Sket Dance 76

Dear Lord, I don't think I've ever translated so much Sket Dance in such a short space of time. And just so you know, it nearly killed me, but at least I did it (which is more than I thought I was going to manage), so I guess you could say one good thing came out of a certain bunch of evil assholes coming out of nowhere and trying to steal my series in a surprise attack of unprecedented bastardliness. Don't bother thinking this takes them off my death list, because they're still on there until every trace of those goddamn scanlations is wiped clean off the internet, but if they would stop releasing the series RIGHT NOW, then that would at least be a nice start ^^

Now, without further ado, I present translation number five of my fifteen-Sket-Dance-translations-in-about-three-days marathon.

Guidelines For Using My Translations

1
[Insert text: That face looks rather serious...]
Remi: I see... yes... / That does sound like a problem. // No... I'm sorry to have bothered you at such a bad time. // I'll see what I can do. / Goodbye, then...
Bossun: Is something the matter, Remi-oneesan?
Remi: That was my old producer, who was a big help to me back when I was still doing the show. // I phoned him up for once to see how he was doing, but it looks like he's in a bit of a fix...
Himeko: What kind of fix?
Remi: Well, in "And Mother As Well?", there's a segment that's recorded in public. We invite children into the plaza outside the TV station, and the presenters and characters put on a little song-and-dance show.

2
Remi: But it looks like the actors who operate the character suits aren't going to be able to make it, so they have to find replacements to fill the suits before the show.
Bossun: You mean Spectre...
Remi: No, not just Spectre... there are other characters in the "Go! Stritan" puppet-show segment. There's Phantom, and Bogey as well. / All three of them are ghosts who ended up wandering this world for certain reasons... / ...though I'd rather not go into the reasons...
Bossun: No, we really don't care about all that.
Remi: But anyway, he asked me if I might be able to find any replacements who would be willing to play the parts, in time for the show tomorrow. // All the costume characters have to do is dance about behind the "Singing Onee-san", so it's not like it's a particularly difficult job... // But still, finding three young, strong, enthusiastic people willing to take up the job before tomorrow is easier said than done... // I just don't know where I"m going to find them... // ...Of course! You three! / Can I count on you, Bosspectre?!
Bossun: ...Who are you calling "Bosspectre"...?

3
Sket Dance
Chapter 76: Costume Break, Part 1
[Insert text: It's a mission! So let's do this!!]
Onii/neesan: Mr. Metabolic Tanuki-san~ // If he doesn't have a drink, he can't get anything done~! // Eating, drinking, non-stop! // Eating, drinking, non-stop!

4
Onii/neesan: Gotta forget all the bad times with a rumba~! // So could you rumba away that time for me, too? I'm counting on you~!♪ // A~nd that's a wrap! / That's all for today's rehearsal! // [aside]good work, everyone![/aside]
Bossun: What's with this song...?
Producer: Oh, that was very good, very good indeed! You guys absolutely nailed it out there!
Bossun: Seriously?
Producer: Absolutely! Of course, I'd expect no less from friends of Remi-oneesan!
Bossun: All we were really doing was kind of moving about randomly in time to the music... are you sure that's okay? / I thought Spectre and the others might have seemed a little too... unenthusiastic, really...
Producer: Oh, no, that's quite all right. That's the kind of characters they are, anyway!
Himeko: ...Seriously, what's up with these guys? // That sure was a pretty tiring experience, though, huh...
Bossun: Yeah... these character costumes do take quite a lot of energy to move about.
Producer: True enough... well, there's still a fair while left before the real performance, so I suggest you go get some rest over there while you can.

5
Producer: It's just a storehouse where we keep props and tools when they're not in use. I'm sorry if it's a little cramped... / ...but you should at least be able to get some rest.
Bossun: ...Ngh...
Himeko: Hurry up an' open it!
Bossun: These hands are hard to use! // Huh, that's a TV station for you... they sure do have all sorts of stuff in here.
Himeko: Not exactly clean an' tidy, though, is it? This stuff all looks pretty old... // You sure any of it even gets used at all?

