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Translations: Gintama 510 (2) , Naruto 692 by aegon-rokudo
translation-needs-proofread

Gintama 455

You can hide porn, but you can’t hide ****.

en
+ posted by Bomber D Rufi as translation on Jul 28, 2013 16:59 | Go to Gintama

-> RTS Page for Gintama 455


I could be playing Gyakuten Saiban 5, or writing my Graduate thesis, but instead I'm translating Gintama. If there was any doubt that I love all of you despite my sharp tounge and forgetting our anniverseries, then let it all crumble before this little revelation.

Hi wa mata noboru only.


(Top text- ‘’Gintama the movie: Final act’ Is a huge hit in theaters! Everyone, join the bash that is the last hurrah of the GIntama anime!!)
(Side text- Everyone definitely has ‘that’ right…?)
GINTAMA
{Aaah…}
{What do I do?}
{What will happen to me if…}
{Sister finds out I have these?}
{Ah…I thought it was all going so well…}
{So I finally acted on impulse…}
(Sfx- Gokyuuh *trhoob*)
{Aaaah….what do I do?}
(Sfx- Dohhh *Thuud*)
(Sfx- Basasaah *fwaap*)

002
Gintoki: Ah, hey. My ba---

003
(Sfx- Gohoon *cough*)
Gintoki: Pattsan….
Just make sure you don’t return home till you wash your hands.
(Sfx- Zaahhh *sfft*)
Shinpachi: HOLD OOOOOOOOOOOON!!!
THIS IS A MISUNDERSTANDING! A MISUNDERSTANDING!!
(Side text- Puberty troubles!!)
GINTAMA
LESSON 455: You can hide porn, but you can’t hide ****.
SORACHI HIDEAKI.
Takachin: C’mon Shin-chan!! I’m beggin ya!
My place is too damn noisy to keep this in!
When they found my Otsuu-chan photo collection my folks ragged on for HOURS.
So i just need you to hang on to these….you know…like a safe shelter!! If they get found who knows what’ll happen to me?!
It’s just like for an hour or so bro, just till things cool down at my place. Can you watch ‘em for that long?

004
Shinpachi: And that’s how it happened.
So it’s not like I was thinking anything lewd when I brought these here!
I was thinking of something completely different, honest!
Gintoki: Dude it’s totally fine if you were thinking that kind of stuff. I get it.
Shinpachi: But it’s not like that.
Gintoki: I’m a guy too you know? So I get where you’re coming from.
Shinpachi: I hate to ask this, but what is it that you ‘get’?
Gintoki: So listen, Imma just go tell I’ll make sure to tell Otae and Kagura to be sure to knock on your door before they come into the room.
And don’t go throwing out your trash without your permission.
Shinpachi: WHY WOULD YOU TELL THEM THAT?! I KNEW IT!! YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND ANYTHING!!
Gintoki: I do get it. This is the road that a man must walk.
You’ve started acending the stairs to adulthood. This is merely the first step between jump and true manhood.
My between step was AV girls myself.
Shinpachi: DON’T COMPARE OTHERS WITH YOU!! I DON’T THINK JUMP HAS SUCH A NASTY STEP AFTER GRADUATION!

005
Gintoki: Then what the hell? You’re annoying.
Is having HO LOVERU really that embarrassing to you?
(Handwritten- I’d think reading Gintama is way more embarrassing.)
Shinpachi: I—I’m not embarrassed!! It’s an incredible work that makes the dreams of boys come true!!
It’s just this world is full of people like Takachin’s parents who are thickheaded and don’t get the real message!
Yeah there’s a bunch of…ahem….lewd scenes, and people who see those get the wrong impression!
Sister’s the type who is really fussy about this….
(Handwritten- Shin-chan, what are theeese?)
Shinpachi: If she finds out I’m keeping these I’m not sure what’ll happen…
Gintoki: Don’t worry about it man. The ladies love HO LOVE RU.
You can get porn on the internet and your phones nowadays with relative ease. That’s what kind of society we live in.
I mean C’mon, where do you think that boys get the courage to draw little breasts from? It’s obviously jump.
It’s way different than those bitches who strip for a living!
Now that I’m on the subject, what’s the big deal about clean idols who don’t strip? I don’t get it man..It’s all just…
Shinpachi: I get it! Little boobs are great!! So please just quiet down…!! If sis hears you then it’s over..!!

