Feigned Illnesses are the Source of All Kinds of Diseases
Only for use by HMWN
I'm gonna sleep like the dead tonight.
[Gintama 458 Translation by Kewl0210]
Insert: Tragedy strikes without warning----
Lower Insert: ☆The newest, Jump Comics Volume 51 goes on sale September 4th!!!
SFX: HAA HAA HAA HAA
SFX: SHUKOOO SHUKOOO
How could... this happen...?
all my fault.
If I'd only... realized it...
Kagura: This is bad, yes?
Th... The atmosphere has gotten really outrageous.
This feels just like a gathering around a deathbed, yes?
I can't talk.
After all that, I can't tell them.
No matter what happens now,
I can't tell them it's just a summer cold.
Insert: You reap what you sow. ☆
Title: Lesson 458 Feigned Illnesses are the Source of All Kinds of Diseases
Author: Sorachi Hideaki
Kagura: This should not have happened.
It was not supposed to go this far.
How did this happen?
At this rate, the atmosphere is going to get more and more intense.
is going to make it harder and harder to tell the truth.
I... I have to say something quick
B... But no matter how I try to explain it now, I look like I am in critical condition to these guys now.
I have got to be careful with my timing, and somehow make my condition slowly get better.
H... Hey, Doctor... Do something, yes?
Jack: Both her heart rate and pule are normal,
to end up in a comatose state like this, she must be suffering from some sort of Yato disease...
I don't think this is within my knowledge as a doctor.
Kagura: No, I am only pretending to be sick, yes? So if you just give me some medicine or a suppository or something, I can just pretend to get better!!
Jack: I'm terribly sorry, but please, at least stay by her side and try to encourage her.
Kagura: You are a doctor, are you not?! Do somethiiiiiiiing!!
Shin: Kagura-chan, stay with us, open your eyes!!
Kagura: They are about as open as I can get them, do you not see? My eyeballs are practically bursting out already!! Hurry and let me get better!!
Shin: Please, come back to us, Kagura-chan!
Kagura: I can come back any time, just give me some impetus to do so! Anything!!
Ah, I know. Maybe if I wake up from my comatose state because everyone calls my name desperately enough...
Kagura: One more shout!!
Otose: That's enough.
Otose: Kagura has fought more that enough...!
How about... we just let her rest quietly for now?
Kagura: Why did you have to butt in, you shitty old baaaat!!
I would have been able to wake up if he had shouted one more time!!
Shin: O... Otose-san.
Otose: Don't make such a shameful face.
For her... last moments, can't you... send her of... will a smile...?
Shin: O... Otose-san, even you are...
Kagura: Don't give up so fast!!
Kagura: I can still do it!! I'm still totally fine!!
Tama: I understand your frustration, everyone.
But don't you think that rather than spending the rest of her time in sadness, acting like we usually do would make Kagura-sama happier?
Kagura: No, that is very nice, but it is still too early to give up!!
Cath: Just as Tama says. This is the best time to show her the everyday stuff she loves so much.
Cath: Please pay us your rent from last month.
Kagura: Who cares about that?!! We have things to do now!!
Gin: It's all... my fault.
It's because... I was at the pachinko parlor.
Kagura: It really is your fault!! This is really grim!! Have they ever done this serious a drama for rent collection before?!
Otose: ...I see. Then perhaps this time, out of consideration for Kagura, we'll call it even if you pay for the funeral services.
Gin: Okay... I've gotta thank Kagura.
Otose: Not Kagura, your funeral.
Cath: She got you there.
Kagura: I really can't laugh at that! There's a limit to black humor!
You seriously shouldn't laugh!! You wanna die?!!
Kagura: The mood in here is like everyone has completely given up!
It is like you are not clinging to a bit of hope, yes?!
Someooooone!! Somebody that believes I am not dead yet!
Is there not anyone that will encourage me?!!
Kyuu: Don't you think it's too early to be giving up?
Kyuu: You're her comrades, aren't you?
If her comrades give up on her so easily... what is Kagura to do?
You came here to encourage me while I'm on my sickbed?
Tsuku: It's too early ta be givin' up.
I got everybody's funeral offerings in advance. Now we can start the funeral.
Kagura: You are talking about funeraaaals?!!
Kagura: People are already making funeral offerings when I am not even dead?! The feeling I am getting from everyone around here feels like I am already dead, yes?!!
Tae: E... Everyone...
Tsuku: We gathered them together from Yoshiwara and the Yagyuu Family. Use 'em.
Sacchan: That's the most attentive girl in Yoshiwara for ya.
Kagura: She's too attentive! And still, she didn't even pay attention to the all-important sick person!!
Otose: Thank you. I'm sure Kagura is smiling under the shadows of the blades of grass.
