Only for use by HWMN.
I've got nothing to confess. I've done nothing wrong. I wish Rufi good luck in his new life as a guy who picks up trash on the side of the highway, and be taking safe care of all of his assets and accolades while he's away.
Gee, what a short and easy chapter. I'm hyped and ready to go for the next one, what a happy world this is.
[Gintama 413 Translation by Kewl0210]
Confession Up Until Last Time
Gintoki opened a Robo Girl Confessional with Tama in an attempt to make some easy money, but the sins of the sinners that came for confessions were all committed at Gintoki's expense. As he learned that he had suffered various disasters without himself knowing, he found out that someone's corpse was hidden in his room.
Amen. [Amen big]
Insert Text: ☆Hang on... What the hell do we do?!
How can I ever absolve this sin?!!
Please, tell me!!
Gin: A furball came flying out a window.
Sadaharu: ...causing my body to fly out the window. When I came to there was the shadow of a person I didn't recognize...
There was blood pooling all around. And no matter how much I tried to wake him, he didn't move at all.
The shadow of a person he didn't recognize.
Matsudaira: If I'd known something like this were gonna happen I'd have never brought him out of the castle.
Then the thing that furball hid in my closet is...
Gin: THE FRIGGIN SHOUGUNNNNNNNNNN!!!
Insert Text: ☆Now they've done it!
Lower Insert: ☆Gintama Volume 46 & the novel (Ginpachi-sensei)
Both go on sale 10/4!!
Author: Sorachi Hideaki
Title: Lesson 413: Jesus
T-Those guys assassinated the Shogun and hid the goddamn corpse in my room without me knowiiiiing!!
What kinda predicament did those guys put me in?!!
This can't be true, right? Just a little while ago we were listenin' to people's confessions, had our iPods on, having a nice snack, right?
And now all of a sudden
I'm bearing a ridiculously huge sin on my back!!
This ain't good! You're not getting off the hook with an "amen" for this one!
If this gets out, not only will all of my family and followers be slaughtered
They'll eliminate every last drop of seminal fluid going back through all time!
Gin: What the hell should I do...?!!
Tama: Please calm down.
This person called Shou-chan may be lost, but there is nothing to suggest that he has died.
How about we try searching for him one more time?
Gin: That's right!! But anyhow, I'll take any excuse I can get to leave right about now!
Matsudaira: I've already looked everywhere you can look.
Tama: If you fixate on the thing you're looking for as being "lost" from the start, then you may overlook it even if you're searching hard for it.
Gin: Before a snake jumps out of a bush!
Tama: If you search cool-headedly, the thing you're looking for my pop up somewhere surprisingly nearby. Like in a closet, for example.
Gin: The snake on the Shogun's crotch flew out from a bush!!
What she just said is right!!
Matsudaira: Is that so? A closet?
Gin: The surprisingly-nearby culprit just popped out!!
Matsudaira: Okay. If you say so, Robo Girl-sama, I'll set out to search every closet in this area!!
Gin: Oh maaan! He's on board with it!!
Matsudaira: Thanks getting on board my conversation! Amen!
Gin: No, this isn't "amen" time!!
Tama: I sure hope he finds his friend.
Gintoki: Y... Yeah, sure.
C-Calm doooown!! Even if it is Tama, I can't let this situation travel!!
It's gonna be okay!! I mean, I already told that furball said to disposed of the corpse, didn' I?!
Throw it in a river.
You can bet that right now the Shogun is floating down the river somewhere far away!! Get a hold of yourself!!
Though I can't say I'm totally at ease... Maybe I'll just go check...
Hasegawa: Um, excuse me. Can the next person start?
Hasegawa: I'd kind of like to remain anonymous.
Gin: Geh. Somebody else getting in my way...!!
Hasegawa: Umm, I... committed a pretty dang bad mistake.
Gin: Man, where have I seen that beard before?
Hasegawa: I kinda, sorta, betrayed a friend.
Gin: Hey, why's this guy sopping wet? Is it raining or something?
Hasegawa: Um, the truth is, a lotta stuff happened and I ended up losing my house and my family. So I'm kind of a vagabond.
