Gintama 275

Sorry for it's lateness~ Trip to NY, and updating my wiki kind of ate up my weekend ^^;; Speaking of which (http://alleycatcomics.pbworks.com/) Don't worry, I'm not going to pimp it on my next few translations (although I should, since writing the thing is as important as translation to me.) But I would really like some feedback on what's there from everyone. ^^ Thanks a lot, and enjoy the translation.


Gintoki: Man, it's like a roach motel for cats here.

(Side text- A mystery of life!!)

Shinpachi: Sister used to say 'Cats multiply like crazy~'

But upon seeing this, that phrase seems more like a trauma.

Gintama: Trauma? More like A Catastrophe right?

Kagura: You should stop your kitten (Kiddin')

(Tn- Bunch of weird gags here. Gintoki said Nekouma Which is Trauma and Cat combined. Kagura then added 'Umashika' which has the same kanji as 'stupid', but can also be read as Deer and Horse.' Yes yes I know I raped that joke beyond recognition, but that's the price of localization....)

Gintoki: But I suppose having a huge population like this isn't so bad either. At least for the guys, since I'm sure the girls get stuck with the kids afterwards.

It always starts the same too. The guy comes to sweet talk the girl, and then before she knows it, it's a half year later, and the guy is no where to be found. We're not so different, cats and humans.

It's cause there's not much reason for the guys to hang out with the girl after they've already cohabitated.

It starts because they've got a bit of a pride issue going on, but once they've realized that the girl is serious about this and won't let them go, they've got no choice but to cut and run fast.

Doesn't help much when the girl flips out preparing to have the kid in the first place. She starts getting real mean, picking cat fights with anyone in close vicinity.

And when I say 'cat fight' I mean a full on Dempsy roll.

Even a hardboiled, chain smoking, Yakuza would feel the heat when hit with one of those.

That's why there's a real process with it comes to cohabitation between cats. There's nothing else that can fit in that relationship.

As a guy myself, I can totally relate.

Shinpachi: Gin-san, why'd you suddenly launch into a lecture?

Kagura: It was one page. We have no room to add commentary. We can do nothing but watch.

Gintoki: Just telling the truth.

These Lessons for life aren't just for the cats you know.


Hey look, a new hair's growing! Sweet!

Shinpachi: Who are you talking to over there? Please just stop it.

Kagura: It only appears to have grown. It is because you stand up and use it.

002

Shinpachi: Huh?

(Sfx- Zaku poit)

(Sfx- Zazaza zan dooooom0

Shinpachi: The cats,

They're running....

Ah!!

Th---that's....

He's here!!

I'd know that large build and two ripped off ears anywhere...!!

(Sfx- Zuuunnn dooom)

Shinpachi: Whitey!! Kabuki Cho's boss cat has appeared!!

Gin-san!! What are you doing?! Our target just sauntered up!!

Gintoki: Aw crap, because you were yelling my hand slipped~

Shinpachi: Don't blame others for your problems!!

(Sfx- Bicha bicha drip drip)

Gintoki: Huh?

What the heck? Why's the ground raised here?

003

Kagura: Pattsan! If we want to get him, this is our one chance!

Shinpachi: N—No helping it then!!


Both: FUAHHHHHH!!!!

(Sfx- Zazaaa slsssssh)

Shinpachi: We're coming for you fat cat!!!!

Both: Ngh....

Shinpachi: GAHHH!! HE GOT US!!!

(Sfx- Dosaa Thud)

(Sfx- Bata bata tp tp)

Kagura: How is he able to move like that? He is too big to be this quick!

Shinpachi: Gin-san! Hurry up!! He's going to get away at this rate!!

Gin-san, did you hear me?!

Gin-san?!

Huh?

004

GINTAMA
Lesson 275: When looking for something, try thinking from it's point of view.
SORACHI HIDEAKI

(Side text- Cats and people alike just want to catch some Z's when the time is right.)

(Bottom text- Volume 30 is out in stores everywhere!!)

005

{….Huh?}

{...Where the heck am I?}

{When did I fall asleep?}

{Where are Shinpachi and Kagura? And what are THEY looking at?}

{Why am I surrounded by cats?}

{Why....}


Cat: Hey bro, you okay?

He can't be from around here, I've never seen his face before.

{Are the cats talking to me?}

{This has got to be a dream...My head hurts too much for it to be real.}

Cat: Oh good, you've regained consciousness. Would you like some water?

Gintoki: Are you serious? What would drinking water in a dream do for me? Meh, I'll bite.

Where's this water?

Cat: There's water aplenty on the ground.

