Gintama 285

That's BDR for you, even working on his birthday to provide you with quality (snort.) translations. I totally reserve the right to bitch about losing my youth with you guys okay?

(Sfx- Zatsu Swiff)

Semei: You...

You idiotsssss!!!

Wh—why did you come hereeeeee?!

(Side text- The Yorozuya enter the magic battle!!)

(Sfx- Dooon Thooom)

GINTAMA
Lesson 285: Not even losing to storms.
SORACHI HIDEAKI.

(Side text- The Gintama party continues in a special manga afterwords!! More information on the movie in Issue 53!! Volume 31 is now in stores!!)

Gintoki: Why else would I be here? I Sakata Gintoki is fated to marry into the Ketsuno-clan,

And when my family is in a bad situation, I'm right there, bro in law.

Seimei: Who's your brother in law dammit?! I don't recall Christel mentioning you at all! Go home!!

Gintoki: Okay how about this. I win the Tenkaichi Butokai, and I get her as my prize.

Seimei: NEVER! Do you think she's some kind of product?! Even if you're Piccolo or Krillin, I'm not handing her over! Go home!

002

Kagura: Do not be such a stick in the mud.

They've already been divorced once yes?

They've brought kids with them, as have we.

Seimei: WHO WOULD BRING KIDS HERE?!

Kagura: There is no need to worry, the children will call anyone 'mommy' as long as they get their inheritance.

Seimei: INSTEAD OF KIDS, YOU GUYS HAVE BRAIN TUMORS!

Gedomaru, take these fools home immediately!!

There's no sense in involving idiots who can barely use magic in this battle!


Gedomaru: Seimei-sama...

It's true that they have no idea how to use magic,

And can't forecast or summon Shinigami...

They don't have the power to see through this rain....

But,

They have what it takes,

To bring her smile back without fail.

And that I have,

approved with my own eyes.

Douman: Hehehe,

I didn't know you still had a few disciples remaining.

003

Douman: As you wish...

You fools,

Can go with Douman and his Sister,

as I thrust you all into the pits of hell.

Now let The final battle of our Weather confrontation...

The Shikigami Tag death match beginnnn!!

Seimei: Wait Douman! These people...

(Sfx- Zatsu swfff)

Seimei: Hey! Wait a minute!! Didn't you hear me?!

Gintoki: Brother in law, no need to worry.

We're definitely going to win this, magic or not. We're not a band of losers.

Seimei: Before we talk about losers and such, perhaps I should tell you that he is not a shikigami.


Gintoki: He's a Yorozuya brand Shikigami.

Seimei: Uh, he's a guy wearing full body tights, who has the status of a Gopher. What's with that getup? Is he a butterfly?

004

Douman: Yasunori, you're on first. Go show them why the name Shirino is associated with fear.

Yasunori: Yes sir!!

Arise 'o Yashamaru!!

(Sfx- Doron dofff)

(Sfx- tooooooooo fwoooooosh)

(Sfx- Shukoooo shukooo huffff puffff)

Announcer: Now that both competitors are in the ring, allow me to explain the rules of the Magical Death match Tag battle!!

???: The butterfly has fainted in the blue corner!

This Death match has two competitors and their Shikigami do battle against each other, the user and the Shikigami can tag each other in, but the match is over if one of them is out. The winner is decided when the members of one team lose all of their Shikigami.

???: Someone!! Go in there and save him!! He's totally fainted!!

005

Announcer: There is a chance that death can occur during these matches, so keep that in mind.

Shinpachi: Gin-san, I can't do this!! Don't ignore me dammit!!

Announcer: If you don't feel that you're up to risking your life, please give up now.

Shinpachi: I give----

(Sfx- Gabbaaa glomp)

Announcer: Did someone on the Ketsuno-clan team say something?

Kagura: It was nothing. I just forgot to feed him.

(Handwritten- Here, have some feed.)


Announcer: If there's nothing, let me explain the rules of the match.

The first round is a three legged eating race....

Between the Shikigami user and their Shikigami.

Shinpachi: So it's a eating contest first off?!

