Gintama 267

Wordy as usual, epic as always.

More work for my homedogs at Binktopia only.

(Last time on Gintama, the results of the second character poll had a certain individual out to change their low ranking, and was using underhanded means to push their way to the top. Others with low rankings had also decided to join in on the revolution, soon submerging Edo into a full scale Battle royal. In order to escape the clutches of the townspeople, People with higher ranks fled into a love hotel for shelter. Shinpachi made a moving speech about protecting one's ranking, which fell on deaf ears. The others in the hotel had nothing else on their mind but destroying the opposition's rankings and reaping the glory that comes with the top.)

GINTAMA
Lesson 267: Things like character polls should be ground up into a tofu like substance.
SORACHI HIDEAKI.

Shinpachi: Ah~h...

How did this happen...

I thought finding Gin-san would be a major help in finding the criminal...

But in the end, nothing changed...

(Side text- This is a person's being.....This is a person's work...)

Shinpachi: In fact, instead of working together,

Everyone's just found a new reason to turn on each other....is greed what makes us human....?

These character poll results have turned everything up until now into a warzone.

I have to do something or else....

For now, I guess it's good enough to just keep an eye on things out here.

That way if someone does come here to attack Gin-san and the others, I can warn them before it's too late.

Besides that, I can get an idea of the situation outside....

002

Shinpachi: Th—that's...!!

Number nine, Tsukuyo-san!!

Why is she leisurely walking in a place like this?

With a ranking like that, doesn't she know she'll be targeted by those with a lower number?!

I should call her to join us....

But, this place is hardly what you'd call safe....

That's.....

SISTER!!

(Sfx- Zun zun doom doom)

{That's right!! The women are after Tsukuyo's ranking! She's in big trouble!!}

{But if I try to get her attention, those beasts will jump on me too....!}

Both: That's good, because after volume 30, she'll never appear again~

{What should I do?! If I sit and do nothing, they'll slaughter her!!}

{What should I do?! What CAN I do?!}

Shinpachi: Tsukuyo-san!! Watch out!!

003

(Sx- Don bump)

Tsukuyo: Ah, mah bad.

{It's no good! She can't hear me!}

Sacchan: Hold on a minute!!

(Sfx- Buru buru buru gaku gaku shiver shiver shiver)

Sacchan: Hey—Look what you did lady!

Boss lady's fifteen ranking....

You knocked it clean off of her!!

(Sfx- Dooon booom)

{A....}

{AN ACCIDENTAL HIT AND RUUUUUUN!?}

Sacchan: So? How are you going to make up for this ya piece of trash!!

{To use such a thug like method, What are you guys, the Yakuza?!}

Sacchan: If you don't pay up for what you did to the boss lady's fifteen, we're gonna have to rough you up yknow!!

{Rough her up?! More like, are you saying that these rankings are fixable with some glue?!}

004

Tsukuyo: My apologies. I was lookin' at somethin a yonder, and didn't see ya. I'll be right glad to wash up yer rankin' and give it back to yah.

{Sorry Tsukuyo-san! It's all my fault!!}

Kyuubee: Our crest isn't something you can clean up just anywhere. You're going to have to accompany us to the office where we can be sure it's effectively cleaned.

{Crest?! Are you guys taking that as your banner now?!}

Tae: Sarutobi, Kyuubee...That's enough.

I'm pretty sure that she didn't have any ill will when this accident occurred.

So if you continue, you'll only cause a nuisance and not claim revenge.

???: But Boss lady!!

Tae: Please forgive them, they're only youngsters.

Tsukuyo: Ah~ I should be the one apologizin' since it seems like I took somethin' important....

Tae: No it's not a problem....

It's not as if this world is a footstool for us alone.

Kyuubee: Boss Lady!!

Tae: That fifteen position was no more than a burden for me anyway.

Our methods are already things of the past....I already know this but..

Still, we never receive things like character songs or other merchandise do we?

It would have been great if we could some day form a Princess Princess type unit...

But time just flies on by, and here we are upon volume thirty.

005

Tae: But time is a cruel one isn't he? The age for us to become a PrinPrin unit has already passed us by.

It's already too late for us to make that dream come true, and we're being swept away by a new wave...

The age of Perfume type girl units....like you.

Thanks to you, our last tether to this world has been cut.

Now we can finally head down the river Styx with no regrets.

We wish you luck.

We'll cheer you on.

(Sfx- Buchi slice)

Tsukuyo: Hold on a minute thar....

Ya dropped somethin' else...

This rankin'....looks like it might be yers.

{SHE PLUCKED IT OFFFF!!!}

{Tsukuyo-san plucked off her own rankinggggg!!}

Kyuubee: But...that's yours.....

{Heeeeey!!}

Tsukuyo: Naw, yall dropped it.

(Sfx- Dara dara drip drip)

Sacchan: You say we 'dropped' it, but you seem to be bleeding....are you going to be okay?