Gintoki: 'The hell? Are you making fun of me? Why would I want to drink that dirty crap? Don't group me with you....

006

{….....}

{…..Huh?}

{H---Hold up for a minute....}

{…..What?}

{...What's going on....?}

Cat: Hey, don't stare at him, he'll notice.

Cat: The heck does he mean 'I'm not one of you'? We should have left him to die.

{Why am I so...furry?}

Gintoki: WHO'S THIS UGLY-ASS CAT LOOKING BACK AT ME?!?

007

Otose: Gintoki?

He hasn't returned yet.

Shinpachi: Really? How strange....where did he go?

Kagura: I do not care. For all it matters his silver balls can become golden. He was too concerned with under the belt that he did not help us.

Otose: Are you talking about that cat chasing job you had?

Catherine: Don't ya idiots know that you won't catch a single cat without using a PET bottle?

(TN- PET bottles are clear water bottles.)

Kagura: How about I teach you how to use a PET bottle ya cat burglar?!

(Sfx- Gan gan Smack smack)

Catherine: No! That's not it!! Besides that's only a superstition!!

Shinpachi: We were soundly defeated.....to think that one cat is this tough to catch...

Otose: Whether you're cat or human, to live in this city, you need to be tough as nails.

Shinpachi: That's why there are so many troublesome felines in Kabuki-cho.

Although, lately their numbers have been increasing quite rapidly.

Injuring the domesticated pets, eating parrots, swiping fish....

And the list just goes on.

It's gotten so bad that the neighborhood watch committee has finally decided to take the law into their own hands.

{Why did this happen to me....}

{What am I going to do now? What CAN I do now?! I'm...I'm...}

(Sfx- Yurari wibble)

008

Dude: It's...

Neutering time~

Otose: Castration?

(Sfx- NGYAAAAAHHHHH)

Shinpachi: Yes. Any alley cat spotted within the city is supposed to be caught and brought in for castration right away.

Although it seems like a lot of trouble, the people are pretty much mandating it now.

It seemed easy enough, but then Whitey came in to defend his fellow felines, and it's been troublesome for the neighborhood.

Which is why they eventually called us in to help capture him...

Otose: For goodness sake....normally you don't think twice about tossing your cat when you don't want it any more,

But the moment their numbers increase slightly, you start talking about destroying them.

Us humans sure are a fickle breed.

Are human testicles really that much different than those of the cats? Our men keep them because they believe what they hold could save the world someday...

Shinpachi: Otose-san, if it's all right with you, I'd appreciate being able to go one chapter without talking about the nether regions between humanity's legs.

More importantly, we can't just ignore Whitey.

If we do, he'll just move on and bother other people, won't he?

009

Shinpachi: He's both the most powerful and most treacherous alley cat, and the emperor of kabuki cho's alleys, Whitey.

With his ill mannered ways, and large size, he can easily bite his enemies to death.

I've even heard that he's turned to hurting kids and other humans....

Otose: But those are rumors aren't they?

Shinpachi: I don't think so. Today we got to see him with our own eyes, and he is no laughing matter.

Otose: I see...

If you ask me though,

He's probably not as bad as people are making him out to be.

Guy: Got you now, you damned street cat!!

(Sfx- Zaza swiff)

Gintoki: Nyagooow!! (They've caught me!!)

Guy: Stay still and let me take good care of you dammit!!

Gintoki: Nygaaarokoronyako!! (WAAAAAITTTT!!)

Funyakoronyahhhh!! (You're making a mistake!! I'm not a cat!!)

(Sfx- Fugyaaaaah)

Gintoki: Koronyagafukornayaaah! (Besides I've just grown a new hair down there!!)

Guy: I've got you nowwww!!!

Gintoki: Fugyaaaahhhh!!

010

(Sfx- Dotsu Thwod)

Guy: Nghooo!

(Sfx- Dosaaa thud)

Someone: Gyaahahhhh!!!

It's Whitey!! Whitey's appeared!!

What the hell are you doing here?! Ready to get your balls snipped?!

(Sfx- Datsu dash)

Guys: Ah!! Wait!!!

Get him!!! Don't let him get away!!

(Sfx- Zeeh hahh zeehhh)

Gintoki: Ah, thanks for saving me back there buddy...

Phew~ I really thought I was gonna lose something important back there...

(Sfx- Zeeh hahh zehhh)

Gintoki: Um? Hello?

Hey yo---I mean Whitey-san right? You're this city's top cat...

011

Gintoki: I've heard he's one bad dude, and quite frankly he IS a little scary,


But now that we're sharing the same species, he doesn't seem so bad....

Whitey: You a stray?

