Guidelines For Using My Translations1
One Piece
Chapter 545: To The Outside World Where The Sun Shines
Short-Term Focused Serial 12: Robin's "How Terrible You People Are"
Vol. 1: Adventure in the Country of Labour
2-3
[Insert text: A glorious tale of jailbreak!!]
[Box: Though Level Two was closed down thanks to Magellan's poison... / ...Captain Buggy and his Merry Prisoners were lucky enough to escape, and are currently on Level One, heading for the main entrance.]
Buggy: [aside]gyahahahahah![/aside] // Onward~~~~~~~!!! Keep moving, men~~~~~~!!!
[Box: Meanwhile, having penetrated the battleground that is Level Four...]
People: Aaaaghhhhhh! // We're losing men by the second!!
[Box: Straw Hat Luffy, his Newkama Army, and the prisoners they have added to their forces, are storming through Level Three, the Starvation Hell. // Right behind them is the ruler of this Hell, Chief Warden Magellan.]
People: Ughhhh...!!
Magellan: You will not escape.
4
Sadi: ......My spine... mmmmmm~~~!♡ ...The pain... // D... Damn you, Ivankov... you're not getting away with this......!!!
Flashback!Ivankov: Hee-hah~~!!
Flashback!Sadi: Aaaaaghhhh! // Hurry up and go after them!!! / How long do you plan to... mmmmm~~~~!♡ ...lie about doing nothing?!
Minokoala: ........................!!!
[Box: ...And the Demon Guards, recovering swiftly from their earlier defeat... // ...are taking the lift directly to Level One.]
5
[Box: Thanks to the betrayal of Head Gaoler Shiryuu, all external lines of communication have been lost... / And so unbeknownst to the outside world... // ...this unprecedented chaos... / ...is only escalating by the minute...]
Jimbei: The gaol is completely surrounded by Marine battleships and the Gaol's private vessels. / If we steal one of those, we should be able to make it to Marinford... / ...in time for the execution!!
[Box: Four and a half hours remain... // ...until the execution takes place...]
6
[Box: Level Three, the Starvation Hell // In front of the stairway to Level Two]
People: Hurry~~~~!!! // Magellan is right behind us~~~~~~~!!! // On to Level Two~~~~~~!!!
Ivankov: This is the last of them, yes? // ...Every single remaining fighter... // .........has proceeded to Level Two!!!
Someone: Aaghhh......!!!
7
Ivankov: Inazuma!!!
Inazuma: Very well...... // Ookanabashi!
[TN: "Great Tongs". "Kanabashi" refers to a blacksmith's tongs, apparently.]
8
[Box: Level Two, the Beast Hell]
People: I... Inazuma-san?! / Why did you slice the stairs......?! / Iva-sama is still...!
Inazuma: Just move onwards, and hurry!! // ...I pray for your safety...!!
Magellan: .................. // What exactly...... is the meaning of this...?
Ivankov: ......Vhy, if you haven't vorked that out yet...
9
Ivankov: ...then you must be more... // ...of a fool than I thought!!! // HEE-HAH~~~~~!!!
Magellan: !! // Your foolish attempts to buy time will not allow Straw Hat to escape this place.
Ivankov: Buy time? Mmmmfufu... so you think you can defeat me, now, do you...? // Allow me to show you the ultimate form of Kamabakka Headquarters Newkama Kenpo!!!
10
[Box: Back with Luffy on Level Two]
Prisoners: Aaaaghh! Manticores!!
Manticore: Suteteko...!!
[TN: A type of long men's underwear ~~]
Luffy: That's weird... I thought the poison-guy was right behind us!!
BonClay: I saw Iva-san and Inazuma turn and stop on the Floor below...
Manticore: Chemise!
Luffy: Then... Iva-chan and Inazuma are fighting the poison guy right now?! / We've gotta go back!!
BonClay: ! // Stop jo~~kin' around!! / If they are, that's all the more reason for us to press on!! // We must believe in the power of the Miracle Worker!!!
Luffy: ......!! // You're right......!! I am worried, but...
Crocodile: What's the deal with this floor? It's practically abandoned...
Jimbei: That is strange... Even the prisoners seem to be missing from the cages. Did somebody free them...? // The doors are all wide open...!!
11
[Box: Level Three: Ivankov VS Magellan]
Ivankov: Aaaaaaaaaaanghhh!!! // My face...!!! My face is meeeeeeaaaaghhh...!!! // My faaaaaace! My faaaaaace! / It's me...... me...... / ...merrily NOT melting~~~~!!! / That was just my heavy makeup!!! // Hahahah... It's
not melting?! You had us going there!! / Hee-hah!
Magellan: .................. // Your time-wasting antics bore me.
Ivankov: ......Oh? Then let's settle this vonce and for all, shall ve?!! // Newkama Kenpo: Aesthetic Art 44!
12
Ivankov: MUDAGESHORI-KEN!!!