006
Shinpachi: In any case, in order to protect the dreams of boys from the likes of mys sister and PTA…
We’ve reluctantly had to hide our books from the public eye.
By all rights I shouldn’t have to hide these away under lock and key…
But for now I’ll settle for protecting my dream first.
What should I do?
Gintoki: What do you do? Come on. You should be able to hide one or two porno mags yourself right?
Shinpachi: But I don’t know how to…I mean it’s not like I read this stuff ordinarily…
(Sfx- Gaaan *clatter*)
Shinpachi: HEEEEEEEEEEY! WHAT ARE YOU DOOOOING?!
Gintoki: I see, so you hide all of them under the drawer after pulling it out. By the book, but still impressive.
Shinpachi: Noooooooooo!! That’s not it!! I just read those magazines for the interviews!!

007
Gintoki: Then why not hide them between the books over here?
Then it’s not like you’re trying to hide them, it’s more like they got mixed in with your other books.
Shinpachi: Noooo!! That’s not right either! I have those books there to keep a hole from forming in the books I have and to reinforce the shelf!!
Gintoki: You’re friggin’ naive Pattsan.
The way you hide your porno is exactly how 98 percent of the boys in this country think. You’re the failest of the fail.
(Sfx- Zeeh zeeh hyuu hyuuuh)
GIntoki: WHAT YOU’RE HIDING HERE..
IS NO WORSE THAN A DRAGONBAL TANKOUBAN!!
Don’t go underestimating the PTA man.
They’ll be able to see through your feebleminded way of thinking in a heart beat.
Dude, you barely have the courage to buy porn, much less hide it.
Look at this shit. You’ve got copies of Young Jump here, Tsuu catelogs and stuff with girls wearing their undies and bikini’s. Do you really think this is the sort of thing that’s worth hiding?!
Shinpachi: EVEN IF YOU SAY THAT I STILL DON’T WANT PEOPLE TO FIND OUT I HAVE THEM!!

008
Gintoki: Pattsan, when you’re hiding your ‘porn’ what are you thinking?
Shinpachi: …T—T—That they absolutely positively cannot be seen….right?
Gintoki: Bzzzt. Wrong. That’s your first mistake.
No matter where you hide things in this room, there’s always going to be a bit of uneasiness that is born.
And you know what the PTA loves? Is that unease. They feed from it. Especially the unease born from virgins….they breathe in that shit and it give them power.
(Sfx- Hafuuhh Haafuuuh*)
Gintoki: They’ll take any pretense after that to chew you up into pieces.
Shinpachi: THE PTA IS TOO SCARY!!
Gintoki: You don’t hide porno in your room…
You use the room to hide your porno.
Which is to say rather than have a room that you hide porno in…
You change it to a room that exists only to hide porno.
The room itself becomes a sanctuary to that which is lewd! In this place there will be no unease, just pleasure and calm! It is in that way that the PTA will not be able to sniff their way in!
This room will become a refuge for all that is pornographic in nature. It will exist for that reason only.
Shinpachi: IS HIDING PORN REALLY THAT BIG OF A DEAL?!

009
Gintoki: First of all you’ll need to get tools and arrange your harvest under padlock.
Shinpachi: Hey! Won’t that make the fact that I’m hiding porn that much more obvious?
Gintoki: This is merely a fake. You won’t put your treasures in there.
When the PTA tries to break into there their doubts will be assuaged upon finding nothing.
This is what it takes to hide porno with conviction.
Shinpachi: Although that’s a pretty awesome plan, why does this guy seem like he’s some kind of porno hiding coordinator?!
But if they suddenly open the place where the porno is under lock then..
Gintoki: You won’t be locking up the porn.
You’ll be putting it in the bookcase.
Shinpachi: Eeeh?!
Gintoki: The PTA is looking to find something that is ‘hidden’ right?
So then you should go with not ‘hiding’ it at all! The greatest way to hide something is in plain sight no?
Shinpachi: HE’S GETTING SO DEEP THAT I CAN’T FOLLOW ANYMORE!! HE IS A PORN HIDING COORDINATOR!!
B—but then it’s all too easy for them to find it!
If I have everything suspiciously locked up then they’re obviously going to be on guard right?
Gintoki: I already said it. This room is going to be the place where your porn is protected right?
So with that said again, You’ll be meshing your porn in a layout that will hide and protect it.
The way the PTA’s eyes will never find the porn that you are hiding.