The humans in this city are after our balls you know.

So the last thing we need is a stupid cat running around and tipping them off to our location.

Gintoki: I'm not really a run away....I've just been through a lot.

Do you have an idea of what I should do? I'm all ears.

Whitey: Sorry, I don't do lectures for new strays.

Listen up, these are the rules kid.

There's no such thing as a cat who'll just save you and expect nothing in return.

Gintoki: Yeah, but you saved me didn't you Whitey-san?

(Handwritten- Is it normal for the boss to be this distant?)

Whitey: I didn't save you kid...

I just got to thinking, wouldn't it be boring to let the humans get his jewels?

It'd be more fun to beat the crap out of you and get 'em.

(Sfx- Giro glare)

(Sfx- Fushaaaa hissssss)

(Sfx- Dooon Thuuud)

Gintoki: GYAHHHH!!!

012

(Sfx- Shaaaaa hisssss)

Cats: It's started again....Whitey's picking on another newbie.

You can see right through that newbie. He's gonna get driven out of town.

There won't be any strays in town if this keeps up.

But look at him, He moves as if he's got only one left foot. He's like an awkward kid.


He's never going to last in a battle against a monster like that.

Whitey: S'matter kid? You think I'm playing games with you?! You wanna die?

Gintoki: HOLD ON DAMMIT!!!

Why is it ever since I became a cat, every person in the world has gone crazy?! Is everyone on some kind of synchro control set on high?!?

Whitey: Kids like you are too naiieve to live in this town!!

DISAPPEAR!!!

(Sfx- Raaan sparkle)

(Sfx- Gooou smaaaah)

Cats: Wha---

013

Cats: WHAT THE HELL IS THAAAT?!

(Sfx- Gogogogogo rmmmmmble)

Cats: He's standing?!

And on two legs no less!! What is he?!?!

(Sfx- Meki meki meki throb throb throb)

Gintoki: Listen, I don't mind bowing my head when I owe someone,

But you're taking it too damn far ya fat bastard.

(Sfx- Gii giii griiind griiind)

Gintoki: You're gonna teach me the rules?

Sure, I'm not as recent on my kitty world events and history as i'd like to be...

But I'll gladly show you the history of the people,

The cats living here,

And anything else you want to know, no matter how much you ask!!!

(Sfx- Dogooooo twhoooook)

014

(Sfx- Guaaaaa)

(Sfx- Shururururuu whifffff)

(Sfx- Zauuuu doff)

(Sfx- Hyuuuuuu wfifffff)

Whitey: What's your name?

Gintoki: Sakata Gintoki.

Whitey: Too long. You're Gin for now on.

Watch your balls, or else someone'll snatch 'em.

Gintoki: W---Wait a minute...

(Sfx- Waaaaaa)

Cats: You're awesome man!!!

To take on Whitey the king and kick his ass....I can't tell you how much I've been wanting to see that!!

Just what re you?! What kind of fighting style is that?! Will you teach me?

015

Cats: Gin! You should be the next boss!! To think that I'd live to see someone with the qualifications appear.....it's like a dream!

Gintoki: Yeah, I really don't want to do that.....

Cats: I'll help you kick his ass and get to the top!! His tyrannical reign will finally come to an end!

Gintoki: Hold on a minute!! Don't just forcefully nominate me as your leader!!

Hey you! Get away from my ass!! I don't need anyone sniffing there without permission!!

Huh...What's that?

That cat there, he's folding his arms....and it's actually really really scary.

(Sfx- Choi choi wiff wiff)

Blacky: You're not a cat at all...

That's certain at least.

Gintoki: Should an animal that walks on two legs have the right to say that?!?

More like, who the hell are you?!

Blacky: Do you know what this is?

Gintoki: No, how about you tell me?

016

Blacky: This is a cat's grave.

Apparently the owner of this house would look after stray cats who had no where to go.

As such, cats have gathered here from all over.

And when those alley cats died, the owner of the home erected graves in their honor to mourn.

Who knows how many years this has been here, and how many alley cat souls sleep there now.

I'll ask you again,

What do you think this is?

Gintoki: A...Urinal?

Blacky: -Sigh-.

Gintoki: Hey, that was definitely on purpose. More like, what are you getting at? Are you trying to suggest I've been cursed?

Although I'm living it right now, I still have to say....

A curse like this can't possibly exist....

Blacky: Rather than waste time denying what has already happened to us, we should use our time wisely and figure out how to transform back Gintoki.

Gintoki: We?

Wait, did you use this place as a urinal too? So are you.....Human?

Katsura: Not as a Urinal....

017


Katsura: But as a toilet.

