Gintama 295

I LIIIIIIIVE *cough cough* EEEEE!!! *Dies from text overload and Kagura moe*.

As usual, do NOT use this until I say so. I may have been gone for two weeks, but my rules still apply.



(Top red text- Commemorating 6 years with a color page announcement of the Shinsengumi VS Yorozuya contest!!)

(Blue text- The strong...)

SORACHI HIDEAKI

002

(Red text- Gather and battle!!)

003

(Adverts for the movie. I'm gonna bet this will get skipped so guess what I'm not doing~)

004

Shopkeep: Come one, come all!!

Welcome to our 'Just before Valentines' chocolate blowout sale!!

(Side text- Valentines creeps near!!)

Shopkeep: Whether it's obligatory or just cause you want to, show them that you care!

(Sfx- Gaya gaya blabber blabber)

(Sfx- Wai wai!)

Shopkeep: No need to push! If you guys get heated now, your chocolates will melt!!

Girl: Hand that over!! I saw it first!!

(Sfx- Gyaaah)

Girl2: What are you talking about? It belongs to me!!

Shopkeep: Hey! No fighting there!! Okay?

Ow! That hurts! Hey! No attacking the Shopkeep!!

(Sfx- Gofu umph)

Shopkeep: Owwwww! Stop it!! HELP ME SOMEONE...!!

(Sfx- DODODON THOOOM)

(Sfx- Butsu gwah!)

005

(Sfx- Buwaaa foooom)

(Sfx Kyahhhhh!!!!)

(Sfx- Gogogogogogo rmmmmmble)

(Sfx- Zatsu tmp)

Tae: Pardon us~

We'd like to buy 50 boxes of chocolates please~

(Sign- Huge Valentines fair!!)

Tae: I apologize for dragging you along Kagura-chan.

But it's thanks to you that these Chocolates were such a steal.

006

Kagura: Boss lady, Valentines from what I have heard, is a day where girls give chocolates to the boys they like.

Are there really 50 people that you like that much boss lady? You must have it tough, yes?

Tae: This is for work. Think of it as obligatory chocolate to the customers.

The one for someone special is...

Here.

Kagura: Boss laddyyyyy!! Thank you!! I like you as well!!

I do not have any chocolate however....I am sorry.

(Sfx- Dakkiii squeeze)

Tae: I'm glad you're happy, but you should consider giving it to someone nicer than I am. You worked hard for it after all.

Kagura: There's no one like that.

Tae: Perhaps Gin-san and Shinpachi would like some too?

Kagura: What? But I do not like them, they are idiots.

He will probably complain that he doesn't want such a thing from a child.

Tae: Now now, that's not true. There's no such thing as a man that isn't happy to receive chocolate.

And coming from none other than you,

Even the two of them would be surprised.

And I'm sure they'd be overjoyed.

007

Kagura: I will be fine. I'm sure that if I don't do anything, Sacchan or someone else will give him one.

Thanks.

Tae: Oh! Kagura-chan....

(Side text- Lighting the flame of a Bakumatsu boom!! Volumes 1~32 are now out in stores!! Tickets for the movie are already on sale as well!! For details, please head to page 6!!)

Lesson 295: Cocoa over Hearts.

008

Gintoki:You idiots that get cocky,

Just because mom gave you one box of chocolate,

And think that you won something significant cause big sis bought you two...

To you morons that chatter away as everyone files into the classroom on the day after Valentines, let me make one thing clear.

From next year on, you guys are on death row.

Every year they blabber on and on about how happy they are...

For tens of thousands of years, since mommy and the chocolate were born, it's been worn out. It's an endless cycle of birth and death.

It's annoying really. This gathering that actually brags about how unhappy they are...

The pathetic mumblings of 'I don't need any crap like that anyway.' that thinly veil pale vanities from unlucky bastards.

I'M SICK OF IT!!

Who cares about sweethearts or obligation? Valentines day is a creation of the devil dammit!!

Everyone join me in denouncing this crap ass holiday!!

Next year, anyone handing out chocolates is on death row!! AND THAT IS THE FINAL ANSWER!!

009

Shinpachi: THE FINAL ANSWER!!!

Gintoki: FINAL ANSWER MY FOOOOOT!!

WHERE THE HELL IS MY CHOCOLATE DAMMIT?!!

(Sfx- Dogushiii twooook)

Gintoki: What the hell is up with this?! Aren't we just following the same page format from the last lesson verbatim?

Considering that we had a crap load of new years cards last week, you'd think we'd have a crap load of chocolate.

YET THERE'S NOT ONE FRIGGIN' BOX!!

Shinpachi: It's because we have no money that we have no chocolates!! Chocolates are...

Chocolates are crap!!! THAT IS THE FINAL ANSWER!!

Gintoki: Your whole life is one long final answer isn't it? Right until you're dead huh?

010

Gintoki: Goddamitall!! I was thinking that this year would be better for sure!! We got all of those stupid New years greetings, and none of the good stuff!!

I just want to eat chocolate!

I don't need love, just sugar!!