010
Gintoki: Because they will be looking at you first.
Shinpachi: WHYYY?! BEFORE THEY FIND THE PORN THEY’RE GOING TO SEE SOMETHING EVEN WORSE RIGHT?!
Gintoki: Don’t worry about it. The glasses in the center are actually a fake made from clay.
Shinpachi: BUT THEY’RE NOOOT!! THE PORN MIGHT BE SAFE NOW BUT NOW I’M IN TROUBLE IN MY OWN DAMN HOUSE!!
Gintoki: I already told you man, the porn is meshed into the room.
Shinpachi: BUT NOW THE WHOLE ROOM HAS BECOME PORNOGRAPHIC!
Gintoki: To hide porn you must first look within and be one with the porn. Now that your room has become one with it, it leaves a lasting impression that one can’t take their eyes off of.
Shinpachi: THE ONE I CAN’T TAKE MY EYES OFF OF IS YOUUU!!
BASICALLY YOU’RE MAKING THE MISTAKE THAT I’M FINE HIDING PORN WITH PORN RIGHT?!
BUT THE THING IS I DON’T WANT THIS LEWDNESS TO BE FOUND OUT!!
Gintoki: Oh? Is that so? Well…that’s impossible. You’re a regular deviant man.
Shinpachi: WHAT THE HELL DOES THAT MEAN?! IF ANYONE SEES THIS ROOM MY LIFE IS OVER!!

011
Gintoki: Well, I’ll admit you have a point. Then if you really don’t want your porn to be found..
Then you have to keep the PTA out of you room to begin with. That’s the easiest and fastest method.
Shinpachi: You say that, but is it even possible?
If I put a lock on my door that just screams ‘suspicious’ doesn’t it?
Gintoki: You don’t want to force people not to come in…you want them to not WANT to come in. That’s what’s most important.
So then you do this.
Shinpachi: HOW IS THIS ANY DIFFERENT THAN BEFOOOOOOORE?!
Gintoki: They take one step into the room and see you like this, then they’re more likely than not going to go into the opposite direction, since they’re not gonna want to get involved.
Shinpachi: OH IS THAT SOOOO?! WELL IF THIS IS MY ONLY CHOICE THEN I’D MIGHT AS WELL GET A LOCK AND KEEEEY!!
(Sfx- Paaaan *SLAAAP*)
Shinpachi: WHO ASKED FOR THE QUEEEEN?! THE WHOLE COURSE OF OUR CONVERSATION HAS GOTTEN OFF TRACK HASN’T IT?!
(TN- The word for lock ‘jyou’ is sort of the same as the word for lady ‘jyou’. Just different kanji. I went with ‘Queen’ since the connotation was too hilarious to pass up.)

012
Gintoki: Fine then. We’ll just go with this.
Shinpachi: LIKE HELL WE WILL!!
Gintoki: If you don’t want your porn to be found then this is pretty much the only choice.
Shinpachi: WHAT KIND OF DEVIANT DO YOU TAKE ME FOR?! SO IT COMES DOWN TO PORN OR DEATH?! WHAT KIND OF CHOICE IS THAT?!
AND YOU’VE EVEN GOT A DYING MESSAGE THERE?! ….AND EVEN THAT’S RELATED TO PORN!!
(Dying message- I’m sorry but there’s porn in the bookcase.)
Gintoki: I’m sorry man, it’s just impossible. I’ve put all of my best effort into helping you but hiding your porn is the feverish dream of a madman.
Welp that’s that then. I mean all men are pretty lewd anyway so it works out.
So just live with pride in your heart and you’ll be fine. Peace out!!
Shinpachi: Bye… WAIT A MINUTE!! DON’T JUST LEAVE!! WE HAVEN’T SETTLED THE PORN PROBLEM!!
Gintoki: What, are you still worried?
Shinpachi: VERY MUCH SO!! THIS HAS GRADUATED FROM BEING FOUND WITH PORN TO A MINOR CRIMINAL OFFENSE!!
Gintoki: True, I guess there really isn’t a way to keep the PTA from finding your porn one hundred percent of the time…
Shinpachi: LISTEN WHEN PEOPLE ARE TALKING, PORNO COORDINATOR!!

013
Gintoki: All right then..
Since there are no tricks that will keep the PTA out of your porno….
We should act on the assumption that it’s all already been found.
The problem here isn’t keeping them out of your stuff, it’s making sure you settle with the aftermath of it being found.
So lets say that the place that you hid your porn earlier is found….but you play a little trick to keep them guessing..
(Note- You found this huh? Perhaps there’s something more hidden in the bookshelf?)
(Note- Good job finding this! But maybe there’s something more hidden under the tatami rug?)
(Note- All right, now what do you think is hiding below the floor?)