6
Bossun: But, maaaan... I really am beat. I wouldn't have accepted this request so easily if I'd known... // This is actually pretty gruelling work! // Let's just get this head off... // ............... // Oh, right - there's a fastener securing it on at the neck. // Hey, Himeko! Could you undo this fastener for me?
Himeko: Sure thing!
Bossun: ...............
Himeko: ...I can't.
Bossun: Your hands are pretty damn long too!! / Who came up with these things?! They're creepy!!

7
Himeko: Phantom's a cheerleader, so she's got pom-poms on her hands.
Bossun: Like I care about that crap! Point is, they're so long you can't grip anything, so they're totally useless! // Ahh, whatever. // Switch, could you undo it? // ............... // Why are YOUR arms so damn long as well?!! / Why do all these suits have such crazy long arms?!! // All three of us are just flopping about everywhere!! // And what the heck's that you're holding, anyway?!!
Himeko: Bogey's a professor-character, so he's got magnifyin' glasses.
Bossun: How is that supposed to be a professor-character?! He looks dumber than both of us put together! // Come to think of it, Switch isn't saying anything, huh... can he not use his computer in that thing?
Himeko: Nah, he can't talk. With those long arms, he can't do much of anything. Poor Switch.

8
Himeko: Anyway, Spectre's the only one of us with fingers! Why don't ya undo your own damn fastener?!
Bossun: How long do you think my arms are?!! / My hand only comes up to here! // What do the character's hands have to do with anything?! // Ugh... I guess there's nothing for it; we'll just have to stay like this until the show starts.
Himeko: Ahhhh, it's so hot in this weather, an' all...
SomeGuy: Hm? // Who left the door to the old storehouse swinging open? // Nobody even uses this place...
Bossun: !!
Himeko: Wha...?!

9
Bossun: Huh?! Didn't I just hear someone lock the door?!
Himeko: They totally did! / There was a nasty clickin' noise an' everythin'!
Bossun: Ugh, what's with that...? We're only in here because we were told to be... // ............... // Oh, right... / Can't unlock the door like this... // Better take this outfit off first... // ............... // !! // ...............!!
Himeko: Hm? What is it? Somethin' wrong, Bossun?

10
Himeko: Well? What is it? What's the deal?
Bossun: WE'RE LOCKED INSIDE~~~~!!! // W... We can't unlock the door with these costumes on, because we can't grip onto anything... / ...but we can't get the costumes off, either! // So basically... // We... can't get out of here... // ............... // OPEN UP~~~~~~~~~~~! OPEN UP~~~~~~~~~~! / SOMEBODY OPEN THE DOOR~~~~!
Himeko: OPEN THE DAMN DOOR, WILL YA, DUMB SHITS?!! // Ugh, this is no good... I can't even make much noise in this damn costume!
Bossun: Another exit... surely there's another exit somewhere?!
Himeko: Not likely! / The windows don't even open! // Still... if we just wait around in here long enough, won't somebody come an' get us? The producer knows where we are, after all, right?
Bossun: Oh, yeah... / You're right.

11
Bossun: Hmm? // Isn't that a storehouse over there as well?
Flashback!Producer: You can rest in that storehouse over there.
Bossun: Don't tell me the producer was actually talking about... / ...the other storehouse the whole time...? / I mean... this place blatantly isn't in use, so...
Himeko: Ahh! / You could be right! / But then there's nobody at all who knows that we're stuck in here! // What're ya gonna do, Spectre?!! The show's gonna start any minute!!
Bossun: Wait! Calm down!
Himeko: Don't tell me we're stuck in here for the rest of our lives...?! I don't wanna die here!
Bossun: It'll be okay!
Himeko: I don't wanna end up as a skeleton inside this crazy long-armed costume!
Bossun: That's not going to happen! Just calm down, okay?!!
Himeko: Switch seems to be going crazy tryin' to say somethin', as well...
Bossun: Ahh, come off it already... this is ridiculous!!

12
Bossun: We're not going to accomplish anything just standing around doing nothing!! / We need to think of a way to escape!! // Everybody search for anything that looks like it might be useful!!
Himeko: Gotcha!
Bossun: It's got to be something we'll be able to use even with these crazy hands! / We can't use our fingers...
Himeko: Gotcha!
Bossun: Hm? What's this here? // Huh...It's Onee-san herself, in a place like this... / It's thanks to her request that we got into this mess... // She's probably better off not knowing that there's so many of these lying around here gathering dust, though...
Himeko: Bossun - how about this?
Bossun: Matches... / Oh, I see! // If we use these to burn down the storehouse, we can get out!