Kagura: I told you, I'm not dead!
Sacchan: Don't be so standoffish. It's times like this where we need to support each other.
C'mon... everyone, cheer up.
Handwritten: We still haven't received your funeral offering, Sarutobi...
Kagura: The one who needs cheering up is over heeeeeeere!!
SFX: KUSU KUSU (Sniffing)
Gin: I... I'm sorry.
I'll go to the pachinko parlor and pay you guys back double for what you've done for us.
Kagura: He is gonna use pachinko?!! You don't intend to actually hold a funeral at all, do you?!!
Someone: Then I'll be pruning my rent.
Gin-san, I'd like my pay for this month, too, please.
Kagura: Heeey! What's this turning into?!!
Gin: I... I'm sorry. Kagura, you're okay with your casket being a candy drop can, right?
Kagura: You bastard! Do you think if you pound on the wall like that to try to look cool, you can make any kinda cruel remark you want?!!
Someone: GIntoki, are you planning to embezzle our funeral offerings?!
That's unforgivable! Those are for Kagura-chan's funeral!!
Gin: I appreciate the sentiment, but her will stated she would like her bones to be put in a drops can and scattered around a parking lot.
Tsuku: You're the one who's gonna get scattered!
GIn: Then to keep Kagura's spirit from rising, we'll need to courteous morning.
Sacchan: Yeah. We'll combine the ceremony with Gin-san's and my wedding, so let's make it really extravagant.
Handwritten: If the three of you go off on your journey together, Kagura-chan won't be lonely.
OTae: That sounds great! Now you two idiots can both have your ashes scattered in a parking lot. Wonderful~!
Cath: Then, while we are at it, how about we get a certain old lady's funeral over with, too?
Kagura: ...This has kinda
bloomed into a discussion about funerals.
SFX: GYAI GYAI
Kagura: The conversation is totally progressing on the premise that I'm dead.
This is bad. It feels like at this rate they are gonna chuck me into a casket.
I have to do something...
Somebody: Hold it there, would ya?
Kagura: Soyo-chan!! A... And them...!!
Kondou: Sorry for doing this without asking, Otae-san... But we couldn't just do nothing.
Hiji: Relax. We're not here to bring condolences.
We're just escorting the princess.
Kagura: or real? These guys brought Soyo-chan here?
Sougo: You bastards, going on about condolences and funerals.
Cut that crap out in front of the princess.
She hasn't dropped dead yet.
She ain't the type to die from somethin' like this.
Okita: Please rest easy, princess.
This girl here...
won't be dyin'
until she and I... settle a score.
Soyo: ...It's just as Okita-san says.
So please, everyone...
don't say terrible things like deciding things about Kagura's funeral
Kagura-chan is still alive.
Kagura-chan is still breathing. So...
Soyo: she should at least be allowed to decide how her own funeral!!
Kagura: Uh, Soyo-chan, that was the cruelest thing of all!!
What do you mean, decide my own funeral?!!
Soyo: Ka... Kagura-chan, I will grant you any wish you desire
so in what way would you like to die?
Kagura: Now you want me to decide how to die while I'm still alive?!! You're such a sadist! You're utterly a natural sadist, Soyo-chan!!
Soyo: Please, say something, Kagura-chann!!
Kagura: !! That is it! If I use responding to her ass an excuse to wake up...
Okita: Hm? Hm? What? Oh, I see. I see.
Kagura: It... It hurts... What is this guy doiiing?!!
SFX: MEKI MEKI
Okita: Understood. Hime-sama, this girl's wish is...
Kagura: My... My vision is...
Okita: Let's hurry and get ready for the ceremony.
Kagura: Consciousness... fading......
SFX: GATA GOTO GATA
Where am I?
Wha...? My body won't move.
I can't talk.
Am I just really groggy...?
Gin: She's making such a peaceful face...
Shin: U... Uuh... Kagura-chan.
Kagura: What are these guys doing?
Someone: Everything's all ready~~
Shin: Okay, please start, then.
Kagura: ...Huh? What? What?
Sign: Friend of the Princess
Kagura-chan's Funeral Service
What is this?
I don't like this...
Don't tell me...
Kagura: My funeral
And it's a country-wide thing!
It's a state funeraaaaaaal?!!
Sign: Goodbye Kagura-chan
I'm sure she's happy right now.
To be able to go with a big ceremony like this.
Kagura: No way... He... He...!!
Someone: And now, what she's longed for for so long...
Someone: We will bathe her in the light of the sun
and send her to the next work in a a tanning salon style casket.
Kagura: He realiiiiized!!
Insert: ☆The advent of the S!!
SFX: NYARI (Grin)
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