Gintama 268

A nice ending to a pretty hilarious arc. Is there a step stool character that you guys haven't appreciated? (I.e Yamcha, Krillin, most of the female cast in Naruto, most of Ichigo's friends in Bleach, Everyone other than Inuyasha in Inuyasha, Sakamoto, The hunters killed during the ants arc in HXH Franky House, Usopp Pirates, Dr. Kureha....Smaller scantlators, Shounen Sunday, Magazine and Champion, Traumeister, Nakayama Atsushi, Fukuchi Tsubasa, Kobasen, Comedy Central, Wendys Smaller independent pizza chains, Mp3 players that aren't ipods, Traditional guys that don't like to go out to clubs....)

絶望したあああああ！！ 踏み台のキャラ を 絶望したあああああ！！

Binktopia however is not a stepping stone! They're the top! So take it away boys!


(Last time on Gintama, the results of the second character poll were less than desirable for some of the participants, especially those who did not make it into the top ten. The Yorozuya and Shinsengumi found themselves on the run from the entire town, who had formed a mob rule to get rid of them. However even with the chips cast against them, the two groups still found time to plot against each other. Meanwhile Number six- Kagura and Number nine- Tsukuyou had become absorbed in the new female unit Diamond Perfume. With this sudden change of events, the men found themselves facing off against the women on a new battle field. The Armageddon battle of Nogusoel and Perfume begins now.)

(1st- Gintoki)
(2nd- Okita)
(3rd- Hijikata)
(4th- Takasugi)
(5th- Katsura)
(6th - Diamond Perfume. {Kagura, Tae, Saru, Kyuu, Tsuku})
(7th -Kamui)
(8th- Shinpachi)
(9th- Elizabeth)
(10th- Sakamoto)
(11th- Sadaharu)
(12th- Kondou)

(Yamazaki, Sorachi, Hasegawa)
(The Fallen.)

GINTAMA
SORACHI HIDEAKI
Lesson 268: Things like character polls are....

(Under result text- Volume 29 is now out in stores everywhere!!)

Tae: How about that then?! Diamond Perfume,

VS

NOGUSOEL!!

(Side text- The swamps!!)

Tae: Which one of us deserves the top?! Let's have a match to find out!!

002

Katsura: Please wait Otae-dono!!

We cannot allow this farce to carry on any longer!!

We've already wasted four precious weeks on this nonsensical tomfoolery!

Forget about how our rankings are fluctuating and think about how the series popularity will be affected!

There must be a way for us to be able to talk things over.

Come everyone, let us have a powwow and discuss these matters peacefully.

(Sfx- Pushi pushi drip drip)

Katsura: You must understand, that many of these new rankings come from the fact that we have new characters like Tsukuyo-dono and Kyuubee-dono.

Even if you stubbornly hold on to your selfish pride, it won't change what the results are.

Kyuubee: D—Don't....

Katsura: Hm? What is the matter Kyuubee-dono? Is there something you'd like to add?

Kyuubee: Don't...

TOUCH ME!!!!

(Sfx- Buoooooo fwooooop)

Katsura: NGHAHHH!!!

Shinpachi: Katsura-saaannn!!

Tae: Character overhead?

You fools don't have the qualification to start talking to us that way.

(Sfx- Suu ssslliiiff*)

003

Tae: Aren't you just flapping your gums because you've been around longer, ya damn con-men?!

(Sfx- Buooooo Fwooooooosh)

Hijikata: GAHARRRH!!

(Sfx- Gagooooo dooooof)

Shinpachi: Katsura-san!! Hijikata-san!!

Tae: Going on and on about this and that!! But ya know, there's a simple truth behind all this!!

You guys have got it nice and easy since you ain't ORIGINAL characters!! You just step on us characters who aren't based on ACTUAL people!!

(Sfx- Gatshii Grrnnnd)

(Sfx- Gashiii chiiing)

Katsura: You just said something that can't be taken back...

(Sfx- Gashishi dsssshhh)

Hijikata: That woman really did just say something that can't be taken back...

Katsura: Do you not know how much I've had to suffer as people continuously write and say my name incorrectly...? So many of these readers get the name Katsura Kotaro wrong on history tests...IS IT THAT HARD TO WRITE?!

Hijikata: And how much our team has had to put up with complaints for our questionable conduct to get this far? So many history buffs view the Shinsengumi with eyes of contempt!!

004

Both: CAN YOU UNDERSTAND OUR PAAAAIN?!

