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"Bungaku Shoujo" to Shinitagari no Pierrot 4

I will never love

en

-> RTS Page for "Bungaku Shoujo" to Shinitagari no Pierrot 4

first a big thank you to serizawa for pointing out the mistakes and making suggestions, THANK YOU

p1


第4章:僕は一生恋をしない
Chapter 4: I will never love

うわ本格的に降ってきたぞ
Konoha: Wow It's really pouring out there

降水確率は五十パーセントだったのになあ
The chance of rain was only 50 percent

p2
文芸部のロッカーの傘がちゃんと残っているといいんだけど
It'd be great if there was an umbrella left in the literature club's locker.

あごめなさーい
Tooko: Ah, sorry.

先週雨が降ったときに借りて
I took it when it rained last week

返すの忘れちゃった
and forgot to return it.

あの人は他人のものは自分のもの
-That person thinks whats others is hers,

自分のものは自分のものだからなあ
and whats hers is hers.

あ しまった
Konoha: Oh damn

古典の教科書教室に置いてきちゃった
I left my Classics textbook in the classroom.

p3

え 絵里も芥川狙いなんだ マジ?
Eh You're really going after Akutagawa too?

女子が残っておしゃべりをしているのか
-Some girls stayed behind and are gossiping huh!?

入りにくいな
Going in is going to be difficult

ちなみに芥川くんというのは
-Speaking of Akutagawa-kun,

うちのクラスで一番背が高い寡黙な人だ
he's the tallest person in the class, a shy guy.

大人っぽくて涼しげで賢そうな顔つきをしているのでモテるのもわかる
-Hes mature, cool and has an intelligent face, its no wonder hes popular.

p4

さて次はななせの番よ
-Well then, next is Nanase's turn.

ななせって琴吹さん?
-Nanase is Kotobuki-san?

まさかななせも芥川くんじゃないよね
-Theres no way Nanase would pick Akutagawa too right?

わ~それだけはやめて
-No~ Please don't say that.

ななせ美人だから勝ち目ないよ
Nanase is beautiful so I'd have no chance at all.

。。。あたしは
Nanase: ...I

あの口悪くて琴吹きの強い琴吹さんが好きになるなんて一体どんな人だろう
- I wonder just what kind of person the bad mouthed, strong willed Kotobuki-san likes.

p5

好きなやつはいないよ
Nanase: I don't have anyone that i like,

嫌いなやつならいるけど。。。
but i do have someone that i hate.

へえ誰?
-Eh... who?

嫌いな人。。。?
- Someone she hates...?

p6

井上心葉
Inoue Konoha

p7
えーなんで?
-Eh- why?

井上くんって人当たりいいし嫌われるタイプじゃないと思うけど
Inoue-kun has good manners and i don't think hes the type that people hate.

そうそう話し方も優しいしにこにこしてて感じいいじゃん
- Yea yea, the way he speaks is kind and the way he smiles is nice too.

そこがムカつくの
Nanase: That's what pisses me off.

いっつもわざとらしい薄笑い浮かべててさ
Always showing that faint and fake smile,

おなかの中でなにを考えてんのかわからなくて気持ち悪い
not knowing what he's thinking deep down is just creepy.

p8

どうしてこなこと言われなきゃならないんだ
-Why does she have to say something like that?

そりゃ嫌われてるのはわかってたけど
-Sure, I knew she hated me,

みんなの前で
-but in front of everyone,

こんな軽蔑した口調で
-and with that scornful tone.

p9

このまま帰ろうか。。。
-Should i just leave like this....

え あれ?みんな残ってたんだ?
Konoha:Eh? everyone stayed behind?

ごめん邪魔しちゃったかな
Sorry did I interrupt you guys?

p10

教科書忘れちゃったんだ
Konoha: I forgot my textbook,

明日当たるのにさ~~~
even though we need it for tomorrow.

p11

じゃあね
konoha: Well then,

さようなら
Goodbye.