Gin: I feel like I've heard that no-good tone somewhere before.
Hasegawa: And a friend who couldn't sit idly by after seeing me like that invited me to stay at his house for free.
Well, it wasn't so much inviting me as it was he felt like inviting me. He's the kinda guy who never says the thing that's on everybody's mind. [The first "inviting" and "felt" in italics.]
Gin: So basically you just intruded into the guy's house?!
Hasegawa: So I started living in Gin-sa... That friend's house.
Gin: Didn't he just say Gin? He was about to say Gin-san, wasn't he?
Hasegawa: Well, the place didn't have any food or any AC so it was basically the same thing as living in the park.
Gin: Hey, you're not HIM, are you? That totally hopeless intruder, are you?
(T/N- Marude Damena Oshikakenin. In short it's...)
Hasegawa: So I was left without any choice but to steal what was usually dog food to eat.
Gin: Dog food?! I thought we were running out fast lately, but... It can't be.
Hasegawa: I'm not sure if the guy found out or not, nut all of the sudden the sliding door to my room opened
And before I even got a chance to say anything
I got thrown in the river.
Hang on. Hang on.
Huh? ...It can't be...
Hasegawa: So then right after barely escaping with my life, I ran here.
Gin: Could there have been
another corpse in my closet?
Without me knowing, besides the shogun corpse
there was a living corpse freeloading theeeeeere?!
Hasegawa: Besides the dog food, I had been sneaking pudding and stuff from the fridge with a sort of hit-and-run method so I wouldn't get caught.
I've been thinking that might've made him mad... And that I might've been doing something bad to him even though he was letting me stay for free...
Gin: Hold ooooN! Then what the hell happened to the shogun?!!
Don't tell me the furball was in such a goddamn panic that he mistook him for the shogun and threw him into the river?!
If that happened, then the shogun's still in the closet...!!!
Hasegawa: Robo Girl-sama, can the sin I committed be forgiven?
Please, if there's any way for me to apologize to my friend so he'll forgive me, could you guide me to it?
Gin: ...I've understood the feelings in your confession peeeerfectly well.
So in order show those emotions in practical terms
Gin: please throw yourself into the river once again.
Hasegawa: H... Hold on for a minute, Robo Girl-sama, throw myself?!
Gin: Are there no longer any roommates currently in the closet you were in?
Hasegawa: Huh? Well, now that you mention it, I did sense the presence of someone on the upper level, but...
Gin: Please take him with you and throw yourself into the river once again.
If you do that, both heaven and your friend will consider the whole pudding affair as water under the bridge.
Hasegawa: But then everything except the pudding will be in the water under the bridge!!
Gin: That is what is called a purification ceremony to wash away the dirtiness.
Until I say you've fully repented, you cannot rise to the heavens. Amen.
Hasegawa: No, not "amen"!
Tama: Um, excuse me. Once I've said amen, then we have reached the conclusion. So please leave.
Hasegawa: Hang on a minute!! Seriously?! This is seriously where the amen is?!!
Tama: It is amen.
Gin: Th... That was close...
There were a few unforeseen events, but now I've made my move.
This time the evidence should definitely be destroyed.
Sacchan: Umm, excuse me.
Robo Girl-sama, will you please hear me?
You see, I had been living together with my boyfriend,
SFX: BOTA BOTA (Dripping)
Sacchan: And then suddenly a dirty bearded man appeared and cast me into the river.
Gin: IT WAS YOOOOOOOOOOOU?!!
Sacchan: But I clung on for dear life, and after I'd settled that I ran here.
Gin: I was expecting the Shogun! But it seems a different drowned corpse has emerged from the closet!!
Sacchan: I think it may have been Gin-sa... My boyfriend that put him up to it.
Gin: Just how the hell many people were part of my household?!
I must say I enjoyed having indirect kisses with him by eating the pudding and other such things he had started eating, though.
Gin: Those were the dirty bearded guy's indirect kisses!!
Sacchan: I suppose doing such things must have gotten on his nerves.
Gin: Hey, is there nothing besides pudding that you guys feel is deserving of regret?!!
Gin: Hang on! Then where the hell's the shogun?!
Um, did you have any roommates besides that dirty bearded man?
