Gintama 276

Nice chapter. A Gintama meme is finally explained (sort of) Otose and Gin show yet again that they know more about each other than we'll ever understand, and of course Okita's a Sadist and Hijikata's a mayo machoist. :-P (Goes back to listening to Bakemonogatari's 4th OP.) I have a problem with cute things....>_<

BTW if you guys are following the Sket Dance raws, this weeks is a really nice one. ^^ I'd translate it, but I don't want to step on any toes, plus I pale in comparison to cnet's translations. So everyone should cheer him on so that you can read how nice this week's was yourself! (Really nice how the color page was at the END of the chapter rather than the beginning like usual.)

Elderly lady: Here kitties~ Come on over...

Eat until your bellies are full.

GINTAMA

(Side text- She loves her kitties!)

Elderly lady: Oh? Have you grown tired?

(Sfx- Munyaaa yaawwn)

(Sfx- Funyaaa yawwwn)

Elderly lady: Go right ahead and take a nap then, I'll watch over you.

There's nothing for you to be afraid of.

Yes~ Go right ahead...

(Sfx- Kote kote thop thoop)

(Sfx- Dosaaa thuddd)

???: Please pardon us.

Thank you so~ much for your hard work...

(Sfx- Zaaa fwisssh)

I knew you'd come through Natsuki....

I feel somewhat guilty for doing this, but I'm looking out for their safety as well.

Now be gentle with them.

(Sfx- Kashayatshaa creeeek)

???: Don't worry, we'll just do a little snip-snip there, and then bring you right back.

002

(Side text- The three on the move!)

(From right to left- Zura, Gin-san, Gorilla Kondo.)

GINTAMA
Lesson 276: 'Look behind you Shimura' actually means Watch your back, Shimura's coming!!
SORACHI HIDEAKI.

Katsura: It seems that they've even wrapped their claws around the landlady...

Those rotten humans, to think they'd sink to utilizing such a cowardly trick...

Gintoki: You're human too.

Kondo: We can't trust any humans anymore!! Humans the world over are aiming for our bananas!!

Let's get them before they get us! Let's hunt the humans' bananas!!

Gintoki: No one wants your dirty banana dammit. Go back to the zoo and stay there Gorilla.

Goddamit, why the hell do they want these cats balls so badly? Are they planning to call out Shenlong or something?

They're teOsticles, but I guess if gathering them will bring Shenlong here, I can wish to become human again.

(TN- Please tell me you guys had a childhood and know who Shenlong is. PLEASE.)

Gintoki: I haven't eaten a damn thing all day. I'm so hungry, my tail's beginning to look like a hot dog.

(Bottom text- Volume 30 is now out in stores!)

Katsura: However considering how you live, there's no guarantee that you'll be fed even if you should become human again.

It's probably better for you to die nyow and avoid any more embarrassment mew.

Gintoki: Hey, how many times do I have to tell you not to add 'mew' to your sentences? It's friggin' annoying.

Kondo: So what are we GORIng to do to get some food?

Gintoki: Seriously, knock it off the both of you. Do you even want to be transformed back? Because you seem to enjoy being animals a bit too much.

Katsura: You can't even catch a mouse, so how bout we just suck up to a human for some food, meow.

Kondo: Don't screw around, or I'm GORIng to get mad....

003

Kondo: Do you think a samurai could act in such a degrading way!?

I'd rather DIE than to fall behind to some furry woodland creature!! GORI

Whitey: Go and die then.

All: Wh...

Whitey!!

(Sfx- Gatsuuu)

Whitey: You live even if you have to suck up rat's intestines.

Sure it's terrible to have to result to thievery to live,

You live even if you need to look for humans' dirty scraps.

There's only one thing that's important,

And it's the pride that comes from being alive.

(Sfx- Gebuuu burrrrp)

Whitey: If you want to die, hang out here.

However, if you've got the balls to keep living....

Follow me.

(Sfx- Petsu spit)

004

Kondo: Hey, where are we going?

Is it okay for us to be out in a place like this?

Gintoki: Hey now....what is he scheming?

Katsura: He's probably got no intention of showing us how to fend for ourselves.

Gintoki: Seriously, what's up with him?

Right after I became a feline, this guy saved my ass, and then tried to kick it. He's one hardass top cat, that's for sure.

He's got no fans among the other cats.

(Sfx- Noshi noshi Shss shss)

Katsura: I was tested in the same fashion when I appeared, although something struck me as odd.

Gintoki: Hm?

Katsura: I felt that he wasn't being serious.

I've noticed that he seems to be gathering those who are weak and tired, and protecting them.

As soon as he sees your attitude that you plan to fight and not run away, he backs off.

This is just conjecture, but I think that Whitey-dono is....

Girls: Kyaaah!! Look look!!

