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Simply a discussion how to deal when you are feeling lonely. Let's hear what you say!
Last edited by helixis; April 22, 2013 at 09:07 AM.
So.... a way to deal with the loneliness of not having a special someone without having a special someone? Good luck with that one. Let me know if you find anything good. As far as I can tell the obvious answer is that to not feel loneliness then you simply shouldn't be lonely which is basically get a boyfriend (or in my case a girlfriend). Its not about getting over the loneliness but rather not letting it get to you and move on. Or is the issue more about feeling lonely due to a particular breakup?
Well, I would go for the indirect approach, that is devoting yourself to something else. A modern term would be hobby, and hobbies can go from sports to music, to art, to anything else like walking, hiking, basically taking on an adventure. Though a lot depends on your work, the problem might just be with the work itself and that is a killer. You see, when one is not searching for love, special relationship and that sort of thing, you get turned to the adventure side or the contemplation side of life. Starting to learn something new, though as a hobby, I mentioned sports, music, art, all are a good way to get pass something for the time being. But for a bigger change to this, it takes the Magellan approach, so bored and lonely, you need to travel the world? That is just a metaphor for a more adventurous life.
It's really difficult to find a solution to cease loneliness if your wishes are still become a single yet you want someone to be your partner simultaneously. My advice is be grateful that you have friends and family members who are care and willing to share the experience with you. Some people suffer worse feeling of loneliness than you are, being secluded from the society because of either intrinsic or extrinsic situation. By being grateful of your condition however miserable that is, that loneliness feeling would cease to exist. Also, don't try to curb your feelings for someone. Instead of forgetting him/her, such action would amplifies your desire to become his/her partner thus make you more feeling "lonely".
Besides that, I agree with Jos's comment, have hobbies, focus on them. If you have something that you love to do, do it, before you regret in the future that you wish you had enough time.
Yeah, That reason is also a good Idea!
Loneliness ? Define what you mean by it, if you mean not having a gf/bf or whatever of the sort then idgaf about that, or socializing with people you don't share the same interest just to not feel lonely that's not good either
I can say I'm pretty much like a lone wolf, I don't like crowded places, going to cafes and such, I don't like talking non stop either... By normal standards, I would be considered lonely although I've never felt it, I enjoy doing things myself, no one bothering me etc
Doesn't mean I can't talk to people or any of the sort, even tho most of the time I'm silent hehe
But in case someone do feel it, as Josef K mentioned, one should try to make himself busy : hobbies, charities, or even travelling if you have enough money to do that
As for breakups... Hahahaha that one is a bit tough as you'd need time for that, and well... personally, to cut ties with the ex for some period, just talking with each others as " friends " after a breakup would never ever help someone get over it (and neither does drinking too), and the moments when you miss your ex are the moments when you find yourself doing nothing (aka not being busy), and if you want to cry, do it, don't feel ashamed, it helps a lot
Staying away from the internet/computer helps, (in my case at least!)
Getting a pet works for some people, their love is unconditional, well as long as you feed and walk them (in case of dogs) which can be a great way to get to know people as well.
Then there's concentrating on something else like Josef already mentioned, that would only distract you though and certain events like a friends marriage make you realize your loneliness - in case you still have friends and don't work all the time and devote yourself to something.
And lastly, there's also technology:
try getting a pet, they do wonders for lonliness, but no matter what I dont think you can find a substitute for a significant other.
Learn to love yourself and your own company. Someone posted this once in the quotes thread and I LOVED it. "If you're lonely when you're alone, then you're in bad company." Everyone gets lonely every once in a while (possibly even if they have a special someone), but to be lonely all the time is ridiculous and a waste of time. Chances are, you will not be single forever. One day, you might fall in love with someone and have to dedicate a lot of yourself and your time towards that person.
So ENJOY being single. I know I do. There is so much freedom and opportunities in it. I haven't had a boyfriend since I was 18. And let me tell you, I rarely get lonely. I love going to movies alone and shopping and painting and reading.
Now that I mention it, reading is a big one. Also, try falling in love with music. No matter how lonely you might feel, listening to a song you can relate to proves that somewhere in this world, at some point in time, there has been another person that felt exactly what you feel right now.
Relationships are OVER-RATED!
Good luck with your story-writing!
---------- Post added at 08:12 PM ---------- Previous post was at 08:11 PM ----------
A fun activity I like to do when I'm alone in the car is sing a fun song that I love really loud. Sometimes I like to serenade the people next to me at the stop light, even if they don't notice, it's still fun.
First of all, go die and rot somewhere, because that will be your weak spot from now on. Every bitter word will have a pressing the button effect on your loneliness. Soon after, the hard pressed wound will heal up and you won't feel what it was like to have that wound anymore.
Then, if you are really having an underwhelming, dull life, over the time, you will feel like missing how that wound felt. So yeah, basically, the second step is missing the pain your loneliness used to give you. But seeking for it won't do any good. Just accept it; the pain has already withered away.
The next action is obvious. Rip apart whatever ties you have with your friends. This will give you the pain you need to move forward. Do that and disappear. Until you feel like showing up again, for new friends that is.
Now, rip apart your new ties after some more time. Do it over and over again, until you detest the pain that you get out of this course of actions of yours.
The rest is a simplified process. You will begin detesting your own philosophy, and then, upon realizing that, you will back off from embracing your self, and try to battle through your own image.
Battle after battle after battle, you will experience self-alienation and congratulations, you are not alone anymore.
I thought this thread was already expired or something.... Anyways, the OP was edited to make more sense (apparently) and the point of the thread is not to actually give him ideas to deal with his loneliness but help him write a story. Just saying.
---------- Post added at 12:54 PM ---------- Previous post was at 12:51 PM ----------
Not that the one who started this thread has been on even once since november
Advice on loneliness, ideas for his story... Meh. Same thing if you ask me. Stories are always the best if they're spawned off of some previous experience.
And I don't really mind that he'll never check this thread. It's an interesting thread all the same.
I had to share something in this thread. It is very interesting.
Wikipedia defines loneliness as such: Loneliness is a complex and usually unpleasant emotional response to isolation. Loneliness typically includes anxious feelings about a lack of connectedness or communality with other beings, both in the present and extending into the future. As such, loneliness can be felt even when surrounded by other people. The causes of loneliness are varied and include social, mental, emotional, and spiritual factors.
So if someone is anxious to be with people, why not just do it, simple as that. Making new friends isn't a herculean task to be honest, all you need is to be nice. And I don't understand why people become lonely in the first place. Isn't there like a lot of ways to entertain one's self. There is movies, games, sports, reading, hobbies, tv, etc.
One advice though, and this is from personal experience, make sure you wisely pick your company, some people may pretend to be your friends, but they really are not.
If we trust the internet then the surefire way to deal with loneliness is cats.