Maybe we stand a chance after all!

You will be consuming...

The Pandemonium.

006

(TN- King of freakouts Sorachi-sensei.)

Shinpachi: WHAT THE HELL IS PANDEMONIUM?!?

Gedomaru: It's a Shikigami Delicacy, the phantom chrysalis Pandemonium.

Aww, you're so lucky. Your contest ends up being an eating one~ I'm starved.

Shinpachi: YOU EAT DISGUSTING LOOKING THINGS LIKE THAT FOR SNACK?!

Announcer: The Pandemonium or 'Pan' for short, will serve as the basis for our first contest. One member will have to eat their share, and then tag their partner who will do the same. The first team to return wins this round.

Shinpachi: WHO THE HELL CAN EAT THAT CREEPY THING QUICKLY?!

Announcer: Who's first?

Shinpachi: ABSOLUTELY POSITIVELY NOT ME!

Announcer: Get ready, aaaaand GO!!

(Sfx- DOOOOON THOOOM)

Shinpachi: Ngah....

NGH!

(Sfx- Gaaan thud)

007


Announcer: What ho!~ The Ketsuno clan gets off to a rapid fire start!! How can they be so fast?!

(Sfx- GYAHHHHHHH!!!)

(Handwritten- I'm going bald!!)

(Sfx- Dododododo tomptomptomop)

(Sfx- Garigarigarigari sssshhhhhhh)

Announcer: More like, it's not a three legged race for those two at all!! Do they even understand the concept of teamwork?! One's just dragging the other forward, isn't she?!

Meanwhile the Shirino-clan has hit a snag....

(Handwritten- Oww! That's my leg!!)

Announcer: With such a huge Shikigami, it's impossible for them to walk properly!!

They haven't even managed to pass the starting line!

Douman: What are you fools doing?! Make haste!!

Seimei: Whoa, they may actually do it....

(Handwritten- They're actually kind of fast.)

Gintoki: See? Didn't I tell you?

Announcer: The Ketsuno clan has a huge lead over the Shirino-clan now! All they need to do is eat the Pan and this is over!!

(TN- Forgot to mention above, Pan is Japanese for 'Bread'.)

Kagura: Stand up Shinpachi!! We must eat the Pandemonium!!

Shinpachi: I can't do it!! I can't eat Pandimonium!!

I mean look at those eyes for goodness sake!! They're staring into my soul!!

Kagura: Do not be silly. They are the same as eating crab. Even the cheap Crab and Octopus can be good. Gin-chan said it is so.

Shinpachi: THAT ISN'T THE PROBLEM HERE!!! I CAN'T EAT SOMETHING THAT'S THIS HIDEOUS!!

008


Kagura: Try to close your eyes. Then you can eat.

Shinpachi: Huh?

Announcer: Please remember that you can't use your hands! Oh what's this?! The Shirino clan has caught up!!

Kagura: Shinpachi! We have to eat it! If they start we are finished!

Shinpachi: The hell is this?! Why do I have to eat one of these?! When did this manga turn into Fear Factor?!

(Sfx- Fun fun fun hop hop hop)

(Sfx- Pyon Pyon Pyon fwif fwif fwif)

(Sfx- Bura fwap)

Announcer: The two of the Ketsuno clan can't reach the Pandemonium to save their lives!! But the rope seems to be swinging just low enough....

Shinpachi: Damn! Just a little bit more!!

(Sfx- Chuu smooch)

Kagura: Hey. What is wrong?

Shinpachi: Um...ah....

That was...um...you know....my...er...first kiss...

Kagura: Hm?

???: It seems....that we have something in common...

After all..

009

Pandemonium: It was...

My first one too...

Shinpachi: Huh....?

Announcer: Now this is unexpected!!

The Ketsuno clan has ended up trading kisses with the Pandemonium!!


(Sfx- Hyuuu hyuuu Whistle whistle)

Gintoki: Who cares about that?! Who the hell is whistling?!

Just eat the damn thing!!

Shinpachi: Uh...I'm sorry,

That wasn't my intention....

To take something so precious from you in a situation like this...