014
(Note- Happy birthday Sister.)
Tae: Oh Shin-cha…
Shinpachi: AS IIIIIIIIIFFFF!!!
Shinpachi: WHAT KIND OF HAPPENING BIRTHDAY IS THAT?!
WHY IS THE PORN USED IN A ROMANTIC SENSE HERE?!
GIntoki: Well…she’d be more happy you didn’t forget than angry that she found porn right? She might even forget what she saw.
Shinpachi: How in the world does that even work?! How would she forget when porno is the gift she receives?!
Gintoki: And then you could even add to the birthday festivities if you did something like this.
(Sfx- Burraaan *booing*)
(Sfx- Paaan)
(Handwritten- Happy Birhdaaaaay)
Shinpachi: ARE YOU CRAZY?! This isn’t even about a birthday anymore! You’ve put the little brother in one hell of a compromising position on his sister’s day of birth dammit!!
Gintoki: Dude how is this crazy? Your sister is the type to love a birthday celebration right?
Shinpachi: I’m promising you that there’s no one who would want to celebrate their birthday this way.
Gintoki: Ah…so she wouldn’t be happy with that then? Well, how about…

015
Tae: Shin-chan?
(Sfx- Gararara *claaater*)
Tae: Shin-chan this is…
What is this book?
(Sfx- Gahh *tap*)
(Sfx- Batabatabatabata *fwapfwapfwap*)
(Sfx- Doshaaaaa *craaaaaaaash*)
Tae: Shin-chan….
I’m so sorry…
Shinpachi: AS IIIIIIIIIFFFFFFFFFFFFF!!!

016
Shinpachi: WHY THE HELL WOULD I BE LINING UP THE PORN TO ACHIEVE A DOMINO EFFECT?! WHY WOULD SHE APOLOGIZE?!
Gintoki: If you were doing it as a domino thing, then she’d feel so bad she ruined it that she’d forget what she saw.
Shinpachi: AND WHY WOULD SHE FORGET?! I THINK THE FACT THAT YOU JUST WITNESSED YOUR BROTHER WITH ENOUGH PORN TO LINE UP AS DOMINOS WOULD BIRTH A TRAUMA THAT SHE COULDN’T FORGET OVER A LIFETIME!!
Gintoki: Then how about if you line up the domino porn like this?
(Dominos- HAPPY BIRTHDAY SISTER.)
Shinpachi: LEAVE HER BIRTHDAY OUT OF THIIIIIIIS!!
Tae: Shin-chan.
Shinpachi: I’m telling you that’s never going to happen!!
Besides you’re making the assumption that she’s going to find the porn on her birthday!! How likely is that to happen!!
(DOMINOS- HAPPY BIRTHDAY AROUND THE WORLD TO SOMEONE EACH DAY.)
Shinpachi: I’m SAYING LEAVE THE FRIGGIN’ PORN OUT OF THIS!! YOU’RE PISSING ME OFF!
Dude: Shin-chan..
Shinpachi: WHAT KIND OF PEOPLE FROM AROUND THE WORLD ARE GATHERING AT MY HOUSE?! WHY WOULD THEY CARE IF I HAD PORN OR NOT?!
DON’T TELL ME YOU’RE TRYING TO JUSTIFY THIS BIRTHDAY CRAP WITH THIS ARE YOU?!
(Dominos- HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME.)
Shinpachi: C’MOOOON! WHY DOES THAT SEEM SO PATHETIC!? DO I SEEM LIKE THAT SORTA GUY TO YOU?!
I DON’T WANT ANYONE TO FIND THIS!! I DON’T WANT TO WISH HAPPINESS TO ANYONE!!

017
Shinpachi: AAAAAAAAAAUGH!
NOW I’VE GOT NOTHING BUT PORNO ON MY MIND!!!
Now if I’m found hiding this stuff I’m in trouble, but why should hiding porn be so difficult?! Why should I hide it at all?!
What is porn anyway? What does it mean?!
(Handwritten- Gestalt decay?)
(TN- Gestalt is a theory of mind an brain by the berlin school in Germany.)
Shinpachi: In any case, HO LOVERU isn’t porno to begin with.
Just looking at the cover alone doesn’t suggest that it’s porn.
So if I put it like this…
Gintoki: That works.
What the hell. Are you saying we just overthought this crap?!
Shinpachi: I guess we just let our minds run away with us huh?
Gintoki: WE were thinking of porn so much that this happened huh?
Shinpachi: We can’t help it since all men are..
Gintoki: Pretty lewd anyway.
(Sfx- Gahahaahahahah)
Shinpachi: Whew. We thought so much about things that don’t matter that I’m exhausted.
Gintoki: Yeah, lets grab some tea and take it easy.
Both: AH…
(Handwritten- Gin-san? Shin-chan?// I brought some tea.)
(Sfx- Garara *clatter*)
Both: We forgot to…
Clean the room.
(Handwritten- Going right into darkness-)
GINTAMA LESSON 455…………END.


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