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translation-is-ready

12 Nin no Yasashii Koroshiya ―LEO MURDER CASE― 2

CASE 2: Makoto (Part One)

en

-> RTS Page for 12 Nin no Yasashii Koroshiya ―LEO MURDER CASE― 2

Thanks to Winterlion, Merikan-san, and Yukihito~ <3

Note: There's been some discussion about whether it's Club Overload or Overlord. Basically, in the raws, OverLORD is written on the side of the building in the pictures, but OverLOAD was written in plain English in the text. Page 4, 5, and 8 have Overload written as the Host Club's name. So I'm sticking with Overload since that's what I had in chapter 1 trans. ^^.

12人の優しい殺し屋 – 12 Nin No Yasashii Koroshiya.

Page 1:

Serialization No. 2!!
連載第2回!!

Haah...
はあつ

Haah…
はあつ…

I’m begging you...
Please loan me…some money…
お願いしますつ
お金を…借して下さいつ…

It’s just…
もうつ…
Nowhere else will lend me the money…
どこも借してくれないの…つ

Oh~
How sad~
そう~
それは可哀相だねぇ~

We want to help a girl like you so
うちはお姉ちゃんみたいな子を助けたくて

this business will loan you the money.
この商売やってるのよ

We’ll help you~~…
力になるよぉ~~…

However,
ただし

you’ll return all the money promptly,
ちゃんと返すんだよ…?

…Right…?
…いいね….?

Hah…
はあつ…

Haah
はあつ

Hahh…Hah…Ahahaa…Hahaa…
はあつ…はあつ…あははつははつ…

Page 2:
With this, I can...
これでまたっ…っ

For Makoto...!!
マコトにっ…!!

Hm?
ん?

Ah~~~
あ~~~

It broke…?
壊れちゃった…?

Dispose of it.
処分しろ

….Understood.
…..ええ

…But before I tidy up, may I play with it?
……片づける前に遊んでもいいですか?

As you like.
好きにしろ

Page 3:
How lucky, you seem hard to break,
君は壊れにくそうでいいねぇ

Makoto-kun…
マコト君…

Hya…arrgh…
ひっ…あっ…っ
ARRRGGHHHHGGGRRRHHHHHHH…
あつあつあああつつあああつああつ…

CASE 2: Makoto (Part 1)
CASE 2: マコト(前編)

Page 4:
Welcome
ようこそ
Princesses,


Makoto Rei Shigeto Hikaru Masato Teru Maya Ricky
マコト   麗  シゲト  光  雅娑人  輝  摩夜  リキ

Page 5:
To the Host club
ホストクラブ
Overload!
オーバーロードへ

Kyaaaaaaaaaa!!
きゃああああっっ!!

It’s the real thing!!!
ホンモノだあっ!!!

Takashiiiiiiiiii!!!
貴史――っっ!!!

Oh, my!
あら!

Is Team Bidou going to be with us today?
今日はチームビドウ「微動」がついて下さるの?
[Tn: Team Bidou seems to refer to this group of Hosts. "Bidou" is Kotarou's stage name.]

Yeah, since Yuri said she'd introduce her friends, I thought I'd introduce my associates to everyone.
ああ! 百合が友達を紹介してくれるって言ってたから俺も皆に仲間を紹介するよ

Oh!!
あ!!

Page 6:
You!
君!

You’re Makoto-kun, right!?
マコト君でしょ!?

C'mere! Sit down next to me!!
こっち! 私の隣座ってよ!

Me? You sure?
僕? いいよ?

Can you all tell me your names?
名前教えてくれたらね!

I’m Naho!!
あたしナホ!!

I’m Rina! Come here and sit with me!!
あたしリナ!こっちきてきてつ!!

Hey! I said it first!!
What the hell...
ちょっと!私が言ったんだけどつ!!
なんなのつ

MA…MAKOTO…!
つ…マコトつ…!

Makotoooo…!
マコトつ..!

Where’s Makoto!?
マコトはどこ!?
Get Makoto…!!
マコトを呼んでつ…!!