[TN: "Mudageshori" (literally "removal of unnecessary hair") is the Japanese term for waxing. So "Waxing Fist". However, the kanji it's given here instead read something like "Dream-Strike-Condemn-Reverse Fist" ><]
[Box: Level Two, in front of the sliced-down stairs...]
Inazuma: ..................
[BubbleSFX: crrrrash!!]
Inazuma: ! // ...............!! // Iva-san...
13
Magellan: VENOM ROAD.
Inazuma: ?!!! // (It was no use...?!) // KEEP OUT!!!
Magellan: Another play for time.........?!
14
[Box: Level One: Buggy and Pals]
Buggy: NOOOOOOOOOOO!! // What are the Demon Guards doing here~~~~~~~~?!!! // All four of them together~~~~~~~~!!! // It's all over~~~~~~~!!! // Turn back~~~~~~!!! We can't fight these guys~~~~~~!! // This jailbreak is a failure~~~~~~!! // Huh~~~~~~~~~~?! // Unghh!!
15
Buggy: ......!! Dammit... try looking where you're - / CROCODILE~~~!!!
Crocodile: Move it.
Mr3: B - B - B - BOSS~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~?!!!
Crocodile: .........You... Mr. 3...? // What is a piece of useless trash like you doing here...?
Mr3: (Wh... What's
he doing... // ...out of his cell......?!!!)
Prisoner: Captain Buggy! The Demon Guards have been defeated!!
Mr3/Buggy: AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!! STRAW HAT~~~~~~~~~!!! // A - A - And that's... the Shichibukai... Jimbei?!!
Luffy: Oh... // All right!! You guys are okay!!
Buggy/Mr3: Unghh!!
16
Prisoner: Captain Buggy!! A huge army of prisoners and perverts is storming up from Level Two!!
Buggy: PERVERTS~~~~~~~~~?!! / What the heck~~~~~~?!!
BonClay: I can't believe you guys abandoned us down there~~~~~~~!!!
Buggy: Bueeeghhh!!! You too, Mr. 2~~~?!!
Prisoners: What are you doing to Captain Buggy?!!!
Gaolers: ...This isn't good... the prisoners from Level Four have made it all the way up here!!!
Mr3: Aghh! Mr. 1!!
Mr1: .........
Gaolers: Does that mean they escaped Chief Magellan...?!! Impossible!!! / The two rebellions have joined forces!!! // Where's the Chief got to?!!
17
Magellan: HYDRA!!!
Luffy: ?!!
Prisoners: HE'S HERE!!! IT'S MAGELLAN~~~~~~~~~~!!! // ?!!
Buggy: MAGELLAN, TOO~~~~~?!! / What the heck is wrong with this Floor~~~~~~~?!
BonClay: Huh.........?!!
Luffy: What about Iva-chan and Crab-chan?!!
18-19
Luffy: Aghhh...!!!
BonClay: It's no good~~!!! There's nothing we can do but run for it!!!
Gaoler: Understood, but... // Are you sure...? The ships...?!
Magellan: Just do exactly as I say! And quickly!!
Jimbei: (Not good... // Are they doing what I think they're doing...?!!!) // Luffy-kun! We must hurry to the Main Entrance up above without delay!!! / The situation has taken a turn for the worse... we have bigger problems than just Magellan......!!
Luffy: Huh?!
Prisoners: EVERYBODY TAKE COVER~~~~~~~~!!! THE HYDRA IS COMING~~~~~~!!! // ?!!
Mr3: ...............!! // CANDLE WALL!!!!
Everyone: ?!!
Magellan: !
Mr3: There's something sickeningly infectious about that optimism of yours, Straw Hat!! // Why, if I let my guard down for a second, I find myself thinking of you as a friend!!
Luffy: San!!!
Mr3: Get out of here while you can!! I won't be able to keep this up long!!! / I'll be damned if I stay in your debt, Straw Hat!!!
[Insert text: Harden your resolve!!]
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However, I've got some sugestions to make:
In page 4 line 7:
"How long to you plan to... mmmmm~~~~!♡ ...lie about doing nothing?!"
It is "How long do you plan" so instead of "to" is "do".
In page 5 line 1:
"Thanks to the betrayal of Head Gaoler Shiryuu, all external lines of communication with have been lost..."
After "communacation with" you forgot to tell what is next to with. Perhaps it is Marine Headquaters or the outside world, maybe.
In page 10 line 5:
"BonClay: I saw Iva-san and Inazuma turn and stop on the Floow below..."
I think you mean floor not floow.
Last page in the last line:
"I'll be damned if I'll stay in your debt, Straw Hat!!!"
This is a common error. After "I'll be damned if" you put right next to it "I'll" again I suggest you change it to only "I".
That's all I think. Nevertheless, I thank you for the good work and hope you keep translating One Piece, as well as other manga.
(The "with" was just some editing gone wrong. I originally had "all lines of communication with the outside world" for that line, but after translating the following line, I changed it to "all external lines of communication" to avoid repetition. Except evidently I didn't change it very well XD)
All fixed now, at any rate.