Pandemonium: I...

I didn't particularly mind....

Gintoki: ARE YOU FREAKIN' BLUSHING?! WHYYYY?!

HOLD THE DAMN PHONE! NOW THE BACKGROUND'S BECOME ALL LOVEY DOVEY?! WHAT HAPPENED TO OUR COMPETITION?!

010

{Why'd my first kiss have to be a rushed one with the Pandemonium?!}

Gintoki: What's that look on your face?! NO Monologues!! Don't make me come over there and force that bug down your throat dammit!!

{Not---Not that the kiss was a bad thing...}

{I mean, the kiss was an accident and all.}

{I don't have any feelings for Pandemonium-san. The kiss meant nothing.}

Gintoki: Pandemonium-SAN?! Who the hell is that?! Your classmate?!

{After all, It doesn't matter to me what happens from here on in...}

Gintoki: THE HELL?! WHY DID IT'S FACE CHANGE?! WHY'S IT GOT THE FACE OF A HOT BABE?!

{Wh—Whoa...Now that I have a look...}

{My heart is beating really quickly....}

{Was Pandemonium-san always.....}

(Sfx- Chira Glance)

{This cute...?}

{This is really bad....}

{How can I eat her at this rate...?}

Kagura: What are you doing? Shinpachi you must eat!

Shinpachi: O—Okay...

(Sfx- Pyoun Pyon boing boing)

011

(Sfx- Putsu poke)

Pandemonium: Ah~

Shinpachi: I'm---I'm sorry!!

I didn't mean to touch you there!

Pandemonium: It's just my breasts...

Shinpachi: BREASTS?!

I'm sorry! Listen I didn't mean it!!

Pandemonium: It's fine....I understand...

I didn't mean to alarm you....It's just my heart is racing so fast...

But next time I won't make a sound....I'll endure it....

{STOP ITTTTTTTTTT!!!!}

{MY HEART'S BEATING OUT MY CHEST DAMMIT!!}

(Sfx- ORAAHHHHG!!!)

Gintoki: He he retarded? I mean...is he?

{How can I possibly eat you? Especially when...you're so cute....}

{I'm falling for you...}

Gintoki: No, you CAN'T be serious. Quit the damn play by play and just eat the bug!! Do you fall in love with your dinner every night?!

Pandemonium: Please don't hold back...do as you wish.

(Sfx- Zehah Zehah zehah)

Pandemonium: Go on and eat me.

{Stop talking, pleaseeee....I can't take it when you say it so gently....}

Pandemonium: It's my first time...

And my last time that I will be able to enjoy a kiss...

012

Pandemonium: I'll respond with,

All of the feelings left in my heart.

{I...I can't do this....}

{To eat such a wonderful girl....I can't do it!!}

(Sfx- Gaaaa)

Announcer: The Ketsuno clan has stopped in it's tracks!

(Handwritten- Just what is this idiot's problem....)

(Sfx- Buku buku bubble bubble)

Announcer: It appears that he was entranced by the Pandemonium's sweet sweet words and image of purity!!

Pandemonium: You have to eat me quickly, for if it's you, I can be at peace.

Kagura: Shinpachi. You will eat.

Announcer: The more the Pandemonium talks, the more their chances for victory slip into nothingness!

ON the other side, the Shrino clan is making a ferocious comeback!

Shikigami: Nurooooaaar

Announcer: This is big trouble for the Ketsunos! They're going to lose at this rate!!

Pandemonium: You have to hurry and eat me before I fall out of our love bed! Please!!


Shinpachi: How can I?! You're too kind and gentle to be eaten!!

Kagura: Leave it to me. Move away Shinpachi.

013

Kagura: HOCHAAAAA!!!!

(Sfx- DOGOOOOO THODDD)

Shinpachi: Pa---PANDEMONIUM-SAAAAN!!!

(Sfx- Buuukuuu thuuud)

Announcer: And the Ketsuno clan has removed their Pandemonium from the rope by force!! However the shock of that kick has sent their food flying!!

(Sfx- Pakuuun Guuuulp)

Announcer: Oh my!! What a turn of events!!!

