Gintama 290

Massa's got me workin~ Someday Massa set me free~.

Locked and loaded. Credit Kewl, leave Translator notes, and most of all don't trust whitey.

{Dear Papa.}

{How is the hair on your head? It is healthy yes?}

(Bottom text- Get your movie tickets in advance!! The information is up on the Official Website!! Next year on March 25th, a special Anime event will be taking place! For now we're calling it 'Hami Tama'. For more info, check out the Movie's official site!!)

{Where are you and your balding head in the cosmos now?}

{Mine is all fuzzy on earth, as always..}

{On Earth, it is currently Christmas time. Everyone becomes very happy as the day draws closer.}

(Side text- A letter to Dad...)

GINTAMA

{Christmas time is also when an old man wearing red brings children presents, or so I am told. His name is Cross Santa.}

(TN- Bless Kagura and her cute little mispronunciations. It's written in Kanji, which indicates that she's got some weird alternate meaning in mind.)

{As the seasons change each year, everyone has the same thing in mind. 'What did you ask Santa-san to bring you this year?'}

{...However...}

{This Santa person has not once come to our house.}

{Last year I too asked for a Present...}

{But In the end, Santa did not come. For more details, read this issue's Jump Christmas 4 panel comics.}

(TN- [http://mangahelpers.com/s/cxcscans/details/68250])


002

{Papa, Do you think that old man Santa dislikes me?}

{Does he even exist?}

Salesguy: Seems like your daughter's having some issues on a planet far far away.

You know, no matter how cute kids might seem... after 20 years or so you lose your hold on them.

Before you know it, twenty years have past and they hate your guts.

But the memories they have of you after those 20 years will all be of the ways you supported them.

You'd better do something before your kid loses her way completely,

Umibozu-san. If you're gonna write a letter, best do it quick.

(Sfx- Kari kari scritch scritch.)

Umibozu: Pops, be sure that this gets to the earth branch.

Salesguy: You're headed off to see your daughter?

Umibozu:There's a war to take care of on the Kameda and Naitou stars. The Kanehira people need rescuing, and I'm the man they called.

(TN- Kameda= Turtle field. Naitou= Within Wisteria. Kanehira= The Kanji makes up 'Finely cut meat' but the pronunciation is a little different.)

Salesguy: I figured as much...

You and Santa have got work to do huh?

Don't die.

I'm sure that's the most important thing you can do for your daughter.

{Dear Kagura-chan.}

003

{I read your letter, and it was truly full of fuzzy feeling.}

{Daddy unfortunately still has no fuzziness.}

{I've wanted to see my dear Kagura-chan's face for so long....}

{However Daddy is far too busy to come to Earth for now....}

{Please have a good time with your Earthling Friends, Kagura-chan.}

{Daddy will pray for you all from a far away sky somewhere in space.}

{Don't dwell on sad things.}

{Just because Daddy can't come to see you.}

{If you continue being a good girl Kagura-chan,}

{He'll come someday.}

{And his pack will be full...}

{Of presents just for you.}

(Handwritten- Thank you for your patronage!)

{He'll be wearing his red suit...}

{And...}

(Handwritten- Please take care....)

004

(Sfx- Potapota drip drip)

{Santa-san will...)

(Side text- Daddy's here!)

(Sfx- GYAHHHHHH!!!)

(Side text- Volume 32 of the manga will be in stores January 4th! It's full of kitty goodness!!)

GINTAMA
Lesson 290: The Red on Santa is probably blood.
SORACHI HIDEAKI.

???: Merry Christmas!!

(Sfx- Kaaaaan claang)

???: And a happy new year!!

005

Shinpachi: Now this is Christmas Sis! Everyone sitting around the Kotatsu, waiting for the hot pot to boil....

Tae: Sorry, I guess we'll just have to combine the year end party with Christmas.

Shinpachi:: No, it's no problem. Having a separate party for Christmas and New Years is a pain, isn't it? We don't have any money so we don't have that dull problem.

Hasegawa: This isn't too bad, Combining East with West. It's a fidelity that's kind of quaint.

Shinpachi: Ye...Yeah!

Hasegawa: Don't sweat the small stuff though, if it's something Christmas like you want, I've got it right here.

See? I came prepared. Does anyone want cake?

Shinpachi: Wow! That's awesome Hasegawa-san!!

(Sfx- Poooon poof)

Shinpachi: T—That's kind of small isn't it?! But I'll bet the taste is amazing!!

Hasegawa: Putting quality over quantity is the Japanese way.

Shinpachi: I---I guess so? Then again, eating too much isn't good for you anyway, so this works out!