Tch…!!
つ…!!

Page 7:
Miss,
お客様つ…
you’re embarrassing yourself…!
困ります…!

Please stop shouting in such a loud-
あまり大声を出されては…つ

Shut up! Where's Makoto…!?
うるさい!マコトはどこなのつ…!?

Minami…!
美波…!

Ma..Ma...Makoto.…
マ…マコト…つつ

Makoto! Look!!
マコト!見て!!

Miss...!
お客さま…つ

I have money! So…s-so…!!
お金あるのよ!だからっだからっ…っ!!

What's with that kid…?
なあにい?あの子…

Page 8:
I wonder why that girl thought it was alright for her to come to this club?
あんな子がこの店に来ていいt思っているのかしらぁ?

No way! That's so sad!
やだあ!何かちょっとイターい!

I’m sorry, Yuri-san. May I be excused for a second?
ごめん百合さん。少し抜けていいかな?

Sure, if I can have Takashi.
いいわよ。私は貴史がいれば.

Whaaat!! Makoto-kun, you're leaving?
That's mean!
えーつ!!マコト君いっちゃうのぉ?
ひどーい!

I’ll return soon, Takashi.
貴史すぐ戻る

Yeah.
ああ

Takashi,
貴史


Page 9:
Pay attention.
集中

….Yuri,
….百合

You came to see me, didn't you?
俺に会いにきたんだろ?
Then you should have eyes only for me.
だったら俺のことだけ見てろ

…Ye…Yes…
…は….はい…

Are you alright?
大丈夫か?

Oi! Bring some water!!
おい!水もってきて!


Page 10:
Hey! Don't throw up over here!!
*blargh*

おいっ! ここで吐くなよっ!!
ゔえ゛~~~

What’s wrong?
どうした?
You're not worrying about Makoto, are you...?
マコトの事が気になるのか…?

Not really.
別に.

C’mon.
ほらつ

Oh…!
あ…!

Page 11:
It’s tomorrow, isn’t it? You should remind him
明日だろ? 言っておいた方がいい

He's probably forgotten.
きっと忘れてるよ

Takashi?
貴史?

Makoto!
マコトつ!

I'll say it just in case, there's practice tomorrow!
一応言っとくけど明日練習あるからな!

What?
え?

Page 12:
It's not "what!?", it's Futsal!!
I'm the one who should be saying "What!?"
え!?じゃないよ、フットサル!!
こっちがえ!?だっての!
Tn: Futsal is kind of like indoor soccer.

Oh, yeah, that.
あ ああそうだったね

Just like Toru said, you forgot about it! Jeez!
やっぱり忘れてたな
透の言った通りだぜ、 全く!

Sorry, sorry
悪い悪い
It's tomorrow, right?
明日だったっけ

I’m relying on you, Makoto!
頼むぜマコト!

For Team Bidou to finish the season undefeated,
常勝チームビドウ
we can't lose the next league match...
今度のリーグ戦でも負けるわけには...

I understand, Takashi!
わかってるよ、貴史

Well, see you tomorrow.
じゃあ明日ね

Page 13:
Kyaaaa
きゃあああ<3
Kyaaaa
きゃあああ<3

Kyaaaaaa!!
ギャ――ッ!!!

Kyaaa!
きゃああつ!

Taakaashiiii!!!
貴史いぃいっ!!!

Gooooo
貴史!

Takashi!
行っけえつ!!

You can do it, Masato!!
行くぜ雅娑人!!

You gotta stop him!!!
止められるかつ!!!

C’mon!!
来い!!

Yaaaaaay, Takashiiii!!
きゃあああ貴史ぃぃっ!!

That was awesome, Takashi!
すっげー貴史!

There's no way he could've stopped that-
あんなのとれませんよー

Oh my god, he’s sooo cool-!!!
いやあああつかっこいいつ—!!!

Page 15:
TAKASHI-!!
タカシー!!

Kya-!
キャー!

Toru

Take the girls home for me.
女の子たちを帰してくれ

Got it.
わかった.

