Gintama 278

Wait wait wait wait. The King of some cat planet is not using a buch of cats from Kabuki-cho to make a super porno for him is he? Is he?! For god sake Sorachi, what the hell do you smoke to come up with this?! (And can I have some?)

At least with what's going on with MH right now, I hope at least for a minute, Gintama will help you forget your worries...

(Sorry about the formatting. Doing this from a library to test how well I can translate without all my fancy dictonaries. ^^;;; Let me know how I did!)

???: Now it seems that the Dobunezumi clan has,
Started moving in order to advance Kabuki-cho's stray cat capturing program.


002
???: They've joined the neighborhood committee to defend against the cats multiplying by means of castration.
From the looks of it though,
They're selling the cats off to the Matatabi embassy instead.
(TN- Matatabi is a sort of silver vine that attracts cats. Think of it as a kind of catnip.)
???: We tried asking around to see why Dobunezumi clan would even bother with gathering cats, and no one knows for sure.
They'd only tell us one thing.
Any of the cats that they captured,
Never returned.
Otose: I had a feeling something like this would happen....
Yesterday evening seemed more like a witch hunt than anything.
By now they've probably caught plenty of those poor cats.
Otose: This city certainly has become...
Well clean, maybe prudish hasn't it?
Shinpachi: Otose-san,
I came because I wanted to cooperate with the townsfolk in doing something about the alarming number of bad cats.


003
Shinpachi: But you know...
A city without a single alleycat....
Isn't a city...
That I'd call clean or prudish.
Kagura: We should climb aboard it!!
We should find the embassy! Then we should climb aboard and save the kitties!!
(Sfx- Ban slam)
Kagura: It is possible that Gin-chan has already gone there! He may already be trying to save them!
Otose: Now now.
Going up against an embassy is a foolish idea. You'd best stay calm.
Kagura: But!!
Otose: There's no need to worry.
There's still hope left.
Do you think the cats living in this city,
Would simply lie down and accept eradication as the only option?
Do you think they'd stay quiet?
You shouldn't underestimate their rowdiness.
From here on in, it's their territory.


004
Otose: Cats have their own,
Sense of justice.
(Side text- Time to make a stand!!)

(Bottom text- Volume 30 is now out in stores!!)

GINTAMA
SORACHI HIDEAKI.
Lesson 278: Drag idiots by their tails.

Gintoki: This is the time to turn tail and run...
I mean, we aren't going to become human again by doing this.
If we screw up, we're gonna get caught, lose our balls and by extension lose our souls..
And it's highly likely we'll die.


005
Gintoki: But you heard Whitey....
{I leave everything to you guys.}
Gintoki: He left everything to us, the ones who are supposed to be his successors.
Kondo: So? What's so bad about a city without cats? What can we do about it?
I should also point out that I'm a Gorilla.
I really have no obligation to honor a promise with the Top cat anyway.
Katsura: I too feel the same way. As a cat, I don't really have any inclination to care if Whitey-dono dies or not.
But as a Samurai, I must make sure he lives.
Whether he's a cat or gorilla doesn't matter.
To fight for a friend, is the way of the Samurai.
Gintoki: Is that so....?
Whitey...
The last we saw you,
It was when you were making a request that we take care of everything.


006
Gintoki: I accept the role of Kabuki cho's Top cat position.
Everything that you were protecting is now...
Something that I personally will protect.
KABUKI CHO TOP CAT COALITION.....
MOVE OUT!!
(Sfx- Baaaa fwisssh)
(Sfx- Dosa thud)
(Sfx- Goaaaashaaaa Ssssssdssssh)
(Sfx- Zzuzuuuuun)


007
Cats: Falling through a hole in the ceiling?
Is that what you guys call running away?
(Sfx- Gara gara clatter clatter)
Cats: More like, why is there a Gorilla here? Were we even supposed to bring a Gorilla back?
Gintoki: J...Just as planned!
Katsura: I..Indeed! We have successfully infiltrated the enemy's innards!
Kondo: Very good! This truly is Just as planned! Now what?
SAVE MEEEEEE!!!!
I'M NOT A CAT BUT A GORILLA!! WE'RE TWO DIFFERENT MAMMALS COMPLETELY!!
PUHLEEEEEEZE DON'T KILL ME WITH THOSE IDIOTS!!!