さ さよなら
-G-goodbye.

p12

悔しい
-Humiliating.

恥ずかしい
-Embarrassing.

わざとらし薄笑いたって?
-Faintly smiling on purpose you say?

なに考えてんおかわかんあくて気持ち悪いだって?
-Not knowing what I'm thinking deep down is creepy you say?

我を通して他人と争ったり素直な気持ちを表現して場の雰囲気壊すより
-Instead of picking fights because of my ego, or ruining the mood by expressing my true feelings.

静かに笑って周りにあわせるほうがいいときだってある
-There are times its better to just smile quietly and go with the flow.

そうすしかないときだって
-And there are times when that's the only to do.

なのにそれがムカつくだなて
-Even so, it pisses you off you say.

p13

ぼくだって好きでへらへらしてるわけじゃない
-Its not like I'm doing because i like to.

昔は違ったんだ
-It wasn't like this in the past.

p14

昔は ぼくだって。。。
-In the past... even i ....

コノハって本当に嬉しそうに笑うわよね~~
- You're really smiling happily aren't you Konoha.

p15

すぐ顔に出るしすっっっっごくわかりやすい
-It really shows on your face so its easy to figure out.

まるで子犬みたい
Just like a little puppy.

ひどいなぼくは犬じゃないよ
-How mean, I'm not a little puppy.

ほらまたほっぺがふkyらんだ
-Look, you're puffing your cheeks again.

本当にわかりやすいんだから
- You really are easy to figure out.

p16

でも
-But

コノハのそういうトコすきだなあ
That's what i like about you, Konoha.

コノハといるとホッとする
-When I'm with you, I feel relieved.

p17

ぼくだって中学のときは好きな女の子がいたんだ
-Even I had someone I liked in middle school.

みんなと同じように恋をしてたんだ
-Being in love like everyone else.

けど
-But...

ぼくの恋は
- My love...

p18

あの偉大なるギャツビーみたいに悲惨な結果に終わり
- Like the tragic ending in The Great Gatsby,

ぼくは嘘をつくことを覚えたのだった
- I learned to lie.

p19

努力のかいあって
-Thanks to my efforts,

自分はだいぶ”人間”のフリが
- I, for the most part,

うまくなりました
- was able to pretend I was "human."

周りの人たちは自分のことを明るく楽しく優しい人だと言います
-The people around me all said that i was bright, fun and kind.

自分は人に貶められ笑われるのはホッとするのですが
-To be degraded and laughed at by others made me feel relieved but,

優しいと言われるのには胃がちくちく痛むような決まりの悪さを感じていました。
-When they told me that i was a gentle person, my stomach felt as if it was pierced by needles.

p20

よい人だと思われたくてひょうきんな顔で赤ん坊を笑わせたり
-Making funny faces so that babies would laugh, making others think that he was a nice person.

犬を可愛がったりするのは
-Liking the dog was...

本当は頬が燃え上がりそうなほど恥ずかしかったのです。
-It was so embarrassing that his cheeks felt like they were on fire.

何故ならそれは全部嘘だから。
-Why? Its because everything was a lie.

本当はこれっぽっちも優しい人間はないのだから。
-In reality that person wasn't kind at all.

自分のそんな葛藤も知らず
-Without knowing about the conflict,

頭を撫でてやると犬はぽたぽたと尻尾を振って嬉しそうに寄ってきます。
-he petted the dog and the dog wagged his tail like he was drunk on happiness.

p21


自分のことを好きだと言ってくれたあの子も犬のようてした。
-The person who said she liked me was the same as the dog.

ああ自分もあんなふうであればどんなによがったろう。
- I wonder how much better things would have been if I was like that too.

けどそんな平和で単純なあの子が
- But I felt some hatred

自分は憎らしくもあったのです。
-towards that peaceful and simple person as well.

p21
文芸部
Sign : Literature Club

p22

遠子先輩は
Konoha: Tooko-senpai,

好きな人はいますか?
do you have someone that you like?