It's a little kitty parade marching down this way!! So Cuuuute~!!

005

Oryou?: Oh! Aren't you Whitey?

Hah~ So you brought your little friends with you?

Girl: Oryou, do you know him?

Oryou: He's a stray that comes to the shops a lot asking for food.

Gintoki: Th—That bastard...

He's a friggin' chick magnet!!!

How the hell does he get so much attention when he's no more than an ugly old man?!

(Sfx- Kyaah!)

(Sfx- Kyaah!)

Whitey: Listen up idiots.

Food is something you just have to get from someone, it doesn't matter who it is. You have to go to the people who give it out.

The young ladies are fine targets.

See, they love really cute things.

Especially cute animals. The more of them you can get to think you're cute, the better.

Besides that, a good target is a lonely looking shy person with strong curiosity, like a snot-nosed brat.

Lock eyes with your target, and then turn up the cute.

Use everything at your disposal to put on the act that you're just a cute kitty that wants attention.

Do you get it? For animals, style and looks don't matter one bit.

What we're aiming for is....

Being hideously cute.

006

Kondo: HIDEOUSELY CUTEEEE?!?

I would have never thought in my wildest dreams that a style like this existed in the animal world!!

I'm totally up for this!!

I'll do it! I'll give it a try!

How's this?! Hideously cute?! Freakishly cute?

(Sfx Uho uhooo!)

Gintoki: Try just plain freakishly hideous.

See the problem with you is that you're all hideous and no cute.

Oh and maybe slightly annoying. No...VERY annoying. This is just not your place. Go back to the zoo immediately.

Kondo: What's that?! Are you making fun of Gorillas? DO you know what a Gorilla's scientific name is?!

It's Gorilla dammit! Gorilla Gorilla Gorilla! No matter where you go, my name is always Gorilla!! I'm being endlessly reborn as a Gorilla! Someone SAVE ME!!

Gintoki: Calm down Gorilla Gorilla Gorilla.

You're unfortunately a victim of your own species, crushed by your own brilliant name.

Katsura: Have you heard of the Shimura Zoo?

I've seen a chimpanzee being pulled by a dog there, and it was popular. I think we should do a version with a gorilla and cats..

We shall call it the Gorilla Shimura Gurellia plan.

Kondo: I get it!!

Sounds good! I'll do it! But will we really be able to see Shimura Ken? Can I call him out please?!

(TN- Shimura Ken is the name of a comedian, and yes how Shinpachi got his name.)

Katsura: Okay, I'd like to see Hisashi Mura Yama.

Gintoki: That had nothing to do with Shimura at all!!

Katsura: But we NEED Shimura for his witty short stories that bring laughter and sadness to viewers everywhere!! We need laughter more than anything else right?

Gintoki: That's just Shimura Namida Dafunta isn't it idiots?

(TN- Namida's tears, and thanks to kewl for pointing out that Dafunta is one of Shimura Ken's shows.)

Whitey: Hey, here come some more suckers.

(Sfx- Zatsu Swif)

007

Tae: Is that so~ I had heard that Gin-san hasn't returned lately.

I'm sure he's just passed out in some alley somewhere, that booze hound....we don't need to worry about him.

Kyuubee: I suppose so.

{A....}

{A DIFFERENT SHIMURA SHOWED UP!!!}

Gintoki: Crap! Gorilla Shimura Gurella is on his way!! One part of our plan is falling apart!!

Kondo: A chance!! Maybe Otae-san will recognize us and be able to help!!

Uhohohohoooo! (Otae-sannnn!!)

Gintoki That idiot!!

Gintoki: Crapp!! There's nothing I can do!!

(Handwritten- Hold on just a minute!! Our Shimura plan is falling apart!!)

Kondo: Otae-san!! It's me! Can't you remember Kondo!?

Otae: What's this...?

It's a Gorilla being walked by two cats!!

(Sfx- Fungyaaaahhh)-

Kondo: STUPIDLY CUUUUUTE~~~~!

{What....}

008

Tae: Normally the Gorilla is being walked by the cats,

But this one's smart enough to take cats out for a walk!

This Gorilla is amazing!!

He's stupidly cute!!

{St—Stupidly cute?!}

{Have we gone and created a new style by mistake here?!}

Tae: I wonder where this cutie came from? And just how stupidly great this place must be?

Did you run away from a stupid Zoo I wonder?

???: Look at him goooo!!! I don't quite get what's going on, but she's totally into him!!

Are you sure about that? It sounds more like she's mocking him.

Kondo: Otae-san....She's petting me on the head...and she's not even using a fist.....

I'm so glad I was born a Gorilla.....

Gintoki: But you're NOT a Gorilla.

Whitey: Good, now while she's caught up in your cuteness,

It's your chance to go for the kill.