008
Gintoki: SHUT UP!! You acted all cool for two pages, and then you try to flip the script on us?! Do Gorillas know no honor?!
Kondo: YOU SHUT UP! Who can possibly save face after falling down a damn hole into the enemy's lair?!
You're so damned embarrassed that your white fur is turning red!!
(Sfx- Kara kara clatter clatter)
Gintoki: What's that?! ME? EMBARRASSED?! But this plan is working!! There's nothing wrong at all dammit!!
Katsura: How very droll, in fighting in a place like this.
Need I remind you that if we don't do something soon, We won't be able to save Whitey-dono?
Look at his back.
We should try and steal that key somehow.
Kondo: Steal them?! How can we do that?! I'm too big to fit through the bars...
Gintoki: More like, how do we know someone here won't get the key and then run off?
Katsura: Only one of us has to actually get out and steal the key. The others will wait here.
Kondo: I'm asking you, how are we getting out of here?
Gintoki: Listen up, the head is the biggest part on a cat's body.
If we can get our heads out of here somehow, the rest will follow.
Zura, you’ve got the smallest brain here, so it should be easy for you to get your head out of here.
Plus if your head were to split open, I don’t anyone would care.
Katsura: I WOULD.
Gintoki: Quit whining and get out there already.
At least if you’re able to get your body out, we can try to push your head. We have to act quickly so that our enemies won’t notice.
Katsura: I’m telling you that it’s impossible!
Gintoki: Shut your noise hole and get out there!!
(Sfx- Dogetsuuuu *thwooook*)
???: He’s out!! His body came out!!
(Sfx- Tan *tap*)


009
Katsura?: Now what am I to do?!
My neck is stuck and I can’t move my legs!!
Gintoki: Don’t be so loud dammit! They’ll hear you!!
You’re almost there! We just need to get your head out of here!!
Katsura: That’s easier said than done…!
(Sfx- Viiiin *veeeen*)
(Sfx- Gakunnnn *thuuuunk*)
Catmen: Huh?
Something seems to be stuck…
Katsura: MY TAIIIIIILLLL!!!
MY TAIL’S STUCK IN THE DOOOOOOORRR!!
(Sfx- GIri giri giri *griiiind griiind griiind*)
Catmen: This is weird….it won’t move!
Ngh!
Katsura: My neck’s gonna snaaaap!!! I’m so deaaaad!!


010
Gintoki: Get your head out dammit!!!
You have to pull your head out, even if it kills you!!
Katsura: I AM dying!! And before my head cracks, I’ll use the last of my life to KILL YOU!!
Gintoki: Just think of Tom from ‘Tom and Jerry’!!
If Tom could do it, you can too!! Your face is all stretched out, so It’s gotta pop soon right?!
(Sfx- Spopoooon *poooop*)
Gintoki: He’s out!! He got out!!
Nice work Zuraaa!!
(Sfx- Doshaaaa *Crasssh*)
Gintoki: Quick! Get up from there and grab the keys!!
Hey, are you okay?! Did you get your tail out of the door?
Katsura: Yes.
My tail seems to be fine.
(Sfx- Pushiiii *bloorsh*)


011
Gintoki: WHY DO YOU HAVE MY TAIL?!
How did YOU get out with your tail intact but not me?!
Katsura: Sorry, I guess in my pained frenzy, I might have pulled it off.
Gintoki: Sorry my ass! You planned on taking my tail from the start didn’t you?!
Catmen: Ah! When did you get there?!
(Sfx- Shagaaaaaa *shsssssh*)
(Sfx- Dosshaaaaaa *dssssssssh*)
Gintoki: WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU’RE USING ANOTHER’S TAIL FOR?!
When did it become a light saber dammit?!
Katsura: We have to escape right now.
(Sfx- Bushaaaa *dsssh*)
Gintoki: What’s the point of getting the key now?! Though who would have thought my tail would be so damn useful?!
Give me back my tail so I can use it!
(Sfx- Bata bata *clatter clatter*)
Catmen: Don’t let our materials escape!! Capture them at once!
Why the HELL is there a Gorilla with them?!


012
Katsura: Hmph, more enemies huh?
Go ahead Gintoki, I will stay here and deal with them.
(Sfx- Buchiii *pluck*)
Gintoki: WHY ARE YOU MAKING IT SEEM LIKE PULLING THE TAIL OFF IS THE RIGHT THING TO DO?!
(Sfx- Foooon *ooooooom*)
(Tn- My sad attempt at a light saber SFX >_<)
Kondo: No helping it,
Yorozuya, let me lend you a hand.
Bring it on losers!
(Sfx- Foooooon *ooooooom*)
Kondo: Let me show you the power of the force!
Gintoki: The HELL force is that?! What are you using?! Isn’t that just your dirty hose?!
Kondo: What the hell are you standing around for?! GO!!
Katsura: We’re leaving everything to you Gintoki!
Go with the pride of Kabuki-cho’s alleycats,
Save their lofty king,


013
And grant them,
TRUE freedom!
(Sfx- Nyyaaaaaaaa *meowwwww*)
(Sfx- Kishaaaaaa *hissss*)
???: And with this we’ve got them…
Kabuki-cho’s Alleycats, have been hunted down successfully.
Older!Catman: Thank you for all of your hard work.
And now what?
Have we gathered enough of the materials?


