Gintama 352

Crappy week is crappy. I can't believe I'm this far behind again after making such huge strides to catch up. *sighs*



(Side text- You've got mail!!)

{From: Sorachi
Sub: Last time on Gintama
Kagura got her wish for a cell phone granted when Sadaharu gobbled some up that he found somewhere. The young lady was fully enjoying her emailing life, however the owner of the phones soon caught wind and now threatens the Yorozuya's lives if he doesn't get his phones back! Will this text reach the trio in time....?}

(Sfx- Pihh beep)

Shinpachi: Damn! Another spam email at a time like this?!

What the hell are Kagura-chan and Gin-san doing?!

I've been sending them emails like crazy but they haven't replied to a single one!!

{We got send some emails from the original owner of the cell phones, but he seems like a kind of dangerous person......!! Make sure not to exchange any emails with him!! I'm urgently waiting for your reply!!}

Shinpachi: Dammit, why'd I have to get stuck with a phone that can only send emails?!

(Sfx- Brururuh veeeen)

Shinpachi: Ah! It's an email from Kagura-chan!!

{Email received
From Kagura.}

Shinpachi: All right! She seems to be okay!! Did she finally see my email?!

002

{I'm meeting my email buddy offline!!
He's a truly good person.
I can't wait for Gin-san and all of you to meet Claws of Death (Death Cancer)-san!! \(^o^)/}

Lesson 352:
Messenger from Out of Range

Shinpachi: That's not an email buddy at allllllllllllllll!!!

That is definitely no email buddy!! Even his peace sign doesn't look peaceful at all!! Although even if you write his name as 'Death Cancer', that doesn't change what Claws of Death meaaans!!

(TL Note- The guy's name is written in kanji as "Claws of Death" and it's read using the English words "Death Cancer".)

003
Shinpachi: He's one step ahead of ussssss!!

That's no offline meeting, Kagura-chan's been completely held hostaaaage!!

He wants to get our cell phones back, so he pretended to be an email buddy with Kagura chan in order to get close to her?!

Moreover, he doesn't look like he could be email friends with anyone!!

(Sfx- Bururu veeen)

{You saw the photo, right? Your comrade is already in the palm of my hand. You've got ten minutes to get to the family restaurant on block 2. Make sure you bring the phones with you.}

Shinpachi: Ah! This email!! There's no doubting it now, he's the cell phones' original owner!

This is bad...really bad.... No matter how you interpret this, he doesn't look like a reasonable person at all!!

{10 minutes. No one has ever lasted 10 minutes standing in front of my Death Claws (Death Cancer). V(TπT)V If you're even a second late, I don't think I need to tell you what will happen. (Kill)}

Shinpachi: I've never even SEEN that emoticon before!! And I've never seen someone use (kill) like that before!!

(TN- Usually in Japanese emails like these they wrote (laugh) or such things to indicate emotions.)

There's no mistaking it now! He's some kind of assassin for an organization or something!!

And these phones must have some kind of proof related to classified information in them or something! And he's afraid it could leak into the public...

Th... These cell phones we got are bad news!!

{Email Received
From Kagura.}

(Sfx- Burururu veeen)

Shinpachi: In any case, I have to contact Gin-san to meet us at the appointed loca...

004

Shinpachi: Wait! This is Gin-san! I knew he'd realize how serious those emails were!!

{From: Gin-san//Sub: Sorry, the pa // chinko is feeling really good right now. I can't leave. Could you give me an extra 10 minutes?}

Shinpachi: BUT HE STILL HASN'T FIGURED OUT HOW TO USE HIS PHONE PROPERLY!! ON TOP OF THAT, WHAT'S HE MEAN HE CAN'T LEAVE THE PACHINKO PARLOR?! WHAT ABOUT HIS COMRADES?!

And he still hasn't realized he's sending them to all!!

(Sfx- Bururu veeeen)

{From: Death Claws
Sub: What do you mean by 'feeling really good'? (Kill.)}

Shinpachi: Craaaap!! He's getting mad!! He's going to (kill)!!

(Sfx- Bururu veeen)

{From: Gin-san//Sub: Dude it's awesome, the pa // chinko goddess suddenly came down from the heavens. The balls are in fever mode. I can't stop, I don't wanna stop.}

Shinpachi: IT'S ALMOST MIRACULOUS THE WAY YOU TURNED THAT TEXT INTO SMUT!! STOP IT! PLEASE DON'T STIR HIM UP ANYMORE!!

