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Translations: Bleach 600 (2)
translation-needs-proofread

Gintama 417

Before memorizing historical events, try burning the image of people into your mind.

en
+ posted by Bomber D Rufi as translation on Oct 5, 2012 02:51 | Go to Gintama

-> RTS Page for Gintama 417

Gintama: Not factually accurate by any means since 2003.

Also thank you Lynxian for your Assassination Classroom liner notes. If I hadn't read them, the AC reference in this chapter would have went over my head.

Hi wa mata noboru.


Aaaaand requests are open again~ Read here for details.

(Side text- History studies!!)

GINTAMA

???: What about year 710?

Seita: Oh yeah! Um in 710 um...

Yeah that was the year of 'The splendid Heian kyou!' So then that had to be the year tha' Heian kyou was started yeah?

(TN- It's a sorta mnemonic device. The Japanese phrase is 'Nanto rippa na heian kyou!' Which is in English 'How splendid the Heian kyou was!' The 'nanto' in it sounds like '710' hence Seita using it [Incorrectly] to remember history.)

(On textbook- Japanese history.)

(Sfx- Goh thok)

Tsukyo: Nope. 710 was the 'Heijyoukyou'.

(TN- Heijyoukyou is ancient Nara, a Japanese city.)

Tsukuyo: Heiankyou's is 'The warbler cries Heian-kyou'. Or 794.

How many times am I gonna have to repeat this till ya get it?

(TN- In Japanese this is 'Naku yo, uguisu, Heian-kyo' the 'Na-ku-yo' being 794.)

002

Seita: GRAAAAH!! THIS IS TOO HAAAAAAARD!!

What does it matter anyway if it's the Heijyoukyou or the Heiankyou?! They both sound like traps!! Why do they have such confusing names anyway?!

Tsukuyo: If ya remember the outside layer, then remembering the inner layer's nothin' hard.

The Heijyoukyou is when the former emperor of the age moved from the capital of Fujiwara to begin the Wadou which lasted three years. Emperor Kanmu then moved to the capital and the Enryaku's three years began. It was during that the move from the capital of Nagaoka....

Seita: THAT'S UNECESSARILY TOUGHER!!

I'VE HAD IT UP TO HERE WITH THIS! I'M DONE!!

IS THERE EVEN A FRIGGIN' POINT TO MEMORIZING ALL OF THIS?! IT AIN'T GONNA MEAN CRAP IN REAL LIFE!!

WE'RE LIVING IN NOW, NOT THE PAST ANYWAY RIGHT?!

(Sfx- Basaaaah thood)

Tsukuyo: You ain't ready for society if you ain't got the patience to memorize history.

Ya gotta be able to forge yourself first and foremost.

003

Seita: Then let me forge myself with training then!

I wanna be as strong as you, Sis Tsukuyo!!

Rather than studying, can't we do something that'll make me stronger instead?

Tsukuyo: I see.

True 'nuff, just learnin' ain't gonna keep ya alive.

Then how 'bout this. I've got me here plenty of cards with numbers written on 'em, and plenty of kunai.

I'll start throwin' em, and you gotta name a historical event 'fore I do.

You'll keep yer eyes closed of course, and dodge the kunai usin' intuition alone. You can choose what ya wanna memorize by pickin' a number.

Seita: Um why does it seem like the degree of difficultly went up just now?!

How am I supposed to memorize stuff AND dodge using intuition?!

Tsukuyo: This way yer trainin' your mind and body. Now get ready.

Seita: H—hey! Wait!!

Tsukuyo: The battle of Sekigahara....

Seita: UWAAAAAHHH!!

004

GINTAMA
SORACHI HIDEAKI
Lesson 417: Before memorizing historical events, try burning the image of people into your mind.

(Side text- Seita's fate is...)

Gintoki: Weren't you supposed to be studying history?

Huh? And so your teacher decided partway through to say 'Hey, how about dodge ball' and things slowly spiraled from there?

Tsukuyo: You gotta memorize historical facts or learnin' history is impossible.

Knowin' stuff like when Sekigahara took place or how Ieyasu fought is important.

Gintoki: Yeah, um...knowing that won't change the fact that Ieyasu got his but whooped bad. Trying to change history there are we?

So lets see how the little guy turned out. What year was Sekigahara fought?

Seita: 1—1600 kunai.

Gintoki: He's sort of remembering some very weird things there. I'm not sure if he's learning history or falling knee deep into a deep seated trauma.

005

Tsukuyo: Ain't like I could help it none! Seita ain't listenin' to what I gotta say!!

Hinowa: That's enough Tsukuyo.

I won't contest your strength in leading the Hundred blooms on patrol duty..

But your methods of teaching leave...well quite a bit to be desired.

Gintoki: Your rough personnel choices leave a lot to be desired.