014
(Sfx- Shobo buru buru *wobble wobble*)
Thug: ..B..Bro…
Who’s that cat geezer?
(Handwritten- How have you been as of late sir?)
Katsuo: Ya dumb or somthin’? He’s the guy we’ve been fetchin’ these critters for.
Tha’ King.
Of all them dere ‘cats.
Thug: WHAT? THAT WOBBLY OLD MAN IS….
THE KING OF MATATABI PLANET?!
Katsuo: Ya retarded?! Don’t be yellin like that!!
Thug: What the hell!? Why would he be in a place like this?! Isn’t it weird for a guy of his stature to make a visit to a place like Edo?! More like, why didn’t I hear of this?!
Katsuo: ‘Cause we can’t be blabberin’ about every little thing. It’s obvious he ain’t good at expressin himse’f to people right?
Thug: He’s not good at talking to people?
King: Meyow.


015
Thug: Huh? That old man…
You mean he can’t understand us?
King: Meow (Greetings cats of earth.)
Meyow. (You have my deepest apologies for gathering you in a place likes this. However there is something I need from each of you.)
Thug?: Wow, for such a quiet old man, he sure knows how to talk.
King: Mew. (Our races aren’t too different from each other, so I hope my brothers that I can ask you for a favor.)
Nau. (The truth is, I am from a certain kingdom on a planet far from here.)
Funya (And although I am this age, I do not have any successors.)
Mewf (I have tried everything, just to find that I may be unable to perform. Although this has nothing to do with being an underdog, as I am a lover of the cats.)
(TN- Ahhh, I’m not entirely sure if I got this right, but it’s a joke on Maguro (Tuna) and Maguro (Being unable to perform in bed.) Joke doesn’t translate well in English, so I had to rape it again >_> Sorry everyone.)
Thug: Is he making a tape for one of those dating services or something? Why is he revealing something so embarrassing?
King: Myew (After exhausting all of my resources, I’ve decided to give co population a try.
After all, there comes a time where a person must stop playing on his own and invite others a try, to give normal co population which…)
Thug: Hey!! You’re just another filthy old man aren’t you?!
King: Meooow (Of course finding a new wife at my age is high near impossible. However, if I cannot find a wife then…)
Mewth (My kingdom will fall into ruin as soon as I step down.)
Oor (And that is where you come in, everyone.)
Thug: Could this be just his way of meeting others?
So then, what did taking their balls and souls have to do with anything?
Maybe this old guy,
Was just using us to find someone suitable for him….


016
King: Neow (Everyone, please give me your bOlls.)
Thug: WHYYYYYYY?!!?
WHAT HE WAS JUST TALKING ABOUT, AND THIS TURN OF EVENTS HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH EACH OTHER!!
King: Meoaw (There’s an old story from my planet I’d like to tell you.)
Meywga (It is said once all of the golden balls are gathered,)
Meowr (The sleeping Shenlong will awaken.)
Mayow (I’d like to wish upon this Shenlong,)
Meow (That he’d wake up MY Shenlong.)
Katsuo: We’ve been helping that king extract cat’s b0ll’s,
So that he can restore his own…
To restore life to the ‘Matatabi Omega’ huh?


017
Cats: THE HELL DOES HE NEED SHENLONG FOR?!?
HE’S JUST ANOTHER DIRTY ASS DINOSAUR ISN’T HE?! DO YOU THINK FOR ONE SECOND THAT WE’RE GONNA HAND OVER OUR B0LL’S TO HELP YOU?!
(Sfx- Bitsu *ping*)
(Sfx- Viiiiin *Veeeen*)
King: Meowth (Your golden balls will make fine material for summoning him.)
Mewth (Although you haven’t used them),
Mowf (Your Golden balls can still shine brilliantly.)
(Sfx- Doshashagaaaa *thuuuuud*)
Cats: Th—This is…
King: Meowth (Did you know, that it is easy to take them when their strength is at it’s max.)
Although this can come from watching Porn DVD’s,
Or when you meet a fine female feline, there is one other situation that is effective.
(Sfx- Zannnn *doom*)


018
(Sfx- GAAOOOOOOOOO *Roaaaaaaar*)
King?: And that is…
When you are in danger of losing your life.
You won’t need your seeds where you’re going, and fear unlocks their potential.
So before you pass on give them to me.
Allow your golden balls to shine for me.
Cats: You’ve got to be kidding…
That old man wouldn’t…
King: Now revel in your fear….
Allow your deaths to bless upon me a new life.
Bathe me in the light of your golden balls!! Allow me to be reborn!!
(Sfx- Gahahahahahah)
King: You needn’t worry! I will take good care of your corpses! I need only your golden balls!

019

Cats: ARE YOU TRYING TO KILL US?!?!
If all you want are our B0ll’s what do you plan on doing with the rest of us?!?
UWAHHHHHHH!!!
(Sfx- DOSHIIII *BLOOOORSH*)
Cats: Wh---
WHITEYYYYYYYY!!!
(Side text- The alleycat king is right here!!)

GINTAMA LESSON 278…………END.