(Sfx- Bururu veeeen)

{From: Death Claws
No one has ever lasted 10 minutes standing in front of my Death Claws. Is there a place you can get to in less than 10 minutes? (Certain)}

Shinpachi: Heeeeey!! Death Claws (Death Cancer) is on board with that!! He's (certain) to kill you!!

(Sfx- Bururu veeen)

{From: Gin-san
Sub: Are you coming?
The name of the place is 'Fever.'}

Shinpachi: Why'd you tell him that?! Run away Gin-san!! RUN AS FAST AS YOU CAN!!

005

(Sfx- Bururuh veeen)

{From: Kagura
Sub: Meeting place.
It looks like he changed where we're going to meet.
Shinpachi, you should hurry along here, too. \(^o^)/}

(Sign- Ch*nko Fever)

Shinpachi: BUT THAT'S THE WRONG SHOOOOOOOOOOP!!!!

He's gone to the completely wrong place!!

He's sending Death Cancer into a totally outrageous place!!

{From: Death Cancer
Sub: [Blank]
This is different than what you said, isn't it?}

Shinpachi: Craaaaap!! He's sent an angry email!! And he's right, nobody's gonna be there!!

{There's only a 30 and 60 minute course. They don't offer a 10 minute one, do they? (Kill)}

Shinpachi: NOW WHAT'S HE GOTTEN INTO?!

That's not the problem!! Can't he just wait 10 minutes there, too?!

{Oh well. I'll just take the 30 minute one. Our meeting will be in 40.}

Shinpachi: SO IN THE END HE HAS A FEVER, TOOOOO?!!

Just what the hell does this person want with us anyway?! What happened to getting the cell phones back?!

Hold on, this is my chance to tell Kagura-chan to get out of there!

{Email Received
From Kagura}

(Sfx- Bururu veeen)

006

{From Kagura
Sub: Meeting Time
It looks like he's not changing the time after all.}

Shinpachi: FORGET TEN MINUTES, HE DIDN'T EVEN LAST 10 SECONDS!!!

This man sure got burnt out real quiiiick!!!

{From: Death claws
Sub: No one has ever lasted 10 minutes standing in front of my Death Claws (Death Cancer).}

Shinpachi: Your Death Cancer's what couldn't stand up!! Stop trying to act all cool!!

(Sfx- Burururuh veeeen)

{From: Gin-san
Sub: Not there
Kagura, guide him here, would ya? I'm at my favorite place on the corner of block 3, hittin' the balls like usual.}

Shinpachi: That's enough Gin-san!! Stop telling him so much!!

(Sfx- Bururu veeen)

{From: Kagura
Sub: You mean here? \(°o°)/}

Shinpachi: What corner are you hitting balls oooooon?!!

Please, I'm begging you guys, don't provoke Death Cancer any more!!

{From: Death Claws
Sub:
No one has ever lasted 10 minutes standing in front of my Death Claws (Death Cancer). Did you save your data? Please turn the power off while holding the reset button.}

Shinpachi: Hey, now he's sending an email while having some sorta weird hallucination!! And it looks like he's going to turn the phone off!!

007

{From: Gin-san
Sub: Not there!!
Turn there, and go a little further.}

(TN- I think I mentioned this before, but the word for turn a corner is the same word for "to break" and that verb for go also means "to cum".)

Shinpachi: Auugh!! Gin-san! Don't send texts that will make matters worse!!

(Sfx- Bururu veeen)

{From: Death Claws/
Sub:
Unfortunately, the brave warrior Death Cancer's adventure log 1, adventure log 2 and adventure log 3 have been broken.}

(TN- This is written in all hiragana, ala Dragonquest.)

Shinpachi: It's been brokeeeeeeeeeen!!!

The adventure logs have been broken!! Now we can't adventure anywhere!!

Wait, what happened to Kagura-chan?! Why at a time like this hasn't she sent a photo message?!

Hey, is Death Cancer-san okay?! Maybe I should sent an email...