Tae: Okay, I'll divide it up.

There you go! Kagura-chan, you're so lucky! I see you got some of the chocolate!

Shinpachi: Awww! You lucked out Kagura-chan!! I wanted some Chocolate!

006

Tae: Now now, There's no need for you all to fight...we still have the hot pot! Here, give me your plates.

Shinpachi: Okay!

Tae: What would you like to eat Shin-chan?

Shinpachi: Hmm...well what do we have?

Tae: Lil' Maroni, Mr. Maroni, and Miss Maroni.

(TN- Maroni are noodles.)

Hasegawa: Um... So then... Maroni is all that's...

Shinpachi: Then let me have Maroni-kun since I'm a boy!!

Tae: Aww~ Don't leave the poor girl alone. If you want to have Mr. Maroni, you have to take the Missus too.

Shinpachi: Hahaha, they're connected together aren't they? Ahahahah!

Aww man, Christmas is always a hoot isn't it!

If only Gin-san had come! Just what are we going to do with him?!

Tae: He's probably out getting drunk and frittering around carelessly as usual.

Shinpachi: Hahah, I guess we can even talk about Gin-san before desert!

(Sfx- Hahahahah!!)

{Looks like I managed to make it before Christmas.}

{But what a pathetic party this is.}

{Is this what those Idiots call 'Christmas'?}

(Sfx- Zuru zuru slirrup slirrp)

{Kagura-chan barely looks like she's alive there, much less having fun!}

007

{Just wait for me Kagura-chan.}

{Daddy's going to save you from them.}

{I'll change this night of borderline poverty into one of untold amounts of fun.}

{I know you'll be so Surprised to see your Daddy here. For me to have come to Edo has to be a dream for you.}

{Wait...I can't go thinking like myself, I have to be Santa in the end.}

{She's having trouble believing in the existence of Santa Claus. And as a Father, my mission is to safeguard the dreams of my child.}

{It's a little sad that I can't see her as a Father,}

{But if she can create good memories from this...}

(Sfx- Paki crack)

Shinpachi: Wha? There's someone in the yard!!

Tae: Oh my! Could it be a thief?

{I've been discovered!!}

{I guess I gotta do thissssss!!}

(Sfx- Datsu dash)

Umibozu: Merry Christmassssss!!

Hahahaha!! Have all of you been good little boys and girls?

Santa's come to deliver joy!

008

{Hahahaah, look at her! She's so surprised!!}

{That's right, Santa really exists, and he's right here!}

{Wha? Her face looks a little strange...}

{I was thinking she'd be a little happier to see me...? Could it be that I have something on my face? Is my nose hair too long?}

009

{Sa----}

{SANTA-SAN IS HEEEERE?!?}

Kagura: There are TWO Santas!!

Who are you people?!

(Handwritten- Oh my!)

{WHAT THE HELL IS THIS?!}

{WHY IS THERE ANOTHER SANTA?!}

{Who the hell is he?!}

{There's not supposed to be anyone here but I, Gin-santa!}

(TN- Should be obvious, but....Gin-san= Gin-SANta.)

{Do you know how long I've been freezing my ass off tonight, waiting for JUST the right second to come out and surprise her?!}

{And you had to show up now of all times...}

{Moreover, you've had all the time in the world!! Why now dammit?!}

{Aren't you just scaring everyone away, rather than bringing them closer?!}

Kagura: There can be only one Santa! One of you is no more than a lie!

Which is the Fake Santa? The faker is here to get into our home and steal our things, Yes?

010

{Nonononono!! That's not it! Daddy would never do that!! He just wanted your dreams to come true! Daddy is Santa!!}

{Heeeeeeey! He's not even acknowledging his fault here!! It's because of him that one of us has to be a faker in the first place!!}

Kagura: I will call the Magistrate on you!

{Wait...}

{If one thinks about it for a minute...}

{I'm the fake!}

{Damn. If she calls the Magistrate out here and I'm exposed, it'll ruin my chances of making Kagura's dreams come true...}

Kagura: Hey! Do you not hear me? You will speak up for yourself!

{I did NOT do all of this work to let it go to hell! Especially not to be dragged off to the clink because of an embarrassing situation like this!}

Umibozu: Um...Excuse me, but who are you?

Gintoki: Huh?

{The best way out of this is to act civil, and force this guy to leave.}

Umibozu: I'm sure you're not a thief or anything like that...

Wait, could you be a part of the Volunteer corps or something?

Gintoki: What? What are you taking about?

I'm here for the youth of the city.

Umibozu: See you can tell looking at me...