え?なあに?
Tooko: Eh? What~?

あっ おやつ もう書けたお?
Ah did you write the snacks already?

好きな人がいますかって訊いたんです
Konoha: I was asking if you had someone you liked.

p24

もちろん
Tooko: Of course.

えーとね
Um~

ギャリコでしょうデイケンズでしょうデユマでしょう
Gallico, Dickens, Dumas right?

スタンダールチェーホフシェイクスピアオルコット
Stendhal,Chekhov, Shakespeare, Alcott,

モンゴメリにファージョンにリンドクレンにマクラクランにカートランドにジョーダンに西鶴に漱石に鷗外に宮沢賢治にきむらゆういちさんに
Montgomery and Farjeon and Lindgren and Maclachlan and Cartland and Jordan and Saikaku and Soseki and Ohgai and Miyazawa Kenji and Kimura Yuichi-san and

p25

それから それから。。。
Tooko: and and ...

食べ物の話しじゃありません
Konoha: We're not talking about food here.

遠子先輩は恋をしたことってありすか
Have you ever been in love?

え?コイ?
Tooko: Eh? Love?

食べる鯉じゃありませんよ
Konoha: We're not talking about the edible fish koi.

ラブの恋ですよ
Its love "koi".

恋ならいつもいてるけど
tooko: If it's koi then i know all about it.

だから食べ物じゃなくて
konoha: Like i said we're not talking about food.

人間に恋したことはありますかて訊いたんです
I'm asking you have ever been in love with a person.

p26

いくらブルーだからってこの人に色恋の話なんて振ったぼくがバカだった
-Even if it is out of the blue, I am an idiot for talking to this person about love.

え?
-Eh?

p27

なんだこのハードボイルドのテーマ曲でも流れてきそうな
-Whats with this adult and serious mood?

アダルトでシリアスな空気は
-It looks like one of those scenes where those "hard boiled" theme songs are played in the background...

ひょっとして過去に辛い恋の経験でもあるのだろうか?
-Could it be that she's experienced a painful love before?

わたしね。。。
Tooko: You see I...

p28

恋愛大殺界中なの
Tooko: Im in a catastrophically bad time for love right now.

はあ?
Konoha: Huh?

今年の初めにしんXの母に恋愛運を見てもらったのよ
Tooko: At the beginning of the year, I went to "Shinxxx no haha" to see my love fortune.

そうしたらあなたは生まれたときから恋愛大殺界で
And it said that I've been in a catastrophically bad time for love since birth.

恋をしても空回りするばかりで
Even if I find love, I'd just be meaningless.

トラブルが怒涛のように押し寄せ
Troubles will keep coming one after another without end.

成就したとしても長続きはせず必ず破局するって
Even if we start going out, the relationship wont last long.

あでもねでもねっ
-Ah but but

七年後に大殺界が終わって
after 7 years that will end,

運命の人に会えるんですって
and I'll be able to meet my the person destined for me.

p29

七年後の夏に鮭をくわえた熊の前で
- After 7 years, in front of a bear with salmon in his mouth,

白いマフラーを巻いた男性と
with a man wearing a white muffler,

運命の恋に落ちるって予言されたのよ
- we'll fall into a prophesied, destined love.

って なんでその男は夏にマフラー巻いてんですか
Konoha: And why would that guy be wearing a muffler in the summer?

そもそも熊の前でのんきに恋愛してなら食われます
In the first place, nonchalantly falling in love in front a bear, you'll get eaten.

心葉くんって夢がないのね
Tooko: You're not much of a dreamer are you Konoha -kun.


p30

遠子先輩が夢見すぎなんですよ
Konoha: Tooko-senpai just dreams too much.

たって文学少女だもんっ
Tooko:That's because I'm the literature girl.

それですべてを片づけないで
Konoha: Please don't try to explain everything like that.

もういいです
Nevermind...

読書の邪魔してすみませんでした
Sorry for interrupting you while you're reading.

p31

。。。なにかあったの?
Tooko: Did something happen?