{Email Received
From}

(Sfx- Bururu veeeen)

{From: Hope Claws
Sub: Holy Cancer
It's like... I've woken up from a long nightmare...}

Shinpachi: And now I'm getting an email from some guy I don't know!! Who the hell is Holy Cancer!? It's like he's become a different person!!

{Before this moment, I had always succumbed to the impulse of using these death claws to tear everything to pieces, but now my claws are full of hope, and I cant suppress the urge to tightly embrace everything.........}

Shinpachi: He's been enlightened!! Something unneeded was broken and now he's like a wise sage!!

{I'm so sorry for having threatened everyone... I got worked up because I just... I just... really wanted those cell phones back.}

Shinpachi: .............

008

{You see, those three cell phones you currently possess once belonged to me, and are filled with memories that I cannot... must not ever let go of.}

Shinpachi: Er... Couldn't we meet in person to talk about that kind of story...?

Shinpachi: Well, now it looks like we're going to go through everything while just staring at a cell phone screen...

{Although I use eloquent language in these emails, the truth of the matter is that I'm a man who's shy and foolish in most situations. I have problems when talking to people face to face, and can't even look at them face to face. I'm a cowardly man.}

Shinpachi: I think readers are gonna get bored of this sort of thing pretty soon...

{I wonder how a taciturn man like me could marry a woman who loves to talk so much? The strings of fate are fickle indeed....}

Lady: Hahah, you're quite the smooth talker, sir~

Hey, Dear? What are you doing? You have to ask the customer if he uses conditioner.

Shinpachi: EHE PUT A FLASHBACK INSIDE AN EMAIL!! WHAT THE HEEEEEELL KIND OF EMAIL IS THIS?!

AND WAIT A MINUTE, YOU WERE A BARBER?!

{I used these iron claws to run a barbershop, but not being too skilled in the art of conversation, the customers would always become distant from me.}

Shinpachi: MAYBE THAT'S NOT THE PROBLEM!?

{Even with that, my wife never once complained to me. Instead she just engaged me in trifling joking talk.}

{But even though that wife of mine encouraged me so much, I could never even answer her. In the end, I could manage to do was to smile back at her.}

009

{Never able to be indifferent toward me, my wife decided to give me a hand by giving me}

{a cell phone.}

{Even if I was unable to speak to people face to face...}

{with a cellphone's text, perhaps I could carry a small conversation.}

Lady: It's fine if you want to be strong and silent as you work...

But it would be nice if you'd share a joke or trifle with your old lady.

Holy cancer: I-I'm far too old to be playing around with a cell phone and emailing people.

Lady: Hahah, I don't want to act my age by a man who wears iron claws.

{Little did I know, that rare moment that I made her smile, those silly disingenuous words would be the last time I'd talk to my wife.}

Holy cancer: In the end, I...

wasn't able to communicate a thing to my wife.

And those cell phones....

are full of the words, that I wasn't able to deliver to her.

010

Holy cancer: Even after my wife died, I continued writing.

Even though I could no longer send them to her...

But still, these thoughts toward my wife I just had to write down.........

{Sent Mail
Kagura
Kagura
Kagura
Kagura
Kagura
Kagura}

{Sent Mail
Kagura
Kagura
Kagura
Kagura
Kagura
Kagura
Old Lady
Old Lady}

(Sfx- Pih beep)

{I went to the cabaret club today.}

(Sfx- Pih beep)

{I tried to go to a pink salon today.}

(TN- A Pink Salon is a Japanese brothel that specializes in oral sex.)

(Sfx- Pih beep)

{Tomorrow, I'm going to try as hard as I can to go to Yoshiwara~}

Gintoki & Shinpachi: AREN'T YOU JUST WRITING USELESS CRAP?!

(Sfx- Dogogooo thok)

011

Gintoki: What kind of sinful reports are you sending up to heaven?!

The other ones got smeared with poop and disappeared, but I think I can imagine a decent picture of what they said!!

Holy cancer: N-No, I was just thinking since my wife had already gone on to heaven... If I could get a little closer to her...

And ascend as well...

Shinpachi: I think it's pretty clear you're going straight to hell!!

Holy cancer: So that's how it is... I'm sorry for the places I was using them, but

to me, those phones are irreplaceable.

Please, find it in your heart to give them back...

Gintoki: I-I don't care...

Honestly, I was just thinking how this whole phone emailing crap was a pain in the ass.