Hinowa: He's at the age where it's a good idea to go ahead and send him to temple school to learn there.

But it is rather problematic since he hasn't taken a single lesson in anything up until now.

We thought that it would be a good idea to at least send him in with the basics.

Seita: Gin-san! You gotta help me!

I don't wanna learn history!!

(Sfx- Dakiihh glomp)

Seita: I want to study physical ed or something!!

Gintoki: Hands off bukaroo. Stuff like phys ed comes naturally when you hit puberty. There's no one who doesn't get 100 points in that class.

Tsukuyo: Fine. This time around I get it.

This time I've got plenty of kunai and kokeshi to throw at ya...
Gintoki: What kind of 'gahara' are you trying to teach this kid about?!

(TN- Kokeshi are wooden dolls that look a lot like....do I really have to spell it out?)

006

Hinowa: Oh that's right Gin-san...you attended a temple school here and there didn't you?

Gintoki: Huh? Well...I guess I did go there for a little while...and learned a few things.

Hinowa: Are you listening? Gin-san didn't go to school and learned things on his own.

This is exactly why you shouldn't take temple school lightly! If you don't study properly what kind of person do you think you'll grow up to be?

Gintoki: Hinowa-san, what kind of person pray tell are you?

Seita: No way!! I don't want to study with Sis Tsukuyo anymore!!

If I have to study I want a new tutor!!

How about Gin-san! He can do it!

Plus he's even got experience going to the temple school!! He'd be a better teacher right?!

Gintoki: ….Say what?

Dude, what's with you involving people in your problems?

Seita: I couldn't help it. It was the only way to get away from Sis Tsukuyo....

007

Seita: I've got a little bit of cash from jobs i've done here and there.

So why not help each other out, you know what I'm saying?

Just let me fake studying and whatever okay?

You'll get a little bit of money and something a little nicer might happen too.

See when people have home tutors over, something like this happens right?

Mom: How's the studying going?

I think it's about time for a little break right? I bought some short cake..

Seita: They're bound to bring us some refreshments and stuff.

Gintoki: I'm a grown ass man. Why would I eat short cake? Adults have adult tastes...

Where's the Mon blanc?

Seita: Is that seriously your problem?

See, if we put manga here no one has to know.

Jump's a little bit too huge but tankobons are small and easy to get away with. We can read all kinds of manga this way, right?

Gintoki: Sorry kid, but as a member of the Yorozuya, money isn't my only way of life. I don't do things halfassedly.

You used to live as a urchin a while ago too right? But you rehabilitated and managed to live with your mommy in an awesome place like this.

(Sfx- Kachaa clack)

Seita: Geez, you're creepy.

Gintoki: You're the one whos creepy. A man has to recognize his mother's feelings and face his responsibilities. You ARE a man right?

008

Gintoki: Now class, open your 'Hana no Keiji' volume tens to page....

(Sfx- Doshiiiyuuu thoook)

(TN- Hana no Keiji or just 'Keiji' for short is a manga written by Tetsuo Hara (of Fist of the north star fame), which is an adaptation of the novel Ichi-mu-an-furyuki' by Ryu Keiichiro which is in turn a fictionalized verison of Keiji Maeda.)

(Sfx- suuuh sffft)

Tsukuyo: Hows yer learnin' goin in there~

How about you boys take a break....? For eternity.

(Sfx- Jyakiii shiiing)

(Sfx- Bushiii bloorsh)

Gintoki: Oh we're just fine, we just started! We've still got plenty of pep left...don't mind us.

Hey! You promised cake and instead I get sharpened instruments of pain in my skull!! What gives?

Wait, was she observing us the entire time?! Is she going to keep observing us?

(Handwritten- You were the one blurting everything out loud!!)

Tsukuyo: Well ya''ll take care...I'm expectin' good things from ya, Koro-sensei.

Gintoki: She's given me a weird nickname!! Moreover she's making a face that totally says 'Your balls are mine at any given time'!!

(TN- Koro-sensei is a reference to the main character in Assassination Classroom by Matsui Yuusei which also runs in WSJ.)

Tsukuyo: Ya'll should be about ready to enter the Sengoku era....

Gintoki: Heeey!! She's trying to start the flame that burns the Sengoku to ash!!

009

(Sfx- Bata bata fwpp fwipp)

Seita: Hurry up Gin-san!! Open up to the Sengoku era!!

Gintoki: Hey, um when's the Sengoku era again?

Seita: What kind of home tutor are you?!

Gintoki: Shaddup. I don't remember the little details, but the big picture is clear as day in my mind.

Forget this shit. Close your text book. I've always hated learning history from those things.

Seita: More like, is it okay to go to the Sengoku era? I totally don't know anything about what came before that...

Gintoki: Men only really need to know the Sengoku era.

Before that it was all just Gorillas running around doing Gorilla shit.

