Gintama 110

:D;;;;; Hi, er, first-time poster here, and got referred over to post some of my translation work XD; So here's chapter 110 from Gintama. Please let me know if I'm doing something wrong??? oh dear lord---

Er, also, I originally posted this in my LJ, so that might explain some of the extra notes I've made, since this was originally done for people without any raws and stuff XD;;;

chapter 110

(scene opens where Otae-san works bar/host club/you get the idea)

Women who work there: Welcome!

Women: Ah!

Women: Wahhhh~~~! It's Hijikata-san! It's Hijikata-san!

Random woman A: It's not Kondo that's visiting today! It's Hijikata-san!

Random woman B: Hijikata-san~~! Please be sure to request me!

Waiter/Emcee/Receptionist person: ....Hijikata-san, which lady would you like?

Hijikata: ...............

Otae: So, why are you here? I thought Kondo had finally learned some manners, but now it's you who's visiting?

Otae: Shinsengumi must lead a comfortable life! Using tax-payers' money and coming to places like this, hmm?

Hijikata: It's not because I want to be here.

Otae: Oh yeah. Does Kondo-san know about this?

Hijikata: About what?

Otae: About us. And our relationship.

Hijikata: .....what relationship?!

Otae: I can see how being so popular is a problem. The superior and his subordinate are fighting for the same woman. This is like a soap opera.

Hijikata: Oi. Don't make up weird stories like that. I'm only here to--

Otae: But I'm not THOSE kind of women! If this relationship won't pan out like Monday night dramas, I am going to refuse!

Hijikata: You misunderstood why I came here.

Otae: *completely ignores and keeps going on about dramas XD* But looking at your face...You seem more like a Sunday night drama kind of guy. Or maybe Saturday night mayonnaise detective.

Hijikata: Who you calling a mayonnaise detective?!

Hijikata: Look, in any case, what about Kondo-san? Is he a Monday night drama kinda face, or "I've-proposed-too-many-times" kind of face?

Otae: I think he's more of a Tuesday night crime drama corpse.

Otae: *FINALLY GETS IT* ..Hijikata-san, don't tell me you're here for Kondo-san's sake...

All of Shinsengumi (minus Okita and Kondo), lead by Yamazaki: OTAE SAN!!!! PLEASE MARRY OUR COMMANDER AND BE OUR NEE-SAN!

Otae: Ehhh? Are you guys threatening me?

Hijikata: ........Well, actually. Lately, people have been meaning to set Kondo-san up for marriage.

Hijikata: He's really close to 30, and the Bakufu wants him to think about his future, so they're encouraging ((note: more like setting him up - an arranged marriage)) him to get married. And not to mention, since you're always rejecting him, he's getting really desperate. It's gotten to the point where as long as it's a woman, that's fine with him.

Otae: Is that so? Then that's great! He won't come and stalk me! And this way Kondo-san will have a loving wife too. Everyone would be happy!

Hijikata: *shows her a photo* Oh yeah. I'm sure. The woman (referring to the one that the bakufu had in mind for Kondo) is after all, the Gorilla Planet's Princess Barbaruth. Quite a match. (note: THIS IS AN ACTUAL GORILLA XDDDDDD)

Otae: Wow! They look so alike! What a match! A match made in heaven!

Yamazaki: NEESAN! PLEASE TAKE A CLOSER LOOK! THERE ARE VERY SLIGHT DIFFERENCES BETWEEN HER AND KONDO-SAN! SHE IS ACTUALLY A GORILLA!!!

Yamazaki: Please, Nee-san! Do something! Otherwise, we're going to end up calling that freak "neesan" for the rest of our lives! ONLY YOU CAN STOP THIS D:!

Otae: Don't worry so much! They say that hairy women are very emotional and sensitive. I'm sure she'll make a good wife.

Yamazaki: SHE'S NOT JUST A LITTLE HAIRY! SHE'S VERY VERY HAIRY!

Yamazaki: *bowing now XD* Everything you've said is correct, Nee-san! But we don't want you to necessarily marry Kondo-san, just talk to him! We're begging you now. PLEASE. Someone like Nee-san would surely understand how heavy-hearted we feel about all this----

Otae: *picks up Yamazaki by his head XDDDD* Heavy? You said heavy?