Shinpachi: I don't need chocolate. I just want love, and that's my final answer.

O...or....can I use a life line instead?

Gintoki: Good luck getting someone to answer that phone call.

(Sfx- Chira glance)

(Sfx- Moji Moji shfft shfft)

Gintoki: Hey, what are you doing over there Kagura?

(Sfx- Pikuuu poit)

Kagura: I—It is nothing!!

(Sfx- Gabaa fwif)

Gintoki: Wait a sec...could it be....

011

Gintoki: You need to take a dump?

If that's the case, get to the bathroom on the double.

(Sfx- Dodokashaaaa craaaashsss)

Gintoki(?): GYAHHHHH!!!

(Sfx- Pofutsu pat)

Seita: Wha---Wha? Yer givin me this Kagura-chan? Could it be...

Kagura: It is Chocolate.

Seita: Yer serious....!! Maaaa!! I got me some Valentines chocolate! Yahoo!

Hinowa: That was very nice of you Gura-san. Thank you!

Kagura: It is nothing.

Seita: There ain't no snot in this is there? I can eat it right?

Kagura: There is none. Talk and I will kill you.

Hinowa: You're quite classy aren't you? Maybe you should consider coming down here for a job sometime.

(Handwritten- Look at what I've got Sis Tsukuyo!)

Kagura: Is that so? I will quit that garbage dump I work at at once.

012

Seita: I can go 'head and eat these then right? What are these sesame seed lookin' things on 'em?

Tsukuyo: Ya'll best not.

It's snot.

Ya'll mess up your stomach somethin fierce with these.

Kagura: Stop that at once! Do you really have such a poor image of me?!

Tsukuyo: I'm goin' out for a little bit Hinowa.

(Sfx- Gozo tuck)

Kagura: Return that at once!!

Tsukuyo: 'Scuse me....

Give me that big chocolate heart.

Shopkeep: Yes ma'am.

Kagura: What are you doing Tsukki?

Tsukuyo: To be honest wit' ya, Hinowa asked me to buy ya'll Yorozuya some chocolates. 'Course I don't know much 'bout that stuff.

Since that's the case 'n' all,

I guess I could just give ya this one.

Kagura: Tsukiiiiiii!!

(Sfx- Gabaaaa grab)

Kagura: You understand it well!! You are unlike those idiot men!!

013

Kagura: Please! You must go with me and give it to them~ It will be a big help!

Tsukuyo: I don't know 'bout that....

Kagura: Why are you blushing as well Tsukki?

Tsukuyo: I ain't blushin'.

I'm just doin' Hinowa a favor is all.

I don't have no interest in Valentine's day or nothin like that. It's just that ya'll helped me out with work that I'm doin' this.

(Handwritten- She is hiding something.)

Kagura: I understand. It is fine. Let me give it to them.

Tsukuyo: Who to'l ya to open that without permission!?

(Heart- From Tsukki with love: To the Yorozuya.)

Shopkeep: I keep hearing that girl call you 'Tsukki' miss.....I could add that for free if you'd like?

Tsukuyo: Nothin' doin! Change it so it reads 'From all of us in Yoshiwara'!!

(Sfx- Bakiiii thwok)

Shopkeep: My deepest apologies. I will change it immediately Tsukki.

Tsukuyo: Who to'l YOU to call me Tsukki?! Ya wanna die?!

Ya know what, I'm feelin kinda anxious for some reason....maybe we should do this togetha.

Kagura: Yay!

Shopkeep: While you're waiting, please have some of these.

Tsukuyo: Every single one of ya is suspectin' me of this an' that...

(Sfx- Mogu chew chew)

Kagura: That looks good....What is it? I can have one too yes?

Saleslady: I'm sorry, those are whisky bon-bons.

You're not quite of age to eat these. They're for adults, right Tsukki?

(Sfx- Hic)

014

(Sfx- Pinpon ding dong)

Gintoki: I don't want the paper.

???: Um...are you home Gintoki-kun?

Oh my~ I said it...I can't believe I said it...

What should I do? My heart is racing....

I can't do this, I'm too embarrassed....

(Sfx- Garaaa clatter)

(SFX- DOPAAAN THWOK)

Tsukuyo: YOU'D LIKE SOMETHING SWEET LIKE THAT TO HAPPEN WOULDN'T YOU?! HAHAHAHAHAH!!!

Sacchan: Hm?

Go with you to give him chocolates?

Kagura: Yes, a lot sort of happened....

And it seems that we cannot sum up the courage to give it to him...no matter how much want to...

015

Sacchan: How cute. I forget, are you two supposed to be elementary schoolers or women? I want no part of a group confession.

Kagura: We just want to give them some chocolate. It does not go well. We blush and fail, but someone who is good at delicacy like you is essential!

Sacchan: ...Oh? This is a first. You've never had a reason to complement me.

And what were you hoping to accomplish by bringing Tsukki there along?

Is that really the best that 10th place can do? Do you even deserve your 10th place?

(Handwritten- And here we go again....)

Sacchan: It might seem impossible to say something that you've deemed as embarrassing.