Huh…?
え…つ

Ma-ko-to~kun
まぁこと君つ

Shall we play?~~~…
遊びましょう~~~...

What is it, you bastard?
何だ。てめえ

Page 16:
Oh my…
おや…

Nuthin’ to see here!!
何見てんだこらぁつ!!

Clear off!
散れつ!
Goddamn whores!
くそ売女ども!!

Kabuki-chou’s number 1 is very aggressive.
歌舞伎町のNo.1はずいぶんと好戦的ですねぇ

We are Makoto-kun’s friends, aren't we?
僕たちはマコト君の友達ですよ?

…Tch! I don’t know who any of you guys are!!
…つ!! 僕はお前らなんて知らない誰だよ!!

Friends of friends are also called friends, right?
友達の友達は友達って言うでしょう?

We lent money to a friend of yours, Makoto-kun.
僕たちマコト君のお友達にお金貸してるんですよ

Page 17:
!!...You’re kidding…
!!…まさか…つ
[Tn: Is it just me, or does he look like he's wearing an eye patch here? :P]

Why?
何ですか?

For the time being, come back later.
とりあえず出直せよ

I see. You're trying to say that "this" is your territory.
なるほど。まるで「ここ」は自分のナワバリだとでも言いたげだ

People like you don't belong under the sunlight, don't you agree?
お前みたいな人間は太陽の下なんて似合わないだろ?

Stand down, lady-killer.
下がってろ 色男

Or I'll make it so you can never be with a woman again...
二度と女を抱けなくしてやろうか…
[Tn: He means 'have sex with'. Either is fine, depending on how rude you want to be. ^^)

Heheheh…
へへへつ…

He's shitting himself…kukuku…
ちびんなよ…くくつ…

Page 18:
If you're going to point "that" at me it means
「それ」を向けるってことは
You understand the consequences...
理解ってんだろうな…

Hey!
おい!

Don’t make light of Aniki!!!
兄貴になめた口聞くんじゃねぇ!!!

Page 19:
Shit…!
くそつ…!

You brat...!! How dare you…!!
小僧…!! やりやがったつ…!!

Kotarou…!
小太郎つ…!

Toru-san!
透さんつ!

Someone, gimme your mobile phone!I'm calling the police!
誰か!携帯!警察呼ぶわよ!
I’ll also fight-
俺も参戦―
「Tn: literally says "I'll also participate in the war", which seemed a bit overly dramatic...]

Us too!
よせって!

Page 20:

Owwww!!!
いてててつ!!!

Oi, Toru!
おい透!
Do it more gently!
もっと優しくやれよ!

With a soft touch!
ソフトタッチで!


…Keep still
。。。じっとしろ

Kotarou、
小太郎、

Let’s go to a hospital.
病院に行こう

Perhaps you'd better get some stitches on your arm.
腕の所は縫った方がいいかもしれない

This is enough. It'll heal soon...
大丈夫だってこのくらい!
すぐくっつく…

Makoto!
マコト!

Toru、

Leave the two of us alone.
マコトと二人にしてくれ

Page 21:

Toru-san...
…..透さん

What’s wrong?
Sit down.
どうした?
座れよ

…I’m sorry…!!
…っごめん…!!

I let No.1 get hurt like that…
No.1にケガをさせるなんて…つ

I’ll make sure to talk to her…
There won’t be any more trouble for the club…
この件は僕がちゃんと話をつける…
もう店には迷惑かけないからつ……

Makoto, let me say something.
マコト一つ言っとくぜ

Page 22:
Because life is full of meetings and partings,
人生に出会いと別れはつきものだから
if there comes a time when we part, I won’t regret it.
俺はいつお前と別れたって後悔はしないよ

But…
でも…
The only thing I don’t want is for us to be "separated by death".
“死に別れ”だけは絶対にダメだから

What’s wrong, all of a sudden?
どうしたの急に

"Death"…you’re exaggerating.
“死”って…大げさだな
People don’t die that easily.
人間がそんな簡単に死ぬわけないじゃん