Shinpachi: I think we're just not suited for high tech stuff after all.

Besides, I'm too busy with Love Choris to be emailing people.

Holy cancer: Really?!

Gintoki: But in exchange, you have to make sure that you don't drop them where a dog can find 'em.

Sadaharu will crunch them up if you try it.

Holy cancer: T-Thank you so much!!

{Now no matter where we are,}

{we will be together, yes?}

Shinpachi: Hey, you too, Kagura-chan...

(Sfx- Bururu veeen)

012

{From: Kagura
Sub:
I don't want to.}

{From: Kagura
Sub:
I don't want to.}

Shinpachi: Kagura-chan?

{I still haven't gotten a proper email.}

{Even though they are so far apart, the old man and his wife have a connection, but I have none at all.}

{How long are you going to drag up the past, old man?!!! I can't communicate anything way worse than you!! Stupid, stupid, stupid!! \(>o<)/}

(Sfx- Dath dash)
Shinpachi: Hey! Wait a minute, Kagura-chan!!

Kagura-chann!!

013

(Sfx- Buchihh riiip)

(Sfx- Mekihhh graaab)

(Sfx- Pochaaan sploooosh)

014

Holy Cancer: I'm sorry for everything that happened today.

I caused you all sorts of trouble, but you still came with me for the second anniversary of her death.

Gintoki: The fact that our dog ate the important cell phones you dropped is on us.

This could be some sort of fate, too. Well, you did have some luck, too.

(Sfx- Peko bow)

Shinpachi: More over, I'm sorry for Kagura-chan... We haven't gotten the phone from her yet...

Don't worry though, I'm sure I'll get it back.

Holy cancer: It's fine.

That little girl made me realize...

What I'm doing... emailing my dead wife, really doesn't have any sort of meaning. And it's not for her sake, either.

I was just comforting myself.

But that's enough of sending emails to myself.

Rather than sending emails that'll never be delivered,

I'm going to face people directly like this.

Because after all, what my wife wanted was for me to talk together with friends.

015

Holy cancer: I'm sure that's the reason why my wife left these to me.

And in the end, I just turned these cell phones into decorations.

So in the end...

I think I'll finish with the one thing

I really wanted to send.

(Sfx- Pih beep)

Holy cancer: Well, now my farewell ceremony is over.

I finally got to act affectionate.

(Sfx- Suhh sff)

Shinpachi: Eh?

Holy cancer: Please take these. They've served their purpose for me, but I'm sure you can still use them.

I would try to act cool, like even if I didn't say anything my thoughts would get through,

but then I couldn't take it back. And would think "I wish I'd said this" or "I should've said that".

that struggling shameful behavior might just be how us men live.

But I hope you guys don't act that way.

I hope that while you're still together, you talk with each other and understand each other as much as you can.

016

Gintoki: Sorry pal. We can't take those.

To hold all the cynical emotions that we have to express, those machines are too small.

Shouting at each other in out-of-service areas is what's suited to us.

Besides, those things still have one last duty to perform.

You haven't received a response...

from granny yet, right?

Holy cancer: ...Wh... What are you talking about?

There's no way I'll get an answer....

(Sfx- Burururu veeeen)

(Sfx- Burururu veeeen)

(Sfx- Bururu veeen)

Gintoki: See, just what you'd expect for emails sent to Holey Cancer.

Looks like at least one or two of those mails made it to heaven, after all.

017

Holy cancer: I see...

So it got there at last...

And while we've been unable to meet...

it seems you've become a trendy western old lady who uses emoticons...

{From: ba-san@bocomo.ne.jpuripuri
Sub: Re: Thank you.
Thank you so much, too! You and your friends take care!! \(^o^)} [The first "you" is italicized.]

(Sfx- Zatsh shfft)

018

(Sfx- Pih pih beep beep)

{Did it reach all the way to heaven?}

Gintoki: Beats me.

He even managed to reach an idiot like you.

So I guess it must have.

(Sfx- Poiii fwif)

Holy cancer: Heh...

Well, maybe they're right in saying that... they don't need these....

019

Gintoki: Hey, you've been grinning for a while now. What the hell is wrong with you? It's creepy.

Kagura: It is nothing.

(Side text- \(^o^)/)

GINTAMA LESSON 352.................END.