心葉くん
Konoha-kun.

別に。。。
Konoha: Nothing really...

p32

もしかして
Tooko: Could it be

好きなひとが。。。できたの?
that...you found someone that you like?

好きな人もいないし
Konoha:I don't have anyone i like.

なんいもありません
Nothing happened at all.

それが一番いいんです。。。
That's for the best...

なにも起こらないこと
-With nothing happening at all.

p33

誰も好きにならないこと
-Without liking anyone.

痛みも悲しみも絶望もなく
-Without any pain, sadness or despair.

おだやかに生きてゆくこと
-Just living peacefully.

そんな毎日をぼくは願う
-Those are the kinds of days i wish for.

p34

きっともう
-I'm sure...

ぼくは一生恋をしない
- I will never love again.

すみません
Konoha: Sorry.

今日はもう帰ります
I'm leaving for today.

p35

やっぱり傘ないな。。。
-Just as i thought, no umbrella.

はい
Tooko: Here.

心葉くんの傘はわたしが借りてるの
Yooko: I borrowed your umbrella.

今日はこれを使ってちょうだい
Use this for today.

p36

遠子先輩はどうするんですか
Konoha: What are you going to do Tooko-senpai?

えへん
Tooko: Ah-hem

わたしはちゃyんと長い傘を持ってきてるんの
I've properly brought my own long umbrella.

。。。そうですか
Konoha:.... I see.

じゃあお借りします
Then ill be borrowing this.


p37

うん また明日ね
Tooko: Good, see you tomorrow.

ばいばい
Bye Bye.

p38


Konoha: Rain...

やみそうにないな
Doesn't look like its going to stop.

どうせ一本しか傘を持ってないんだ
-Even though she only had 1 umbrella.

遠子先輩が嘘をついたことくらいわかってるんだ
Konoha: I know Tooko-senpai lied.

高校生になってから
-After all i am a high school student.


p39

ぼくはクラスメイトに対して仮面をつけ
-Putting up a mask when dealing with my classmates,

距離を置いてつきあうようになった
- distancing myself from everyone.

笑っていても
- Laughing.

本当に笑ってはいなかた
- While not really laughing at all.

そのことを琴吹さんに指摘されて惨めな思いをしたばかりなのに
-Having it all pointed out by Kotobuki-san, I've felt nothing but misery.

遠子先輩に対してはつい素の自分が出てしまう
-But when it comes to Tooko-senpai, I just cant help but be honest.

p40

遠子先輩の困っているような悲しんでいるような顔を目にするたび
-Like how it shows on her face when shes troubled or sad,

嘘でもいいからえがおで取り繕えたらいいのにと思う
-I think its fine to smile even if it is a lie.

なのに言葉も表情もかえってぎくしやくするばかりで情けない
-But showing with awkward words and expressions is pitiful.

どうしたらもっと上手に嘘をつけるようになるんだろう
-Just what do i have to do to be able to lie better.

p41
竹田さん
Konoha: Takeda-san.

p42

しゅうじ。。。せんぱい
Takeda: Shuuji...senpai.

え?
-Eh?

ずぶ濡れの千愛
-The soaking wet Chia.

彼女に一体なにが!!
Just what happened to her!!



Notes:

***all information taken from wikipedia. for more information you can check the wiki pages***

p21

In the order mentioned by Tooko-senpai:

-Paul William Gallico (July 26, 1897 – July 15, 1976) was a successful American novelist, short story and sports writer. Many of his works were adapted for motion pictures. He is perhaps best remembered for The Snow Goose, his only real critical success, and for the novel The Poseidon Adventure, primarily through the 1972 film adaptation.