Tsukuyo: Taint but a scratch. I'll be allight.

{You don't have to do this Tsukuyo-san!! Just ignore them!!!}

006

Tae: Missy, I appreciate your feelings,

But it's already too late for us to be a PrinPrin unit. We've already got pride that's hard as diamonds, so we'll be fine.

Besides, a ninth place rank holds no meaning for us.

If we were to take you up on your offer, others would become upset...so it's best we don't.

Sacchan: Oh Boss lady, is there nothing we can do?
If we all could be ninth...maybe there'd be a chance....

Tae: Don't force yourself...this is fine.

Perhaps someday we would have been the Diamond elect...

Tsukuyo: Hold on a minute there...

(Sfx- Buchi buchi buchi rip rip rip)

Tsukuyo: Ya dropped something...

And it broke into four pieces.

{And now she's torn it apart!!! This time it's in four little pieces!!}

Tsukuyo: Now yall can share the ninth place rankin' with no problem yeah..?

{Wait a second!!! Just hold on!!!}

Tae: I see! You're a clever one...!!

{Noooo!! Waaaait!!}

{You can't dooo thisss!!!}

Kyuubee: So now...

What shall we do, Boss Lady?

007

Kyuubee: With all of these 9th place spots....

We have what it takes to be a Diamond Perfume unit.

(TN- I was thinking it before, but now I'm sure. Perfume is a girl band-dance unit. I think Sorachi's playing off of them.)

Tae: That's a good idea! You're a smart one Kyuubee!!

{WHO THE HELL IS PERFUME?!?}

Kyuubee: Do you think that if we got a dance number together, that we'd become super popular boss lady?

{IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE?!}

{CAN THIS METHOD EVEN WORRRRK?!}
{C---}

{Crap, this is bad...}

{Who'd have thunk that she'd give in so easily? They didn't have to shed a single drop of sweat or blood for this victory...}

{But at the same time, rather than getting her ranking, they've ended up with yet another number nine!!}

(Sfx- Poko poko poko poko pop pop pop pop)

{This isn't some cute, girly bubble gum pop dance unit!}

{Th—This is...}

{Not Perfume but Vacuum!!}

{A mass that absorbs the flesh and bones of whatever comes in contact with it....The vampiric bloodsucking undead unit Vacuum!!}

008

Tae: This is good news yall! Now all we need to do is invite Kagura-chan to join!

{They're aiming for spot six next?! They want to absorb her too!!}

{Crap! I have to stop their slow rise to the top!!}

{I've got to tell everyone quick!!}

(Sfx- Pikun poit)

(Sfx- Zooon DOOOOM)

(Sfx- Dokakakakakaka Twoktwoktwoktwok)

Shinpachi: Uwaaaah!!

{I've been spotted!!!}

{The Vaccum's got it's eyes on meeeee!!}

{Dammitall!! Now that they've arrived...}

{This place is turning into a huge warzone!!!}

{I have to protect everyone's ranking from their advances!!}

Shinpachi: Gin-san!! We're under attack!! This isn't the time to be in fighting!!!

009

(Sfx- shakiiii swisssssh)

Okita: In fighting between comrades?

I knew you guys would

Try something like this.

Planning to betray us were you?

Shinpachi: O—Okita-san!!

No! I'd never do something like that!!

Okita: Oh really? Well have a look at that.

(Sfx- Pota pota drip drip)

(Sfx- Doooon foooosh)

Shinpachi: Ha---Hasegawa-saaaan!!

010

Okita: We turn around for a second and this is what happens.

This is proof enough that someone here is a traitor.

Now...I wonder who's behind this....

Shinpachi-kun.

(TN- Why does Okita look like that? Someone needs to tell Sorachi not to feed the fangirls....)

Shinpachi: I didn't do this!! Besides Hasegawa-san's ranking was below mine!!

Why would I go through all of this trouble when it wouldn't change my status?!

Okita: And who decided on what the criminal's intentions are?

What if in fact, he simply wants to lull us into a false sense of security by acting like he's only interested in higher ranked subjects?

Shinpachi: B—But that's....

Okita: Sure that old guy with the sunglasses is below you....but how am I to know that you're not trying to get rid of people who have traits that could get in your way? Maybe his sunglasses might be trouble for you later....

And then there's Yamazaki...

When it comes to being plain, that guy can't be defeated. Maybe you realized this, and decided to do him in.

Shinpachi: N—No!!

I'm not the criminal!! I didn't do anything!!

Okita: You're all talk....

But lets see what you'll say when your rank is three hundred.

011

(Sfx- Zubooooooo fwissssssh)

Okita: Wha---

Gintoki: The one that'll be visiting three hundred is...

You, Okita-kun.

Shinpachi: Gi---

Gin-saaaannn!!

Okita: Hehehe...

Boss, so you're just as bad with the infighting as we are huh....

012

Okita: However, I'm no fool.