(Sfx- Gatsuuu Sheeeen)

(Sfx- Kiiiiin claaaang)

Hijikata: SCREW THIS!! KATSURA, LETS KICK THEIR ASSES!! AFTER WE'RE DONE, YOU GO STRAIGHT TO JAIL!!

(Sfx- Katsuuu ssssssh)

Both: HOW ABOUT WE SHOW YOU WHAT WE'RE REALLY MADE OF?!?!

Shinpachi: HOLD ONNNNN!!! KATSURA-SAN!! HIJIKATA-SAAAN!!

(Sfx- Poiii fwipppp)

Both: ORAAAAAAAAAAGH!!!

(Sfx- Dogooooooon BOOOOOM)

(Sfx- Kyahhhhhhh!!)

(Sfx- Buoooo Fwoooosh)

Katsura: ROAAAAAAAAAARRR!!!!

005

(Sfx- Bukiiiiiiiin classsssssh)

(Sfx- Pishiii dsssh)

(Sfx- Pishiii dsssh)

Katsura: As I thought. Defeating you will be no simple matter, Kyuubee-dono.

Kyuubee: I didn't think that we'd be able to determine a victor too easily either.

I had an inkling that you were someone with talent during the Ryuuguujou arc, still...this exceeds my expectations.

Katura: If it's a 'stuck in their ways' type character, I'm all this series needs!!

You must change yourself to a 'One eyed' dragon type character immediately! And then you must end all of your sentences with the English word 'Paartay!' This will make the Yagyuu family stand out!! Okay, LETS Paaartay!!!

Kyuubee: I refuse.

With your long hair, you'd be better suited for being a dragon hermit, who waits for his students on some far away mountain!!

006

Katsura: In any case first, let us settle this the only way we know how!!

LETS PARRRTAHYYY!!!

Tae: Hijikata-san, I know you PARRHTAY with that cute otaku side of yours?!

I know you're just itching to PARRHTAY and go watch some anime aren't you?!

Hijikata: What the hell are you talking about?! Do you even read this manga properly?! We've already taken care of him!

You know, as long as you're around no matter what Kondo-san does, he'll be labeled a stalker!

Now if you were to disappear....so would his crappy ass reputation...

And our crappy ass history would be just that!!

Tae: You sound just like a government official! When a girl gives you some trouble, you just sweep her under the rug huh?

But it's all ready far too late to worry about the Shinsengumi's image.

(Sfx- Para clatter)

Tae: Because there'll be nothing left of you pretty soon.

007

(Sfx- Kaku kaku kaku shivver shiver shiver)

Tae: We've already got you in the palm of our hands.

Kondo: Come play with us~

Tosshi....It's fuuuuun hereeee~

(Sfx- Gyahhhhhhhhh!!!!)

(Sfx- Zaaan)

Kagura: Looks like I'm gonna get me a third place ranking. Yep!

Okita: Hmph. So you guys were planning this from the start...

I take it that you're behind those crimes then?

Kagura: Take it any way you like ya doity loser.

Take a good look at my ranking tho. Ya like it? If ya do, might as well join, capiche?

(Sfx- Pipi beeep)

008

(Sfx- Pii peeep)

Kagura: Wha....!?

Yer kiddin me!!

'The hell am I at twelfth place?! Dis ain't right!!

Okita: Heheheh...

We thought you chicks might try something stupid like this, so we decided to get one step ahead.

Our leader isn't your plaything anymore.

Kagura: No--

Dis ain't right...!!

That idiot...?!

(Sfx- Kaku kaku shiver shiver)

Kagura: Are ya sayin' that bum was too dotiy to be a part of the Diamond Perfume unit from the beginning?!

Tae: Not good!!

We should have never invited that Gorilla to join us!!

Kondo: Toshiiiii!! Here's our chance!!

(Sfx- Basaaaa fwisssh)

009

Kondo:Do it!! embarrass me as much as you can!!

(Sfx- Baaaaah fwooooon)

Kondo: If my ranking drops, the womans rankings will drop too!!

Hijikata: Kondo-san, you couldn't have...

You didn't join the women just so you could take them down from the inside.....

Kondo: Do it! Embarrass me while we've got the chance!!

Hijikata: I...I can't Kondo-san...

Kondo: I'm telling you to do it!! We have to save the ranking of the Shinsengumi!!

I'll be fine!! Trust me!! I'll meet you at the top!!

Hijikata: Listen!! I can't embarrass you any more than this!! You're freakin' sitting on the floor commander, legs spread, and full eagle!! More like, when did it change from Commando to commander?!

Okita: Don't be a wussy Hijikata-san!! Don't you understand Kondo-san's feelings?! Don't let him die of embarrassment in vain!!