-Charles John Huffam Dickens, (7 February 1812 – 9 June 1870) was the most popular English novelist of the Victorian era. His works include The Adventures of Oliver Twist, A Christmas Carol and many more

-Alexandre Dumas, père, born Dumas Davy de la Pailleterie (24 July 1802 – 5 December 1870)[1] was a French writer, best known for his numerous historical novels of high adventure which have made him one of the most widely read French authors in the world. Many of his novels, including The Count of Monte Cristo, The Three Musketeers, Twenty Years After, and The Vicomte de Bragelonne were serialized. He also wrote plays and magazine articles and was a prolific correspondent.

-Marie-Henri Beyle (January 23, 1783 – March 23, 1842), better known by his pen name Stendhal, was a 19th-century French writer. Known for his acute analysis of his characters' psychology, he is considered one of the earliest and foremost practitioners of realism in his two novels Le Rouge et le Noir (The Red and the Black, 1830) and La Chartreuse de Parme (The Charterhouse of Parma, 1839).

-Anton Pavlovich Chekhov (January 29 1860 – July 15 1904) (Russian: Анто́н Па́влович Че́хов Antòn Pàvlovič Chéchov) was a Russian short-story writer, playwright and physician, considered to be one of the greatest short-story writers in world literature. His career as a dramatist produced four classics and his best short stories are held in high esteem by writers and critics. Chekhov practised as a doctor throughout most of his literary career: "Medicine is my lawful wife," he once said, "and literature is my mistress."

-William Shakespeare (baptised 26 April 1564 – 23 April 1616) was an English poet and playwright, widely regarded as the greatest writer in the English language and the world's preeminent dramatist. He is often called England's national poet and the "Bard of Avon" (or simply "The Bard"). His surviving works consist of 38 plays, 154 sonnets, two long narrative poems, and several other poems. His plays have been translated into every major living language and are performed more often than those of any other playwright.

-Louisa May Alcott (November 29, 1832 – March 6, 1888) was an American novelist. She is best known for the novel Little Women, written and set in the Alcott family home, Orchard House in Concord, Massachusetts and published in 1868. This novel is loosely based on her childhood experiences with her three sisters.

-Lucy Maud Montgomery CBE, (always called "Maud" by family and friends) and publicly known as L.M. Montgomery, (30 November 1874–24 April 1942) was a Canadian author, best known for a series of novels beginning with Anne of Green Gables, published in 1908.

-Eleanor Farjeon (pronounced far'-zhun) (13 February 1881 – 5 June 1965) was an English author of children's stories and plays, poetry, biography, history and satire. Some of her correspondence has also been published. She won many literary awards and the prestigious Eleanor Farjeon Award for children's literature is presented annually in her memory by the Children's Book Circle, a society of publishers.

-Astrid Anna Emilia Lindgren Ericsson, (14 November 1907 – 28 January 2002) was a Swedish author and screenwriter, whose many works were translated into 85 languages and published in more than 100 countries. She has sold roughly 145 million copies worldwide. Today, she is best remembered for writing the Pippi Longstocking and Karlsson-on-the-Roof book series.

-Patricia MacLachlan (born March 3, 1938 in Cheyenne, Wyoming) is a bestselling U.S. children's author, best known for winning the 1986 Newbery Medal for her book Sarah, Plain and Tall. The book was later turned into a TV movie starring Glenn Close.

-Dame Mary Barbara Hamilton Cartland, DBE, CStJ, (9 July 1901 – 21 May 2000) was a successful English author, known for her numerous romance novels. She also became one of the United Kingdom's most popular media personalities, appearing often at public events and on television, dressed in her trademark pink and discoursing on love, health and social issues. Other than her fictional romance books, she also wrote health and cookery books, and stage plays and recorded an album of love songs. She was often billed as the Queen of Romance.

-Robert Jordan was the pen name of James Oliver Rigney, Jr. (October 17, 1948 – September 16, 2007), under which he was best known as the author of the bestselling The Wheel of Time fantasy series. He also wrote under the names Reagan O'Neal and Jackson O'Reilly.

-Ihara Saikaku (Japanese: 井原 西鶴; 1642 – September 9, 1693) was a Japanese poet and creator of the "floating world" genre of Japanese prose (ukiyo-zōshi).