Otae: *throws Yamazaki XD* I THINK YOUR BRAINS ARE FILLED WITH LEFT OVER TOFU >O

Otae: GOD YOU GUYS ARE ANNOYING!

Club owner: Otae-san! That's the wrong approach! That'll only encourage the stalkers!!!!

Hijikata: *while Shinsengumi is getting beaten up by Otae-san, he's on the cellphone with Kondo XDDDDD* Oi, Kondo-san. I don't think this plan will work. You're just gonna have to tough it out.

Hijikata: *still on the phone* Wait what? Women saying no actually means yes? Nono, I think this is a definite no on her part. Oh, by the way, next time, don't tell me to run your errands for you.

((annnnd mystery person shows up! This is Yagyuu Kyuubei, btw. I'll call them Kyuu for short since lolz long name is long))

Shinsengumi: *surprised at this sudden entrance!* !!!!

Shinsengumi: Who're you!?

Kyuu: All you men targeting a single woman? Isn't that too much? What kind of samurais are you?

Shinsengumi: WAIT WHAT?! IF ANYTHING, IT'S MORE LIKE OTAE-SAN IS BEATING US UP! And we're definitely samurais!

Kyuu: You guys can't lay a hand on her. She's very important to me.

Shinsengumi: *PISSED* WHAT?! FOR A SHORTIE, YOU SURE TALK BIG!

Hijikata: Shut up. Come on, let's go. No point in us staying here. Oh, and kid (referring to Kyuu), are you even legal? Get outta here.

Kyuu: What did you just call me?

Kyuu: I'm not---

Kyuu: *tries to attack Hijikata, but Hijikata barely manages to block at the last minute* a kid.

Hijikata: *TWITCH*

Kyuu: I'm Yagyuu Kyuubei.

Otae: Eh? Kyuu-chan?!

(scene shifts to Gintoki, Shinpachi and Kagura, currently fixing up a roof)

Gintoki: Eh? Your sister didn't come home until this morning?

Shinpachi: Yeah. Because of her work, she always comes up the next morning. But she came home later than usual today. And she didn't even say hi. Just changed her clothes, and left again.

Gintoki: Shinpachi, at this point, just go cook your own red bean rice quietly. (I'm assuming this is some sort of a slang or custom? Basically it means like, telling Shinpachi to like, take care of himself since his sister is probably going to be married off or something XD )

Shinpachi: DON'T SAY STUFF LIKE THAT!

Shinpachi: Before she's actually married, I'm not going to do that! I'll get slapped, anyway! She doesn't even have anyone in mind right now for marriage! SHE'S GOING TO KILL ME IF I DO THAT!

Shinapchi: I REFUSE TO BELIEVE IT. NOPE. NOT GOING TO HAPPEN.

Gintoki: You really love your sister a little too much, Shinpachi. You know, legally, you're not supposed to get married to your sister. She can finally get rid of you as a burden and enter the real world where women belong!

Gintoki: THEN AS HER BROTHER, YOU WILL NEED TO COOK RED BEAN WITH RICE. ...And do it while crying!

Kagura: GIN-CHAN! When I grow up, will I be able to eat red bean with rice?!

Gintoki: You can only eat red bean bread.

Gintoki: OKAY! Lunch time!

Kagura: ;____; It's red bean bread again! We've been eating that for that past 2,3 days! D:

Shinpachi: *semi-sniffling* Dammit ;__; who's---IS ANEUE REALLY---?!?!?

Shinpachi: *looks down and sees Kondo!* EH?! KONDO-SAN?! ...DON'T TELL ME---HE'S GOING TO---BE WITH THAT GORILLA? (Gintoki and co. are repairing a roof of an important restaurant some kind, and so yeah XD)

Kondo: Hmm?

Police chief (gah, sorry. I can't remember/find his name, but he doesn't show up here much): Kondo, what are you doing?

Kondo: Hmm? Oh, er, nothing. I just thought someone called out my name.

Police chief: Oi, be strong, you. Are you nervous? But I guess that can't be helped. This is your first time being set up like this, right?

Police chief: Actually, I met my wife through an arranged marriage as well. God I was nervous. But she was prettier than her picture, so I was really happy.