You'll have to wake up pretty early in the morning to pull one over, or down on me.

{He---}

{He wears two sets of Boxers!!!}

Okita: In order to betray your enemies, you must first betray your friends, this is common sense no?

Shinpachi: Quit acting like you planned for this!! You're actually really embarrassed aren't you?!

Kondo: YOROZUYAAAAA!!

(Sfx- Zuboooooo fwoooosh)

Kondo: Enjoy the trip to depanced hell!!!

Shinpachi: Gin-saaaan!!

Kondo: Ah--!!!

013

{A...}

{A RED LOINCLOTHHHH!?!}

Gintoki: Heh, you moron. Didn't you pay attention to the color page that came with the character poll?

I usually wear boxers, but since this was a special occasion, I decided to wear lucky red!!

Shinpachi: I'M BEING TRAUMATIZED BY YOUR BARE ASS!! MORE LIKE I SAW YOU USING KATAKANA TO EMPHASIZE SOMETHING THAT DIDN'T NEED IT!!

(TN- Red Loincloth was written in Katakana which is used for loaned words. (It can also be used for emphasis on Japanese words.) The kanji reading should have read 'Red fundoshi' which is a type of samurai or sumo undies.)

Kagura: Public dooog!!

This is the end for yoooou!

014

Shinpachi: COMMANDO FROM THE STAAAART?!

{Co...}

{Comandeeeeeerrr!!}

Shinpachi: No, Commando!!! There's no need to change the reading for it!!

Kondo: Hahah you fool. There's no way my ranking can fall if I'm not wearing underwear in the first place is there?! I've embraced my nudity.

Shinpachi: YOU'RE THE FOOL!! ARE YOU THE GUY WHO CHASES PEDIPHILES OR THE PEDIPHILE HIMSELF?! DO YOU NOT REALIZE YOUR TOTALLY EXPOSED BEFORE A LITTLE GIRL?!

Kondo: Let me inform you of true hell. You fools who lose your rankings as soon as you lose your pants,

Are nothing more than small fries.

While I have already prepared myself for the arduous war ahead by going commando, for as long as I can remember. Being as I am now doesn't bother me one bit!

Which is to say that my thirteenth ranking was decided even with my commandoed ways.

This fight will go to the one who has already braved death! And since you cannot even do that, you will never break into my impenetrable castle!!

(Sfx- Buhahahahahah!)

Shinpachi: But this has nothing to do with being prepared or qualified for death!! More like look behind you!! Your castle is falling apart!!

015

Kondo: Fools! There's nothing you can do before the sight of my indestructible castle...

Tae: Then...what would you call a former seventeen like myself....

destroying the commando of thirteenth...or even better...

FORCEFULLY EXORCISING...

A DAMN DIRTY APE!!!!!

(Sfx- Dogoooooon Thoooom)

016

Kondo: So this is what it means to have the impenetrable castle destroyed....

(Sfx- Para para clatter clatter)

(Sfx- Gototsu twhap)

Kagura: Boss ladyyyy!!

Tae: Are you okay Kagura-chan? I won't let that filthy demon bother you none.

So there's nothing to be afraid of.

(Sfx- Dakyuu squeeze)

Tae: It's already too late for the higher rankings hiding in this hotel to run...

Because we....

The Diamond Perfume squad already has you surrounded.

Now put your weapons aside, and pick up a fake hick accent....an join us in our psudo robot dance.

(Handwritten- Why do ah have to do this...)

(Sfx- Kaku kaku clack clack)

Tae: Resistance will not be tolerated.....

017

Kagura: Or you will be dealt with.

(Sfx- Pitsu fwish)

Shinpachi: And in one second she jumps sides.

I guess it makes sense when one side is definitely more profitable, and in some ways safer.

Kagura: Yall wanna die? Yall really wanna die?

Then step up! Step up to me Smatter? Ya scuuurd?

(Handwritten- Huuuh??)

Gintoki: See, women can do that without a problem.

Men on the other hand aren't so lucky.

Okita: Boss, you aren't seriously planning on breaking through them do you?

Shinpachi: How would we do something like that?

018

???: Resistance is futile. (Whispering voice.)

???: For there is nothing you can do to fight against us (Whispering voice.)

(Sfx- futsuuu fwissh)

(Sfx- Shakiiin claaang)

(Sfx- Gatshiiii silllllfff)

019
Tae: Guh...

You idiots....

Hijikata: Looks like...

We don't have the time for pointless infighting.

Katsura: I said this from the beginning.

It would be unfortunate for me to be lumped together with you fools.

Gintoki: This fight is no longer about the popularity poll though...

It's a war between guys 'n' gals.

Tae: A war? How very droll.

But if you weaklings want to be embarrassed you can gather against us.

DIAMOND PERFUME

VS

NOGUSOEL.

Lets have a duel to find out just who the top dog is around here!!

(Side text- Armageddon!!)

GINTAMA LESSON 267................END.