Kondo: NEVER!! I like this feeling!! I'll never do anything to hurt her!!

Gintoki: SHUT UP!! THIS IS THE ONLY WAY WE CAN GET FOOD!!


Tae: Kyuu-chan, they all look absolutely famished.

Do we have anything for them?

Kyuubee: Yes, I believe I do have something on me...

009

Kyuubee: I just happened to be carrying this boneless ham.

Gintoki: YES PLEAAAASE!! HAND IT OVER!!!

I want! Give me!! More like, why the hell are you carrying around raw meat anyway?! Did you guys just raid a castle or something?!

Tae: I see, well if all you have is boneless ham...we'll have to make do.

Sorry, it seems that this is all we have....I'm sure you wouldn't want it though.

Gintoki: Huh?! W-wait...!!

Hold up!!! I want that! I've got no problem with it!! Where were you planning to use that anyway?!

Tae: Kyuu-chan, we can't stay here too long, after all that cooking show is coming on later, and there were a few recipes I wanted to try on Shin-chan.

Kyuubee: It's fine, maybe we could use this boneless ham as part of a recipe for the TV show?

Gintoki: You don't need ALL of the ham for that do you?! If so, toss some my way dammit!!

Tae: Sorry, but eating this much ham can't be good for your bodies little ones.

Gintoki: Who cares about that?! Quit trying to be my nutritionist and hand that ham over!!

Tae: But I do have something else for you.

Here you go! How about something fresh off the grill?

Gintoki: ISN'T THIS 100 TIMES WORSE FOR MY BODY?!?

010

Gintoki: THIS IS THE WORST!! TO HAND ME DARK MATTER AFTER DANGLING HAM IN FRONT OF ME.....COME BACK WOMAN!! I WANT FOOD TO EAT!!

DON'T JUST LEAVE YOUR GARBAGE HERE FOR US TO TAKE CARE OF!!

(Handwritten- Oh Otae-chan, sorry but I forgot something.)

(Handwritten- Oh?)

Gintoki: The Shimura plan failed!!

It's your fault!! If you had chimed in just now we'd be eating ham!!

(Sfx- Dogo dogo kick kick)

Katsura: Hey wait! Look!

Kyuubee: Sorry.....

Just keep this a secret from Tae-chan okay?

{Kyuubee-kun, could it be....}

{That you plan on leaving the ham for us?}

(Sfx- Gatsu grab)

(Sfx- Koso koso shuff shuff)

011

Gintoki: ALL SHE TOOK WAS THE DARK MATTER?!?!?

WHAT THE HELL WAS THE POINT OF THAT GESTURE?!? WHAT DO WE EAT NOW?! DOES SHE REALLY FEAR OR LIKE OTAE THAT MUCH?!

Kondo: How could this happen....are we really going to die here...?

Is this---the world that the cats of Kabuki cho have to live in...?

Whitey: Just because you screwed up once doesn't mean you throw in the towel.

You keep at it until your tail feels like a piece of lead.

As long as you've still got feeling in that tail, you're still good to go.

The Hunt's not over until you bring something back. If one bait doesn't work, try another.

This is the crux of our existence.

Look there.

Kondo: Hey! That's Sougo isn't it?

Heh, he looks so worried when I'm not around....bet he's wondering where I could be.

Ah! He's looking over here!

He's glancing around back and forth..

(Sfx- Chira glance.)

Kondo: He's bushing!!

What? Are you serious? Is he a cat lover?

No, He's definitely a Gorilla lover! As soon as he saw a gorilla like myself, his eyes lit up!!

012

Kondo: Hey, he took something out!

Gintoki: That's a sausage isn't it!! I can see it!

Kondo: That's a Shinsengumi grade sausage!! I love those!!

Katsura: It isn't YOUR favorite Shinsengumi Sausage, but MY favorite Shinsengumi Sausage.

Kondo: As a patriot, what would you be doing with our sausage in the first place?! Only we the shinsengumi can eat that!!

Katsura: You fool. Go find a mirror and weep at the truth. As you are right now, you aren't a Shisnengumi member, but a Gorilla. A stupid Gorilla Gorilla Gorilla.

Kondo: Don't say my scientific name in vain!!! Do you want me to kill you?!

(Sfx- Datsu Dash)

Katsura: Huh?!

Kondo: YOU BASTARD!! YOU'RE TRYING TO GET IT ALL FOR YOURSELF!!

(Sfx- Goro goro roll rolll)

Katsura: Gintoki!! That sausage is mine and mine alone!!

Kondo: What patriot would go for that sausage?!

(Sfx- Dogo bachi dogo smack bam doof)

Katsura: Silence!! Right now I am Katsura Katsur Katsura!!

Gintoki: You're just a friggin wig dammit!!


(TN- Katsura is also slang for a wig (of hair.))