(Sfx- Shakiiii claaang)

Okita: Eat this!! West pouch while buck ass naked!!

Kondo: GUAHHHH!! THAT'S RIGHT! THAT'S IT RIGHT THERE!!

Kagura: 'Bout this then?! West Pouch wit' Highwater Jeans!!!

Kondo: What the hell?! The highwater jeans and the west pouch have fused into an unholy yet coordinated outfit?!?!

010

Okita: It's not over yet!! Take this! Chain mail vest!!

Kagura: Ya think you're cool eh? How 'bout this?! I'm gunna add a sickle and chain!!

Okita: You think you're hot stuff huh?! Well, I'll ad a cursed belt!!

Kagura: How 'bout a buckle of destruction buddy?

Okita: Then I'll add a double edged blade!!

Hijikata: At the cost of stabbing yourself....?

(Sfx- Sukakakakakak Twoktwoktwoktwok)

Sacchan: Looks like this is the end of the line for ya'll...

Tsukuyo: Now why don't ya NOGUSOEL boys join up with us ovah at perfume?

Tain' no point in fightin' like this no more.

(Sfx- Shakii clack)

Sacchan: Everyone'll be happier as a big happy perfume family.

Gintoki: Don't screw with me!! As if I'm gonna join in on your sick plot of total domination!! I'm not giving up till the end dammit!!

Shinpachi: There's no meaning in doing this you two! The readers have already decided!! What more can we change?!

011

Tsukuyo: Ya'll are the ones that should stop wastin' time...Like I give a hoot about the character polls.

If ya'll aren't interested, then just give us the one spot so we can stop this here nonsense.

Sacchan: J—Just a minute Tsukki....what did you just say?

Tsukuyo: I was just sain that we should just get this stuff ovah with.

Sacchan: Um...Tsukki, there's no reason to rush you know? Thinking of yourself isn't very nice right?

It's almost as if you're trying to distance yourself from our group. Saying things like 'I'm not interested in the character polls anyway'.

What's with that stance? Aren't we a team? Why are you trying to escape the responsibility by saying things like that hmmm?

Tsukuyo: ...Juss means what I said...I ain't interested.

Sacchan: Oh? Well then you can just drop below ten. How does that sound~?

(Sfx- Pan pan clap clap)

Sacchan: I was under the impression that we had far too many people here above the ten spot, but this girl wants to drop below just for us!! How gracious of you!

Shinpachi: ….We seem to be witnessing the end of Perfume...

Tsukuyo: If ya got a problem, ya just need to flat out say it.

Sacchan: Your attitude is the problem! To be frank you piss me off! You've gotten under my skin since the very beginning!!

Gintoki: Have they regressed to being high school students?

Sacchan: Don't you dare look down on us! We've had to struggle so hard to get this far!! To become so dirty just to reach the top!!

And then you come alone and try to make us look like fools?! Let me tell you, there's no such thing as sitting pretty while living in this corrupt world!!

(Sfx- Kya gya gya gya yammer yammer yammer)

Tsukuyo: I ain't interested in yer theories of livin dirty or clean.

Sacchan: Oh no she din't!! Listen bitch! Quit playing dumb!! I know what you want, so just say it already!!

012

(Sfx- Paaan Shamack)

(Sxf- Paan doof)

(TN- Holy crap yes. YES.)

(Sfx- Zu----n doooom)

(TN- Sadaharu especially looks pretty damn awesome.)

Elizabeth: Take your bratty little asses home if you're gonna act shameful!!

(Sfx- Doooon doooom)

(Sfx- Zun zun tomp tomp)

013

Gintoki: Um....who were those two old guys just now?

Shinpachi: They just stood up and walked away....

Ah, I guess they're headed to where sister is?

(Sfx- Zaaaaaaaahhh thoooom)

(Sfx- dogaaaaaa)

(Sfx- Gashaaaaaa crassssh)

Shinpachi: A—are they monsters?!

What kind of brawl are they having there?!

Gintoki: I—I don't hear anything dude..yeah, If I can't hear it, it's not happening.

(Sfx- Piruru pleeeep)

Shinpachi: GIN-SAN!!

(Sfx- Pi pi pi beep beep beep)

Shinpachi: Above your head!! Look!!

Gintoki: Wh—Wha....my ranking!! It's falling?!?

Why the hell is my ranking dropping like this?!?

Gintoki: What did I do to deserve this?! What the hell is going on here?!

(Sfx- Pipi beepbeep)

???: ...I...I'm too late...

014

Shinpachi: Hasegawa-san!!