Gintoki: YOU'RE ZURAAAAAA??!

WHY THE HELL WOULD YOU DO THAT?!?

YOU TOOK A DUMP HERE?! HERE?!? THE IMAGE I HAD OF YOU JUST GOT JUST A LITTLE BIT MORE POLLUTED!!!

Katsura: A true warrior has no time to look for a proper restroom, so he must be prepared to go anywhere.

Gintoki: ANYWHERE?! Dude, you just took a dump on a cat's grave!! And you STILL want to hang on to the title of 'warrior'?!

Katsura: The scent of the cat's paws just drew me in.....I had no idea this is how things would turn out...

Gintoki: Are you trying to suggest you were trapped?! Nice try moron!!

Katsura: However this works out well, as the Shinsengumi will never think to look for a cat.

It was an honor, no destiny that I took a dump there.

Gintoki: Someone!!! Anyone!! Take a stick of flaming Dynamite, stick it up his butthole and blow this idiot to smithereens!!

Wait, did you say Shinsengumi?! You don't mean that Gorilla....!!

Crap!! If he's here that makes three of us that fell into this stupid pattern!! The last thing we need is some kind of perpetual pattern....

(Sfx- Gusuu sniff)

(Sfx- Hiku huck)

???: Why...why did this happen to me....?

I thought I had Katsura for sure this time....I'm such an idiot...

How am I gonna show myself to Toshi, Sogo and Otae-san looking like this....?

(Handwritten- Crap, it's him. It just has to be him....there's no one else it can be...)

???: What should I do about this....?

018

Gorilla: PLEASE GOD!!! TELL MEEEE!!!

WHY AM I A GORILLAAAAAA??!

(Sfx- OOOOOO)

Gintoki: Ask him for us too!! We've become cats, and you've become less and more human at the same time!!

Katsura: Kondo, could it be that you too have been cursed?

Kondo: What?! You know who I am? Wait...I think I know that voice!!

Gintoki: Don't worry, no one will notice a thing. You can go back to Otae, Toshi and Sogo now.

Kondo: Oh good!! Friends!! I don't even care at this point if it's Katsura!! So you too have been involved with Mystery Gorilla?!

Gintoki: No!! Don't draw us into your Spiderman-like fantasy world dammit!!

Katsura: I suppose the kind caretaker of this land had a Gorilla along with the stray cats here. It would explain how you got cursed the way you did.

Gintoki: Where the hell would a Gorilla even come from?! I know we have one here, but still...!!

Katsura: If you look in the ranks of the Shinsengumi you'll find a Gorilla who stalks girls.

Gintoki: ISN'T THAT THIS GORILLA HERE?!?

What do we do?! How the hell do we get back to normal?! CAN we get back to normal with this much useless gathered In one place?!

At this rate our balls don't have much time left!!

Katsura: Perhaps if we find the graves we did this on in the first place, repeating our actions would return us to normal?

Gintoki: HOW WOULD THAT EVEN WORK?! YOU JUST WANT TO TAKE ANOTHER DUMP DON'T YOU?! HAVING TROUBLE KEEPING IT IN THERE ARE WE?!?

019

Katsura: For now, let's give it a try. Take the lead and go to the bathroom again.

Gintoki: Quit friggin kidding!! It's your crappy plan, so you go take the crap!

Katsura: But it is you that started this whole mess with peeing on the grave in the first place!!

Gintoki: Listen the weight of our crimes is way different!! Yours is worse by far!!


Katsura: Fine then! I'll do it! I don't plan on saving you fools if I should return to normal!

So don't start crying when I leave you!!

Gintoki: Ugh, It's actually really creepy to see how used to this he is...

(Sfx- Gatsu gatsu dig dig)

Gintoki: Why are you sitting on top of it like that?!?

Katsura: Oh---Oh no, I don't think I can. Could it be this is all I can do? Has the cat's curse synchroed with me nyow?

Gintoki: Nyow my ass!! What are you doing?! Aren't you just making things worse for yourself?

(Sfx- Gotsu smack)

Katsura: I suppose for nyow, we should try to gather more information on our transformation meow.

Gintoki: Knock that kitty talk off dammit!! Quit trying to be cute!!

Kondo: Well I guess I'll take care of it myself, since you guys are so useless.

I wonder which taste better though? Bananas from the Phillipines or from Taiwan? I can't return till i've found the answer!! Uhoooohiii!!!

(Sfx- Zatsu zatsu swiff swiff)

Katsura: What is he doing....

Gintoki: He can't turn back into something he already is......

(Side text- Where will these stupid cats end up next?!?

GINTAMA LESSON 275...............END.