ichigo in Bleach

    About Kejuta's powers, since she controls the chains and changes people's destinies, how does the whole "butterfly effect" side of it come into play here? I mean does it significantly affect another character's fate further down the line? I think I may just be rambling and overthinking things....

  14. #9
    MangaHelper 伝説メンバー / Densetsu / Legendary Member riki's Avatar
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    Re: The Ilmarians

    Quote Originally Posted by goldb View Post
    About Kejuta's powers, since she controls the chains and changes people's destinies, how does the whole "butterfly effect" side of it come into play here? I mean does it significantly affect another character's fate further down the line? I think I may just be rambling and overthinking things....
    Yes, it will affect another character's fate as well. You will probably see it in the in another chapter and probably in the second book.

    BTW, since it's easier to read the chapters in dreamwidth, would you rather I just post the link here whenever I updated?

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    Most Beautiful Male 2013 伝説メンバー / Densetsu / Legendary Member goldb's Avatar
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    Re: The Ilmarians

    Quote Originally Posted by riki View Post
    Yes, it will affect another character's fate as well. You will probably see it in the in another chapter and probably in the second book.

    BTW, since it's easier to read the chapters in dreamwidth, would you rather I just post the link here whenever I updated?
    Ah right,

    If I were you I'd keep both, as some people may prefer to not wander off MH but I'm using the dreamwidth to link to friends and such to read .

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    Registered User 有名人 / Yuumeijin / Celebrity weixiaobao's Avatar
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    Re: The Ilmarians

    Well, omg O_____O didn't realize one chapter of your is so long. I gonna get back once I finished reading chapter one. For now, I gonna just read one third of a chapter at a time. To be honest, I thought the beginning was slow. But as soon as your first sacrifice, I am quite awake So I thought, is this how she setting up the mood for the whole story? The bit about bonding under hardship was cute. I get really attracted to the red hair boy. Until I realize time flied like super fast and they married Noooooooo. I was wondering where are you taking the story until she chosen for the sacrifice. So yeah, the next part will be tomorrow. And once I finished all section, I gonna do an overall response.
    ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    Thoughts on the second part, so where I left of before was before she discover her power. Hmm, I never really interested in female characters or about labor. But what happened to Adia is very interesting, I would love to see how her character progressed. So I am glad the other kid was a boy. But overall, right now I am really hoping that after chapter 1, we will have a new setting. And I can't wait for what sort of villain you will have install for this story. And whether the cursed ones' power are more varied. So for the second part, I ended with the birth of the son.
    Last edited by weixiaobao; June 06, 2012 at 06:28 PM.

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  20. #12
    MangaHelper 伝説メンバー / Densetsu / Legendary Member riki's Avatar
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    Re: The Ilmarians

    Okay, Ch. 3 is finally completed! It took awhile since I kept revising a couple of scenes so if there is any mistakes, please let me know~ Sorry, but this is mostly a talking chapter so not a lot of action is going on (the same will be for Ch. 4 as well). FYI, I tried to make the Kreesian architecture to be similar to ancient Greek/Roman. Too bad my scanner is acting up or I would have drawn a sketch.

    I'm going to work on the side story next since I'm working based on chronologically order. It's going to focus on Roku and Kyah (from The Maiden of Puria so read that if you're interested) and how they settled in Alethesia. The side story is just for you, goldb and Ancy, since you guys kept nagging me about them.

    Anyway, here's Ch. 3!



    Chapter 3: Aundra - "Like time, magic is infinite"

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    Last edited by riki; June 10, 2012 at 12:12 PM.

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  22. #13
    Most Beautiful Male 2013 伝説メンバー / Densetsu / Legendary Member goldb's Avatar
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    Re: The Ilmarians

    Good chapter riki, finally we get to meet other Ilmarians(love the term and meaning by the way) and I really dig the way Brenton's ability works. I wanted to ask, is there any particular importance of the different stair platforms? and I'm right in assuming that the room where they are training time doesnt lapse there?

    Crap, I had other questions but I've forgotten them.... but I also don't want to ask too much and spoil the plot for myself. Looking forward to the rest

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  24. #14
    MangaHelper 伝説メンバー / Densetsu / Legendary Member riki's Avatar
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    Re: The Ilmarians

    Oh, for the platforms, I just wanted to show how the higher up they go, the less busy it is. It supposed to represent the facts that the gods, who originally lived there, were supposed to be distant and ruled from faraway to show that they are above their creations. I don't know if I mentioned it in the chapter, but when a mortal see the huge cave opening, they will just see an empty,dark, and damp cave instead of the room that Aundra and the others saw.

    I haven't thought about time lapse for the training rooms. I guess they would since Brenton could control time and they do have a lot to learn.

  25. #15
    Most Beautiful Male 2013 伝説メンバー / Densetsu / Legendary Member goldb's Avatar
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    Re: The Ilmarians

    Yep you mentioned it, and it was explained about there being less and less people the higher you went; I just thought there was another reason for this. Guess I'm just reading into things too much.

    Oh I thought you'd already have that figured out Just thought that 37 years of training was a long time and then I realised just as I was typing this that they were immortals nevermind me...lol

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