(Sfx- Mozo mozo shift shift)

Hasegawa: W—We've let this battle get too far out of hand...

The people who are above have grown tired of us fighting this battle of avarice.

And watching those who are unrelated lose their rankings because of our stupidity.

When gazing upon the sins of humanity...

The gods who turn the pages have decided to exact punishment.

We have to stop this fighting now....

Because those guys aren't going to stand for it any longer.

Gintoki: Those guys?!

Hasegawa: The gods in the real world...the page turners....

Someone must have appealed to them, for it's unnatural for them to react.

You idiots have been fighting because this guy wanted you to.

Or no, I should say that this guy has the whole world in his hands, and is watching you dance at his whim.

Think about how this started...

If you really want to stop this madness once and for all, you have to remember how it began in the first place.....

015

Hasegawa: If you want to stop this,

Head to the roof.

The battle will be decided there.

(Sfx- Giii reeeee)

(Sfx- Pata pata fwap fwap)

???: And so the last horses finally get to the finish line....

I've been watching the scenery.....

While waiting for you guys to get here.

Have a look. Everyone's fighting to the death over rankings...

Heh, Isn't it funny, some of these people have never met...but yet they can fight over something so trivial...

Yanno, humans are really shameful and sinful creatures...

But this is ridiculous even for us. We're no more than a bunch of bugs struggling amongst one another now...

016

Shinpachi: Yamazaki-san..

You're the one who started this whole mess, aren't you?

By giving the illusion that you were attacked by someone else, and allowing your ranking to fluctuate,

You in turn caused the people who were unhappy with their rankings to act out of hope and anger.

But this was your plan the whole time right? You wanted to anger the gods beyond the pages,

Cause internal strife between the characters, and change things.....but isn't this going too far..?

Yamazaki-san....once the smoke clears, will you really be satisfied?

Yamazaki: It's common knowledge that flowers bloom from the ground.

But I'll bet that not a single person thinks about the ground when theres a flower staring them in the face.

Of course this is natural. Flowers are aesthetically pleasing, while the ground is dirt...and dirt is dirty.

But I want them to understand....

The feelings of the ground,

The feelings of characters like us....

If you want to strike me down, do as you wish.

But realize that your ranking will fall once you do.

017

Yamazaki: Go on! Do it! The gods beyond the pages will strike you down with their divine punishment!!

If you really think you have what it takes to tempt the gods, then hit me with all of your might!!

Gintoki: Sounds good to me!!! I'll beat the snot out of you!!

This is for screwing with us this whole time ya bastarddddd!!

(Sfx- Guaaah roooar)

(Sfx- Dogoooo Thwooook)

Gintoki: Shin....

Shinpachi: Gin-san, there's no need to dirty your hands.

I'll gladly roll in the dirt...

If it's for the sake of my flower's growth!!

Yamazaki-san, It may be true that nobody notices my exsistance...

And that no one understands how it feels to be stuck in my position.

But is this really the right way to approach this? More like, what's wrong with being who I am?

YOU TOLD ME YAMAZAKI-SAN!!! THE BEAUTY OF HAVING A SOUL THAT IS A STEPPING STOOL FOR OTHERS!!!

018

Yamazaki: ...Are you saying that's all you want?

An existence where no one knows that you're there? You're...happy with that?

Can you seriously bear that type of life....?

Shinpachi: Please don't talk about me as if I'm already gone....

I, I know!!

I know I exist!!

And you know I exist too!!

(Sfx- Fuwaaa sob)

Shinpachi: And that's all I need! Anything other than that is just extra!!

Yamazaki: Sh—Shinpachi-kun...

(Sfx- Uru wibble)

Gintoki: You guys aren't alone.

Shinpachi: You guys!!

Gintoki: Have a look above your heads....

Even the gods beyond the page....

Have acknowledged you.

???: Okay! We'll be your stepping stools for today!!

???: Thanks for always working behind the scenes to make us look better!!

(Sfx- Washoi!! Washooi!! Heave ho! Heave ho!)

???: Congrats on becoming number one!!

{Yamazaki-san!!!}

{Shinpachi-kun!!!}

{Everyone understands us now!!}

{Everyone likes us----}

Okita: Ashes to Ashes, Dust to dust, Dirt to the dirt.

(Handwritten- Why the hell do you guys get to be number one...)

(Handwritten- Those freaks completely had us playing their game...)

{Everyone....}

{Let me ask you one more time....}

{Are character popularity polls...}

{Really that important?}

(Sfx- Gyahhhhh!!!)

(Side text- Thanks for voting!!)

GINTAMA LESSON 268................END.