Seita: That's really halfassed isn't it?!

What about the Heijyoukyou and the Heiankyou? How about how they changed hands? Or the Kamakura bakfu?

Gintoki: The relocation of the capital from Heijyoukou to Heiankyou was nothing more than the Gorillas moving from one cave to the neighboring one.

Seita: Huh? What about 'The warbler cries Heian-kyou'?

Gintoki: Wrong. It's more like 'We've finally got 794,000 yen. Shall we try moving to Heiankyou, mom?'

Seita: What kind of history am I learning?!

010

Seita: What about the Kamakura Bakfu?

Gintoki: That was the cave next to that one.

Seita: WHAT ABOUT THE 400 YEARS OF PROGRESS!?

Gintoki: It's obvious people can't just evolve that easily.

These are Gorillas after all, so they're a bit better off than humans.

So that's why somehow they were able to enter the sengoku era through the chaos of the Ounin war.

Seita: They sorta evolved super quickly though!!

More like 'somehow'?! Couldn't you explain to me how they managed to evolve past modern humanity?!

Just what kind of war was the Ounin war that they became this?!

Gintoki: I'm pretty sure I recall saying I don't recall the details?

I know they did manage to get their hands on the over technology...

But since they are Gorillas they ended up starting the war over a Banana or something I think.

Because of this their entire culture was blown to smithereens.

Seita: Whaaaaaaaat?! Is this the same Ounin war that happened in 1469 that I remember?!

011

Gintoki: Wrong again. This is more like 'We lost everything in one night to the Ounin war mom.'

Seita: WHY'S THE MOM GOTTA BE FORCEFULLY INVOLVED HERE?!

But is this all for real? Did something like that happen to our planet? I had no idea..

I've lived my whole life in the dark.

Gintoki: That is why history is a scary, scary thing lad.

You know the phrase 'Better learn your history so you don't repeat it'? It's exactly why you need to learn more about your country's history. Right mom?

(Sfx- Dohh thok)
Tsukuyo: What country's history is that, huh? Koro-sensei.

Gintoki: Whoops, my bad. I started out talking about Japan, but I guess it's actually the history of the world?

Tsukuyo: Where tha hell are ya gonna find a world like that?!

You'd best stop warpin' history to your likin' or YER history. Get me>?

Gintoki: Calm yourself. I'm just explaining some of the nuances. That's good fine?

Just smacking his head hard enough until he memorizes this isn't going to do any good.

Rather than trying to force him to learn about the little details first we gotta a get him interested in the stuff.

012

Seita: Koro-sensei, what happened to this country after that?

How did Japan do after that?

Gintoki: See what I mean?

Don't worry about anything else. I remember the stuff that happens from here on in pretty well.

You just keep your mouth shut and buy me some Mon blanc. As long as you stay here Seita'll be too scared to learn anything.

Gintoki: All right lets keep this moving.

Well I know I was talking about Ragnarok earlier, but Japan managed to rebuild from zero.

Seita: What's Ragnarock?

Gintoki: It's the other name for the Ounin wars, idiot. You'd better keep notes cause this will be on the test.

'With no leader, Japan will be mine'....

Is what leaders of the Sengoku era thought and soon took the stage of a bloody war.

Seita: Oh, so that's how those guys from the Sengoku era got to be so huge?

Gintoki: Yeah, something like that.

{Tha particulars are a bit off...is he tryin' for a course correction?}

013
Seita: I don't like memorizing history, but I've read manga about the Sengoku generals.

So I've heard of the likes of Oda Nobunaga and Tokugawa Ieyasu.

{Well, I guess their ain't nothin' to fret over since Seita seems interested in history now.}

Seita: What kind of guys came after that?

Gintoki: Well, then there's the Sengoku era's strongest rivals Takeda Shingen and Uesugi Kenshin.

Seita: And then?

Gintoki: Then there's Akechi Mitsuhide and Ishida Mitsunari...

Seita: And then..?

Gintoki: Um..

Seita: And then? Who?

C'mon! Who's after that!? Tell me!

Gintoki: After that was fundamentally the time of the Gorillas.

{The Gorillas are still livin'?!}

Seita: Huh?! What the...I thought you said the Gorillas were wiped out after the Ounin war?!

{And in the end yer course material veered back to where it was before! Why did tha Gorillas revive?}

{When times get tough the tough go ape?! Is that what you're trying to do? Well there are plenty of other Sengoku era generals!!}

014

{This isn't good. He's going to start warpin' history again!!}

{But if I do somethin' now all o' Seita's interest in history will completely vanish...}

Tsukuyo: Seita, that ain't right.

There was another Sengoku general, a man called Toyotomi Hideyoshi.

(Sfx- Suchaa shfft)

Tsukuyo: That person was often ridiculed by Nobunaga for lookin' like a monkey.