This is exactly how Santa's supposed to look right? Not that I'm trying to brag...

Gintoki: No need to try and protect your character there baldy.

I'm not hung up on appearances. I completely understand that you just want to parody perfection.

It's just, your outfit looks so halfassed that it's sad really. I wouldn't want a copy like you confusing people.

It just makes me think you aren't taking this Santa thing seriously.

011

Umibozu: Heh, Don't screw around now kiddo....The only parody here is YOU.

{What the hell is up with this guy? He won't back down.}

Gintoki: Nah it's not a big thing or anything...

It's just so easy to rip off the original, kind of like how mangaka steal from Osamu Tezuka's style like it's the right thing to do. Though I guess in your case it's fine, since not many can tell the difference.

(TN- Tezuka Osamu created such manga as Dororo, Phoenix and of course Astro Boy. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Osamu_Tezuka)

{Can't you take a hint Old man?}

{What the hell is up with this guy? He won't just give in and accept being the fake..}

Umibozu: Do you listen to Rock music? There's a group that all these kids are into, I think they're called the Beatles.

Well you'd probably know a bit more about that since you're pretty young yourself, at least to me.

Gintoki: Hm? Even though you're a Santa-otaku you listen to stuff like the Beatles?

Umibozu: Oh? That's not what you listen to? Then what?

Gintoki: I'm Santa of course, so I listen to Enya.

{Knock it off old man. You're just as fake as me, so go the hell home.}

Umibozu: Oh? So Enya is it? I love Enya.

Um, Enya~koraya heave-ho...

Gintoki: That's not Enya, just Annoying yeah?

(TN- Enya is well...a singer, and what Gin says is Ikariya, Which is 'anger'. Again this is another joke I had to rape to fit in here. BTW, Enya's wiki is here http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Enya.)

{This young man's attitude is strange....}

Gintoki: Eh, it's cliched, but I like Yamashita Tatsurou.

(TN- Singer and Songwriter. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tatsuro_Yamashita)

Umibozu: Whoa. Talk about your Oldies rock. But you know it's his wife Takeuchi Mariya that's in style now. The Kentucky one.

(TN- Mariya Takeuchi is Tatsurou's wife, and a singer. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mariya_Takeuchi)

Gintoki: Despite the times, Oda Kazamusa and Yamashita Tatsurou are always on the top of the charts.

(TN- WHYYYYY?! Fine fine! Oda Kazamusa is another singer! http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kazumasa_Oda)

{This old guy doesn't know when to quit! He just keeps at me, as if he's got all day!)

{Wait a second....with this self confidence...}

{This guy couldn't possibly be...}

{The REAL Santa?!}

012

{Now that I look at him closely...}

{He does seem to be unreliable, but the way he carries himself....it's almost as if he's some kind of master swordsman looking for his chance to strike me down!}

{Moreover, although he has that completely white beard, he still looks as fit and energetic as a man in his twenties!}

{This guy...he can't possibly be human....}

{I've met a guy before who called himself Santa...}

{But he didn't have this much ambition....he was just a regular old man.}

(TN- Ambition, or HAKI for One Piece fans....I was this close to leaving it in Japanese....}

{But this guy is different. Sure he doesn't have any of Santa's distinguishing features, such as the white beard, But seeing his short beard makes him look more...real than anything.}

{Plus when I see him with his short beard and that face of his, he's really got this 'Freeza-sama; look. In fact he looks just like the time when he transformed into his true and most fearsome form.}

(TN- Friza. Dragonball. That is all.)

{B—But this can't be for real right...?}

{To think that I'd actually run into the real Santa Claus here...!}

Tae: I wonder what they're doing?

Shinpachi: They've just been standing across from each other, staring and not saying a word.

{What the hell do I do now?!}

{Should I apologize? Or would he just get more pissed at me?}

{I can't apologize now.}

{I'd be redder than this suit with embarrassment.}

013

{It's as if I've gone on TV to imitate Mori Shinichi on the Crokket program, with the real guy standing right behind me!!}

(Handwritten- 'Scuse me miss~)

{I can't let myself get embarrassed in front of them!!}

(TN- Mori Shinichi is a famous Enka singer, who's sold up to 90 million copies of his records. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Shinichi_Mori.)