People die
死ぬぜ人は
surprisingly easily...
驚くほどあっけなく…―

Page 23:
...Minami borrowed some money from a black-market money lender.
………美波が金借りた闇金の奴らだ…
The bastards from before...
さっきの連中…

"Minami"?
…!美波って…
No way...she was the one who came to the club yesterday...?
もしかして昨日店に来た…

…Yeah
うん…

She was a classmate from my Senior High School.
高校のクラスメイトだったんだ

In the past, she was an annoying girl, just like she is now.
She really was a stupid girl...
昔も今みたいに迷惑な奴でさ本当にさえない女の子だった…

I met Minami again recently
美波には最近再会したんだ
She came to the club.
店に来たんだよ

She had 300,000 yen with her.
30万持ってさ
Because she was bankrupt she said she was going to do something fun with the rest of her money before she died.
破産したから最後の金で遊んでから死んでやるとか言って


Black text: Good evening!
いらっしゃいませ
Welcome to Club Overload.
オーバーロードへようこそ

Makoto-san, you have a customer.
マコトさん、訳ありの客っぽいっすよ

!…A…Aa…A…Be…Kun!?
!…あ…あつ…安…部…君!?

It seems she really hadn’t changed…
僕はこいつは本当に変わってないなって思った…

Page 24:
But if an acquaintance of mine died, I thought it'd leave a bad aftertaste...
でも知り合いが死ねっていうのは後味悪いし

So because she had 300,000 yen with her, I thought I’d try one more time.
If that didn’t work, I was going to talk to her about it...
…so I said…
だから僕は30万あるならそれでもう一回やってみろって…
ダメなら相談のるからって
…言った…

Ah...A...Abe...Kun...
あつ…あ…安部…君つ…

When I did that, she…
That time, she went and borrowed the money from a loan shark.
そうしたらあの子
今度は闇金に手ぇ出して金作ってきてさ…

She said “I’ll make Makoto the No.1!”
Hahaha…
Even back then, that girl never listened to what anyone said...
"マコトを一番にしてあげる”って言って…
ははつ…
あの子昔から人の話きかないんだ

black bubble:
I…I’ll do anything…
私つ…私…何でもするからつ…
So please go out with me…
だから私と付き合って…っ

She was so annoying,
昔からそうだ
It was just like the old days. I hated her.
昔からそうだ
すごく迷惑で大嫌いだったんだ

I…
僕は…

Page 25:

Wow-
She came again, Abe.
うっわ-
…また来てるよ 安部ぇ
Ugh, she's a stalker! Gross.
やべぇ、ストーカーじゃん きめえ

You're annoying. Drop dead.
ウザいんだよ。消えろ

…Tch…
…つ…

Hello…?
もしもし…?

…Huh…?
…え…?
…!!?

Makoto…?
マコト…?

Page 26:
Shit…
くっそ…

That stupid girl…!!!
あのバカ女…つ!!!

Makoto…!
マコトっ…!

Nooo!!
いやああつ

Let go of me…
はなしてぇつ…
Let me gooooooo!!!
はなせつええっっ!!

Behave yourself!!
おとなしくしろ!!

Boss.
社長

Page 27:
!! Minami…!!
!! 美波つ…!!

Ma..Mako…to…
マ…マコ…ト…つ

Ahahaha! The knight has made his appearance!
あーはっはつナイトの登場だぁ

Aren’t you glad, Onee-chan?
嬉しいねぇ
おねぇちゃん!!

Page 28:
I have 200 million yen!
200万ある!

That's enough, right…!!!
これでいいだろっ…!!!

Mm~~
ん~~
Fufu…
ふっふっ…
How adorable…
かあわいいなぁ…

Makoto-kun, do you love this Onee-chan that much?
マコト君そんなにこのお姉ちゃんのこと好きなの?

Kuku…
くくっ…
So young, so young…
若い若い…

Kuku…
くくっ…

Kukuku…
くくくっ…

T-this is enough…!
こっこれで足りるのかっ…!