Police chief: So pictures are not reliable, Kondo. I know in her picture, she looks like a gorilla. But her facial structure is just different LIKE a gorilla's, that's all.

Kondo: You say "like" a gorilla. It IS a gorilla. I think she IS a gorilla!

Police chief: Nono, she's probably just nervous, and so was kind of panting while they took the picture---

Kondo: PANTING BECAUSE SHE'S NERVOUS?! THAT'S TOO MUCH! WHY'S SHE SO HAIRY!? HOW CAN SOMEONE PANT LIKE THAT?!

Police Chief (PC for short) : Kondo, I'll be honest with you. This is an important political marriage. Earth and the Gorilla Planet can never get along, so we'll need you to solve this.

PC: It all depends on you, Kondo. You hold Earth's fate in your hands. I arranged for us to meet at this fancy restaurant, so don't screw it up.

Kondo: You might say that, but..... ....>.> That's a gorilla.

PC: And that's why I say you shouldn't care so much about the picture! I bet she's three times more beautiful than you can ever imagine. Now come on, let's go.

(..........ANNNND THEY COME FACE TO FACE WITH A GIANT FEMALE GORILLA IN A KIMONO XDDDDDD)

Kondo: I THINK THIS IS MORE LIKE SHE'S 3 TIMES BIGGER THAN I CAN EVER IMAGINE!

(Otae and Kyuu pass by Kondo + gorilla, heading toward another part of the restaurant)

Otae: ...?

Kyuu: What's wrong, Tae-chan?

Otae: Nothing. I thought I just saw a gorilla just now.

Kyuu: You're saying silly things again. You're still that interesting.

(scene shifts back to Kondo + Gorilla princess XD )

Kondo: ...so...er...princess Barbaruth! What kind of um, hobbies do you have...????

Gorilla: UWAH!

Kondo: ...OH! That's um...that's great! That's just as fun as um...PSHU PSHU or DON DON, huh? ....But er...if you...um, over...do it? It'll be bad for your shoulder! Oh..Um...or maybe you're saying it doesn't hurt your shoulder???? .....SO HOW ABOUT SOME VEGETABLES????

Kondo: *thinking* CRAP. I don't understand a word she's saying!

Kondo: *thinking* ...Does she even understand what I'm saying?! Am I overthinking things? She's starting to look pissed.

Kondo: *thinking* I can't tell if she's getting angry, or....???? SHIT. IF THIS CONTINUES, EARTH IS GOING TO GET DESTROYED. Oh no! I'm too nervous, and now I really have to go crap!

Kondo: *thinking* WHAT DO I DO, WHAT DO I DO?!??! How can I do this without being completely undiplomatic?!?!?!? Ah, I know! I'll ALSO say UWAH! Maybe with a hand gesture too? That'll be fine, right???????

Kondo: um, UWAH! *POINTS OUTSIDE* Translation into Gorilla language: Want to go on a walk with me? ((ohhhh, poor Kondo-san))

Kondo: EH!?!? WHY'S SHE FOLLOWING ME OUTSIDE?!?!? OH NO! THIS IS BAD!

(scene shifts to Kyuu and Otae)

Otae: It really has been a long time. I heard from your grandfather that you went on a trip to become a samurai. I didn't think you would come back. You should've told me sooner.

Kyuu: Nobody knows I'm back yet. I came straight for you.

Otae: um....

Kyuu: I really wanted to see you.

Kyuu: *CLINGS to Otae*

Otae: H-Hey!

Kyuu: Do you remember that promise back then? I kept my end of the promise, and I became stronger, and came back. Now it's your turn, Tae-chan.

(scene shifts outside in the restaurant's courtyard, and the gorilla princess has been knocked out by a large brick XD)

Kondo: PRINCESS!!! WHAT'S GOING ON??!??! WHY ARE BRICKS FALLING?!???!?!?

Gintoki: Ah, sorry. My hand slipped.

Kagura: OH! There are TWO gorillas! :O

Kondo: SHIT! ((.....and he kinda...er........crapped in his pants. OTL))

(scene shifts back to Otae and Kyuu, and Kyuu just kissed Otae)