Sacchan: Well, I didn't see anyone else. Why do you ask?
Gin: Hey, don't tell me THAT'S what happened... ["that's "In italics. Or rather, because this is a thought, not in italics.]
You're not saying the shogun was never in the closet in the first place, right...?!
The one the furball hurt was this idiot or beard-face
and the situation with the shogun was similar but actually completely unrelated?!
That's it!! That must be it!!
I was all worried over nothing! The incident didn't happen out in the field, it all went on here inside the conference room!
(T/N- This is a reference to a famous line from the 1st movie based on the 90's drama "Bayside Shakedown" (Odoru Daisousasen). Where they did this line but backwards, the incident happening in the field not in the conference room.)
Sacchan: Um, is there anything I can do so he'll forgive me?
Gin: Don't worry, I don't think he's concerned about it at all!!
Sacchan: Huh, really?! Is this amen?
Gin: It is absolutely amen. Just put a new pudding into the refrigerator
And for today only we'll throw in that heaven says it forgives you, too.
Sacchan: Ah, I'm so glad!!
But to be honest, I kind of expected it!!
He could never really be mad at me.
Sacchan: If he were, when he threw me into the river
he would never have also thrown me a float.
Um... it's probably one of those things.
A s*x doll, I'd expect.
Gin: The incident didn't happen in the conference room,
it happened in the confessional!!
Sacchan: Well then, I'll be returning the pudding along with this float to his house.
Gin: WAAAAAAAAIT!! I take the amen back!! Amen suspended!!
Tama: What's wrong, Gintoki-sama?
Gin: Hurry Tama, take away that thing she's carrying
and then go leave it in front of the police without letting anyone see you!!
Tama: I don't understand perfectly, but I understand.
Gin: Got it? Don't let anyone see you no matter what! Take utmost caution!!
[That sign's the same as before.]
Gin: I should've just done this from the beginning!!
Look at the crazy mess I've gotten into because of those morons!!
Yeah. This isn't at the level for one person to be handling alone anymore.
It's best to just shove something like this onto the police.
Yamazai: Umm, excuse me.
Could I have a turn?
Yamazaki: Is Tama-san out? This is Tama-san's shop, right?
Gin: Hey, don't tell me that Tama...
Yamazaki: The thing is, I noticed Tama-san doing something odd in front of our station.
Gin: She blew iiiiiit!!
Yamazaki: So I was wondering if I could have a little talk with her.
Gin: He saw her leaving the shogun's coooorpse!!
the thing Tama-san left there,
I kind of ate it. Can I be forgiven?
Gin: What's he talking aboooooout?!!
Pudding?! Who the fuck said anything about leaving pudding?!
Yamazaki: I knew I shouldn't have, but with it being Tama-san's pudding and all, I just couldn't help myself.
Gin: Okay, well, maybe I used some vague phrasing like "that thing she was carrying" but you're supposed to figure this shit ouuuut!!
(T/N: Gin says "kuuki yome" as in "read between the lines" but it uses the kanji for "air wife" so it's a play on words also saying "it was supposed to be the sex doll".)
So what the fuck?! What happened to the shogun's corpse?!! Don't tell me she left it at my house?!
Yamazaki: Umm, this is just a guess, but might Tama-san have remembered the marriage interview we had before and left the pudding for me? Something like that...
Gin: Shut the hell up!! I don't have time for you! You pudding-brain bastard!!
SFX: MOJI MOJI (Fidgeting)
Gin: !! Ah, that's right!! If this guy's a pudding-brain bastard,
then maybe I can use his affection for Tama to quash this whole situation!!
Yamazaki: Huh?! What did you say?!
Tama-san found the corpse of shogun-sama?!
Gin: That is correct. But with things being as they are, she thought she might be under suspicion so she couldn't call the police.
Yamazaki: H... How could that... have happened to the shogun?!
Gin: The heavens speak thusly.
You will be the first discoverer for this case, and if you say that the shogun was assassinated by the Joui Patriots
then you will surely be able to eat Tama's pudding again.
Yamazaki: Ah, hello? Hijikata-san? I found the shogun's corpse.