Born the son of the wealthy merchant Hirayama Tōgō in Osaka, he first studied haikai poetry under Matsunaga Teitoku, and later studied under Nishiyama Sōin of the Danrin School of poetry, which emphasized comic linked verse. Scholars have described numerous extraordinary feats of solo haikai composition at one sitting; most famously, over the course of a single day and night in 1677, Saikaku is reported to have composed at least 16,000 haikai stanzas,[1] with some rumors placing the number at over 23,500 stanzas.[2]

Later in life he began writing racy accounts of the financial and amorous affairs of the merchant class and the demimonde. These stories catered to the whims of the newly prominent merchant class, whose tastes of entertainment leaned toward the arts and pleasure districts.

-Natsume Sōseki (夏目 漱石?, 9 February 1867 – 9 December 1916) was the pen name of Natsume Kinnosuke (夏目金之助?), who is widely considered to be the foremost Japanese novelist of the Meiji Era (1868–1912). He is commonly referred to as Sōseki. He is best known for his novels Kokoro, Botchan, I Am a Cat and his unfinished work Light and Darkness. He was also a scholar of British literature and composer of haiku, Chinese-style poetry, and fairy tales. From 1984 until 2007, his portrait appeared on the front of the Japanese 1000 yen note.

-Mori Ōgai (森 鷗外 / 森 鴎外?, February 17, 1862 – July 8, 1922) was a Japanese physician, translator, novelist and poet. Gan (雁, The Wild Geese(1911–13)?) is considered his major work.

p25

Konoha mentions fish because 恋(love) and 鯉(carp) are both pronounced "koi"

p28

Shinxxx no Haha - a famous fortune teller woman in Japan <- thanks go to serizawa for this one.

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#1. by serizawa (ならぬことはならぬ)
Posted on May 26, 2009
Hi Krelian ^^

I gave a look at your translation ^^ It is fine in many parts, but there are many tidbits that need a closer attention.

First of all, there is an excessive lack of capital letters, apostrophe and punctuation. This makes your translation a bit unfriendly for the reader, which I'm sure is something you don't want ^_-

Now, I'd like to point out several stuff I found in your translation, with your permission ^^

p1
うわ本格的に降ってきたぞ
konoha: Uwa its really pouring out there
-> While a person acquainted with Japanese language would certainly understand what "Uwa" is, I don't think that a person new to the Japanese language world would. So, I'd recommend to change the "Uwa" to an English word, which is more recommended, or to add a note explaining it ^^

降水確率は五十パーセントだったのになあ
the chance of rain was only 50 percent too
-> the chance of rain was only 50 percent.
(without the "too")


p3
え 絵里も芥川狙いなんだ マジ?
eh you're going after Akutagawa too, seriously?
-> eh you're really going after Akutagawa too?

うちのクラスで一番背が高い寡黙な人だ
he's the tallest shy person in the class
-> he's the tallest person in the class, a shy guy.


p7
いっつもわざとらしい薄笑い浮かべててさ
always showing that faint smile
-> always showing that faint and fake smile

おなかの中でなにを考えてんのかわからなくて気持ち悪い
not knowing that he's think deep down is just creepy
-> not knowing what he's thinking deep down is just creepy


p8
どうしてこなこと言われなきゃならないんあ
-why do you have to say something like that
-> -why does she have to say something like that about me?

そりゃ嫌いわれてるのはわかってたけど
-well its understandable that you would hate that
-> Sure, I knew that she didn't like me

And it's missing the "No" part... ^^;;;


p10
明日当たるのにさ~~~
even though we need it tomorrow
-> even though we need it for tomorrow


p12
我を通して他人と争ったり素直な気持ちを表現して場の雰囲気壊すより
-more than letting my ego go and picking fights,and showing my true feelings so i dont ruin the mood
-> Instead of picking up fights by keeping my position, or ruining the mood by showing my true feelings


静かに笑って周りにあわせるほうがいいときだってある
-there are times when i want to quitely smile and become one with my surroundings
-> There are times when it's better to do nothing but smile quietly and go with the flow of the conversation.