{So then what can I do?!}

{What should I and the fake Mori Shinichi do in a situation like this Crokket?!}

{I can't turn my face back to him now can I Crokket?! I can't look at Shinichi any more!}

{If I do, I'll die in red hot embarrassment! What the hell should I do now?!}

{C'mon, Say something!}

{I'm beggin ya Crokket!!}

014

(Sfx- Gaaashiii fwaaash)

{IF I CAN KICK SHINICHI'S ASS,}

{I CAN BECOME HIM! THIS IS THE ONLY CHOICE!!!}

(Sfx- Goshaaaaa DOOOF)

015

(Sfx- Zuzazaza sssssssssh)

(Sfx- Goshaaaaaa ddssssssh)

Shinpachi: WHAT THE HELLLLLLL?!? What are they doing?!

WHY THE HELL ARE TWO SANTA CLAUS BEATING THE CRAP OUT OF EACH OTHER IN FRONT OF CHILDREN?!

(Sfx- Goaaaaa kofff)

(Sfx- Bichaaa gloorp)

{That Santa's no candy ass! That's the punch of a guy who works every day INCLUDING Christmas all right!}

{Damn! That old guy took the punch of the great Umibozu, and still stands...}

{This is the strength of the true Santa!!}

(Sfx- Guuu nggh)

{BUT WHO GIVES A FLYING CRAP ABOUT WHAT'S REAL ANYMORE?!}

{I AM SANTA!!}

(Sfx- Datsu dash)

Shinpachi: STOPPITTT!!

(Sfx- Shaaaan Claccck)

016

Kyuubee: That's enough.

(Sfx- Gaaaan booom)

Kyuubee: This is too far,

For you to carry Santa's name and spill blood on Christmas eve is no less than insolence.

I won't allow you to dirty the name of Santa any longer.

This is,

The territory of Kyuuta Claus.

(Sfx- Chiiin clack)

017

Shinpachi: And now we've got yet ANOTHER Santa!!!

Tae: This Santa even looks like Kyuu-chan! …..You are Kyuu-chan aren't you?

(Handwritten- Upsy daisy...)

Kyuubee: I'm not Kyuu-chan, but Kyuuta Claus.

I have brought presents for the lovely Princess.

Look princess, I even have a year supply of your beloved Hagen Da---

(Sfx- Dodoon booooom)

Kyuubee: Guh!!

Wh—Who was...!!

(Sfx- Dokaa thud)

(Sfx- Bara bara clatter clatter)

???: Fuahahahahah!! It'll be trouble between us if you try anything funny Kyuuta Claus!!!

???: This is no longer your territory!

Kondo: This jungle has been marked by Saruta Clause!

If anyone tried to lay a hand on any lady monkeys in this Jungle, I'll never forgive 'em!!

(TN- Saru= Monkey. So...Gorilla Claus? Nah, not as funny.)

Tae: Who's a lady monkey!?

018

Kondo: Otae-saaaaaaaaaaan!!! Let the many rendezvous between be on mid-summer nights or even Christmas Eve!!

I'll become the Santa that brings you happiness 365 days a year!!

This night will not end just as Chirstmas Eve. Yes, this evening will be the Saint Seiya that will bind us...

(TN- Pun, Saint Seiya and Christmas eve have a similar sound in Japanese.)

Kondo: GAH!!

(Sfx- Hyuuuu weoooooo)

(Sfx- Doka THWOK)

(Sfx- Domun thud)

(Sfx- Para para para Clatter clatter clatter)

Bag: Um Excuse me...

But is Gin-san here?

I've been looking, but can't find him you see.

(Sfx- Goso goso rustle rustle)

Sacchan: I was hoping to give him the present.....of myself.

(Sfx- Nyuuuu)

(Handwritten- I'm naked under this, so it's kind of cold...)

Shinpachi: How are you Santa at all?!

019

Kagura: It is one Santa after the next!

I cannot tell which is genuine and which is an imposter!!

Shinpachi: I'll help! More than half are just stalkers and perverts!!

(Sfx- Domu thump)

Kagura: But everyone is claiming to be Santa.

(Sfx- Gyahhhhhh!!)

Gintoki: I'm Santa. The ONLY Santa.

Kyuubee: I won't forgive you for that.

I am the Santa Claus who delivers Tae's happiness; Kyuuta.

Kondo: That's my job.

If anyone brings Tae Happiness, it'll be this Santa here.

Shinpachi: I don't think Sister wants a Santa like you.

(Sfx- Goho Gobo cough cough.)

Umibozu: This world,

Only needs ONE Santa.

Kagura: I understand!! It is the children who will decide which Santa is the genuine one! I am a child so I will take responsibility!!

Shinpachi: Um, Kagura-chan, why are you nominating yourself?

Kagura: Let the Santa Claus Decisive Choice Battle begin!!

Shinpachi: No, how is even one of these guys an appropriate Santa?

(Side text- An end of year battle?!)

GINTAMA LESSON 290.................END.