In his dying message he wrote the word "zura" it seems. ...Yes, I request emergency procedures. [quote bold]
I knew it, it was the puddiiiing!!
Yamazaki: So shogun-sama's corpse is at the Yorozuya, huh? Well, just leave the rest to me.
I'll come up with a fake dying message.
Gin: Okay!! Case closed!! I'm gonna cause one other guy a bit of a problem, but whatever!!
Oh man. This has really turned into a big stink.
SFX: PIIPOOO PIIIPOOO
Guy: Ah, sorry for bothering you when you're working.
Hijikata: I wanted to have a word with you.
It's actually not about a confession, I need your cooperation in a search.
Gin: Geez, this guy?!!
Hijikata: Are you aware that an incident has occurred nearby here?
Gin: Huh? I heard some noise outside, but did something happen?
Hijikata: Well, the thing is we got intel that the shogun was assassinated... but when we came to the scene
it wasn't the shogun,
it was one of our men that got done in.
no, it's Katsura!!
It looks like you're not home, so I'll come again later.
P.S. So, Dragon Quest 10 came out.
Played it, Gintoki? [The same message is on both pages. It's written in columns and "zura" in the beginning is bloody.]
Hijikata: We found this dying message...
Gin: That moron stopped by to hang out with ridiculously horrible timiiiing!!
Hijikata: It's pretty long, but that's probably done in order to fool his enemies.
I think what he wanted to say as this last sentence.
"Did you do it, Gintoki?"
Gin: And now a ridiculously annoying miracle has occurred!!
(T/N: The verb for "do" can be used for playing a video game, but it doesn't really work in English. Hijikata is misinterpreting here.)
Hijikata: I'm searching for this man, Gintoki. Do you know anything about him?
Gin: No. Never heard of him.
Hang oooooon!! Gintoki didn't do it! He didn't do the shogun, the pudding bastard, or Dragon Quest 10!!
Hijikata: I see. Sorry for the trouble. Amen.
Gin: A... Amen.
Aw maaaaaan! Now on top of the shogun there's another crime!!
And anyhow, where the hell did the shogun go?!!
Augh, I'm screwed!! This isn't the time to be running a confessional!!
Somebody: Excuse me.
Somebody: I'd like to talk to you a bit.
Gin: It ain't the time for that right now!
I'm the one who should be confess...
Shigeshige: ...I see.
Next time, then.
Gin: Hold oooooooooon!
Gin: Y... You're...
Gin: A... Aliiiiive!!
The shogun is aliiiiive!!
Gin: Please let me confess!!
Gin: I was wrong to abuse people's desire to repent their mistakes to try to make money!
I repent!! I'll never do this sorta thing again, so...
God-sama, Bhuddha-sama, Shogun-sama!
Please forgive me!!
Pleeeease! I'll give you 300 yen!!
Shigeshige: ...Er, umm...
I had heard this was a confessional where your confessions can be heard...
Though... I'm not sure I understand, if you're that repentant,
I'm sure the heavens will forgive you, I suppose.
Gin: Eh?! For real?! Really really for real?!
It's a miracle!! This is... confession!!
Heaven will not abandon those that repent from the bottom of their heart... I underestimated you, confession! I'm sorry for everything, confession! I confess.
Gin: Confession sure is a wonderful thing, isn't it?!
I promise I'm going to be reborn as an honest man!
Shogun: Is that so? What a coincidence.
The truth is, I actually came here with the resolve to live a new life.
You see, I was collapsed on the side of a road and was saved by a certain someone.
But because I had suffered a strong blow to the head
I had lost all of my memories.
Shigeshige: But still, I couldn't help but still be bound by my lost past.
So I came here to confess that I am decisively throwing away my past
and I have decided to live while looking towards tomorrow
Katsura: I'm sure you'll become a fine Joui Patriot.
And together we'll take down that rotten Bakufu and the shogun.
Shigeshige: Yes, Katsura-san.
Katsura: Well then, give it your all.
Guys: Ah, there he is!!
We finally found you, bastard!
Guys: Hey, don't you have anything to say for yourself?!
No excuses or confessions you wanna make?!
None in particular.
Insert Text: ☆Amen!!