Isn’t it enough…!!?
足りないのかっ…!!?

Page 29:
INSUFFICIENT!
タリナイ

We are, how do I say…
うちはね…
Called “Akeichi”.
“アケイチ”なのよ

A..Ake..ichi..?
あ…あけ…
いち…?

10% interest is generated every morning.
夜が明けた時一割の利息が発生する

In other words..!
つまり…!

Even if we were to roughly estimate Onee-chans debt,
このお姉ちゃんの借金はざっと見積もっても

it would exceed 200 million yen…!
二千万は超えてるんだよねぇ…!

Page 30:
…2….200 million yen!?
…にっ…二千万..!?

Even if interest is added everyday, how much did you lend her for it to get like that in a month?!
アケイチにしても
一体いくら貸せば一か月そこらでそんなになるんだよ!!!

Illegal loan sharks don't normally lend large amounts of money if there is a lot of risk involved. What are you trying to do...?!
普通っ闇金はリスクの大きな大金は貸さないはずだろ!!何が目的だ…お前らつ…つ…

Makoto-kun,
How clever~
Amazing~
マコト君
頭いいねぇ~
すごいねぇ~

Why do you think we lent so much to Onee-chan in the first place?
じゃあ何でお姉ちゃんにはいっぱい貸してあげたと思う?

Try and guess.
当ててごらん?

Take her away.
連れて行け

Hey!
ヘイ!

Noooo! Stoooop!!!
いやあぁつやめてぇつ!!

Minami…!
実波…!

Page 31:
What are you planning to do with her!?
どうするつもりだ!!

Let her go!!!
その子をはなせっ!!!

Nooo…
やああっ…

What are we planning…?
どうする…?

Women sell their bodies, men sell their wealth, so I guess she'll just have to pay us back through "other means"...
男は “戸籍”
女は”体”でしょう

Stop it!! She's...
やめろよ!! 彼女はっ…っ

Then you want to pay it...?
じゃあ、君が払う…?

Makoto-kun…?
マコト君…?

However, you won't be paying
with your '"wealth", of course...
もちろん…君が売るものは
”戸籍”じゃあないよぉ

Page 32:
What shall you do, Makoto-kun...?
どうしょうねぇ
マコト君…

Minami…-!
実波…-!

Will Kotarou take action―!?
小太郎 動くか―!?

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#1. by mochi_sc (Registered User)
Posted on Jul 11, 2009
I am sorry, I don't have much time to give this a thorough read-through... but, I noticed that when the girls mentioned 「チームビドウ」 I thought ビドウreferred to Kotarou's stage name: 美童貴史 (Bidou Takashi). Could be wrong though. It's just that Takashi is the star of everything... I mean, Overload.
#2. by Queenofmuffins (MH Senpai)
Posted on Jul 12, 2009
It could be that! I completely forgot his name was Bidou, since he seems to switch between his real and stage names so often. :O

Luckily, I don't think I have to change the translation. 'Team Bidou' still seems to refer to that group of hosts, they even play Futsal as 'Team Bidou'. ^^

If you have time later to do a proper read through that would be awesome~
#3. by mochi_sc (Registered User)
Posted on Jul 16, 2009
Sorry for the lateness, but I finally got some time to sit down and properly go through your translation. Honestly, there were no errors, just some things I would have re-phrased differently (I suppose due to personal preference).

Page 2:
This...again...
これでまたっ…っ

To Makoto...!!
マコトにっ…!!

>> With this, I can... For Makoto...!!
Since Minami is obviously too busy panting to form a proper sentence, I ASSUMED that her fragmented words meant that with the money, she can once again spend it all on Makoto. It doesn't make much sense if you translate it literally, but then again Minami doesn't make much sense in the first place.


Page 7:
Customer,
お客様つ…
you’re embarrassing yourself…!
困ります…!

Customer...!
お客さま…つ

>>In these instances, I would prefer to see "Miss" rather than "Customer." It's just one of those things that don't translate correctly into the next language.