The kick that freed their Pandemonium only served as a delivery to Yahsamaru's mouth!! He has devoured their Pandemonium whole!!

(Sfx- Gokiiii chewww)

(Sfx- Gefuuuu beeelch)

Shinpachi: WHY DID YOU DO THAAAAT?!?

Give me Pandemonium-san baaaack!!

Announcer: What bad luck for the Ketsuno clan!! With this there's no way for them to claim victory!!

Douman: Fuahahahah!!

It appears that this yet another aspect the Shirino clan dominates in!!

014

(Sfx- Dotsuuu thwomp)

Kagura: IT IS NOT OVER!!!

(Sfx- Doooooon THOOOM)

Announcer: And what's this!? The Ketsuno-clan has suddenly launched a brutal attack on Yashamaru!!

(Sfx- ORAAAHAHHHHH!!!)

(Sfx- Gozu Dogodogo THWAK BAM)

Announcer: Look at her go!! Not letting size of the Shikigami get to her, she launches a combo attack!

She's not going to give him an inch....!

Wait, could her plan be...?

Kagura: SPIT HER OUT!!

(Sfx- Gozuuuu THOOOM)

015

(Sfx- Geboooshaaa Glorrrpssshhhhh)

Kagura: Now where is it.....

I cannot seem to find it.

(Sfx- Mecha mecha spllish splissh)

Kagura: It is here!!

It seems to be in two parts. I am not sure which is the top.

Which do you want? Shinpachi.

Shinpachi: WHO'D EAT THISSSSSSS?!?!

016

(Board from Right to left- Shirino Clan, Ketsuno Clan 1st round, 2nd round, 3rd round.)

Announcer: Since the Shirino clan ended up regurgitating it's food, they lose.

Of course this goes for the Ketsunos who didn't even eat their food.

The first round...

Is a draw!

(Sfx- Waaaaaaa)

Kagura: A draw. That is fine. I did my part. Shinpachi is the one who did not live up to expectations.

(Sfx- Paaan twok)

Gintoki: It's TOTALLY your fault! Who would bring something grotesque like vomit into a eating contest?! It's friggin' creepy dammit!

Seimei: No, this is actually good.

You managed to beat a monster without using a single spell.

To be honest I didn't think you'd stand a chance.

Gedomaru may be on to something with you guys, you're not to be underestimated.

017

Gintoki: See? I told you. Just leave it to us Brother in Law.

(Grave marker- Pandemonium-san's grave.)

Seimei: But I cannot ask you to help me any further.

I'll need to finish this bout on my own.

Douman's got a new spell, and I need to get a reading on it.

(Handwritten- Don't be sad any more Shinpachi-sama.)

Seimei: I appreciate your help,

But it'll only get more dangerous from here on in.

(Handwritten- I'll always live on in your heart.)

(Handwritten- Pandemonium-san?!)

Seimei: If something were to happen to you guys,

Christel's smile would always be hidden under cloudy skies.

(Handwritten- Pandemonium-san!! I just wanted to thank you for your kindess!!)

(Handwritten- I did too. I'll never forget it...)

(Handwritten- The soft feeling of your head....(Throwing voice)).

Gintoki: The same goes for you Brother in Law.

Seimei: Who's your Brother in Law?

Call me Seimei.

018

Seimei: I'm not going to recognize you as Christel's husband,

But I can acknowledge that you are a comrade in arms.

Gintoki: No thanks.

Seimei: Burn in hell you bastard.

Announcer: Now let's move on to Round two.

Since Round one ended in a draw, We will be making this second round the decisive one.

The match will be a two tag, eight person death match.

The winner won't be called until one side is completely annihilated.

Now would both team representatives step into the ring?

019

Kagura: Go for it! Gin-chan and Sister Complex!!

(Sfx- Gatsu snag)

Kagura: Send the rain,

(Sfx- Gatsuun thud.)

Kagura: And clouds,

Flying!!!

(Sfx- Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!)

(Side text- And now the main event!!!)

GINTAMA LESSON 285................END.