そうすしかないときだって
-there are times when thats all i can do
-> And there are times that that's the only thing to do...


p13
ぼくだって好きでへらへらしてるわけじゃない
-Its not like do it all on a whim
-> It's not that I like to smile like that...

p18
ぼくは嘘をつくことを覚えたのだった
- I remembered the lie that i told
-> And I learned to lie.


p19
努力のかいあって
-doing my best
-> Thanks to my efforts,

自分は人に貶められ笑われるのはホッとするのですが
-Degrading myself to a laughing human, i felt relieved but
-> To be degraded and laughed by other people made me feel relieved but

優しいと言われるのには胃がちくちく痛むような決まりの悪さを感じていました。
-for them to say that to me, i had felt so inferior to the point that my stomach hurt
-> when they said I was a gentle person, I felt so bad that my stomach always ached as if pierced by needles.


p20
よい人だと思われたくてひょうきんな顔で赤ん坊を笑わせたり
-wanting others to think that he was a good person, the baby put up a facade and laughed
-> To put on funny faces and make babies laugh, so that others would think of him as a nice person.


p21
自分のことを好きだと言ってくれたあの子も犬のようてした。
-The person who said they liked me was the same as the dog.
-> The person who said she liked me was the same as that dog.

けどそんな平和で単純なあの子が
自分は憎らしくもあったのです。
- but that peaceful and simple person
-hated themself
-> but I felt a tint of hate towards
that peaceful and simple person as well.

ギャリコでしょうデイケンズでしょうデユマでしょう
スタンダールチェーホフシェイクスピアオルコット
モンゴメリにファージョンにリンドクレンにマクラクランにカートランドにジョーダンに西鶴に漱石に鷗外に宮沢賢治にきむらゆういちさんに

Galico, Dickins, Duma right?
Standal,Chekhov, shakespear, Olcott
mosogomeri and john farr and Lindgren and Maclachlan and Cart Run and Jordan and Saikaku and Souseki and ougai and miyazawa kenji and kimura yuichi-san and

-> As all of them are real writers, I think it'd be nice for the readers to have the correct names of the authors, so that they can be further acquainted with those names AND to show that you do really care and have the skills to provide a good translation to the readers! ^_-

You have put so much work into this translation, I think just a bit of extra effort would be enough to earn you the recognition you righfully deserve ^_-

And if you add notes with their full names and/or a short description, then that would be even more awesome ^_-

As all the work is totally voluntary, I am sure you can do a work you can really be proud of ^_-

So, the passage would be something like

Gallico[1], Dickens[2] and Dumas[3], right?
Stendhal[4], Chekhov[5], Shakespeare[6] and Alcott[7]
Montgomery[8] and Farjeon[9] and Lindgren[10] and MacLachlan[11] and Cartland[12] and Jordan[13] and Saikaku[14] and Soseki[15] and Ohgai[16] and Miyazawa Kenji and Kimura Yuichi

[1] Paul William Gallico
[2] Charles Dickens
[3] Alexandre Dumas
[4] pseudonym for Marie Henri Beyle
[5] Anton Pavlovich Chekhov
[6] William Shakespeare
[7] Louisa May Alcott
[8] Lucy Maud Montgomery
[9] Eleanor Farjeon
[10] Astrid Lindgren
[11] Patricia MacLachlan
[12] Barbara Cartland
[13] Robert Jordan
[14] Ihara Saikaku
[15] Natsume Soseki
[16] Mori Ohgai

Simple googling allowed me to find all these info.