13
Bossun: DU~~~~~~~~~~~~~~H!!! / WE'D BURN TO DEATH AS WELL!! // IS THAT THE BEST YOU CAN COME UP WITH?!! // ...Switch seems to be trying to break the door down with a model sword...
Himeko: That's even worse than my idea!
Bossun: Hey, hey, cut him a break... he can be a little airheaded when he panics. // ...Or not! I think he's just taking out his frustration at not being to speak on the door!
Himeko: Enough already... enough!
Bossun: Come on, you guys... we need to think about this calmly!! // Burning or breaking the place down clearly isn't the answer!! / That's the kind of thing a primary-schooler would come up with!! // The only real issue here is that we can't turn the lock, so we just have to find a way to turn it!

14
Bossun: For instance, if we find something shaped like this and stick it round the lock, we can use it as a lever!
Himeko: That's it! // So we just gotta find something to use as a lever!
Bossun: That's right! // That can't be too hard, right?
Himeko: Man, you are a genius sometimes, Bossun! / You've gotta be the best guy in Japan at thinkin' up ways to get out of a storehouse when your arms are so long you can't unlock the door!
Bossun: Do you have to be quite that specific?! / Just get searching! // Ah! / What's Switch got there? // Hmm... / A pile of tools and stationery...
Himeko: There could be somethin' we can use! // How about this?! Scissors! They're just the right size, an' everything!
Bossun: That's it!!

15
Bossun: All right, that's great! That's exactly what we need! We can totally use this!!
Himeko: All right! Let's get it around the lock!
Everyone: (We can't pick it up...!!)
Himeko: Aghhh, the hell?!! What's WRONG with these arms?!! / Dammit!! // Why do we all gotta be stuck with these stupid dangly arms?!!
Bossun: Stop - Himeko, stop! Just accept the hands for now, okay?! // (Ugh... we're right back where we started; we still can't grip things that are too small. This is absolutely ridiculous...!!)

16
Bossun: We can pick up big things like that with both hands, right? // Hm? / Let's see... / If we use that... // The magnets! // I'm sure I saw some magnets... // Ah, crap...! / They're still inside their packaging! // We don't have a chance in hell of opening this! // (We can't use our fingers... // Can't cut it... // Can't tear it... // So what can we do...? // Burn it? // Of course - fire! // The matches that Himeko found...! // Ahh... they're scattered all over the floor! // And we can't exactly hold a match with these arms anyway... // Still, the basic idea is fine... // If we could just light them somehow...)

17
Himeko: What could Bossun be thinkin' about...?
Bossun: (Fire... burning... the Sun... // ...and... // ...a magnifying glass! // Got it!!) // All right!! I know how we can get out!!
Himeko: Huh?! // What?!
Bossun: Listen, okay? I'm going to explain our Mega Escape Mission Plan.
Himeko: The heck?! That name sucks!
Bossun: Well, the plan's a bit crazy itself. / So listen up good!

18
Bossun: This is how we're gonna get out of here! // First of all, we use Bogey's magnifying glass to collect the rays of the sun... // ...and focus them on a match. // That should give us fire! // We can transfer that fire onto the fan with the picture of Remi-oneesan... // ...and move it! // With that, we can set the package with the magnets alight... // ...and get the magnets out! // And if we pick a magnet up with the sword... // ...and use that to pick up the scissors...

19
Bossun: ...we can carry the scissors... // ...and put them on that blasted lock!!
Himeko: Ahhh!
Bossun: If we fit the scissor handle around the lock mechanism, we've got ourselves a lever... // ...and all we have to do is turn it!
Himeko: Aahhhh!! // If we carry this out properly... // ...we should finally be able to get out of here!!!
Himeko: You're a genius!!
[Box: Will Spectre's incredible plan succeed?! Don't miss the second half of this thrilling two-parter! Catch it next issue!!]
[Insert text: What will become of our heroes?!]