Kondo: Let go of me!! That Sausage is mine!!

Katsura: No! It is mine!!

013

Okita: Huh?

Did you guys want something?

(Sfx- Kasha fwash)

Gintoki: Hey Kondo....

Did you know that he like all guys have a sausage that they carry around at all times?

Kondo: Your point being?

Gintoki: I SEE A FRESH SAUSAGE FOR THE PICKING!!!

IT'S NEUTERING TIME BIYAAACH!!

(Sfx- Shaaaaa Hissss)

Whitey: Hold it!!!

Look behind you! There's a target behind you!!

Gintoki: Huh? That's...!?

014

Kondo: That's Toshi isn't it?

Gintoki: He's staring right at us....it's actually beginning to creep me out...

(Sfx- Chira glare)

(Sfx- Gosotsu shff)

Kondo: Hm?

He's taking something out of his pocket.

(Sfx- Chira glare)


(Sfx- kyru kyru teeek teek)

(Sfx- Kyupotsu poff)

(Sfx- Chira glare)

Gintoki: Kondo-san, oh Kondo-san...

(Sfx- Zuu snifff)

(TN- Is he seriously snorting Mayonase in public? Police drug abuse WIN?)

Kondo: Hold on, wait a second.

What the...

(Sfx- Bota bota dripp driipp)

Katsura: What is he doing?

What is....

(Handwritten- Okay okay...)

Gintoki: Hey, don't you guys want to kill him?

015

Gintoki: The hell!! I want to rip him apart with my own two paws so BAAAAD!!

THE HELL ARE YOU LOOKING AT WITH SO MUCH INTENT DAMMIT?! JUST WATCHING YOU PISSES ME THE HELL OFF!!!

HEY STOP THAT! STOP IT DAMMIT!! JUST CHOKE ON YOUR MAYO AND DIE!!!

Kondo: Toshi! Stop it! Seriously!! I'm used to being embarrassed, and even I'm uncomfortable watching this!!

Gintoki: I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE!!!

???: Wait!!!

(Sfx- Datsu dash)

(Sfx- Gokyuuu guuuulp)

(Sfx- Gefuuu fuuuuu)


Hijikata: What?

Did you need something?

Gintoki: WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT FORRRRR?!?

(Handwritten- I'm going to rip that smug look clean off your face bastaaaard!!)

Gintoki: LET ME KILL HIM! I HAVE TO!!!

The hell is wrong with him anyway?! Does he think that everyone on this planet has a mayonase fetish as bad as his?!?

016

(Sfx- Hafu hafu pat pat)

(Handwritten- Calm down will ya? There'll be another one. I guarantee it.)

Hijikata: Hey.

Hmph.

I was only playing.

Don't tell anyone okay?

(Sfx- Buri buri drip drip)

(Sfx- Mori mori glop glop)

(Sfx- Karan caltter)

(Sfx- Guii fwip)

017

All: LETS KILL HIM.

Gintoki: In the end we didn't' get a damn thing to eat....

Katsura: We aren't very good at being countrymen are we?

Gintoki: Who needs that, when we can cling to the hope of being human again?

(Sfx- Kari kari rub rub)

Katsura: What are you doing Whitey-dono?

Whitey: You guys suck hard, so I'm just gonna get you some free food.

(Sfx- Kari kari rub rub)

???: Hm? Who's there?

(Sfx- Garaaan clatter)

???: Oh my, you're a sight for sore eyes.

(Sfx- Zatsu swif)

018

Otose: How many years has it been?

Whitey.

Gintoki: Granny....

Otose: So you've brought friends have you?

It's rare to see others in your company.

(Sfx- Gatsu gatsu)

(Sfx- Uhoo)

Otose: You cats aren't very popular with the townsfolk right now I hear...

I may be the only one who isn't out for your blood.

For goodness sake...you always were good at getting under people's skin.

Hey, I'd like to ask all of you to watch over him, and remain his close friend.

Others may think he's a rotten apple,

But he's just a little bit awkward around others is all.

(Sfx- Mogu mogu chew chew)

Whitey: Hmph. As usual this old bat talks too much. Lets' go you idiots.

(Sfx- Totsu diff)

Gintoki: Huh? Wait....


Whitey: You've eaten enough.

Otose: Going already? I'm not surprised, since you never listen.

I wonder how many years it'll be until we meet again?

Be careful,

That you don't lose your balls out there.

019

Otose: It might be good for the lot of you,

To leave this city and never return.

You there.

(Sfx- Pikuu poit)

Otose: Be sure,

To take good care of him.

Gintoki: Meow.

(TN- I always like that Otose and Gintoki have this like...unspoken connection...)

(Side text- Even if the form should change, the bonds do not.....)

GINTAMA LESSON 276...............END.