Gintoki, tha man I think you were talkin' bout was Hideyoshi wasn't it?

Gintoki: Yeah.

Seita: But I thought Hideyoshi's nickname was monkey and not Gorilla?

Gintoki: Gorillas and Monkeys are pretty much the same thing. Besides he managed to rule over the heavens and all that jazz so he can use whatever he wants.

Around 1588 Hideyoshi ordered a katana hunt in order to suppress any chances for rebellion.

Though in reality rather than it being a 'katana hunt' it was more like a 'Banana' hunt.

Seita: Huh? What about the 1588 katana hunting? That didn't happen?

Gintoki: No, it was more like 'I managed to get many Bananas thanks to the Banana hunt in 1588, mom.'

{He's completely become a Gorilla!!}

Seita: I—I get it...Hideyoshi was the only survivor of the wiped out Gorilla-clan...

{No, that ain't it at all.}

Seita: And the farmers there were actually serving under those who aren't actually human...

And Nobunaga had Hideyoshi around because he was convenient.

{Wh—What am I gonna do? History's getting' all messed up here!}

015

Gintoki: No that's not it.

Hideyoshi was known as a 'People person' a master of getting the hearts and minds of the people.

Have you heard of this anecdote?

On winter days even when Nobunaga left his sandals outside...

They were still warm. Why do you think that is?

Nobunaga asked Hideyoshi if he was the one who warmed up his sandles,

and was about to lay into him...

But Hideyoshi said this..

Sorry my lord, I thought it wouldn't do for you to have your feet cold because of the weather...

So I used the ancient weapon Excalibur Omega...
To warm your sandles.

Gintoki: And so Nobunaga realized that Hideyoshi wasn't just convienent...

But he possessed the lost over technology Excalibur omega.

{What kind of story is this?!}

{I thought he was just gonna change tha story around a little bit, but now we're at a point of no return!}

Seita: Excalibur omega?! What's that? Is that the weapon that destroyed the earth? How did it get left behind?

Gintoki: Their ancestors in order to hide the gun created a fake.

016

Seita: So the gun created in 1543 was....?!

Gintoki: More like 'Starting from 1543 onward this will be your new mom'.

{Where's Excalibur omega?!?}

{You're so far off yer gonna need a damn lifebelt to get back!!}

Tsukuyo: Forget it! Ain't no Gorillas, and the ones who are left need ta get back into tha forest!!

I ain't gonna let you mess up this conversation no more, no how!

Anyway the Excalibur omega was left behind for the sandles..

But Nobunaga found another useful subordinate...

And that was Akechi Mitsuhide.

He had strength as well as patience which made him an heroic figure. Despite that he depreciated himself just like Hideyoshi had.

Despite this it became their fates to oppose Nobunaga.

The irony is that even with a common enemy they could not stop each other which lead to a breakdown of their heroic efforts.

017

Tsukuyo: And it was after that that the weirdness known as 1582's honnoji began.

In order to incite a rebellion Mitsuhide set Nobunaga's bedroom aflame.

Seita: Oh?

Tsukuyo: Well from what I heard though....

Things were a little different.

That was all really fake..

And what really happened is that Hideyoshi warmed up his sandles in a microwaved which exploded causing the whole incident.

Seita: Eeeeeeeeeeh?!

018

Seita: That's really how Honnoji happened?! I thought Mitsuhide was a nice guy?!

Or are you saying that weapon is actually Excalibur...

Tsukuyo: Sigma.

(Sfx- Phishh fwip)

{Um wait, aren't you doing what I did?!}

Tsukuyo: It's like the 1582...

1582 is on fire, mother.

{Wait, isn't the mom in this the same from the Excalibur ealieeeeeer?}

Gintoki: And now what? How do we fix this train wreck of a history we started?

You're the one who decided to tell him that Mitsudhide has an Excalibur sigma!!

Seita: And then? What happened?

What happened to Mitsuhide?!

Hey!

C'mon! Tell me!

Hinowa: Isn't that obvious...?

Only Sigma can stop up Omega.

019


Hinowa: The man who stood in front of Mitsuhide was Hideyoshi...

The two let Omega and Sigma lose...

And then..

{Year 0000....the world was annihilated.}

{But it is when everything ended that the true beginning could start. In short...}

Hinowa: This is how our wold came to be.

And from here is the true history.

And now Gin-san, Tsukuyo...

Would you mind starting from the beginning, please?

(Sfx-Gararara clatter)

Gintoki: Hand me 'Hana no Keiji' volume ten.

Tsukuyo: Then I'll read 'Reaching you'.

(TN- Tsukuyo says 'Nushi ni Todoke' which is attributed to how she talks, but I think she means 'Kimi ni Todoke' which is a popular shojo manga. Didn't think she'd be into that type of thing.)

(Side text: …..)

GINTAMA LESSON 417...........END.

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