But you know, humans grow from embarrassment.

For a forward thinking stalker like myself, being able to turn over a new pair of panties and think of danger as an adventure is an essential part of my being.

Kagura: Can you give an example?

Sacchan: I suppose there's no helping it....you may be my rivals, but I'm not above giving you a helping hand.

In any case, you're not a threat to me now, and probably never will be.

First off, strip naked and immerse yourself in a chocolate coating.

Once you've done that, we can start.

Tsukuyo: Ya know, that seems like a good place to end.

Sacchan: Quit playing coy!! Don't you understand that you have to throw away that sense of embarrassment?!

Tsukuyo: Ya see, I'm beginning to think that embarrassment is what keeps a human from becomin' somethin' like you.

Sacchan: What are you saying?! I'll have you know that Cleopatra used to tempt her victims by sending herself naked in a rug, her body dipped in the finest oils and lotions!! Do you know nothing of this plan?!

Tsukuyo: I'm tellin' ya, all we want to do is give 'em some chocolate!!

016

Sacchan: Fine fine!

We'll do this the normal, boring way then.

You two are seriously lacking in imagination. We should have done this the Cleopatra way.

Um...

Why are we lined up?

Just how skittish are the two of you?!

Can you please back up a little bit?! You're suffocating me!!

I can't believe you pathetic women cower at the mere idea of a man!!

I'm going to ring the doorbell. Are you ready?

Here goes.

017

(Sfx- Dosuuu tap)

(Sfx- Bookii crack)

Kagura: Sachaaaaaaan!

Tsukuyo: Are ya okay?! Whatcha playin' at?!

(Sfx- Gi gi gi grnnnd)

Sacchan: Um...now that I think about it,

I've never uh...used the front door.

W—What should I talk about?

Tsukuyo: For someone who talks this an' that about Cleopatra, ya sure don' got much to say when it matters!!

Sacchan: Um, okay I can't do this. Tsukki, you're the least embarrassed, so you go!!

Tsukuyo: I've been embarrassed the whole time!! Ya go in Kagura, its yer house ain't it?!

(Sfx- Gyah gyah rabble rabble)

Kagura: What?! You two cannot just abandon me like that!! Why do you think I invited you?!

Shinpachi: Kagura-chan, where have you been?

(Sfx- Kan kan kan tmp tmp tmp)

Gintoki: All of you guys sound like you're real constipated up there.

Shinpachi: Have you been looking for a place to use the bathroom?

018

Gintoki: Wasn't there someone here earlier?

Shinpachi: I guess not...I don't see anyone.

(Sfx- Garara clatter)

Shinpachi: Did we always have a trash can there?

Eh, whatever.

(Sfx- Pishaa ssshft)

(Sfx- kaaa kaaa)

(Sfx- Pota pota drip drip)

019

Tsukuyo: Um...if ya could just drop this in front of yer house, that'll be right fine by me.

(Sfx- Suuu sssf)

Tsukuyo: Sorry 'bout that....but thanks for helpin' me out.

Sacchan: If you wouldn't mind....

(Sfx- Suu sfft)

(Box- To Gin-chan and Shinpachi: Kagura.)

(Sfx- Pochaaatsu splooosh)

Tae: I'm sorry.

020

Tae: I may have...

Said a little too much.

Kagura: That is not so.

I had fun being with the girls.

I just think this wasn't meant to be.

This is enough.

Tae: Kagura-chan.

I didn't even get you anything earlier...

You can have this, even though it's just out of obligation...

The worst part is, I wasn't even able to give it to you properly....

Kagura: It is fine. Tsukki, Sacchan and I were unable to give the guys a single box of chocolate.

Tae: Are you sure Kagura-chan?

Kagura: It is.

I have enough love to capsize this earth several times over!

So I will find a way to convey it for sure!

Right?

021

Tae: I'm sure of it.

Girl: How much chocolate did you give out?

Guy: Well about four, but it was out of obligation....

(Sfx- Don thud)

(Sfx- Bara bara clatter)

Gintoki: Not a single chocolate....

this year either huh....

Shinpachi: That's the final answer.

(Sfx- Goro goro roll roll)

Kagura: I found these three boxes out front.

This is lucky for you yes?

(Sfx- Garara claaater)

(Sfx- Pishaa thunk)

022

Shinpachi: What?! Three? Three whole boxes?! From who?!

(Handwritten- More like, who was that? A criminal from Detective Conan?)

(Sfx- Dota dota tmpe tmp)

Gintoki: Hey! Don't go touching my chocolate without permission!!

Shinpachi: They're mine!! Please keep your dirty paws off them!!

(Left to right- I love Gin-chan and Shinpachi: Kagura. From Kagura with love: Gintoki and Shinpachi. To Gin-san and Four eyes: Kagura.)

Gintoki: Hey Shinpachi....

We got 4 boxes,

This year.

(Handwritten- What a nice bath...)

Shinpachi: That's the final answer.

(Side text- Conveying all of their thoughts....!)

GINTAMA LESSON 295..................END.