Page 8:
I wonder why that child thought it was alright for her to come to this club?
あんな子がこの店に来ていいt思っているのかしらぁ?

>>I wonder why that girl thought it was alright for her to come to this club? I think "girl" sounds better.


Page 9:
You need to concentrate.
集中

>>I would make the sentence more concise. "Pay attention."

Page 10:
Missing translation at the top page:
おいっ! ここで吐くなよっ!!
ゔえ゛~~~

>>Hey! Don't throw up over here!!
*blargh*

You aren’t becoming worried about Makoto, are you…?
マコトの事が気になるのか…?

>>Sounds wordy. Shorten to "You're not worried about Makoto, are you...?"


Page 11:
It’s tomorrow, isn’t it? You should mentioned it to him.
明日だろ? 言っておいた方がいい

>>"You should remind him." Sounds better, in my opinion.

He's surely forgotten.
きっと忘れてるよ

>>Sounds formal. Maybe "He definitely forgot."


Page 12:
Just like Toru said, you forgot it! Jeez!
やっぱり忘れてたな
透の言った通りだぜ、 全く!

>>Maybe "you forgot about it!"


Page 13:
Gooooo
貴史!

Takashi!
行っけえつ!!

>>Mixed lines :)


Page 15:
Understood.
わかった.

>>Again, I think it sounds too formal. "Got it."


Page 16:
Goddamn prostitutes!
くそ売女ども!!

>>I think "whores" sounds more degrading.

Kabuki-chou’s number 1 is very aggressive.
歌舞伎町のNo.1はずいぶんと好戦的ですねぇ

>>Sounds awkward. Maybe "Kabuki-cho's No. 1 has a chip on his shoulder." (I dislike using idioms though.)

Page 17:
I see. You're trying to say that "here" is your territory.
なるほど。まるで「ここ」は自分のナワバリだとでも言いたげだ

>>"this" rather than "here"

Or I'll make it so you can never hold a woman again...
二度と女を抱けなくしてやろうか…
[Tn: By hold, he means 'have sex with'. Either is fine, depending on how rude you want to be. ^^)

>> How about "be with a woman again..." I have other alternatives in mind, but yes, it really depends on how rude you can make that phrase sound. (´ー`)

Page 24:
Since the old days, that girl never listened to what anyone said…
あの子昔から人の話きかないんだ

>>Maybe "Even back then, that girl never listened to what anyone said..."

Page 25:
How dangerous, she's a stalker! Gross.
やべぇ、ストーカーじゃん きめえ

>>やべぇ should translate more into something like "Oh, crap!" or "Ugh, no way!" or "That sucks!" Something like "Oh my God, she's a stalker! Gross."

Shuddup. Go disappear.
ウザいんだよ。消えろ

>>Sounds better if it was "So annoying. Get lost." Makoto is pretty mean. (´ー`) Actually, I guess you could phrase this in so many ways: What a pain. Such an eyesore. Drop dead! Sod off! Go away!

Page 30:

Illegal loan sharks don't normally lend large amounts of money if there's lots of risk involved. What are you trying to do...?!
普通っ闇金はリスクの大きな大金は貸さないはずだろ!!何が目的だ…お前らつ…つ…

>>"if there is a lot of risk involved."


Page 31:
Women sell their bodies, men sell their wealth, so I guess she'll just have to pay us back through "other means"...
男は “戸籍”
女は”体”でしょう

>>I just want to add... I thought you translated this quite nicely. :)

Page 32:
Will Kotarou move―!?
小太郎 動くか―!?

>>Maybe: "Will Kotarou take action-!?"


I thought you did a great job on the trans; just don't be afraid to use more English slang! You don't have to be grammatically correct. Also one thing... the name of the club. I didn't feel like correcting it, but you wrote Overlord. I know... it says that on the side of the building. Believe me, that bothered me when I read the first chapter. But since the text stated Overload, I would prefer to see that as the proper name for continuity's sake.
Thank you again for the translation! I feel better knowing that there are people who enjoy this series! It makes me want to scan the chapters faster. Hahahaha.. orz
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