It will not only make your translation more correct, it will also MAKE YOUR TRANSLATION RICHER, which I think it's more suitable for you, who spent so many hours translating! ^^

So, I do strongly encourage you to SHOW MORE LOVE AND PRIDE in the work that you do, to make your efforts worth your time and to make the readers confident that they can really trust your translation! ^_-


p25
食べる鯉じゃありませんよ
ラブの恋ですよ

konoha: we're not talking about the edible fish koi
its love "koi"
-> Better explain the wordplay here, otherwise the readers won't get the reason why a fish popped up in the conversation out of the blue ^^


p26
いくらブルーだからってこの人に色恋の話なんて振ったぼくがバカだった
-even if it is out of the blue, i am an idiot for talking to this person about love.
-> Even though her mood was gloomy, I was an idiot for talking to this person about love.


p27
なんだこのハードボイルドのテーマ曲でも流れてきそうな
アダルトでシリアスな空気は

-whats with this hard boiled theme. Its like the song is getting carried away
-its like an adult and serious mood

-> What's with this adult and serious mood?
It looks like those scenes that those "hard boiled" theme songs are played in the background...


p28
今年の初めにしんXの母に恋愛運を見てもらったのよ
tooko: at the begining of the year, i saw my love fortune
-> at the begining of the year, i went to "Shinxxx no haha" to see my love fortune. [T.N.: It's Shinjuku no haha, a famous fortune teller woman in Japan]

そうしたらあなたは生まれたときから恋愛大殺界で
恋をしても空回りするばかりで
トラブルが怒涛のように押し寄せ
成就したとしても長続きはせず必ず破局するって

and it said that i've been in a large love killing field since birth
even if i find love, i'd just be going in circles
troubles will keep pushing us apart like raging waves
even after it tears us apart it will continue to be catastrophic

-> And I was told that I'm in a catastrophically negative moment for love affairs since I was born.
Even if I fell in love, I'd only get dismissed
Troubles would come one after another without end
And even if an actual affair started, it wouldn't last long at all.

p34
きっともう
ぼくは一生恋をしない
-im sure
- i will never love
-> I'm sure I will never love again.

p38
高校生になってから
-because i've become a highscool student
-> After I became a high school student...

p39
ぼくはクラスメイトに対して仮面をつけ
距離を置いてつきあうようになった

-putting up a mask when dealing with my classmates
- leaving behind the distance between us and hanging out

-> I started wearing a mask when dealing with my classmates
and put a distance between me and them
#2. by eve-tenshi (Registered User)
Posted on Jun 6, 2009
Hey, I'm glad someone is finally taking notice of this wonderful series~

I just felt that if you had to put so much effort into translating this, I should at least leave a comment, and maybe point out a couple things. By no means am I fluent in Japanese (I'm not even a qualified proofreader, just an editor...), so these corrections are purely based on my English knowledge:

p17
Eeing in love like everyone else.
-->This should be "Being", right? It's not a big deal, but makes for easier reading.

p19

When they tell me that i was a gentle person, my stomach felt as if it was pierced by needles.
-->I'm not sure if this sentence is supposed to be past tense or present, but whichever one it is, it should stay that way for all the verbs. (I assume it's supposed to be past, so then it would be "When they told me that I was a gentle person, my stomach felt as if it was pierced by needles.")

p20
He pet the dog and the dog wagged his tail like he was drunk on happiness.
-->Same as the last one, and since I'm pretty sure it's supposed to be past tense, it should be: He petted the dog and dog wagged his tail like he was drunk on happiness.

And I'm just taking this out of context, but why is page 20 suddenly all in 3rd person? Of course, it could be specified by the Japanese that I can't read, but my understanding is that Japanese is pretty vague about pronouns. So if it's possible, I think it'd flow better if page 20 was in first person like the rest of the monologue.

Otherwise, I'd have to say effort accounts for 75% of the final product, so keep improving! :)
#3. by Krelian (Translator)
Posted on Jun 6, 2009
Hello eve-tenshi,

Thank you for pointing out the mistakes.

The reason p20 is from a third person perspective is because it talks about a person but it is never stated whether the speaker is talking about himself/herself or someone else so i just assumed. That and 自分 which means myself, yourself, himself, herself, oneself, etc. can be used for someone from a third person perspective as well as first person.
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